Cooking up a better antagonist · 5:27pm Jul 31st, 2018
“Princess Sparkle?”
Twilight paused, mid-fan. For some reason, when Princess Sparkle was said a certain way, it sounded like Miss Sparkle—like right now. Something felt off about being addressed this way. Turning about, Twilight eyeballed the pony addressing her. A mare, middle-aged, earth pony, sooty grey coat, and a dull pink mane that lacked shine. Though she hated judging by appearance, Twilight knew the type and anticipating trouble, or at least some degree of annoyance, she summoned her patience. Ignoring whatever her friends were up to, Twilight focused on the earth pony mare.
She was completely oblivious to the absolute transformation of her friends behind her.
“My name is Bourgogne Blintz. You may call me Miss Blintz. I am the head of outreach for the Equestrian Baking League and Director in Chief of the Greater Equestrian Unity Project. Not one pony has done more for inter-tribal unity in Equestria than I have.”
“Uh-huh.” Twilight’s face revealed no trace of emotion or reaction whatsoever.
“Yer a cunt, is what you are.”
Applejack’s drawl smashed Twilight’s ears like a sledgehammer and Twilight found that she couldn’t even respond to her friend’s insulting outburst. Miss Blintz seemed utterly unphased, her prim smile never once wavered, and the mare turned a leaden, saccharine stare upon Applejack that left Twilight feeling immensely uncomfortable, as if she wanted to take off her skin so it could crawl away.
“You… this is all yer doing.” Applejack now stood stiff-legged, a sure sign that she was ready to throw down and go rodeo on a pony. “All of this is coming to an end ‘cause of you.”
“I am correcting the tribalism that earth ponies cling to and I am dragging us into the future.” Miss Blintz had an eerie calm about her and she was utterly unruffled, unbothered by Applejack. “Some of us resist change for a variety of reasons, such as being small minded backwater hicks that are utterly unable to speak proper Equestrian. I do this for them as much as I do for myself.”
“I don’t cling to tribalism,” said Pinkie Pie while several curls deflated and went limp.
“Then you should have no problem with the transition to include others,” Bourgogne Blintz replied, turning her cool, calm stare upon Pinkie Pie. “Is there a problem with allowing others to compete in our traditions?”
Turning about, Twilight saw Applejack chewing her lip, Pinkie Pie’s mane was in danger of collapsing, and Seville had his teeth bared. Much to her dismay, Twilight realised that she was oblivious to what was going on, and had no idea why her friends were reacting the way they were to Bourgogne Blintz. She didn’t even know who Bourgogne Blintz was, but apparently her friends did. A crowd was gathering—a pretty big crowd indeed—and most of them did not possess smiling, happy faces.
Twilight, as it turned out, was oblivious to the happenings of earth pony culture.
Undaunted, unconcerned by the angry mob around her, Bourgogne Blintz turned to Twilight Sparkle, took several steps into Twilight’s equinal space, and said, “Princess Celestia told me that you would be here, Princess Sparkle. It is my sincere hope that you and I can work together to give this shameful practice a proper end so we can put it behind us. We must embrace the future… an inclusive future where we all stand wither-to-wither as equals and nopony is turned away due to tribe.”
“I’m not sure I see the problem with earth ponies keeping a cultural tradition for themselves.” Fully aware that she was treading upon dangerous, unknown ground, Twilight threw caution to the wind and advanced her position.
“Tsk-tsk.” Miss Blintz shook her head. “I would have thought the so-called Princess of Friendship would be more enlightened.” Eyes darting in the direction of the three earth ponies beyond Twilight, she added, “Perhaps you would be if you kept better friends—”
“Hey, you don’t get to cast judgment on my friends!” Twilight felt the muscles in her legs go stiff and without realising it, she brought herself up to her full height so that she could look down upon the haughty mare.
“Princess Celestia spoke so highly of you, but now that I’ve met you, I can’t imagine why.” Miss Blintz, now rigid, didn’t bother looking Twilight in the eye, but stared straight ahead, ignoring the difference in height. “Baking is a cornerstone of Equestrian culture. It symbolises many things, but first and foremost, our unity and our family values. This contest”—for a second, her face crinkled with disgust— “is the last holdout of a tribalist past. It goes against everything we believe as Equestrians. This is a celebration of the earth pony way, a practice that shuts out and excludes other tribes and reinforces a negative, tribalist point of view that persists in spite of the efforts of many to stamp it out.”
Twilight reeled. The earth pony way was bigotry?
Ears pricking, Twilight heard something, but couldn’t figure out what it was. It was a dreadful, terrifying sound, a predatory sound, and the last time she had heard similar was in the midst of brutal, bloody combat. Two conclusions were reached at once, and both of them were disturbing; she heard growling and the growling came from Applejack.
When she turned her head, she could see her friend out of the corner of her eye, and what she saw chilled her blood. Applejack’s hackles were up and she growled; a deep, throaty growl that one would not expect to come from a small hoofed quadruped of the equine species. It was the sort of growl that would send diamond dogs scurrying away with their tails between their legs. Much to her own shame and dismay, Twilight found that she wanted to see Applejack throw down.
So... Twilight sides with her friends, and she takes a smear to her reputation. Twilight turns against her friends and concedes that Miss Blintz might have a point, and she takes a smear against her reputation. This has been about a year in planning, but I have artisanally crafted a fine antagonist for Twilight Sparkle. It took a while to create a credible, meaningful catch-22. A whole lot of work went into Miss Blintz.
poor Twilight she can't win either way she goes
I don’t see anything wrong with earth ponies being tribalist when the other tribes look down on them, and view being an earth pony as a disability.
i can tell you did. damn twilight is in a trap there
"Air races are tribalist, keep pegasi grounded!"
"Magic Schools are tribalist, cease educating the populace!"
Applejack was right, Bourgogne Blintz. You're a righteous cunt!
This clip reminds me of a short story I read in 9th grade: Harrison Bergeron. Though Starlight Glimmer (pre-reformation) is a better fit to the short story. I suspect Bourgogne Blintz wouldn't mind aspects of the world the short story takes place in.
In other words, Bourgogne Blintz might be the sort of antagonist that l love to hate. She can't be blasted with a Friendship Beam and isn't seeking to destabilize Equestria like another tried (for some reason, his name escapes me).
Buck her through the wall AJ.
Looking forward to it
Oh boy my most "favorite" subject. Toxic inclusionism.
i'm curious about a few things, presently a good chuck of them pedantic details, but i look forward to this stories progression
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I explained Starlight to a friend by saying she started a Hayrison Percheron cult. I'm still snickering to myself.
Sounds like how those who push for PC culture somehow manage to be racist, sexist and pretty much every other kind of -ist they profess to be against.
so whats she's saying is "unicorns should not learn magic and pegasus should not have the wonderbolts?
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Hold on to that thought!
So... Bint is a bigot and what, an Equalist?
So far, she does have a bit of a point, but she's too much of a dickbag for it to matter. There is a goodly amount of underlying tribalism that needs to go. Keeping things that are special to each tribe is important for tribal identity, the problem is the ones who take tribal identity too far, or focus on antiquated ideas of tribal superiority. We've seen hints of that in other stories in the Weedverse already. It won't get better without being addressed, and addressing it will cause endless issues as people scramble for any reason they can to 'defend themselves' or deny anything but total purity of mind and culture.
But this? Does she have any idea that she's speaking to her BOSS? It's one thing to not respect Twilight because of her age and whatnot, but speaking to her like that is disrespecting her crown, which is disrespecting the Crown and disrespecting Equestria as a whole. Making her a bigot, hypocrite, possible Equalist, AND anti-patriotic. Slap a Grogar-sympathizer label on her and be done with the little confectioner seditionist. Now's a pretty good time to abuse your office a little for the good of Equestrian harmony, Twilight!
Also I get the feeling Celestia handed this to Twilight to BE dismantled.