Fic Reviews: Pride of the Apples · 11:10pm Feb 24th, 2019
Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. I am not a fan of LightningSword. Anyone who knows me, or knows him can guess why. That said, I'm not doing this review to spite him or anything like that. I'm doing this because of the topic of this story. Autism. Something that's very easy to mess up, and if you do it wrong... Well, less said on that the better eh? Now, I'm on the Spectrum and I'd like to do this story just because of that. Just to see if Lightning actually did this right. Now, probably a foregone conclusion he screwed up on something, everyone does when they're writing on something that takes a great deal of care, but it's also possible he got some things right. I want to know which outweighs which. And I will try as hard as I can not to let my personal bias get in the way. So, with that said... On with the Motley.
“I can't wait to see 'im, Granny!” Apple Bloom jumped up and down excitedly. “I'm finally gonna see 'im! Calvados is comin' home!”
“Now, now, seedlin', don't git yer mane in a tangle,” Granny Smith calmed her, “Cal ain't been in Ponyville in quite some time. He's gonna need a while to git his bearin's, is all.”
“Oh.” Apple Bloom cocked her head, confused, “Well, it's a small town, so I could show 'im around! Me'n Scootaloo'n Sweetie Belle can give him a tour!”
Granny Smith shook her head, “I don't think so, young'n. Calvados ain't like the rest o' the Apple family, you see. He's quite a bit . . . . diff'rent.”
Big McIntosh came in from the kitchen just in time to agree with his grandmother, “Eeyup.”
“Different? But why is he so different? Does he have his cutie mark, yet? Is that it?”
“No, hon, that's only part of it. He ain't got his mark yet, but he's quite a bit older than ya.”
“How old, Granny? Older than Applejack?”
“Nope, he's right between ya.”
“Well, that's not so bad,” Apple Bloom shrugged, “We can let 'im join the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”
“He could join if'n he wanted ta, but I ain't sure he'd wanna. Cal ain't quite . . . comfy 'round crowds, ya see.”
“But, why, Granny?”
Granny Smith sighed, “It's hard ta explain. You'll just have to see fer yourself when Applejack comes home with 'im.” She then turned to her eldest grandson, “Everythin' all set, Mac?”
Okay, credit where credit is due. The Apple Accent as I have come to call it? Not bad Lightning, not bad at all. I know from experience here, trust me, that this accent... Hard as all Hell to write. And I actually speak with a southern accent -somewhat- so you'd imagine I'd know how to get it right? Trust me though, speaking and writing out an accent, two different things.
So, Applejack rushes to the train station, meets up with her friends who have heard about Cal's visit in a manner that's... well, I'll let JoshScorcher say it for me.
Okay, granted Ponyville is a small town and so Rarity hearing about a new arrival through the grapevine as she puts it probably isn't that far-fetched especially when Applebloom told Sweetie Belle who told Rarity in turn, but again...
“Oh, he's simply precious!” Rarity exclaimed. “Hello, little darling, and welcome to Ponyville! We hope you have a lovely time!”
Cal stood there, glanced up at Rarity, and began to rock where he stood as he continued staring at the dirt.
Dash looked on, confused, “What's his problem? We're just trying to be nice here.”
“Hi, there!” Pinkie Pie squealed, getting close to Cal's face, “I'm Pinkie Pie! Welcome to Ponyville! Have you ever been here before? How long are you staying? What's your favorite color? What's your favorite candy? Do you like parties? I could throw you a great big 'Welcome to Ponyville' party!!”
Cal looked up at Pinkie Pie and began to whine. He looked at Applejack, stamped his hooves and reached forward with a hoof, pointing to the end of the road, “Nnnn . . . Enh! Enh! Enh!”
And this is where the story falls flat on it's face. Seriously, Lightningsword said he has two autistic siblings -and I may be wrong about this next bit, so don't quote me on it- he then tells us he's doing this to educate people on Autism. ...And yet he then goes to the most extreme end of the spectrum possible, and also the most cliched one. Namely, Cal screeching and reeing, if you'll allow me to use that.
Real nice Lightning, real nice. Let's compare and contrast to Billy, from PR 2017. Anyone who's seen this film should know what I'm on about. Billy was exceedingly realistically portrayed on the Spectrum, and in the words of his actor: "I sat down, shut my mouth, and listened." He actually sat down with actual autistic people and took the time out of his own life to learn about the condition as much as he could. And the result, we get a character who's hardly stereotyped, even the motormouth tendencies being only slightly exaggerated. They didn't even make it a big deal, they didn't shout and point at Billy and say: "Hey, he's autisic, lookee!" Unlike here, where every autistic trait has been dialed up to eleven for Cal. In fact, that's the entire problem with Cal. He's not a character, he's a stereotype.
The biggest problem with this fic is that Cal’s character is almost completely—if not dead-on completely—defined by his autism. The story is trying to convince me that Cal is good at art and the like but it doesn’t work because 1, LightningSword spends too much time pointing out Cal’s autism of actually showing us this ability and 2, “autistic person who is talented at art/maths/etc.” is a cliche by itself. (To give context: At the latter portion of the story, the banner for something called the Eclipse Festival is destroyed, so Cal uses his artistic talent to recreate said banner. After calming down from a temper tantrum of course.)
Hell, it's not even a true one. I'm certainly not good at any of those things.
I don't want to hate on this fic, and I'm trying not to. Lightning's heart is in the right place, and from the comments there are plenty of actual autistic people who enjoy the story.
But again, real smooth Lightning. You grow up with at least two siblings on the spectrum, and what do you do when you introduce your autistic character? You have him all reeing and such, as shown below.
Cal broke up the argument by resuming his flustered fussing, “Enh! Enh! Appajak!”
Applejack turned to her brother, “What is it, sugarcube? What's wrong? Use your words.”
“Enh! Enh!” Cal fussed longer, before finally yelling, “Go home?!”
Applejack sighed and nodded, “Yes, Cal, we can go home.” She addressed her friends, “Look, I gotta get him to Sweet Apple Acres. I'll see y'all later, all right?” With that, she ushered a still-fussy Calvados down the road to the farm. He slowly calmed down as he trotted next to his sister.
First impressions COUNT! I'll say this time and time again, and here's the thing. The first chapter of the story, that's what sets up everything else and introduces us to the characters. And so far, I'm not impressed with Cal, one of the two leads.
Also, this.
“No, Pinkie,” Twilight shook her head, “Calvados isn't weird. He really is just different from other ponies.”
Fluttershy looked worried, “Goodness . . . he's even more timid than me . . .”
“I just don't get it” said Dash, “What is it about him that makes him so . . . . strange?”
Twilight sighed, “I . . . . . I don't know. But I think I can find out.” She paused before hesitantly adding, “At least, I hope I can . . .”
Twilight... The bookhorse, the egghead not recognizing this for what it is? I call bullshit. Look, I'll accept she doesn't know everything, but she lives in a library, chances are she would have run across something relating to autism before right? Go on, look me in the eye and try and refute everything I've said up till now. You know, I sorta get the insulation just from the get-go, that just because Cal is autisic he can do no wrong.
Take this paragraph for instance.
Calm down, sugarcube,” Applejack soothed him, running a hoof over his mane, “Don't get upset. Remember what Dr. Lyze said: 'Use your words'.” She then aimed a piercing stare at the pink mare, “Pinkie! Don't get up close to him like that! He ain't as willin' to chat as y'all are!”
Pinkie looked downcast at Applejack's scolding, “Sorry, AJ . . .”
“It's okay, little one,” Fluttershy approached him with her usual gentility, “Nopony's going to hurt you. I promise. My name is Fluttershy. What's your name, sweetie?”
No. just no. Just because you have a condition? You're not exempt from personal responsibility. And then there's another problem. All of the Mane Six, just like I've shown with Twilight have been made into complete and utter morons at handling Cal. Which increases the chances of him having fits and tantrums. One thing I'll give Pinkie in a later chapter, is she throws a party specifically cated to Cal and his condition. Nice humanization there, so props for that. ...Then she gets the idiot ball handed right to her and invites Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara. Who at the time are the town bullies. It doesn't just extend to the Mane Six having to revolve around this. Oh no. During the party, Cal ends getting hugs from the CMC because he managed to piss Diamond Tiara into rage quitting everything so to speak. No, just no.
To quote a friend of mine...
I've learned I never feel better when I'm feeling bad by being told what I did was the best thing ever.
I think nothing more needs to be said except... Final tally? 3.5
(Please note, me and Seriff suffered for this.)
I agree. Autism has to be done right. I'm high-functioning myself, but I have sympathy for those worse off than me. Going for the reeeeeee is simplistic and easy, but showing how it makes you insecure and slow is a much better option.
Is it bad that I feel uncomfortable around other autistic people? I dunno, seeing how they are makes me feel self-conscious about myself. Not to mention my wondering of What if I ended up like that? I would be so different than who I am now. I don't want that. It's wrong to think like that, but it comes naturally to me.
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Quite, what LightningSword did here was the route that gave him the cheapest feels.
No, it's not wrong. I have one relation who's pretty much like Cal, and every time I see him, I do wonder at times if I could end up like him. So you're not alone.
I did a double take when reading your review because I saw the words “Spectrum” and “Lightning” close together.
Aww, and you should have talked about the part where the town goes “WE CAN’T HAVE AN ECLIPSE FESTIVAL ANYMORE BECAUSE THE BANNER IS BROKEN WAAAAAAA” even though they can just as easily have the festival without the banner.
Oh yes, I remember talking about this part with you on Discord. You might want to edit the review to give context for the “art.” At the latter portion of the story, the banner for the Eclipse Festival is destroyed, so Cal—after calming down from a temper tantrum—uses his artistic talent to create an exact replica of the banner just in time for the festival.
By the way, can I get some credit for contributing to this review? I was the one who read the story in its entirety so no one else had to.
5019558
Done. Note this part of the review.
5019508
5019527
I'm on the spectrum as well, but I agree with those points shown here. Cal comes out as a sterotype of the most negativr aspects of ASD. I do admit, I have known people such as that, but not many.
I partly drew on myself when writing the issue, namely the running theme in my stories that Scootaloo is on the spectrum. So, I avoided the most commonly held stereotypes and went for something a little more subtle, such as Scoots struggling with talking to other people, or not making eye contact.
You could just not review my stories. That might be easier on us both.