Present Perfect vs. Without a Hive · 8:56pm Dec 26th, 2018
Phoenix_Dragon's Without a Hive is a story I've heard spoken of often during the seven goddamn years it's been around. Yet, I've never really known anything about it.
Well, thanks to SHORTPILGRIM (who must have changed their name, because I can't find them anymore), I got to read this, and I was pretty darn impressed. Yes, this is one of those follower reward reviews — 777th, specifically — and I've still got one more!
But for now, Merry fuggin' Christmas, here's a good damn story. There will be spoilers, of course, but it's so old, y'all probably read it by now. :V
Without a Hive is the story of Nictis, a changeling nymph, later drone, who really, really wants to be an infiltrator. Infiltrators are the most important position a normal changeling can have in the hive, second only to the Princesses and Queen. And he's pretty promising as future infiltrators go, so he's brought along with his class out to a podunk Equestrian town to try and learn how to blend in with ponies.
Just, y'know, don't screw up or not only will you be dead, the entire hive will be in danger. No pressure!
Thus begins a changeling fic that is anything but ordinary. Way before I had a hateboner for batponies, changeling fics were a real thorn in my side. There was just something about shapeshifting bughorses that brought out the "woe is me" in authors.
Without a Hive sidesteps this pitfall gamely. Sure, life in the hive is rough — Nictis himself constantly berates ponies for being 'soft' and used to luxuries like 'having beds' — but they live there. An early scene where two changeling guards drive off a pack of timberwolves in the Everfree Forest really helped drive this home. The changelings are not woobies to be pitied; they are dignified subterfuge agents and warriors, quite capable of taking care of themselves (up until the point their queen decides to screw them over). Which is not to say Nictis's story isn't filled with misfortune and tragedy, because it is.
To get into what makes Without a Hive such a great story, I lay the credit on two aspects: characterization and tension.
The characters in this story, without exception, are fantastic. It doesn't matter if they're sticking around for a chapter or the whole damn thing, Phoenix Dragon makes sure the reader will remember them. I made particular note of one scene, very late in the story, after the invasion occurs. Nictis, in a new disguise, wanders into a town, only to be greeted by a pony named Violet, who accuses him of being a changeling. This is quickly waved off by her cousin Grace, who apologizes on her behalf and lets us in on Violet being the town kook, her normal paranoia only heightened by recent events. We see these characters for about two scenes tops, but partway through the first, you're already laughing along with Grace, rolling your eyes at wacky old Violet just being Violet, again. I think that by itself should sum up how good the rest of the story is, and if you don't believe me, read the first two chapters and get a taste of some of that tragedy at just the right point in the story for it to hurt.
As for tension, well, wow. From the first moment Nictis steps into Colton under his Princess's watchful eye, the sense of "you will be discovered" hangs dismal and oppressive over his head. And it never. Lets. Up. It doesn't matter what he's doing or who he is, Nictis lives in constant fear of being discovered as not a real pony, which will in turn endanger his own life and the lives of every changeling in the hive. It's a tremendous responsibility, having to live in pony towns on his own, but it's one that he's well prepared to deal with, even if it only ever causes him pain.
I mentally compared this story to Memoirs of a Royal Guard in this manner. Both are lengthy slice-of-life pieces with all-OC casts, but what makes Without a Hive pop is that constant sense of tension, which Memoirs never had. And one could argue that the tension never amounts to anything; scene after scene, chapter after chapter go by without Nictis being discovered, with him figuring or lucking his way out of potentially hazardous situations. Yes, it pays off in multiple ways over the course of the climax, but up until then, the expected danger never comes, despite moment after moment where it could.
But that's tension for you. It never lets up; the danger never stops existing just because one situation has passed without anything blowing up. The tension never ceases to be meaningful because Nictis's worries never leave the realm of possibility. That is a truly important aspect of writing that a lot of authors never really catch onto. That's what makes for an irresistible story.
Irresistible this was, too. My relationship with long stories has always been rocky. Even stories I enjoy listening to I often find myself hesitating to get back into after a day or so. This one, I never had that problem with. In fact, it was a struggle just to keep to reading one chapter at a time. There was always something going on, always something I wanted to see more of, and this for a story I describe as 'lengthy slice of life'.
I feel like I'm kind of breezing through this review, but so much of the story will say for itself what I'm saying here. Let's talk negatives, which were few and far between.
The pacing in Without a Hive is a little hard to get used to. Around nine years of Nictis's life are covered in the shortest 180k words I have ever read. The first time a major time skip happened — four years spent in an orphanage — I have to admit I felt cheated. And yeah, maybe it wasn't necessary to detail every moment Nictis spent bamboozling foals, and some of the later time skips, be the weeks or years long, definitely glossed over things that might have dragged the story down. But the fact remained, I would have read and enjoyed those lengthy and none-too-important scenes. I always found myself wanting more. In a world where far too many fanfic authors try to give us every last detail of their stories, dragging on and on until we need to reevaluate our dedication to continuing, I wanted this one to stop skipping over itself and just slow down already. The writing is just that good.
Speaking of the writing, maybe the only real negative in this story is some consistent close repetition issues. It starts occasionally in the early chapters, then becomes exceedingly tedious in the middle, then peters out toward the end, but there was never a chapter where I didn't notice it. Not something that will not trouble all readers equally, of course.
One other thing I wanted to talk about was the one scene that did drag oddly on, and I bring it up because… Well, okay, here's the situation:
Nictis, in the form of unicorn mare Meadow Song, moves to Manechester — this story is full to bursting with newfound cities and towns — to live with his/her good friend Spark Gear, and his adoptive parents. We get a nice scene of them all sitting down to dinner and conversation, the parents wanting to get to know the childhood friend their son has told them all about. This leads us to Spark's dad, Sunseeker, taking center stage for honestly far longer than was necessary, telling us his cutie mark story. It has no bearing whatsoever on the rest of the fic, and though it gives us a lot of info about Sunseeker and his wife, I really thought it was the one scene that could have been shorter.
Compare this to a later scene, where Meadow and Spark meet up with more old childhood friends from the orphanage, and get the cutie mark story of newly-minted Royal Guard Thunder Chaser. The scene is no less lengthy than Sunseeker's; it has no more bearing on the rest of the story. They also share the oddness of Meadow/Nictis never really interrupting, neither via dialogue nor narration. But somehow, Thunder Chaser's story was a lot more compelling. Perhaps it's because we already know about him before the scene occurs; it's hard to say. But given that you can take these two stories-within-stories and draw a parallel between them, where one succeeded and the other failed… I don't know what to make of it. But they definitely stand out.
None of that, in total, is enough to be any kind of black mark overall. Through Nictis's rise and fall, and rise and fall again, I was always riveted, gently brushing away any blemishes because the core of the story is just that good. What's even better, this not only has a sequel that I am very interested in, but a prequel/companion piece, Fragments. I bring this up because the final few chapters involve Nictis finding out a changeling is living openly in Ponyville, post-invasion, and I believe that changeling is the protagonist of Fragments. Either way, I will definitely have to check out both stories. I expect great things from them, as this delivered great things to me. :)
5/5
The best changeling fic I have ever read.
Seems like a riotous “humbug!” would’ve been equally apropos
.
Now this I’ve gotta see…
I remember reading this story way back in 2014. The ending hurt me more than I think any other story I had read up to that point. I wanted so much for Meadow and Spark to live happily together. The story does an excellent job of getting us to root for them, building up small victory after small victory, and then tearing it down so abruptly.
I really do owe it a reread.
4986457
No, the ending of this story is fantastic. Coulda been happy and sappy, instead went for only as much as could be paid off from where the story had gone, plus a really strong sequel hook. :)
Oh man! I'm so flattered by the review! I feel like I've learned a lot about writing since Without a Hive, both from it and the stories I've written afterwards, but I think it'll always be a special one to me. I loved writing it, and it's always wonderful to find out that other people enjoy it, even all these years later.
Thank you!
4986496
It honestly amazed me to read a story that good that was that old.
I've read and enjoyed stories years after they've been posted before, sure. But usually, something that long is indicative of someone starting out, being ambitious, and learning as they go. You apparently had everything figured out already. :) I look forward to reading more of your work!
I love Without a Hive. I think it's easily the best of the Sky/Nictis trilogy.
That said, in retrospect the whole trilogy seems like a practice run for the author's best story, Fallout: Equestria - The Chrysalis. This changeling fic is set in the Equestrian Wasteland, where love is nigh-nonexistent and ponies tend to shoot "monsters" on sight.
Considering how much you liked Without a Hive, I cannot possibly recommend The Chrysalis strongly enough.
4986561
Look forward to when that someday. :B 'S pretty long tho.
4986591
True. On the other hand:
4986598
I was keeping that in mind as I wrote the comment. XD I have no doubts it'll be worth it. Eventually.
By the wayside, are there any batpony fics you do like?
4986692
The one shortskirts wrote.
I think Ponydora Prancypants did a good one? I dunno, that's all that comes off the top of my head. :B There were a few, back here, but only a few.
4986699
shortskirts? O-oh dear. That's sure to be a trip. Or maybe that's just their commissions... hard to remember which is which sometimes...
Anyway, I'll check them all out. Thank you!
Wow, great to hear this is worth reading. I'll open a tab now and get to it a few weeks! Apparently I read the first chapter a long time ago.