In Which I Tolerate Eclipse: Chapter 19 -- Selfish · 2:48pm May 31st, 2018
What else is new?
Edward takes Bella home from the meeting and she sleeps through most of the day. Edward notices the charm Jacob gave her and wonders why Jacob can give her presents when she didn’t want any last birthday. Bella says she likes homemade presents. Edward asks if he can give her a hand-me-down to go on the bracelet.
“A charm — something to keep me on your mind.”
“You’re in every thought I have. I don’t need reminders.”
“You’re more important than everyone else. And you’ve given me you. That’s already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance.”
CM + 2
Before he can show her the gift, however, Alice calls. Edward and Alice have a brief discussion, then Edward talks with Bella about Jasper’s plan: putting Bella in the clearing to agitate the newborns. Bella likes it, Edward doesn’t. Personally, I don’t think putting yourself right in the middle of a large group of people who want to kill you is all that smart. They go back and forth a time, each proposing their own reasons and countering the other’s. Edward distracts Bella by mentioning that Leah Clearwater is also a werewolf, the only known female one ever.
Side note: remember how Leah was Sam’s girlfriend before he imprinted? Now she’s telepathically connected to him for the rest of her life, unable to stop sharing their thoughts with each other. Holy hell that sucks. Bella sympathizes with Leah’s position, but Edward says she’s being malicious, constantly bringing up thoughts the others would rather not think about. Embry, apparently, is supposed to not be Quileute, but he wolfed out anyway, and now some of the wolves are wondering which one of them has a half-brother they never knew about. How thinking about this is supposed to be cruel, I’m not sure. More a mild annoyance.
Bella yanks the conversation back to her being in the clearing. But then she realizes:
It wasn’t so much that I had to be in the clearing. I just had to be where Edward was.
CM + 1
Going against her better instincts, Bella brings this up.
“Okay, looked, Edward,” I whispered. “Here’s the thing… I’ve already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. And I can’t stand it if you leave me again.”
“You know it’s not like that, Bella,” he murmured. “I won’t be far, and it will be over quickly.”
“I can’t stand it,” I insisted, still staring down. “Not knowing whether or not you’ll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it’s over?”
CM + 2
Edward tries to reassure her, saying the Cullens are well-prepared and will have things completely under control. Bella counters that if things are that easy, Edward could sit out, bringing up something he’d said last night. Naturally, this traps Edward: either the Cullens will have it easy, in which case they don’t need Edward and he can be with Bella, or it’ll be hard, in which case Bella should be in the clearing to rile up the newborns. I’m still not sure why surrounding yourself with hungry, uncontrollable vampires is a good idea.
I wondered if I was a monster. Not the kind that he thought he was, but the real kind. The kind that hurt people. The kind that had no limits when it came to what they wanted.
Yes.
Edward goes to discuss himself sitting out with Jasper, and Bella apologizes.
I was sorry. I hated to make him do this. Not enough that I could fake a smile and tell him to go on ahead without me. Definitely not that much.
I really loathe people who terrible things for unnecessary reasons and feel sorry about it, because they don’t feel sorry enough to not do it. I read a fic here where the main character blackmailed his best friend to get her to spill a personal secret. He felt sorry. I still wanted to throw him into a meat grinder.
While Edward talks with Jasper, Alice hangs around to protect Bella and objects to the plan.
She made a face. “I suppose, if it keeps you sane, it’s worth it. But I wish you could control the pessimism, Bella. It’s so unnecessary.”
Oh, Alice. When you’re good, you’re great.
When Charlie gets home, Alice pretends that all the other Cullens are going hiking for their end-of-the-year celebration, but she didn’t want to go hiking this year, so she’s staying at her house all alone. Bella asks if she can have a slumber party with Alice for the weekend, which Charlie accepts. For once, Charlie has a good excuse for Bella’s absence that doesn’t leave him panicking.
There’s another meeting with the wolves that night. Jacob, in wolf shape, keeps Bella company while Edward wrestles with Jasper as a demonstration. Bella spills her feelings to Jacob about the upcoming battle, while Jacob reassures her as best he can without being able to speak. It’s kind of cute, to be honest. Bella wonders if it means anything that her interactions with Jacob are more natural when he’s a wolf than when he’s a human.
Clinginess Meter: 27
I wonder if there’s some kind of trade-off: this chapter has less padding but more terrible behavior from Bella. TerriBella behavior? Oh, Celestia, no, kill me now, I’m sorry.
The per-chapter product of padding and terrible Bella behavior has a minimum, nonzero value. This is known as the Meyer Unreadability Principle.
That was a terribella pun.
It means she's furry trash. :V