I've spent about 4 hours re-writing the same paragraph

The taste inside of Twilight Sparkle’s mouth forced her whole body to tense while she gagged and made a valiant effort to cease breathing. Not just a taste—not just a flavour—no, but a stench. Not just any stench, but a rancid, redolent, riotous reek that befouled the air with a malodorous miasma and left behind a truly terrible taste upon her leathery, shriveled tongue. The fetor was indescribable, but Twilight’s mind assigned it forevermore as the feculent funk left behind by pure, unfiltered evil.

Only to realise I could trim this down to a single sentence, I think.

I might have a problem.

Comments

[Raging Mouse]

Hemingway? What's that and, most importantly, is it free?

[Bloody_Tofu]

Nothing wrong with being a perfectionist as long as your enjoying yourself.

[Animak]

you do you man

[kudzuhaiku]

4937568
http://www.hemingwayapp.com/

[Raging Mouse]

4937585
Thanks for the link. This could be very useful.

[bigbear]

I find Hemingway very useful. Its suggestions are not gospel, especially when writing fiction. But, it helps to know what suggestions you are breaking, and break them knowingly!

I also find Grammarly useful for the same reason.

[kudzuhaiku]

4937624
And Language Tool.

[RainbowSparkle3]

Yeah, you may have overdone it with the descriptions. Just a little.

[kalash93]

This prose is so purple it's carting around a dragonfly and looking for gems !