Whiplash

TReality is the Hardest Calorie to Swallow

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Slice of Life

I have a problem. I don't want to have a problem anymore. I want to look in the mirror without hating my outsides. Maybe then I can love myself. But how do I balance motivation and starvation?

• Other

Flutterpriest · 1.8k words  ·  57  7 · 1.3k views

Wait what?

So hi.

First of all, don't worry.

Three days ago I started a new diet. And so far I've been doing pretty good! Just counting calories and working on making -good- choices. Not the -best- choices. I gotta make sure I'm happy. I can't fall back to old habits.

I used to have bulima. And I lost 100 pounds during that time.

What's kind of sick? Is how much I was sort of... proud of that, at the time.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still 50lbs or so down from where I used to be. It was a terrible time in my life. But I'm so tired looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. I've struggled with so many different issues through the last handful of years that I ate and never really cared what the consequences were. Well. Hi. here we are now.

So, this story. What's going on with this? It's got a darker edge. And I'll be super honest in saying it's 100% stream of consciousness. In fact, I kind of followed the "Write Drunk and then never look at it again" approach for this. I didn't even purposely get drunk. I got drunk trying to make some bad scotch I bought good, (It didn't taste good after either) and just got into this... mood. Mode. I wanted to document it. I felt myself flash back to the way things used to be, and I could feel my current drive fight that little voice in the back of my head. I wanted to capture those feelings and emotions within a story.

Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. I will say that 100% of what happened in that story is inspired by real events in my life.

Either way. I'm posting this not out of shame, but sort of pride? I'm really going to try to make things better for myself. It's not about winning or beating myself or something like that. It's about doing what I need to to make me happy and to make me healthy. there is no "win" or "loss".

There's only me.

And I would like to think? That I'm worth more than what I put in my mouth. So I'm not going to let it define me.

I dunno man.

Thanks for reading.

Comments

[RBDash47]

You can do it, man.

[Jack of a Few Trades]

Keep rocking, bro!

[Luna Aeterna Solutae]

Hi, anorexia. Here to talk.

[Super Trampoline]

You got this.