What do you get when you frost a pie? · 3:24am Jan 31st, 2018
“Did you have a nice visit with your grandmare?” Pebble asked while Sumac lowered a gingerbread roof down upon a gingerbread schoolhouse. “I was worried the whole time. Father was pacing the floor and Octavia got fed up with him moping and she threw a couch cushion at him and hit him in the head. Then, stuff happened and it was nice to my father and Octavia playing again. It’s been a little tense since the… you know. Everything that’s happened.”
“It was okay… I guess… nothing bad happened.” Sighing, Sumac was rather glum over the fact that his brand new bow had already been put away and he would only be able to get it out with proper adult supervision. Lemon Hearts had made it clear that Twinkleshine was not proper adult supervision.
Smiling, Pinny Lane nudged Pebble with her foreleg and pushed her closer to Sumac. This caused a chain reaction in a number of adults, starting with Cloudy and Pinny glancing at one another, Limestone began giggling with her father, Igneous, and Maud responded with her stony stare. Sumac, who wasn’t paying much attention, missed most of this while he squirted a bit of white frosting onto the schoolhouse to secure the roof.
“Hey, Pebble, look up,” Pinny said after another nudge.
While Sumac continued his meticulous work, Pebble looked up, her lips parting somewhat when her head tilted backwards. After a crosseyed moment of concentration, she said, “Viscum album… otherwise known as mistletoe. Poisonous. Ooooh, that’s dirty.”
Humming to himself, Sumac was utterly unaware of the danger posed by the mistletoe over his and Pebble’s head. Exercising his telekinesis, he ran a fine line along the edge of the roof so that it could be adorned with gumdrops by Limestone, who had dextrous hooves. Pebble sighed, a resigned sound, and Sumac failed to notice her leaning in until he felt her breathing on his cheek—and by then, it was too late.
The wet smacker of a smooch Pebble left on his cheek made his left ear ring and spooked him. Sumac, being a small spooked equine with unstable magical powers, lost control of his telekinesis. Almost dropping the piping bag, he gave it a violent squeeze at the last moment to keep it from hitting the table, which caused most of the contents to come squirting out on Pebble’s face in long, sticky, stringy glistening white strands.
Before Tarnish—who just so happened to be fixing lunch with Vinyl—could say anything, Vinyl rammed a whole apple into his mouth with her magic to keep him silent. Igneous, stony faced, sat very still, Cloudy turned away from her granddaughter and bit down upon her hoof, Limestone buried her face into her mother’s neck, Octavia’s face turned bright tomato red, and Sumac, mortified, stared at Pebble, dumbfounded.
Lemon, Trixie, and Twinkleshine all clutched one another and tried to hide their faces.
“Yuck, I kissed a colt and he squirted me in the face,” Pebble deadpanned.
Letting out a strange gasp, Maud fell over as if poleaxed, she whooped again, kicked her legs a few times, and then the kitchen was filled with the most bizarre sound of laughter. Maud’s peculiar halting laughter suffocated all other reactions. For a moment, the mare’s eyes went wide and she clutched her stomach while sucking in a deep breath—then, more peals of laughter escaped from Maud’s pie hole.
The surreal moment was too much for Sumac, and he set down the mostly empty piping tube. His face was burning and the heat in his ears was downright painful. Megara rushed over to aid her sibling and began licking off the icing while Pebble made disgusted faces. Something had happened, something adult perhaps, and he wasn’t quite sure what, but he had a few vague ideas. The sound of Maud’s laughter was the strangest thing ever, as it was the most least-expected noise that could come from Maud.
“Tarnish once told me that he had heard Maud laugh… I didn’t believe him,” Octavia said in a voice as creaky as a rusty hinge. “It’s rather unsettling. Megara, darling, um, maybe… licking your sister’s face is a bad idea right now. Oh, nevermind. As you were.”
In an explosion of glittery light, Trixie vanished. Then, an eyeblink later, Lemon Hearts too disappeared with a pop. Alone, Twinkleshine began sniggering, but before she could be overcome, she too escaped into the aether. Near the counter, Tarnish finally spat out the apple in his mouth, which bounced off of Vinyl’s head and knocked her dark glasses askew. She caught it—mid-air no less—and before she could jam it back into Tarnish’s mouth, he fled the room while making strangulated choking sounds.
“I didn’t know that Sumac was going to squirt me in the face when I kissed him,” Pebble remarked while Megara licked her frosted eyebrow. “What’s so funny, anyhow?”
“Nothing, nothing is funny,” Cloudy replied, and when Limestone began to titter, the stern mare clopped her daughter on the back of her head. When Igneous snorted once, Cloudy turned her withering, fierce, matronly glare upon him, and her brows formed deep furrows seeded with aggression.
Meanwhile, Maud was still laughing at whatever it was that wasn’t funny.
“My mistake was kissing him while he was squeezing his—”
“Pebble, love, enough!” Octavia fanned herself with her hoof and then she looked down at Maud, whose smock was now quite rumpled. “Dear, do you need some help getting up?”
Maud’s response was more of her halting laughter.
“All my frosting ended up on Pebble’s face and I have nothing left to squirt.” Mid-sentence, Sumac watched as Igneous broke, and the old, wise stallion dodged his wife’s incoming hoof. “I need more frosting so Pebble and I can make a house together.”
Just like that, Vinyl popped out of existence following a hacking hoot.
When Sumac turned his head, his neck popped and he looked over at Pebble, who was getting her face licked clean. The adults were all acting funny and even Cloudy was trembling while pressing her lips tight together. “I don’t know what went wrong, Pebble. I’m sorry I squirted you in the face and left you all sticky, but you spooked me. I think it’s in your mane, Pebble.”
Coughing, Pinny Lane rose from her seat and then departed the room.
“Meg, get that long dangly bit hanging from Pebble’s nose, it looks funny.” Sumac’s ears pivoted towards the sound of Maud’s laughter, and he burned with curiousity, a desire to know what it was that she found funny. “Thanks, Megara. It’s nice to know that if I make a huge mess on Pebble’s face, you’ll be there to help clean up.”
Across the table, Cloudy whimpered and when Limestone started to snicker, the stern old mare clopped her daughter on the head again. Igneous was on his hooves now and heading for the mudroom door. Perhaps he needed some fresh air from outside. One by one, the adults were leaving.
Sumac, trying to salvage the situation, had this to say: “If I would have known that it would make Maud laugh, I would have made Pebble’s face a sticky mess a whole lot sooner.”
“Sumac! Enough! Stop! You’re killing us!” Reaching out her hoof, Octavia waved it at Sumac to silence him. “Pebble, come with me. All Megara is doing is making you stickier. You need a proper bath. Come. No arguing.”
“Fine,” Pebble deadpanned while she pushed her sister away. “This kiss was confusing. I don’t understand anything that is going on. Next time Sumac, show a little control and don’t squirt me in the face.”
With that, Pebble rose from where she had been sitting, leaned over, gave Sumac a final sticky parting kiss on his cheek, and then she strolled away, trailing globs of white, sticky frosting in her wake. Sumac watched her go while feeling a peculiar sense of excitement, and then, to occupy himself, he began pasting gumdrops onto the roof.
I don't know when this will be out. Sometime soon?
*ded*
*deep breath* goddammit, this passage murdered my side
I honestly never thought I'd see the day when Maud Pie actually laughed.
4785739
The Weed.
It's like watching one of those cartoons from the 80s or 90s - loaded with adult jokes that none of the kids will get for another 10-15 years.
Well the population of this site just plummeted by a few hundred due to mass murder by comedic writing I'd wager.
sent to friends that are not even pony fans.
There are no words...
I must have an innocent mind. I did a quick look at the title of the blog and thought to myself "frost a Pie, well that must mean and older Pie member of the family. This must be from a later point in the Weedverse timeline" (not glancing at the tagging). And then it opened up with Pebble talking to someone about their grandmare which just reinforced this idea and I was thinking "is Pebble talking to a foal of her own?" I quickly did realize that I was way off the mark about which story this came from and turned red as I realized what was coming based on the title.
laughed so hard mom told me to shut up an go to sleep
4785791
Bless your heart.
Also, LULWUT.
Goddammit Kudzu, lol
I did not get the title until the "frosting" actually happened. Then with each innocent foalish mistake, I found myself snickering more uncontrollably. This is officially the funniest part so far.