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He who overcomes shall inherit all things.

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Everfree Northwest 2017 update · 8:48am May 12th, 2017

We sit in a half circle, the light of a screen our only illumination in a dark world. The internet is not working.

Corejo pushes the spacebar, and a cartoon T-Rex hops over a cactus, avoiding certain doom. Pterodactyls fly overhead. We watch the numbers go up with reverent anticipation. How high? How high will it go? The internet is not working.

1000 points. Corejo pushes the spacebar, and the T-Rex leaps, brushing the very top of the screen. We gasp, our breath taken by the possibilities between sky and ground. The void there is filled by the void of the internet is not working.

2000 points. Corejo pushes the spacebar and the T-Rex bounds. He pushes the top of the screen and passes a pterodactyl. We see it outside and realize the hotel is jumping too. The internet is not working.

3000 points. Corejo pushes space away with a bar, and we are all alone in a violent universe. The T-Rex strives for ascent with his stubbly arms which become pterodactyls. Your internet is not working. The T-Rex is at a crossroads which pauses the world, somewhere between air and dirt, life and death. Corejo wants to stop but so long as we observe he cannot stop because the internet is not working. Cacti crowd around us with malicious intent.

4000 points. A T-Rex walks into a bar. He is told the internet is not working. He finds Corejo and tells him it is time to jump. We watch from a computer across the street, and a cactus cries nectar into a cup that pours between dimensions. Space stretches infinitely in all directions but it is not enough room for a jumping T-Rex. We are carried by a pterodactyl through streams of consciousness. It gives you a spacebar but you asked for a tilde. You rail against injustice and a judge orders you to sit but you are already jumping. A geyser erupts and propels hot gas and cactus fragments. We are struck by the fragments and fall, triumphant.

5000 points. A cactus in the desert receives wi-fi, but you cannot reach it. You have been walking for so long. A T-Rex jumps overhead, singing of a boy who became a man while his internet was not working. The spacebar contemplates why it must be pushed. It decides to push instead. We look across the street and see ourselves staring back. You want to jump but you are a cactus. The universe laughs at your misunderstanding. Cause and effect breaks down. Entropy prevails.

6000 points. It is night. Across the world a man jumps. He lands on a cactus. A pterodactyl is there to eat the remains.

7000 points. We have reached the apex of understanding. There is no apex. There is no rise or fall. Only the space above the ground. Corejo does not push the spacebar. A tree blossoms and dies in moments. The universe folds in on itself and finds self-awareness. A being shaped like a pterodactyl reports that there are internet outages in your area. You refuse to believe and God mocks you for your sins. Millions of years ago a T-Rex awakens. It is time to hunt. The T-Rex is hungry but it cannot range too far from the nest or scavengers will devour the eggs. She lives on the western coast of Laramidia, an island landmass that now constitutes Western North America. Millions of years in the future men will create fire which is the key to power, which will create civilization which allows them to go to a pony convention in Seattle. But for now the mother T-Rex must feed. She is surprisingly agile for a creature of her bulk, but she is in her prime and has raised three clutches already. The flood plains along the coast have been her stomping grounds for seventeen years. Her tracks are well-worn in the mud. With a single breath she is aware of everything in her surroundings, and knows that herds of Edmontosaurus are passing through her territory, as they do every year during the great migrations up and down the coast. They too are searching for suitable nesting grounds, and their route will take them through a gauntlet of teeth. She stalks along riverbanks lined with ferns, scattering smaller dinosaurs in her wake. After years of battle and strife she carved out this niche and made herself queen of the deltas. Up ahead is a lingering number of Edmontosaurus, their duckbills sifting through the reedy marshes. They are split from the main body of the migration, tired and hungry. Some of the males are distracted, butting each other and posturing for the attention of the does. A perfect target. No need for finesse here. A quick kill is necessary. She bursts from cover, reaching speeds of up to 25-30 miles per hour in just a few steps. The duckbills are slow to react, bellowing in fear as they stumble into each other, addled by the heat of the day and the smell of ovulating females. She zeroes in on an old bull that limps, perhaps an injury from a courtship duel, and is almost leisurely as she closes in. She opens her mouth wide, gaping to 63 degrees, ready to crunch down on vertebrae with over 40,000 newtons of force, and that's a low estimate. She finds skin and flesh and bites down, warm blood gushing into her gullet. She tackles the bull and the two of them stagger in a dance of death.

8000 points. Corejo stumbles. The T-Rex flails mightily as it strikes a cactus. The run is over. The dream is done. It is almost 9000.

Millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth. This morning you awaken in a cold sweat.

You have been biting your pillow.

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Comments ( 6 )

I give you a hamburger.


If this breaks the site or my own internet I blame both of you culi invoking loons.

~Skeeter The Lurker

That t-rex looks square.

You promised that nothing at EFNW would be square.

Author Interviewer

shit, you did the thing :D I know that thing you just did!

Is that Titty D on the bed I see? An absentee I thought he would be.

(I have no idea why I'm trying to practice Zecora speak. It is almost 5am. I am lacking of sleep. I don't think it is legit Zecora speak)

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