In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 12 -- Balancing · 3:35pm Jan 18th, 2018
Billy and Jacob are supposedly at Bella’s house to watch a game on TV with Charlie, since their own TV is broken (although Jacob’s partly there because Billy can’t drive; he’s confined to a wheelchair). During the visit, Bella’s constantly afraid that Billy will tell Charlie about Edward, but he doesn’t. Jacob flirts slightly with Bella, and they leave once the game’s over. That was a whole lot of nothing.
The next morning, Edward takes Bella to school again. During school, he asks her more questions about herself that we don’t see the answers to — except that she never had any boyfriends in Phoenix. Glad to see the book’s keeping focus on the important things. During lunch, Edward realizes he should’ve let Bella drive herself, as he’s going hunting with his sister Alice after lunch; since he’s going to show her what happens to him in the sun tomorrow, he wants to sate his thirst as much as possible. Bella says she’ll just walk, but Edward says he’ll bring her truck to school. Considering Bella’s keys are in her room, it might be a bit more romantic if it wasn’t breaking and entering. He also advises her to tell Charlie about what she’s doing, just so he knows what’s up.
After Edward leaves, the rest of the day is terrible for Bella. Just terrible.
I intuitively knew — and sensed he did, too — that tomorrow would be pivotal. (Your partner’s going to reveal a personal secret tomorrow and you “intuitively know” it’s going to be pivotal? Congrats, Bella. You get a gold star.) Our relationship couldn’t continue to balance, as did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or his instincts. My decision was made, made before I’d consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him. It was an impossibility.
At this point, the way Bella pines for Edward when he’s away sounds more like a drug addiction than love.
Bella’s truck is indeed there when school gets out. She drives home and, at dinner, tells Charlie she’s decided to cancel her trip to Seattle to cover for the fact that she’s going out with Edward; she’d need to leave very early and come back very late if she was going to Seattle, and she’s not doing that tomorrow.
I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost took Edward’s advice and told him where I would be. Almost.
Not guilty enough to not lie to him, I see. “Almost” only counts in horseshoes, atomic bombs, and hand grenades. Does the fact that you feel guilty make it better, somehow? Is it supposed to justify the lie?
You know, I once saw a fascinating movie about how guilt can destroy a person. The Machinist. Christian Bale lost weight to the point that he only weighed a hundred and twenty pounds to show how his character was being psychologically destroyed. His character was an insomniac, hallucinated, and grew increasingly prone to violent mood swings as his guilt ate away at him. As he puts it, “A little guilt goes a long way.”
Somehow, I don’t think Bella’s going to have a problem with guilt.
Later on, we get this:
Besides, since I’d come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him.
You are aware of how unhealthy that is, right, Bella? You do want to be independent and your own person, right, Bella?
Right?
The next morning, Edward arrives and they head out of town, into the forest, taking a road all the way to where it ends. When Edward learns that Bella hasn’t told anyone where she’s going, he snaps that he’s dangerous and could lose control, and if she disappears, it could cause him and his family a great deal of trouble since she’s been seen hanging around with him; he even calls her suicidal. Bella still goes along with the plan.
At the end of the road, Bella and Edward trek overland through the forest with no path, and I began genuinely wondering if Meyer had ever been in a forest. Bella’s described herself as incredibly clumsy, and yet she manages this with no problem. The route is described as “mostly flat”, which is hilarious. I’ve been in woods and forests. There’re woods right behind my house that I’ve walked through. In those environments, the way is never flat. There are all kinds of little hills, dips, ups and downs and side-to-sides, roots, little cliffs, everything else you can think of. That’s not even getting into the foliage; trees don’t grow nice and neat and orderly, they grow wherever they damn well please. You’re not going straight in a forest if there’s no path. Unless you’re the protagonist of a terrible book and the world is going easier on you.
Eventually, they reach a meadow in the forest with sunlight streaming down. Bella runs out into the meadow in glee, but soon realizes Edward isn’t following her; he’s hanging back inside the treeline. After a few moments, he steps out into the sun. And the chapter ends.
Weak cliffhanger is weak. But you all know what’s coming anyway, don’t you?
Ah, yes, the infamous blasphemy of all things hemovorous approaches.
And yeah, unless Edward can warp reality—and given Bella's lightning-speed obsession with him, I can't rule that out—forests and flat get along about as well as oil and water.
A musical number?
4776513
I mean, he could just tell everyone he has a fucking glitter fetish or something.
"almost only counts in atomic bombs, horseshoes, and hand grenades."
And government work.