Golden Birthday · 3:47pm Sep 30th, 2019
Today is a once in a lifetime kind of day for me. It's my golden birthday and I thought to make a post about the progress I've been making for Donkey Kong and leave my life story here as a way to cement the occasion.
The short answer, I haven't been making a whole lot of progress. I was working on it until a contest showed up and I had to get in one it. The theme was Halloween/Harvest based and I wrote a sequel story about my mushroom monster mare detective.
After finishing it, I went back to DK. Then, my job drops on me that they want me to stay long and come in more frequently. I work at a factory that supports Chrysler with parts when making their cars, and it tends to change work hour often (form working overtime, to shutting down temporary). Because of this extra work, I often lose my drive after standing somewhere around 8 or so hours and my back and arms starts to irritate in discomfort. So with this happening, I steadily continue DK on a sluggish pace.
Like I said before, today is my golden birthday, so I considered decided to use my vacation days for this week. I'll try to use this time to write, but I don't think I'll finish it when the MLP ends, but I'm going to make it a goal and try to finish it before the year ends.
Anyways, I'll leave something I've been working on over the course of the month (a reflection on my life to this day). You can read it if you want, but it would be nice if you view or tell others about my stories. Show Wonder D what they overlooked or show PresentPerfect what a real detective looks like or recommend something to the Seattle's Angels.
Whatever little effort would be very much appreciated. I might even consider on releasing an unpublished story I made for a canceled collab (it involves Pinkie meeting with the last of the cyclops and she attempts to break his Agoraphobia in order to leave his mountain and make friends).
The first six years of my life were probably the ones I enjoyed the most. Can't really say what they were about other than it was carefree, enjoyable, and innocent. It was the 90s after all, a time where limitations were constantly being broken, bolder choices were being made for new fresh ideas, and you were able to get away with a lot of things in the world of media.
I was the kind of kid that believed in doing the right thing, but I still had negative traits. One example was when my cousin (a month younger from me) was walking around at a family gathering while I was still crawling. He was getting attention from everyone, and out of a spite of jealousy, I began to take my first steps at walking to gain some recognition as well.
I didn't want to start any fights and did what I was told. Perhaps a bit shy at times, maybe a bit timid by nature, but I was also a bit of a curious explorer. Yet I was a little bit weird too.
I never talked very much until I was 4 years of age as I often observe to make sense of things around me. I could say a few words, but it was getting to a point where my mom began to teach me hand signs (example: pinching and tapping my fingers together means that I wanted more) I often take things and compare them to arrive at something that made sense, but not expected. My mother once told me, "The car is going to take a bath," to which I began arguing with her that the car can't, pulling her to the bathroom and pointing at the tub while stating, "too big."
There was one moment I recall that happened during preschool once, a kid was biting my arm. I don't recall his reason for doing so, but it also didn't hurt me. I just responded by looking up at the teacher with the expression that I was waiting for her to do something.
So I was a little odd with a high tolerance for pain, but I was good with puzzles and was a bit imaginative. Those were nice years, but I soon realized a harsh reality when I began 1st grade; people judge you on everything. And if you didn't fit in, then they want nothing to do with you. If they did, then it's usually to be picked on or taken advantage of.
I could tell you some very painful stories about how my peers treated me. I remember one time there was a girl that was just the worst. She seemed normal, but she was a complete brat, an utter gossip hound, and wanted nothing to do with me. One day when I entered school, I was intervened by her friends. Apparently, our desks were moved around to a new seating after school the day before and her friends told me that I was sitting next to that brat. The reason why they stopped me was to inform that she was crying...... because she had to sit next to me.
Another was a guy that asked if I wanted to play basket ball at recess. I agreed and when recess rolled around, he said that they didn't need me. I was apparently the 'fill-in' if the teams were odd.
Various times I was asked questions that tested my knowledge so they could get a cheap laugh. What's M&M? A candy. Who's Nelly? That girl over there. They laughed because I didn't know that it was really a band and a rapper that they wanted. And when they found out that I knew what a boy and girl was, but not the word male and female, they asked me "Are you a male or a female?" following it up with saying "A male is a girl, and a female is a boy". They kept throwing me that question well into 8th grade.
I can go on with 8 years worth experience on this, but we'd be here all day if I did. I never got into a physical fight where fists were thrown, but they never held back their tactics of making me feel stupid, unwanted, and hated upon.
Not all were bad though, I didn't really have anyone I would call a friend, but some were pretty laid back of my presence. However, I remember most of my time during recess, I was just walking around the edges of the school grounds by myself.
As for my classmates as a majority, they were really into mature stuff as early as 2nd grade. I recall that they were spreading this interesting word they found in the dictionary. I'm sure you heard of it, it was called 'sex'. And guess who was clueless enough to tell the teacher about this weird word only because they were interested that it sounded like Gex (The Gecko).
I also remember that everyone in 3rd watched James Cameron's 'Titanic' when it was in theaters. All accept me, because I had those parents. I now wonder back if they also engaged in intercourse at that age. I doubt it, but kids like to appear mature, and the word 'mature' doesn't often imply responsibility in youthful eyes.
They also kept asking who I liked (I assume they wanted to find out who the unlucky girl was). I kept dodging the question by saying the obvious stuff like my family, but they wouldn't let up on it. And when they started throwing names at me, it was hard to hide my blush to any name. The very thought was embarrassing, and when I tried to tell them that I didn't like a certain one, they believed that I liked them and told said person about my 'feelings' straight away.
Did I actually like someone? A couple. One was that first-layed-eyes kind of thing, but it quickly faded after I realized that she wanted nothing to do with me. As for the other, I realized that she was just being friendly. Outside of that, I was never really interested in a romantic relationship. But I did get flustered when girls got too close.
At age 11, I was diagnosed with Autism. I honestly didn't understand what that had to do with me or if it was even a big deal, it was just a word that I brushed off and even forgot about for many years. It would explain a lot of things about me and the reasons why others treated me so, but by that time, that was a subject that I just hated more than anything in the world; me.
Perhaps it was my chronic depression kicking into high gear at the time, but I'd be lying if I said that I never thought about suicide during those young years. I kept telling myself that nothing will end this torment. I yearned moments where something would come and end it for me. There were even times where I intentionally inflict pain on myself with some hope that it would be fatal enough to work.
My timid nature, instincts, and morals were constantly holding me back from going through with it, but the very idea of receiving death at this point simply felt comforting to me.
The tormented teasing eventually led up to a breaking point and I began to see a bad view of the world around me during this time. I was always moody, easily annoyed, constantly angry, and down right irritated at these demons that I call classmates. It was basically my 'biting back' moment as I constantly stayed on guard around them and used methods that I still use today in various ways.
I trained myself to stop blushing so they would never ask me that question of who I liked and get the wrong impression. It was roughly just a process of redirecting my mind elsewhere, which meant I was clenching the insides of my cheeks with my teeth.
I became very sharp, catching things before they even happened to me through speculating, observing, double checking, and not trusting anyone. One time during lunch, I left for the bathroom and considered that they might pull something on me soon. Upon my return, I scanned their behavior and they were quite, like they were waiting for something. I made certain to check my seat and there it was, some chocolate pudding. I avoided that deplorable trap and glared at their grinning faces as my distrust only increased (this is probably where I got my deduction skills for Truffles from).
My wits started to play with an oblivious and reversal tactic on them. One such moment is when they joke about cooking my pet rabbit, I inform them that dogs and cats are eaten in various parts of the world and wouldn't mind at giving it a try.
You remember that male or female question I told you about that went, "A male is a girl, and a female is a boy"? Well (sense it was usually a guy who asked) I replied that I was the same gender as them. They still asked what gender would that be and I would say, "You mean you don't know if your a boy or a girl?"
I did have a friend during 5th through 8th, but he was also a bit of a bully. We liked the same things, but when he had an advantage in something, he'd take it. Show him a card, he says 'thanks' and places it in his pocket. I had to either annoy, steal, or force him to give it back.
He was the only friend I really had there, which lead to another thing that the class took advantage of. They said that we were gay. Neither of us were, but those sadist wouldn't listen.
9th was where I was at a new school and I tried to be ambitious, but I began to avoid any gatherings that were common for teens at this age; like watching school sport teams or going to dances.
Everyone was actually nice at this school, they never picked on me like the other kids. I was just so confused at what they saw in me that allowed them to be so accepting. I don't recall much of highschool, nothing except a heavy backpack that was more than likely the instrument that gave me Scoliosis.
I was given the name Harry during those years because word got out that I looked like Harry Potter when I was 11. I knew nothing of the franchise at the time and I just hated being told that I looked like him. Store clerks, passbyers, but the last straw was when a kid around 5 or so told his mom in earshot range about my appearance. I tried to change my look, but I eventually gotten used to the name over time.
I was usually in classes with a lot of familiar faces, but they seemed to view me as smart for some reason. I didn't think I was anything special; I just did my homework only at school, made educated guesses, and reviewed questions before taking tests.
The school had chocolate sales (like many schools tend to do), but halfway through high school, we had a Spirit walk instead. A couple of guys I used to play cards with made fun of the idea and asked if any of us did the Hitler salute as we marched. Sadly no, but some of the people there must've been off their rockers (they had campers at an event that was going to take about an hour).
There were two guys I usually interact with during those years at school. While I can't say who one of them was in terms of familiarity, the other was the son of my hair stylist and mother's friend. As far as I'm aware, he now works at a prison and seems to view the world even darker than I saw it in grade school (but that tough attitude of his would really fit that occupation).
A lot of connection flourished in that school. I had a few teachers that taught my dad when he was in that school. I also found out that the voice of Ariel (The Little Mermaid) was also in the same school at that time too. On an embarrassing note, the school had this compatibility questionnaire for Valentine's day, and one of the girls on the top ten list..... was my cousin.
I was a wiz in Geometry (wrote every formula on one note card), made a 6 inch Chaos Emerald out of toothpicks (but someone made a 6 foot eiffel tower), and that's about all the unique things I can remember from those years.
I do however recall one Social Study teacher though that all of us swears that he was bipolar. He yelled at me a few times out of nowhere, telling me to write something down, despite the fact that everyone else wasn't writing anything themselves. To repeat a line, he said to me, "Either write something down or get your ass to 118". He scared me, yet he seemed friendly to others; though they were the jocks, so that might tell where his interest laid. I got really lucky during one yell where he ended it with, "Capeesh?" and I said, "Comprende." The class gave a giggle, but he kept his stern look on me.
I was stumbling around after highschool. I went to collage, but I didn't really have a solid vision on what to do in life. But I began to learn about the internet and started watching Flashes and Youtube videos.
I saw a decent amount of video game sprite animations and thought about maybe making one of my own. I thought about making a pantomime trilogy about Kirby and eventually started to make frame by frame animations. It wasn't Kirby, but I thought it had potential.
I soon realized that getting noticed was near impossible as a lot of times I never get a single view. Even if you had the greatest idea in the world, it meant nothing if you weren't somebody already. I then saw a Kirby OC contest and tried to take advantage of that so I could get recognized. I made Kaiyo (my icon) and made my entry humorous so it would leave an impact on viewers. I also made him unique by taking advantage of the blocky sprites and giving him the power to disintegrate things and reforge them into something new; the power to control atoms.
I didn't win, but I considered animation after that.
I went to the Art Institute, but my Autism started to take control of me. I was going into a field that required me to collaborate with a large amount of people and be a go-getter; something that Autistic people struggle with. I was scared and unconfident with myself. It was dawning on me how much I was a victim to my own Autism.
I remember one time..... well...... let's just say someone called the ambulance on me and I was taken to the hospital. The result left me distant from my car (15 minutes by highway) and I was in another town (an hour on the highway from home). I was freaking out! I didn't know what to do! Should I call someone? Wait over an hour in panic mode while my parents come get me!
But with dumb luck, there was a cab I could take back. Someone ordered it but never appeared to be picked up. But where do I go? I don't even know where this place is at!!
But he knew the location. But would I have enough money to pay him? I don't have a check book, just bills!!!
These panicking moments are constantly following me today. Even going to get gas gives me the jitters. I fear what it will be like when I live alone. How do I pay the bills? Who do I call for electricity? Car's not working, who do I call? I don't have a phone book!!!
*Sigh*..... let's get back to talking when I was in collage.
I still wasn't really pulling in any recognition from the animations I made during school.
Not even when I made a sequel to Kayio's short (a span of a year to double the length of the first short. Where the first was 2000 views, the sequel was 200).
So I considered on targeting a big fanbase, and somehow bring them to follow me on Youtube where I could focus on animation.
That's when I considered My Little Pony and FIMfiction.
100 followers should do, it would be easy, I could tell a creative story and bring a legion over to my animations.
Time passed and I realized just how hard it is to find people who enjoyed or even considered to view your content. It doesn't help much that one of my worst subjects was English and literature during grade school. I never liked reading, I could never grasp the words of what was being told to me, or even fill in the gaps with imagination while I read. It tends to show in my work at times, grammar and spelling errors can be found periodically, but I'm constantly double and triple checking my work to fix them.
I haven't gotten the number I was hoping in writting, but I somehow graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Media Arts and Animation. I wasn't a great animator or designer, but I was actually complemented by a professional on my creativity.
But it didn't get me a job in the competitive field I was in.
All I really had now was my goal for bringing 100 people over to my animations with my writing. I could try and animate something to get people, but it felt like I was shooting a probe in space in hopes of contacting an alien.
I had to get a job, but even with a degree, it's still difficult to get anything. I usually work in factories, but my most stable job was working at Burger King. It's funny how much it was like Spongebob. We had a Mr. Krabs that just walked around every Monday and smiling whenever some hungry customer came in. Someone once ordered 5 Whoppers and he said "Hear that? Love customers like them." he was like that happy guy that was in a falling plane of screaming passengers. That jerk always cut corners, he got upset one time when a snowplower was clearing the parking lot because it would cost him $100 (idiot didn't even consider the lawsuits or customers choosing a more available place to eat).
Speaking of eating, we found a few sanitation issues here and there that 'Krabs' would deal with. One particular one was bread that was starting to mold, told me to pluck the mold out before serving..... yes, I'm telling the truth because I hate that place.
Everyone was Squidward there. One particular woman was a manager, a very kind and helpful one, who sometimes came in drunk. She eventually walked out after working there for at least 8 years because of a little risk she made. As she entered overtime, a higher up said that they weren't going to pay her that extra pay and she walked out during rush hour with the hope that they would plead her back, but we were all cogs in a machine there. If one refused to work, it was easily replaced, and they wouldn't take her back when she was the one begging.
During this time, I tried participating in something my collage teachers talked about called the 11 second club. The idea is that I'm given an audio clip that I need to animate to and finish it before the end of the month.
The winner would have a professional review it, but I first had to get the community to accept it first (and everyone had their own taste so I tended to be low tier).
I also tried a few contests like making a collage for a Star Trek convention during their 25th anniversary (fun fact: I share the same name as Worf's kid. I was born between when he was conceived and him meeting his father (during which I was at the age of 1 (which would lead one to assume that Klingon children grow at a faster rate than humans))).
But back to Burger King. I have plenty of stories that I could tell (like a manager scolding me because I was afraid of bees, while she couldn't handle a small spider) because I worked there for almost 3 years, working for minimum wage and only getting a raise on my last week there by 20 cents.
I eventually left for another stable-ish job that pays very well, but I wouldn't say that it's the best (Insurances for Medical, Dental, Vision (and that unwanted Tobacco) and currently $6 over minimum wage an hour with raises given after a period of time).
I'm still proud of what I did to earn it. I was left messages about having an interview with them and I replied back but only got voicemail. Burger King were depending on me more and more (working nearly 40 hours and kicking me out before overtime) so I left a message to call me at a specific time. But one day when I was at work, my phone rang during an order. It was like a 'moment of truth' for me; answer the call with the chance to leave this torturing life at the expense of a manager scolding me, or let it ring and accept my fate with false hope of ever escaping Hell's kitchen. With insurance and starting pay being $5 over minimum, you bet I risked it! I was caught, she looked upset and didn't care if it was an interview, but I successfully set up an interview and my life soon changed after that.
I hardly animated during these past few years. The payoff was just too little, why bother to make something that's severely tasking when no one was going to give it a chance. I focused on writing more cause it was simple, faster, and it seems to work (if not by just a little). At times, I wonder if I can still animate anymore. I can't remember the terms, I've forgotten the techniques, and I lost the drive to attempt it anymore.
And as of today, I begin my fourth decade.
There are many things that I wish that were different during these 30 years. Would I be somewhere else if I never had Autism? Would a different school produce a different me? Would getting a following made me successful in the field of animation?
I wish I could change things about myself and the choices I've made. Maybe it would've been a better life? But at least the one I'm stuck with will eventually show me all that it has to reveal.
HB!
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Happy Birthday.