In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 5 -- Isle Esme · 10:55am Jun 26th, 2018
Bella’s and Edward’s honeymoon takes them to Brazil; specifically, Rio de Janeiro. They head to the ocean docks on the western edge of the city. The ocean on the western edge of a city in Brazil. Really:
The taxi continued through the swarming crowds until they thinned somewhat, and we appeared to be nearing the extreme western edge of the city, heading into the ocean.
And for bonus wrongness, they do head east into the ocean a few paragraphs later. Some editor (assuming there was one) was sleeping on the job.
You know how Hasbro released an official map of Equestria a long time ago? Remember the traveling-line-on-map Indiana Jones reference in “Daring Don’t”? Did you know that if you match the two together, they line up almost exactly, placing Daring’s house at somewhere in the vicinity of Vanhoover?
Continuity!
Anyway, Bella and Edward take a boat out into the ocean, to Isle Esme, a gift Carlisle had gotten for Esme years ago. There’s a house on it, a nice house with a really big bed. They’re gonna pork, remember? There’s an excessive amount of padding as they get settled in before they get a chance to relax on the beach. It gets turned around to be all about them, with no appreciation for the magnificence of nature.
“Beautiful,” I said, looking up at the moon, too.
“It’s all right (sic),” he answered, unimpressed. […]
“But I wouldn’t use the word beautiful,” he continued. “Not with you standing here in comparison.”
They finally get to doing the deed, which is, thankfully, skipped over. But somehow, even sex is used to show that they’re perfect for each other.
It had been simpler than I’d expected; we’d fit together like corresponding pieces, made to match up. This had given me a secret satisfaction — we were compatible physically, as well as all the other ways. Fire and ice, somehow existing together without destroying each other. More proof that I belonged with him.
(facepalm) CM + 1
But Edward isn’t as happy as Bella is; at some point, he held her too tightly, and her arms are bruised. Couldn’t they have gotten a bit more creative with their positions? Just put her on top. Edward angsts about hurting Bella, Bella’s upset that Edward’s angsting, and they go back and forth for an unbearably long time before Edward accepts what he did. However, he still promises to never hurt her again and won’t make love to her until she’s been changed.
Clinginess Meter: 16
I’m getting New Moon flashbacks. This book is going nowhere. This was twenty-one pages. So much padding...
Looking at the map, Rio basically dangles from the southern end of South America's bulge, which means that there is ocean to its west. It's just ocean that soon leads to more land if you keep going west.
And yeah, a little more creativity in the choreography would address the whole "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" issue. Of course, that would require these two to think.
Oh good, FOME checked the map so I don't have to defend Stephanie Meyer. :V
Of course not! What do you think this is, some kind of sex-positive series? Missionary or death!