Random Ramblings CCXXXI · 7:44pm Feb 22nd, 2018
IN WHICH SIMPSONS DID IT
A South Park quote, but an apt one that's related to why I'm writing a second blogpost within a 24-hour period, something y'all know I almost never do. It's because there WAS something else on my mind last night, but I got distracted. I'd like your comments on this please, if you'll read on.
Before I start rambling - WARNING: LONG RANT AHEAD - I just realized that today is the third anniversary of Sunset Shimmer Buys A Burrito, my very first Sunset Shimmer story, the genesis of what would become a whole Burritoverse, and my realization of how much I love writing for her. I guess all I can say to this is... 
I keep gaining followers at a slow but steady pace. That's cool and all, and of course I'm grateful for it. Yet something's been gnawing at me for a long time. And that is this --- Are my stories even worth reading anymore?
Don't get me wrong; I absolutely intend to finish what I set out to do -- I WILL clean up the Recovery Arc stories and publish them. I WILL finish the last two Burritoverse stories. I WILL publish another Mayor Mare story next January 20th if I and the site are still around. I even have a CMC story idea in my head that I'm looking forward to attempting in the near future.
But... is it worth it? I'm so goddamn slow, it feels like anything I publish here will be seen as derivative of what someone else has already put up. The fact of the matter is that I don't read that much content on this site, especially if it involves Sunset Shimmer (two stories where she's turned into a kid being major exceptions since I have no plans to de-age her), precisely so I won't be influenced any more than I already have been. I want my ideas to be mine. As a result, I'm in this kind of self-imposed bubble completely removed from the flow of canon and basically everything else.
I know there are no original ideas anymore, and haven't been since the Greeks (as Lit snobs love to point out). But still, what am I supposed to think when I see someone's posted an Anon-A-Miss story, or something else Sunset related? (my Mayor Mare stories may get no views, but at least they have a scintilla or originality to them because almost no one else writes her). Plenty of other writers on this site have created stories about Sunset being depressed. Although I've read very few of those, it's not difficult to assume I am not doing it better. I don't think I can do it better. The best I can do is, well, my best.
Apparently the only thing of any worth I bring to the table is Sunset naming her personal items.
Of course I'm delighted readers enjoy the Recovery Arc and the Burritoverse (and I hope they'll stay on for whatever I do once both those storylines end this year). But, am I really worth reading? Do I bring anything worthwhile to the table. Or should I accept the constant refrain of the MLP equivalent of "SIMPSONS DID IT!!" ringing in my ears?
I live with self-doubt, self-hatred, jealousy, anxiety, and total lack of self-worth every day of my life.
I pour all of that into Sunset. She doesn't deserve it, but I do it anyway. She is one of my favourite fictional characters ever, and I guess I'm only capable of showing love through abuse, even if it leads to a happy ending (this isn't a spoiler; I've made no secret that Recovery will end on a high note). Readers praise my writing for its simple emotive language -- the ability to evoke the feels. But I imagine plenty of other writers can do that a million times better than I can.
There are two things that keep me on this planet -- one is that my mother moved in with me and I don't want her to have to clean up a mess (I've mentioned before that I have no siblings, so I'm literally all she has); the other is the interactions I have with you and other folks online. Something as simple as a Hello can make my day feel it was worth waking up. Before you ask/accuse: No, I'm not e-begging; I'm just telling it like it is. A quick perusal of two hundred blogposts should tell you that. Okay, fine. The third thing is a determination to give you, or at least me, what I promised. I hate unfinished business.
TL;DR - Thank you all so much for taking a chance or pity on this talentless hack writer. Your three years of kind words and encouragement mean more than you'll ever know. Even though I will fail, I'll always try my best to not let you down.
Peace out!
It might be worth it to start reading other Sunset stories on the sight. If you feel like you're doing the same thing as everyone else, it's probably because you're starting with the same thing as everyone else. But if you read the other stories, you can see what the common trends are, and play around with building off of them or subverting them entirely. And who know, you just might find a niche idea that no one else has touched on yet. And honestly, if you like Sunset Shimmer, why deny yourself the opportunity to read about her?
And just for the record, while there are a lot of depressed Sunset fics out there, most aren't very good. Your Recovery Arc is one of the better ones.
Personally, since I started writing on here a year ago, I’ve found that writing the story is, in and of itself, entertaining to me; possibly just as entertaining as it is to those reading it. (I hope) To me, that alone makes writing worth it. It amazes me how much I can surprise and excite myself with the stuff I come up with; and here I’ve always viewed myself as nothing but a gear-head.
As for reading other works, I recommend doing it as much as time permits. I get what you mean about being influenced, but on the same token, I worry about accidentally writing the same thing as someone else. This actually happened to me—not with another author, but with a video game. (I haven’t played much since the NES/Super NES days, so I’m not very familiar with new games and their storylines)—where I had a member of the humane 7 get captured and taken to an oil rig base that turned out to be almost IDENTICAL to the one in ‘Fallout.’ One of my commenters brought it to my attention and after yelling “holy shit!” really loud, I found myself in an embarrassing situation, scrambling to explain how I thought of it myself and didn’t just blatantly copy it. In the end, no one really cared, but still...it wasn’t a great feeling.
Obviously, we can’t be aware of every single other piece of fiction out there, but at least knowing some of what else is out there helps to avoid these things to a certain extent, not to mention steering clear of all the common tropes/clichés.
Not only that, I like to see things that other authors do. I’ve learned a lot of things about writing just by observing others (including you...AND the commenter above [EDIT: below], come to think of it) and I’ve been able to apply it to my own work to make it better.
Long story short, keep doing what you do. It’s worth it to you, and it’s worth it to whoever reads it.