In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 24 -- Surprise · 12:54pm Jul 15th, 2018
Bella gets a new house for her birthday and it’s purty.
That’s it.
I FUCKING HATE THIS BOOK.
Well, okay. That’s not completely it. It does have one of the better Alice moments, where she and Edward have both gotten Bella gifts and each wants to give theirs first:
“I know — I’ll play you for it,” Alice suggested. “Rock, paper, scissors.”
Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed.
“Why don’t you just tell me who wins?” Edward said wryly.
Alice beamed. “I do. Excellent.”
But then Alice takes Bella and Edward out into the forest and there’s a cottage that Esme built herself for the couple and Alice gives them some alone time and they explore the house and it’s rully purty and Alice has stocked the closet with lotsa rully purty clothes and then Bella and Edward bang and OH CELESTIA we have to hear about how even vampire banging is so much better than human banging and THIS PIECE-OF-SHIT CHAPTER IS THIRTEEN MOTHERFUCKING PAGES LONG AND IT’S JUST ABOUT A GODDAMN HOUSE HOLY SHIT I HATE HATE HATE THIS BOOK.
And in the middle of the descriptions:
It was a place where anyone could believe magic existed. A place where you just expected Snow White to walk right in with her apple in hand (her POISONED apple?), or a unicorn to stop and nibble at the rosebushes (I’d prefer that unicorn to laser-blast you in the face).
Edward had always thought that he belonged to the world of horror stories. Of course, I’d known he was dead wrong. It was obvious that he belonged here. In a fairy tale.
CM + 1
Clinginess Meter: 48 x 5
Chapters Left: 15
I’ve read stories on this site where the wording and grammar were suspect. But at least those stories still had starship battles in asteroid fields. This story- It isn’t even a story! It’s Bella getting “neat” shit! There’s nothing going on! HOW CAN SO MANY WORDS BE SPENT ON SO LITTLE?
And our soon-to-be-traditional trivia padding, because these posts need to be padded just as much as these books.
- The original name of Pink Floyd was the Tea Set. It was changed fairly early in their career when they were at a gig and another band there was also named the Tea Set. The name comes from some of Syd Barrett’s favorite blues musicians, Pink Anderson and Floyd Council.
- The oldest known joke in the world is a fart joke: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”
- Denzel Washington took on the role of Training Day’s Alonzo Harris, one of his most lauded performances, essentially because his family bet him he could do it.
- Ravens are smart enough to teach other ravens what specific humans look like.
- Zebras’ legs are proportionately shorter than those of horses. A group of them is a “zeal” or a “dazzle”. Scientists still aren’t completely sure what purpose their stripes serve, if any.
- All of the crew of Apollo 15 graduated from the University of Michigan.
- Danny Trejo (this guy) was a criminal before he got into acting. Part of the reason he so frequently plays criminals is so that they can get their comeuppance and show that crime doesn’t pay. He adores pit bulls.
- About thirty years ago, the Indian village of Marottichal was rife with alcoholism and illegal brewing. One of the citizens tried teaching the others chess to displace their addiction. Today, crime is rare and over two-thirds of the population plays chess daily.
- Just before Weird Al turned seven, a door-to-door salesman stopped at the Yankovics’ house, selling a choice of either guitar lessons or accordion lessons. Deciding there should be one more accordion-playing Yankovic in the world (in reference to polka musician Frankie Yankovic, no relation), Al’s parents chose the accordion, making the world a much better place.
- The tempo for “Another One Bites the Dust” is about the same as the optimum chest compression rate for CPR. Fortunately, the same is true for “Stayin’ Alive”.
- Around the time of the release of A New Hope, George Lucas visited the set of Close Encounters of the Third Kind and thought that film would be the bigger hit. When Spielberg disagreed and thought A New Hope would do better, Lucas proposed they each trade 2.5% of the profits from each other’s film. Spielberg accepted.
- Originally, all of Superman’s powers came from Krypton simply having a higher gravity than Earth, making him harder, better, faster, stronger than humans in Earth’s gravity (hence why he can “leap tall buildings in a single bound” when flight would be more impressive) but without things like eye beams or freeze breath. Flight was added in a series of 1940’s theatrical cartoons because jumping looked silly when animated, and it mushroomed from there.
How do you even fill that many pages with just “house?” That takes genuine effort.
Man. The amounts of (perfectly justifiable) rage on display... It's almost like I'm reading a series of blogs by Homestuck's Karkat.
Not that that's a bad thing from my perspective.
According to this article, the stripes on a zebra may serve multiple roles, including regulation of body temperature and camouflage from tsetse flies.
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And this article, published later, has other explanations (you'll note that your article explicitly says the stripes aren't for camouflage, while one of the hypotheses in mine says they are for camo). There's several different theories, but none of them is really the explanation, hence why I said "not completely sure".
Just goes to show Spielberg > Lucas :V
I really like that Danny Trejo fact, actually. That's pretty cool.