Lost My Groove · 3:21am Feb 20th, 2017
Well, with my stories all languishing unread and unknown on my website here for the past 3 months, let me regale you now, with the tale of the most unpublishable story I've ever written, the story that I was working on just now, instead of Bloom Filter, and I don't know why.
It's not my story, first off. I found it on a distant, unknown forum, just a few chapters roughed out, from a mysterious author who then disappeared without a trace, so I can't ask their permission to use it. It was what looked like a retelling of Fallout: Equestria in a more whimsical, comedic fashion. I was playing around with fixing it up, or something, and it just started snowballing from there. Since it's a retelling of Fallout: Equestria, a snowball that turned into an avalanche that buried Michigan still wouldn't even come close to the length and scale of the original fic, so it's a complete waste of time to try. But clearly that doesn't stop me from trying! Furthermore, it is objective fact that all fixfics are terrible, and this would be a fixfic of a fixfic.
Secondly, this story is a crossover fusion fic between another Fallout: Equestria story. Fallout: Equestria itself is a crossover fusion of Fallout and MLP, making this story a crossover fusion of two stories in a crossover fusion. It shamelessly borrows ideas from all sources, and throws out perfectly good ideas just because I myself happen to think they are incredibly lame. It also randomly crosses over with other genres without warning or apology. There are so many crossovers happening here, I'm half tempted to say it's just an original work, except that that would anger everyone even more whose names I'm using without permission.
The main character that I stole is the main character of the main fic as far as everyone will be concerned. After thoroughly trashing her character, and making her literally retarded, she ends up romantically involved with my own OC. Worse still, my own OC is just a color swapped ripoff of another character I stole, that the main character actually did (almost) get romantically involved with. But secretly, my OC is the reincarnation of another character I stole.
Everyone who reads FoE stories expects edgy and grim, with horrible monsters winning the day, and ponies shooting their own salvation out of short sighted pettiness, or just pure ironic karma. So when they read my rollicking tale that's full of black humor, but has genuine kindness go unpunished, they'll dislike it, and resent me for wasting their time. Every reader who does like stories about overcoming incredible adversity will avoid my story like the plague, because every other FoE story they read was full of downers, so why should this one be any different? They already avoid FoE out of principle, because they can't stand reading about beautiful things being heartlessly destroyed. Heck, I avoid stories, just because they say FoE! It's just not worth the risk to wade through this minefield of downers and heartbreak.
When I say this story has a romantic relationship, I mean that the character I stole is sexually active in a wild west uninhibited post-apocalypic culture. And I don't pull any punches there, passing the celebate event horizon in the first chapter, and diving headfirst past the moral event horizon in the third. Despite my desperate entreaty that this isn't a horror story, it has death, and murder, and blood, and gore, and sickness, and betrayal, and war. I can't explain to myself why this story is a happy story, so how could I expect readers to see it as anything but spiteful, debaucherous sadism?
So here I sit, working on a fixfic of a fixfic of a crossover fusion of two fanfics of a crossover fusion of Fallout and MLP. It's a story full of heroism, pornography and black comedy, sometimes simultaneously, misinterpreting other people's characters left and right, desecrating their canon without any hesitation. It's shameless and insane and it's so much fun to write.
It's currenly 1/6th the length of the original FoE.
Why can't I just write about Forum instead? 
That gets pornographic, kind of, eventually? It's got exciting um... rescues and infiltration, and coming of age all over again. God that sounds boring even to summarize. That's the story I want to write, but I just can't think of any interesting way to write... anything.
Since I can't publish anything else here to save my life, l figured I'd at least post something about what's going on. Chapter 59 of Bloom Filter is going pretty well, despite me having failed to publish anything past chapter 46 for the last three months. (But what if I have to change something??? Just publish it you moron!!!) Magic Tricks has stalled out due to lack of motivation to write about more awful things happening to Trixie. The story I actually want to write has terrible characters, a lame, confusing plot, and I can't fix it. The story I'm actually good at writing is not the one I want to write. And the story I'd like to see written is getting terribly boring and pedantic to write. My collarbone is eh. I'm typing fine again, but I have clearly lost my groove here.
Sorry you've been having such trouble, ferret. I'm afraid that I don't have any concrete advice at the moment, but I hope you find a way out of this soon.
So did you escape from the basement?
4429301 Thanks for the well wishes, at least. I'm not looking for advice, so much as trying to get at least something up here to let people know I'm not dead of boneitis or anything. This counts as a story, sorta, kind of, maybe?
4429455 I don't have a basement...
4429490 Didn't cheerilee kidnap you?:D
Ok it's been awhile since the blogpost but perhaps she lost interest........
4429490
Hm, perhaps it does, at that. :)
4429501 but how is she going to tie me up.... IF HAS NO HANDS.....
Sorry.