Friendship is Card Games: The Palaververse · 11:50am Oct 7th, 2018
If you’re looking for “Father Knows Beast,” it should be just under this one in your feed. If you’d like to see an example of disunited nations even worse than “School Daze” and far, far funnier, read on.
I actually started this collection at the end of August, but between procrastination, real life, and chipping away at too many stories at once, the project fell off my personal radar. Carabas getting five hundred followers this weekend spurred me to finish the job… more or less. There’s just so much material to work with that all I could do was scratch about a dozen different surfaces.
For those unfamiliar with the setting in question, the Palaververse is Carabas’s creation, an alternate Equestria with even more sapient biodiversity than canon, where pretty much every ungulate imaginable has not just a sapient representative but also a nation of its own, along with dragons, Diamond Dogs, and a coalition of incredibly Scottish birds who can make gunpowder. Putting it bluntly, the entire world is a constant geopolitical clusterf
k, and it’s amazing. Carabas wrote a series of worldbuilding blogs linked on his user page that outlines the history, culture, and notable figures of each nation, and most of his stories are set there. Read it. It’s all amazing, even if you may need to keep an English-to-Scottish dictionary handy for the corvids.
No real spoilers per se in what follows. Just sit back and enjoy the madness.
Moonlight Palaver 1W
Sorcery
Will of the council — Starting with you, each player votes for panic or patience. If panic gets more votes, each player sacrifices a creature with the greatest power among creatures they control. If patience gets more votes or the vote is tied, each player skips their next combat phase.
Quest for the Crystal Heir 1W
Enchantment
Whenever your team attacks with three or more creatures, put a quest counter on Quest for the Crystal Heir.
Remove three quest counters from Quest for the Crystal Heir and sacrifice it: Create Cadenza Awakened, a legendary 4/4 white Survivor creature token with alicorn, flying, and lifelink.
Capric Menial 2W
Creature — Antelope Serf
W, Sacrifice Capric Menial: Search your library for an Equipment card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.
”My life for Capra.”
2/2
Bullwaldan Squire 3W
Creature — Ox Soldier
Renown 1 (When this creature deals combat damage to a player, if it isn’t renowned, put a +1/+1 counter on it and it becomes renowned.)
Chivalry isn’t dead, but its habitat has shrunk dramatically.
2/4
Fivecrags Wanderer 3W
Creature — Griffin Nomad
Flying, double strike
When Fivecrags Wanderer enter the battlefield, it explores. (Reveal the top card of your library. Put that card into your hand if it’s a land. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature, then put the card back or put it into your graveyard.)
1/1
Pegasopolis Warflock 3WW
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
When Pegasopolis Warflock dies, create a number of 1/1 white Pegasus creature tokens with flying equal to its power.
Equestria’s early years were fraught with peril from all sides. The day the warflocks could finally disband was a joyous one.
3/3
Alloy, Mule Informant 1U
Legendary Creature — Pony Donkey
As Alloy, Mule Informant enters the battlefield, a player of your choice gains control of it.
Play with your hand and the top card of your library revealed.
3: Target player gains control of Alloy.
Celestia prefers foreign spies visible and serving her tea.
2/2
Asinian Aeronaut 1U
Creature — Donkey Soldier
As long as you control an artifact, Asinial Aeronaut gets +1/+0 and has flying.
Planeswalkers who assume ponies were the Theians who invented the ornithopter soon learn their mistake.
1/2
Tentacular Modification 1UU
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature or Vehicle
As long as enchanted permanent is a Vehicle, it’s a creature in addition to its other types.
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2, has islandwalk, and is a Kraken in addition to its other types.
Discord appreciated the donkeys giving him new toys to play with.
Cervile, Soulforged Steward 2U
Legendary Creature — Elk Spirit
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt to Cervile, Soulforged Steward.
Whenever one or more creatures attack you or planeswalkers you control, attacking player returns one of those creatures to its owner’s hand.
”If you will not behave, I must ask you to leave.”
0/3
Brineside Shipwright 3U
Creature — Donkey Artificer
When Brineside Shipwright enters the battlefield, choose one —
• Search your library for a Vehicle card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.
• You may put a Vehicle card from your hand onto the battlefield.
1/3
Cunning Artificer 3U
Creature — Donkey Artificer
When Cunning Artificer enters the battlefield, look at the top X cards of your library, where X is the number of Donkeys you control. Put one of those cards into your hand and the rest into your graveyard.
The donkey magic of Cunning gives them incredible analytical skill, though it does nothing for their grasp of consequences.
2/2
Corvid Berseker 1B
Creature — Bird Berserker
Flying
Frenzy 1 (Whenever this creature attacks and isn’t blocked, it gets +1/+0 until end of turn.)
Few outside of Corva are certain whether its inhabitants truly go mad with bloodlust or just put on a frighteningly believable facade.
1/2
Dweller Below 3BB
Creature — Horror
When Dweller Below enters the battlefield, each player discards a card.
It’s as consumed by existential dread of you as you are of it.
4/5
Sureshot Reiver 4B
Creature — Bird Assassin
Flying
When Sureshot Reiver enters the battlefield, destroy target creature that was dealt damage this turn.
It’s only natural that sapient crows expedite the process of making corpses.
3/2
Traveling Peddler 2R
Creature — Griffin Monger
Flying
2, Discard a card: Draw a card. Any player may activate this ability.
”You get around as much as I do, you hear a thing or two.”
2/1
Saddle Arabian Fauna 2RR
Creature — Beast
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, Saddle Arabian Fauna deals 2 damage to that creature.
Soon after ponies discovered Saddle Arabia, zoologists became a staple of the local creatures’ diet.
3/2
Irate Pyrefalcon 3RR
Creature — Elemental Bird
Flying, haste
Whenever Irate Pyrefalcon attacks, you may have it deal damage equal to its power to target creature defending player controls.
Is there any other kind?
3/2
Antlertean Remnant 4R
Creature — Chimera Horror
When Antlertean Remnant enters the battlefield, choose an instant or sorcery card in a graveyard at random. Cast that card without paying its mana cost if able. If that card would be put into a graveyard this turn, exile it.
The Mage-Lords’ legacies still sometimes shamble into saner lands.
3/3
Fire Queen’s Herald 4RR
Creature — Dragon
Flying
When Fire Queen’s Herald dies, create a 5/5 red Dragon creature token with flying.
Killing messengers is rarely a good idea. Killing Talon’s is considered a form of suicide.
3/3
Fire Queen Talon 7RR
Legendary Creature — Elder Dragon
Dragon offering (You may cast this card any time you could cast an instant by sacrificing a Dragon and paying the difference in mana costs between this and that Dragon. Mana cost includes color.)
Flying, trample
Other Dragons you control get +3/+0.
8/8
Calculating Hominid 1GG
Creature — Ape
When Calculating Hominid enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Deep in the Dactylian jungles, a tribe of balding simians tries to make a direct leap from mastery of fire to unified field theory.
2/2
Jade Serenity 2G
Instant
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by non-Rhino creatures this turn.
Asinian privateers may harry the coasts, but Ceratos’s interior knows nothing of the conflicts of the lesser races.
Pontificastle 2G
Instant
Untap target land. It becomes a 4/4 Elemental creature with haste until end of turn. It’s still a land.
Chaotic G (You may cast this spell for its chaotic cost. If you do, choose its targets at random.)
Longhorn Forcemage 3G
Creature — Ox Shaman
4G: Target Ox or Minotaur gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
Bovaland is not a nation normally known for its spellcasters. That doesn’t make them any less capable.
2/3
Ceratos Nanny 4G
Creature — Spider
Reach
When Ceratos Nanny dies, create a 4/4 green Rhino creature token with trample.
Imperial nobility take a novel approach to raising their children.
2/4
Archon’s Corresponder 3
Artifact
T: Add C.
T: The next time you vote this turn, you get an additional vote. (The votes can be for different choices or for the same choice.)
Ovarn’s leaders don’t let mere distance interfere with matters of state.
Asinian Toaster 3
Artifact
3, T, Sacrifice Asinian Toaster: It deals 3 damage to any target.
”The gunpowder engine is a marvel of modern donkey engineering. In other words, it’s a bomb in disguise.”
—Fairy Floss, tyrant of Ovarn
The Capricious Crown of Capra 4
Legendary Artifact — Equipment
Indestructible
Equipped creature gets +4/+4 and has trample.
At the beginning of your end step, if The Capricious Crown of Capra is unattached, you draw a card and lose 1 life. Otherwise, equipped creature’s controller sacrifices that creature.
Equip 2
Fear Nowt, Capital Prototype 5
Legendary Artifact — Vehicle
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to Fear Nowt, Capital Prototype by nonlegendary sources.
Crew 4 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 4 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)
Asinia’s naval superiority in one convenient package.
8/5
Burro Delver, Ex-Scoundrel 1UR
Legendary Creature — Donkey Advisor
T: Any number of target players each draws a card, then discards a card.
Whenever you cast a Donkey or artifact spell, untap Burro Delver, Ex-Scoundrel.
”These days, he’s more concerned with keeping the world from bursting into flame than misadventures. Doesn’t take much coaxing, though.”
—Gellert, Fivecrags chieftain
1/2
Succession Crisis 2(wb)(wb)
Enchantment
When Succession Crisis enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
5: You become the monarch. Any player may activate this ability, but only any time that player could cast a sorcery.
The twin heirs of Zebrica have feuded for so long that its citizens are considering republicanism.
Chronospasm 2UR
Sorcery
Put target creature on the bottom of its owner’s library. For each creature put into a library this way, that creature’s owner reveals cards from the top of their library until they reveal a creature card, puts that card onto the battlefield, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order.
Overload 2UURR
Greenhorn, the Untested 2GW
Legendary Creature — Ox Knight
Creatures with power less than Greenhorn, the Untested’s power can’t block it.
Renown 2
As long as Greenhorn is renowned, Oxen and Minotaurs you control have trample and vigilance.
3/3
Zebrican Alchemy 3(wb)
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast this spell, exile a creature card from your graveyard.
Create a token that’s a copy of the exiled card, except it’s a white Zombie.
”Completely distinguishable from necromancy, I assure you.”
—Punda, pharaoh of Upper Zebrica
Fairy Floss, Ovish Tyrant 3WB
Legendary Creature — Sheep Advisor
Will of the council — At the beginning of your end step, starting with you, each player votes for one of your opponents. Each player with the most votes or tied for most votes loses 3 life and you gain 3 life.
”Don’t mind me, dear. I’ll let you know if you’re troubling me.”
2/2
Spite the Creator 3(wb)(wb)
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures.
Given the world around them, many believe the Creator of Theia resembles Discord in temperament and maturity. Some spite Him by living virtuous lives. Others just beat Him to the inevitable punch.
Cranreuch, Eighth Cormaer 3UB
Legendary Creature — Bird Warrior
Flying
Nonattacking Birds you control have hexproof.
Attacking Birds you control have deathtouch.
Everyone knows she’s planning something. Only she can say what and when.
3/4
Black Company 4UB
Creature — Sheep Wizard
Flash
When Black Company enters the battlefield, choose one —
• Counter target noncreature spell.
• Destroy target creature.
Fairy Floss’s elite guards, used as troubleshooters across Ovarn.
3/3
Lyuba, Shahanshah’s Guard 4RG
Legendary Creature — Elephant Knight
Trample, indestructible
Lyuba, Shahanshah’s Guard attacks an opponent who controls the most non-Elephant creatures each combat if able.
Whenever Lyuba deals combat damage to an opponent, it deals that much damage to each other opponent.
5/5
Gellert, Fivecrags Chieftain 4RW
Legendary Creature — Griffin Warrior
Flying, vigilance, menace
Whenever one or more creatures you control attack, attacking creatures get +1/+0 until end of turn for each of those creatures.
”An incorrigible troublemaker even at his advanced age, and the best friend I could ask for.”
—Arch-Minister Burro Delver
2/5
Much obliged to you for these. They're a superb set. All the more remarkable, considering the daft source material they had to work with.
Somebody's been busy. Two somebodies, actually, because Carabas counts.
Longtime reader, first-time commenter here, and these are as well-constructed as ever! I just have one question: what should the P/T on Capric Menial be?
An irate pyrefalcon is rather like a rabid wolverine, isn't it.
An excellent set of cards for an excellent set of fics.
4949593
I welcome that daftness! The show certainly isn't going to give me the chance to make Antelope Serfs, Donkey Artificers, or Sheep Wizards. (Though Bird Warriors have been done in actual Magic.)
The trickiest design was actually Burro Delver. I went through several iterations with him. I considered making him synergize with Gellert, but couldn't think of anything suitable. I also strongly considered making him a Pirate—Magic has quite a few—but couldn't think of anything that fit his current state of affairs. In the end, I went with a design that, given sufficient staff and accoutrements, can negotiate his way through every deck at once. Really, the only thing that never changed was the name. I'm just not sure if he'd more resent being called a scoundrel or the implication that he isn't one anymore.
4949622
Kind of wish I were busy with something a bit more narrative, but my muse is a fickle creature.
4949652
Whoops. The Crown may not think much of its servants, but that doesn't excuse omitting their stats completely. The Menial is a 2/2, as now indicated in the blog proper.
4949673
There is a bit of redundancy in the name, yes.
4949696
He'd accept either descriptor with a wry grin. After all, 'ex-' doesn't necessarily imply the state's lost to you forever.
I love him and Gellert providing each other's flavour text as well. They're spot-on for what they'd say if the other wasn't present. If the other was, then it'd just be cheerful abuse.
EDIT: Also, am I right in guessing that the W, R, UR and whatnot after each entity's where you'd peg them in the five-colour Magic scheme? With W for White, UR for Blue-Red, and GG for ... Green-Green, or such. I've only observed the game from a safe distance, but I've heard of the colours, at least.
4949787
Yup. W for white, B for black, and so forth. U is for blue, because B was taken, L usually stands for lands in playtesting, and A stands for artifacts by the same token, so they didn't have to go as far to find something workable for blue as for black. The (wb) on Succession Crisis, Zebrican Alchemy, and Spite the Creator is one form of hybrid mana, which can be paid with either white or black mana. Didn't mean for all of them to be white-black, but two are zebra magic and white and black are the two colors who are best at saying "everyone dies now," so there we have it.
By that same token, the reiterations of some letters and the numbers preceding them are there because those alphanumeric clusters represent mana cost, how much magical energy it takes for some inconsiderate planeswalker—a one-in-a-trillion spellcaster who can jaunt about the multiverse like it's a nature hike—to pluck a denizen of Theia from their comfortable home and pit them against some other schlub in a grandiose magical duel. (Or call forth an echo of a memory of the person in question. The flavor's a bit shaky there.) Calling in Gellert, for example, requires one red mana, one white mana, and four that can be any color or even none at all. Mana is generally produced from lands, though they aren't the only option. The Archon's Corresponder, for example, can supply colorless mana (that's the C) when it's not being used to... augment your next contribution to the democratic process.
As for what the colors mean from a philosophical standpoint, I'll give the ultra-summarized version provided by Mark Rosewater, Magic's head designer:
• White wants peace through structure.
• Blue wants perfection through knowledge.
• Black wants power through opportunity.
• Red wants freedom through action.
• Green wants acceptance through wisdom.
There is, of course, a lot more nuance than that, but that's the deep-down core of each one on its own. Mixing them leads to all sorts of unique forms of nonsense. (And if I could make both the cost and name fit, I would've definitely made the Capricious Crown white-black-red.)
... Sorry for the lecture. I'm as bad as Twilight when it comes to this game. Even if she'd probably deliver a counterlecture on all the ways it doesn't accurately reflect the behavior of magic.
4949787
That's its casting cost. Each letter is one mana of that color, and the number is for mana of any color. For example, Greenhorn's mana cost is one green, one white, and two of any color (or colorless). Two letters in parentheses means one mana of either color; Spite the Creator can be cast with two white, two black, or one white and one black along with the other three mana of any (or no) color.
A cost written into the main body, before a colon, is the cost to trigger that effect. A "T" in the cost represents "tapping" the card (turning it sideways). An already tapped card can't be tapped again until it's untapped. Normally, that's at the start of your turn.
A card's color is (usually) determined by its casting cost, with the card being each color present.
4949815
Do it, man. Write that self-insert HiE fic. Debate magic, capital-M or otherwise, with Twilight at length.
That all makes sense. White-black's definitely fitting for zebras. And everyone's colours or combinations thereof make sense. Though I can imagine certain parties gloating and/or fuming about the mana costs they entail.
4949827
Gotcha. So if I want a Corvid Berserker at my side (the desirability of this eludes me, but for argument's sake), I'll have to spend one black mana and one other of any colour. And if I wanted the Saddle Arabian Fauna (oh god why would I want this) two reds and two more of any colour.
4949840
It should be noted that summons are COPPIES of creatures made of magic loyal to the walker, which is why you would summon such things. For more generic creatures (sentries, town guards, animals, a military unit, etc) you need to be somewhat familiar with them on enough of a general basis to magically resonate woth the "typical" of whatever you want to summon.
Legendaries are a bit different. These are copies of individuals and that is harder to do. If you don't want that legendary dragon slayer to be just a generic knight (even if an impressive one) but want their full power you have to form a connection with them as an individual. Get to know them, work with them, see them in action, etc. You don't need to be best friends or anything but you do need to be at least on the level of "Oh yeah, you helped us out at the Dark Tower of Skullfang Mountain a few months ago, remember guys? Anyway how have you been?" or "You? But how? I sent you over that cliff with a dagger in your side you son of a bitch." You're relationship doesn't have to be positive, you just have to know them really well.
4949840
Continuing 4950768's point, don't try to summon two or more instances of a legendary person at once. That just results in both having a quiet existential crisis and not getting anything productive done until you decide which one to get rid of so the other can get on with their job.
This behavior does not apply if your magical duel is taking place in a hall of mirrors, because Magic can be silly at times.
4950768>>4950777
Gotcha both. So a planeswalker would have to at least know vaguely what a Bullwaldan Squire was before they could have a go at summoning one. And they'd be able to summon multiple Squires, since it's assumed they're different individual Squires. The planeswalker can summon Greenhorn if they're more personally acquainted with him. However, if they try to summon two of him, then Greenhorn'll just point and gibber at himself, and little will be accomplished apart from ruining Greenhorn's day for the umpteenth time.
Ooh, Palaververse gets its own cards. Neat.
Is this the second time you've done this for a fanfic universe? I think I remember you doing this once before for another setting.
4951251
You remember correctly. I did a blog for the Triptych Continuum a few months ago.
4951283
I thought so.
Last Draconequus universe next?