I'm excited about something, but I feel like it's for the dumbest reason. · 2:28am Apr 4th, 2019
Edit 4/4: so... 6 hours of sleep and a day later, I... kinda feel embarrassed for posting this. For those of you that said nice things, thank you. Um, I do appreciate the thought and I do actually try to sound grateful. I just... really don't do well. So... thank you for listening.
So today is kind of a weird day for me. Which means it was the date at which I was dragged screaming from the void and forced to deal with this planet.
...Suffice it to say, I hate my birthday. A Lot.
However, due to a series of hilarious circumstances, either people don't know what day it is (because I tend to go out of my way to avoid telling them the date), tried to tell me somewhere I never go (facebook), and the lady at work who normally spams the fact that it is the day of the reminder that you made it through one more orbit of the sun without dying was out. So like, 3 people said anything about it all day.
AND IT WAS AMAZING. I actually didn't have to put on a fake smile and say 'thank you' and act all appreciative when really every time I hear the phrase it makes me die on the inside. I wish I was joking about the last bit.
I hate my birthday. I hate what it stands for (my inevitable progression toward death getting one step closer to being reality), I hate the fact that I have a long and rather unpleasant relationship with the day (one of my traumas happened yearly on that day for 4 years from ages 7-10), and it's a constant reminder of the fact that I spent much of my life not getting to tell people no. I had a mandatory call with my parents today because they 'wanted to celebrate me', when they know for a fact that I have hated this day since I was 6. When I was older they actually bothered to ask me why I dislike my birthday. After having a rather tearful (for me anyway) conversation with my parents about the events that happened to me when I was younger, their response was 'well these things happen and you shouldn't let it prevent us from celebrating you!'
Prevent us.
Yes, mom and dad. Because you were the ones who were important in this scenario. Silly me. I must have forgotten about the part where the religious beliefs I was raised under were supposed to prevent me from ever having anything bad happen because you just don't talk about ittm. Because things go away when we sweep them under the rug. Works super well.
Honestly, I think what I hate most about this stupid day is that it is one of the few days where I really struggle to keep my emotions in check. I have a hard time when I can't be this bastion of emotional stability for everyone else, and the random hit of severe depression that creeps in every year about 2 weeks prior to today just... sucks. I try to do my best to prevent it, but if I've bitten anyone's head off recently, I do sincerely apologize. I should know better and do better, and I'm sorry that I didn't keep things as level as I'd like to.
But for those of you that knew what day it was and didn't say anything: THANK YOU. I mean it. Thank you. It's... made today a bit more bearable, and made it that much easier to get to tomorrow, when my mood likes to spring back like nothing at all happened.
But for now I'm trying to not be a stupid, whiny mess for 4.5 more hours.
<hugs>
One thing that’s nice about my birthday (and my Dad’s) is that it falls right in the middle of convention time and prime sailboating weather, so we don’t generally do anything for mine. This year, my celebration is going to be ratcheting the odometer up one more year at Bronycon, which really is the best thing I could be doing on my birthday.
I wonder what the rules are about saying some other day is your birthday? Like, can you just pick a day and roll with it? I feel like that’s a thing that adults ought to be able to do.
<more hugs>
Not knowing more about what happened in the past I can't comment on it and as I am a random stranger I would still keep my opinions to my self. Regardless I hope you can feel better soon.
On a different note any more updates on your sponsorship of bats? You should take some time to enjoy your bat plushies that you got they are very adorable.
5037902
How Manny miles are you going to drive to brony con? This year I plan to drive down with a friend and it will be 4000km (2480 miles) I can't wait I have never driven to the US before.
5037908
It’s about 550 miles for me.
[gives hugs]
And Happy Nondescript Wednesday Of No Particular Special Significance. :)
(Well, Thursday for me by the calendar now, but the time zone difference should have it still Wednesday in the area I recall you being, I think.)
I hope tomorrow is indeed better for you, though.
Oof. Sorry today has such a bad connotation for you.
*hugs* A fine Thursday morning/post Wednesday evening to you! I'm sure it's a holiday somewhere, and a birthday to a whole mess of folks... but mostly it's just Thursday, and that's good enough. Actually no, it's not; I work Thursday night, too. It should be Friday. Why isn't it Friday, dammit?
Since you're on the West Coast, please do not read this for another 30 minutes (as of posting time), else that Thursday bit will just be ridiculous.
<Hugs>
I truly can’t find words to convey any message, so I’ll just hug you to push away some of the darkness. Let my hugs be your shield!
:hugs:
Generally I also avoid telling people about my birthday. Helps that I have no social life and stuff
It just feels embarrasing to thank them when they wish me happy birthday, for some reason. And I grew out of seeing it as a special occasion or excuse to get something I want from parents. Heck, two years ago I had a borderline "middle-age" crisis, so to speak, partially because I was 25 and had nothing to show for the quater century I've been alive. I practically only "celebrate" it with my mom and my brother, and even that reluctantly.
Well...fuck. No one should hate their birthday.
<Hugs>
i.ytimg.com/vi/YTkcwhJAm8M/hqdefault.jpg
and one hug from the pupper
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and one hug from the most wholesome Twitter account ever
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and a hug from Flufflepuff, because Flufflepuff is just awesome like that.
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aaaand a hug from Stan Lee, who wants you to enjoy your creativity
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelcinematicuniverse/images/5/53/Stan_Lee.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20170702110336
aaaaaaaaand a hug from Mr. Rogers
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand one hug from Bob Ross, since Bob Ross loves everyone, and would want us to try and be happy, but would also be sensitive enough to understand that sometimes we can't, and give support there too.
thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/screen-shot-2015-11-02-at-12-17-25-pm.png?w=1140&h=699
Aw gosh darn it, I feel bad for ye, c'mere
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*adds hug to the pile of hugs*
Can't say that I enjoy my birthday either.
/hugs