Oct
8th
2017
MLP Movie · 11:59pm Oct 8th, 2017
I saw the MLP movie today.
3 main takeaways:
1) Rainbow Dash is 100% down with piracy.
2) Chattel slavery is canon.
3) When I mentioned it in Iron Hearts it was supposed to be a joke on the part of a hyper-militarized force conferring with one that hardly knows war, but Canterlot could really, SERIOUSLY use an anti-air battery or two. Like, I know they don't have autocannons or flakk guns, but maybe a ballista? For real it's like literally anyone who can fly can just stroll up to the castle's front door wth.
I would mostly wander where the royal guard was during all that time? where were they anyway? off to a tropical beach looking for possible sand castle erosions by the waves?
Bonus fridge logic takeaway:
Tempest's thing was supposed to be that you have to fight alone and you can't rely on others, and throughout the entire movie, she was consistently vindicated up to the very end.
She basically conquered Equestria on her own, and her only mistakes were trusting someone else to hold up to their deals or solve her problems for her. And then she didn't get what she wanted out of it, because she tried to get what she wanted by trusting someone to help her rather than just fighting for it.
4691753
My vision of Equestria is more accurate than I'd ever imagined.
4691768
Is she ever going to show up in you fics?
4691808
I won't, no.
If anyone else wants to do so, though, they're welcome to the Age of Iron setting.
4691818
What really concerns me is that the reviews I've heard so far aren't very good. At best, another "meh" EQG type script. And that Twi kind of is a big jerk in this film. :-/
One day the princesses wont be portrayed as whipping-mares in any official content...
...
...
Oh who am I kidding.
On the anti-air point- I brought that away from the movie too. I mean i think they rely on the pegisus royal guard to act as Aerial defense but that leads to two problems 1. they rely on the ROYAL (useless) Guard and two Like shown in the movie air ships exist. Personally i reckon the only reason equestria is almost never invaded is because their leaders control the sun and the moon.
4691829
They sure didn't put up much of a fight in this one, did they?
Four on one and they best they could do was try to flee (and fail at that).
4691833
I doubt that's the case. Why would Celestia or Luna destroy the world because they are getting their plots kicked?
4691846
If we go by official content, they wouldn't be competent enough to do it. Twilight or Starlight would have to do it for them.
4691846
I think he meant that the world needs them around unless you have a nifty magical artifact to absorb their powers.
Even if a villain didn't think the Princesses would hold the world hostage for their freedom, who wants to have to imprison and safeguard that much power literally forever?
4691846
I never said they would destroy the world but from what i have seen they need to see the sun and the moon to move them and so i doubt they could see them from a prison cell and lets be honest here what successful invasion hasn't ended with the leaders either imprisoned or killed
You know, I just realized that with Luna and Celestia turned to stone, the sun and the moon kept rolling along, based on the apparent continuance of day and night. Huh.
4691878
I wanted to chalk it up to continuity error. But at the same *time*, it feels like the sun and moon went on auto-pilot. Or maybe . . .
Something something Lauren Faust...
4691859
I would break them.
Give me a chance! Please!
I will drain their willpower and laugh with glee as I break their minds and cast them down as lowly cretins unworthy of my benevolence.
I would do this through compassion for the sick, the poor, the hungry, and those without purpose!
They would gaze upon me and see One who could provide what the Horse Gods could not.
They would be mine, and I would rule with a fervent army that cheers in love and admiration as I cast down the false gods to the role of minor nobles.
And then they would attack me.
Thus, cementing my rule once they were put down like the fat and overfluffed curs they are.
I have been wanting to talk about this since I watched it but none of my friends watch MLP so doing so here. Feel free to ignore the text wall,
Honestly for me it wasn't even important where the Royal guard were. I mean what were they going to do against creatures the size of minotaurs who look like they eat protein shakes and steroids for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Examples of strength we see: jumping from Airships which are still in the air at several (i guestimate around 10x) times their height and walking away like it was nothing (Super hero landing). Single handedly stopping a windmill even with with the fastest flier in Equestria and an alicorn pushing against it.
Excluding the Pinkie Pie the livening dues ex machina (and maybe Fluttershy if one had kicked a puppy or something during the fight) the rest of the mane 6 would be pretty screwed.
On to the princesses: Cadance your forgiven. Tempest throws strange device at Celestia you put yourself in the way and throw up a shield; considering she held up a shield against Sombra she thinks she's got this; puts herself directly in the way so she can both put as much energy as possible with as little loss of power due to distance and take the hit if she fails.. Clearly didn't bet on the thing been some sort of magic eating ball of crystal death but those were the cards she was dealt. So Cadance full stars.
Celestia: You just saw Cadance get turned to Crystal. I will allow you have gone somewhat soft after 1000 years of peace. You were however around before Equestria's thousand years of peace, so why it didn't occur to you to dodge rather then standing perfectly still so you present a perfect I don't know. 1 Star.
Luna: You are literally from 1000 years ago; depending on just who's head-cannon we are using here you should literally be a warrior goddess; at the very least you are fresh from fighting Discord. Why did you fly in a straight line rather then making Evasive maneuvers? No stars.
Twilight: Twilight, Twilight. I adore you I do, you are absolutely adorkable. You have no real defense here. You routinely go on magical adventures and while I don't expect you to have proper military training, I do know you know and employ dodge a lot. So again why were you standing still the whole time.
Saying that you should never have been friends with Pinkie Pie? That was low Twilight, that was low. I mean I wholeheartedly approve cause screw Pinkie Pie but that was still low.
Your reasoning wasn't bad; there was no way in hell that the Hippogryphs were going to give you the pearl, I mean these people abandoned their home, their culture, their friends and even their bodies to keep that thing safe, there was no way in hell they were giving that thing up.
So yes you were right Pinkie was wrong but you didn't have to be a bitch about it; think first, emotional response second if at all please.
So 1 1/2 stars.
Tempest: You were great; intimidating, adorable, with a killer smile and a great voice. As Warmaster SFAccountant said; your only mistake was trusting someone to keep their end of the bargain. An actual tragic backstory rather then a half baked one like Starlight, you felt like a much better version of Starlight. 5 Stars. Also if she ever goes back to her village its going to be hilariously awkward when the kids who ditched her see the crippled little foal they ditched turned into a super model and tried to take over the world.
4692213
I find it hilariously characteristic that Celestia's immediate reaction to imminent danger is to shout quest instructions to somepony else.
4692285
That didn't occur to me but now that you point it out that is rather hilarious.
Dammit there is imminent danger; some-pony else sort this out.
4691859
Eh, fair enough. I was seeing it in a zero sum fashion. I think.
The entire movie, in much the same way as almost every Equestria Is Threatened storyline, was entirely dependent on the demigod Princesses being pathetic and utterly useless and Twilight holding the Idiot Ball for most of the proceedings (could someone tell me why the Princess of Friendship has had to learn the lesson of friendship for the umpteenth time now and still gets to keep her crown?).
Nice animation, though, scene-stealing big bad, and Tempest's justifications for becoming a jerkwad were far, far better than Starlight Glimmer's.
Considering the state of continuity in the show as a whole, though, I'm going to surmise that the events of the movie will play little if any role in the upcoming season. Literally everything is fixed at the end in a few seconds (besides the decades of PTSD the once-again enslaved ponies will have to suffer through; Equestria better have an excess of psychology-related cutie marks on hand).
4692572
My fanfic portrayal of Celestia being a negligent and reckless delegator in the face of crisis is becoming more evident all the time!
4692668
Pretty much, and it's such a shame that they're utilized so poorly.
4691768
Sounds like the Hive Sword Logic really, from Destiny. If we defeat our enemies, we become better. If they defeat us, it proves our philosophy.
What most people don't understand though is that for all their advancements, Ponies are still herbivores and essentially, prey. They don't have the instinctual fight component, only really flight. They need to make the conscious decision to fight and...well...they haven't really had to fight. Not a brutal, hard fight like we saw in one of the alternate timelines Ala Glimmer.
People give Twilight a rough time, but hey, she’s never be stressed out that much, her friends really weren’t taking the whole thing as seriously as they should, and she had never gotten a quest quite like “go find something to help elsewhere or we are all permanently screwed.” Diplomacy was never something she really had experience in until this point. It’s like the whole first Sombra incident, just against a way worse foe, with way higher stakes, with way fewer allies, and the few allies she did have didn’t quite seem to understand what the stakes were.
I’m going to assume the royal guard was enjoying the festivities, which is stupid by hey, the arrogance of peace, heroes, and having practically demigods. That’s probably why Tempest attacked when she did, it was when the most ponies would be Canterlot(especially important ones) and they would all have their guard relaxed and down.
The new characters and races were interesting, and I thought the Storm King was an effective take on a Warlord, wish he had more time. His death was awesome though.