A peek behind the curtain · 2:34am Oct 5th, 2018
So while I get the next chapter written and we all wait to see what happens s next in This Nose, I thought I would share with you one of the rough passages that I had going for chapter 34; a deleted scene for your enjoyment.
[Spoilers ahead for Chapter 34. Proceed with caution.]
Ultimately, I cut this and rewrote it because it really didn't impress me, and Georg noted during the editing process that it was pretty flat and boring. The replacement section is much better, in my own opinion.
~*~
Princess Celestia was worried.
This wasn’t really news in and of itself, since Princess Celestia tended to worry about all of her subjects, their happiness, and their well-being. But there was one former subject who had arguably become the most precious pony to her, and that pony was not acting like himself in the slightest.
Celestia had noticed many things were amiss about Baked Bean after she had begun to follow Doctor Horsenpfeffer’s instructions to watch her husband like a hawk. For the rest of the day, she had casually but intently scrutinized everything he did, from the choice of words and the way he phrased them all the way down to his little tics and twitches. Over a thousand years of diplomatic training was put in full use, and the results that came back from this intense observation was extremely disheartening. By the time the two of them had made their way to the dining room for dinner, Celestia was almost completely convinced that the pony who was sitting next to her was not what he appeared to be.
It was something like when a pony portrayed another historical figure in a play. The movements, words, and actions of this Bean were close enough to the real Bean’s that an unobservant pony would think it was him.
Celestia knew better, though. This Bean put the emphasis on the wrong vowels and consonants for a Salt Licker, he blinked faster than normal, and he twitched more than usual.
That didn't even take his odd sneezing fits into account. Why would her husband suddenly develop an allergy when he’d been exposed to everything in their room before? Celestia just couldn't believe that a flying introduction to a grove a trees would suddenly make him allergic to dust mites.
Even now, Celestia could tell something was off. Thought this Bean was eagerly partaking in the evening meal, he was doing so in a rather unprofessional way. It appeared that he had forgotten some of the proper rules of etiquette: his elbows were propped up on the table, he had used the same fork for all three courses, and his napkin had not yet moved from its position beside his plate.
“How do the artichoke hearts taste, my love?” Celestia asked.
“Oh, they’re pretty good. I think they could use just a pinch of pepper, though.”
“Perhaps. You know, Chef Beet mentioned that she was looking for something special to prepare for Minotarian ambassador’s visit. Maybe you could help her develop a nice five course meal plan.”
There. Though this Bean was extremely good at masking his emotions, there was still the brief and faint flash of panic across his face.
“I'd love to help, if I can. I'll have to do some research first though. I don't know much about minotaur cuisine, and I'd hate to suggest something that they’d hate.”
“That would be problematic,” she replied, her jaw clenched tight. This was not right, her Bean would never show panic over such a simple request. If she had asked him to cook for the visiting delegation, then he might be concerned, but he had never shown anything but delight when asked to assist with meals.
But if was not her Bean, who was he, and what was he trying to accomplish by impersonating him? Where was the real Bean at? She refused to entertain the notion that he had perished in the Everfree. He had to be alive. But since he was alive, the only possible reason this Bean would be here was because …
Celestia’s eyes widened a bit with the realization, and she forced down a gasp of alarm.
Chrysalis.
Somehow, the Queen of the Changelings must have figured out Bean’s plans to defend Ponyville from Tirek, and then she could have abducted her Bean and replaced him with this imposter. It would be easy to do, and Chrysalis would know that Celestia would not ask any questions after finding her husband alive after believing him to be dead.
Celestia fought down her anger at the brash defiance of such a plan. If this was the case, she would personally level the Hive and banish Chrysalis to a prison she would construct in the middle of the Everfree Forest just for her.
But she needed to be sure. If the Bean that sat next to her was an agent of the Queen, he would hold valuable information about Chrysalis’ plans, and more importantly, where her beloved Bean was being held.
“Celly, are you all right?” Bean asked. “You look like something is troubling you.”
Celestia met his gaze directly, and his emotion was so clearly exposed in his face that he might as well have been shouting it.
He was scared.
Celestia pushed her seat backwards and regarded the imposter from under half-lidded eyes, a predatory purr rumbling up from her throat. “On the contrary, my dear Bean. I am just fine. I was just thinking about how much I’ve missed your personal touch.”
“Oh?” There was a slight hint of nervousness in the question.
“Oh yes.” Celestia moved in close, and she heard his breath shudder. “There’s never been any other pony who knew how I liked to be held and caressed, and you always know what I long to hear. Now that you are feeling well enough to be up and about, I think we can begin to rekindle the more intimate side of our relationship.”
Bean gagged on his food, then stammered out something incoherent. Celestia gave him a menacing chuckle, then began to nibble his neck. If this was her Bean, then he would enjoy this show of affection, and she would reduce him to giggling mess when she reached that one particular ticklish spot on his neck.
If he was not, then Luna would be given the opportunity to practice her ancient torture methods once more.
“Should we be doing this right here?” Bean protested weakly. “I mean—”
Celestia shushed him, and she moved up. He should react to this. Celestia wanted him to react to her actions.
But Baked Bean did not react.
Instead, he pulled away slightly from her. “No, really. What will Wysteria say if she finds us doing this?”
He did not get an answer to his question.
What he did get was a personal introduction to the wall on the far end of the hall.
This goes along with the recent post on First Draft is the Worst Draft rule. Quite often, a second shot at something works much better. I've got chunks of first drafts wadded up at the bottom of almost all of my completed story documents, and most of them... deserve it. Heck, Traveling Tutor got the whole first chapter re-ordered and rebuilt because it started off waaaay on the wrong foot. In a way, a first draft can give you a good feeling on how *not* to write a scene. (but you do have to be careful of producing a third and fourth and fifth and...)
(By the way, the final version with the love allergy is a stroke of genius)
I’ll be honest, I actually like this version a little better than the current, as it’s a lot less sudden. However the final one does seem to be less “pulling at straws”
I like some of the things mentioned, like Luna getting a piece of Bob, and using the dinner for the Minotaur delegation as a test.