Something Something Baking Metaphor: Musings & Responses to "Diminishing Returns" · 5:47am Sep 12th, 2017
To start us off, have a deleted scene:
Sometimes you can feel a question without anypony asking it, because if they asked it, they'd become bad ponies...or at least rude ponies. No one wants to be the one who asks the stallion who just got over an ugly marriage and uglier custody battle why they married the new pony they married. It's like you're saying: "Hey moron, didn't you learn your lesson last time?" or "You chose wrong then and you chose wrong now?" And when they don't say it, they only say it louder. Never cared for that kind of thing too much.
So, it was actually a relief when Berry Punch just straight up asked, "Why her?"
I thought about it.
And to myself I said, "Because when Spoils says my name--my full name--it doesn't sound the way it sounds in everypony else's mouth. It's not a joke, it's not mean or cruel. I know nopony means it to sound that way...doesn't change the fact that it does. But Spoiled never stepped around it like a pile of broken glass. I don't need to overcome it. I don't need to bear it, I don't need to feel ashamed about it, or proud or defensive or anything. I don't need to feel anything about my name because I don't need to. It just sounds like my name. It just sounds like me, and me's not bad. It's like Spoiled Rotten-Milk's own name. We can't help where we got our names, and we can't do much to change it. She's still Spoiled Rotten-Milk, just with an extra last name attached. It's not perfect, but it's what we got, and what we got's not all that bad, I think. Nopony ever said my name that way before. Not ever."
To Berry Punch, I said, "Nopony else can get me to bed on time otherwise."
And everyone laughed.
-- Diminishing Returns, first draft.
This story began in first-person and stayed that way for a while until Filthy got to the house and suddenly the format didn't work anymore because Filthy Rich's perspective got both too telly and read way too apologetic for Spoiled's behavior. And also I'm not very keen on business knowledge or lingo, and that's essentially how he works through most of his problems. I still kind of wish it could have stayed that way, if only because that's the only way the above still fits, but it only really works after he gets to the house.
It was also around that point I realized this story was probably going to end up being published and not just stay in my notebook or blog or something, which meant I had to clean it up a bit. I gave myself significant leeway for playing fast and loose without worrying too much about all the things I worry about in Silver Standard. It's nice to write something purely for yourself once in a while.
The main goal of this story was to make me feel better by putting words down as I tried to untangle a bunch of jumbled emotions still sticking to my ribs after my father's passing. Of course, none of it is actually about death, which makes sense, since I guess what people mourn most of all are missed opportunities. Things you never did, things you'll never get to do or say, or whatever. Things that, had things turned out differently, wouldn't have been done differently anyway. There's a grand total of three things in this story (four in the rough draft) that directly linked to very personal stuff, but nobody's ever going to spot what they are. Except maybe the introduction, where shit got kinda meta for a hot two seconds.
Still, of all the stories to make the Feature Box (and stayed there for three whole days what the actual heck) I kind of wish it wasn't this one. Alas, it's pretty much my own fault for heaving up my own raw feels in a story partly about one of the most hated characters in the fandom, so there you go.
Now that that's over-with, instead of trying to bundle through and navigate comments like I normally do, I hope you don't mind if I respond to some of the overall responses here instead:
- When it comes to the sympathetic factors (or lack thereof) for Mrs. Spoiled Milk Rich it's important to recall we're reading this from the most sympathetic perspective possible for this character. Filthy Rich is far kinder to Spoiled than Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, or Spoiled Rich herself would be in this situation. The intention isn't necessarily to make the reader feel bad for Spoiled or convincing them she's a decent person. This is a story about Filthy Rich, who already believes she's a good and decent person, even if nopony else does. Even if she's not very good at showing it. He knows she can do better than this and has personally seen her do better than this*.
Diamond's not in this story for a reason. While the heart of the conflict orbits her, the story's about the start of putting the pieces of your life back together. There's a lot to be done about his daughter, but right now she's at the Apples (which also strikes a frighteningly familiar chord) and his wife's sitting in the middle of the kitchen, devastated. So he does the only thing a husband can do here: sweep up the pieces and get ready for tomorrow.
- Unfortunately, while Spoiled knows something's broken in her relationship with Diamond she doesn't know what that is. At all. She knows Diamond's upset, but can't fully understand why. As far as she knows, she's done everything right up to this point. Aren't you supposed to keep your kid from touching the stove, or walking into a cactus patch? Wouldn't it be irresponsible to let someone get burned by somepony who's going to hurt them? The only reasoning left is that the problem is just... her. Aside from "quit being an assbutt to the CMC" the only clear thing Diamond said boils down to "you're an uppity horse with no friends". Maybe ponies like her just aren't supposed to have kids? Maybe she should back off and let her run into the cactus patch and pick out the thorns? Double down and drag Diamond away from the stove and ignore how loud she complains about it? She tried both of those things, and neither worked.
The fact is, despite loving Diamond very much, Spoiled just plain isn't good with kids. She WANTS to be, because that's what mares are supposed to do, that's what mothers are supposed to be. But she's just not. She's not a warm, cuddly pony by nature. Spoiled's not sure how to change nature.
That said, three things must be made absolutely clear:
- Sympathetic reasoning absolves Spoiled of nothing.
- The way Spoiled feels about Diamond changes jack about how she acts toward Silver Spoon or anypony else. She loves her family to death, but everypony else is at the bottom of her priority list.
- Sympathetic reasoning absolves nothing. To paraphrase better writers than I, Spoiled is all the things that are wrong with Spoiled.
Some readers have had trouble reconciling this version of a sad mare trying to do her best as a mother and failing at it. I can understand that to an extent, but I argue that despite having gotten a loud wake-up call shattering her hardass shell into bits, she's still Spoiled Rich. The majority of her pouring her heart out is still about her and the idea that if she does everything right, she ought to be loved for it. Wanting to be appreciated is a fine and noble thing to want, but the fact is, children aren't obligated to love their parents.
It's a hard situation for any stepparent to come into, and for Spoiled it's especially hard. Filthy understands that it's hard. But an earth pony ought to understand that when you don't work, you don't eat. A job's hard and thankless? Do it anyway. If anypony knows the value of a hard day's work, it's Filthy Rich. Spoiled doesn't truly start her turnaround until that quiet moment when she actually contextualizes what she did wrong, reorients her values, and apologizes to him.
The Riches aren't better, but they're trying to get there. That's gotta count for something.
Pointless Facts
- I used a quiche because I watched my friend make one, but it had bacon in it, so I couldn't eat it and wanted some basic cheese quiche ever since.
- The first quiche Spoiled made for Filthy was partly to do something genuine and nice for her new beau and partly to prove that she could do something Golden Glitter couldn't. Rich and Goldie can make cereal, ramen, and popcorn. That's pretty much it. If not for Randolph and restaurants, they would have starved. Also, her brother dared her to do it.
- Speaking of Early Rotten, he's also one of the few ponies Spoiled genuinely loves, even though she spends most of the time nagging him and complaining about his choice in hairstyles. She loves her sister too, but bless her heart, Honeymilk's so frustratingly dumb sometimes.
- Filthy Rich isn't too crazy about the Silvers either. When at parties, he tries to make small talk with Silver Spoon's mother, Pitch Perfect, otherwise he's forced to talk to her father Silver Laurel and be bored out of his mind while the stallion talks about the patina on 9th century bowls. "He's a nice guy and all, but sheeeeesh what a nerd," says the pony who does trig for fun.
- Filthy Rich has woken his wife up at three in the morning just to show her a cool graph he saw in a magazine. He has done this more than once.
- Aside from doing everyone's taxes (which one can only do in certain parts of the year), Filthy's other stress-work is reorganizing his record collection. However, this usually results in him laying in the dark listening to whatever Equestria's version of Johnny Cash is.
- This clip makes me laugh every time. Could this horse get more obviously insecure?
*There's a story in that, involving a certain disgraced Silver and Spoiled's cutie mark annoying her into not being awful for once. I came close to writing that one instead, but it would have been more work than a vent piece demanded.
Quiches are delicious, and this is good stuff. I like how you find and develop the sympathetic sides of ponies like Silver Spoon, Di, and Spoiled Rotten, without removing or excusing away their bad sides or bad deeds. They're fleshed out into whole characters, but not turned into something what they aren't. Silver Spoon wouldn't be Silver if you took away her snobbishness, her calculated behavior, and her ruthless devotion to her family!
Reminds me of something Roger Zelazny once wrote, about being fascinated by "the good parts of bad men and the bad parts of good men."
This is amazing and going straight into my headcanon.
Nothing much else to add; this was an awesome story.
4666165
This is untrue and I dare anyone who disagrees to downvote this comment
4666165
(everything else you said is 100% true though)
Oh man, I know that feel.
Sure he organizes his record collection, but when that is done does Filthy ever sketch that idea he has for a comic book superhero that flies around on a trail of pure bits?
4666211
Or me of Churchill's on "all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Except I guess it doesn't apply here, since the vices in question are the kind that make someone tedious or worse to be around rather than the reverse. Well, Spoiled Rich's late night graph appreciation is one I might get behind, come to think of it.
Lucky for you Spoiled Rich left us one of her favorite recipes.
With commentary:
In Switzerland we had a vile-tempered cook named Marguerite. Her one idea, after being generally disagreeable, was to earn enough to own a small chalet on some high peak where she could cater to mountain climbers. While she was certainly not born with a silver spoon in her mouth--although it was large enough to accommodate several--she did arrive with a cooking spoon in her hand. If she has attained her ideal, many a climber will feel it worth while to scale a perilous peak to reach her kitchen. The following Cheese Custard Pie was always served in solitary state. Its flavor varied with Marguerite's moods and her supply of cheese. It was never twice the same, as she had no written recipe, but we have endeavored to make one like hers, for it would be a pity to relegate so good a dish to inaccessible roosts.
Prepare and bake:
An 8-inch Baked Pie Crust... [NOTE--this should be a 9-inch DEEP DISH pie crust pre-baked according to package instructions, then cooled]
...When cool, brush with:
Egg white [You can use some of the egg white from the eggs in the filling]
Preheat oven to 325 degrees
In a saucepan on the stovetop, scald:
1 3/4 cups milk or cream [Use heavy cream. Scalding involves heating it until it's almost boiling, when bubbles form on the surface. Stir it very frequently, scraping up the bottom so it doesn't burn]
Reduce the heat, then add:
1 cup grated cheese [Aged gouda works perfectly. I expect a very sharp cheddar would too. When you feel confident, experiment!]
Stir until the cheese is melted. Add:
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon grated onion [But shallot is much nicer]
A few grains cayenne
Remove from the heat and beat in, one at a time:
3 eggs [Cool the mixture before you do this so the eggs don't cook immediately. You must beat them in very thoroughly or else your pie will have a fluffy white layer on the bottom and a smooth golden layer on the top--which might be an effect you end up liking anyway]
Fill the pie crust and bake it until the custard is firm, about 45 minutes.
[Watch the pie carefully as it bakes. The toothpick test won't work here because, like most egg-rich dishes, this cooks as it cools. When the top is getting brown and only a bit wobbly, that's a good point to take it out. If you are concerned about the crust or top getting too brown, cover with greased aluminum foil]
--Irma S. Rombauer and Marion Rombauer-Becker, The Joy of Cooking, "Cheese Custard Pie"