Chapter 5 has been rewritten! · 8:35pm Dec 30th, 2016
I've finally finished rewriting chapter 5, as the title states. This one gave me a little bit of trouble, though only because the farm scene got a little slow.
Like before, the same problems were there. I'm not sure what I hoped to gain by making a character that looked at all these characters that fans of the show like and insulted them constantly for no good reason. Like, Seth talking to Applejack, treating her with little to no respect, and talking in his narrative about how ridiculous she was. Thankfully, most of the rewrite went simply, as I believe I have Seth's early character well established. I always intended for him to be the silent cynic whose true feelings only came to the forefront when pressed, yet nobody every got this impression in the original version.
My objectives for the rewrites haven't changed, but there were some changes made for flavor or to fit more in line with Seth's new early character.
Here are the notable changes in the story:
-Fixed Seth's original wake up scene to be consistent with the previous rewrite: he slept beneath a bridge, not in the park
-Seth would now suffer from hypothermia, as I realized when reading through that he slept outside in late november. Sleeping outside would be a very poor decision (only 40 F outside) and downright suicide to sleep in the open.
-Seth's meeting with Flitter was adjusted to be more than just simple filler. Now, the whole point was for her to reveal to him that sleeping outside this time around would certainly mean his death. It also provided a means for me to believably tie Rainbow Dash into this chapter.
-Fixed the meeting with Twilight to be more than just "by the way, figured out nothing about Sombra, here's a healing cop out and some exposition." I feel bad that I only used her character to remove his injuries and serve as a font of knowledge for him to draw from. She's not a resource to be used, she's Twilight Sparkle, a deep character in her own right. Thus, I had her make some inferences from her lack of knowledge and show how if she were given enough direction, she'd find out about Celestia and Luna's cover up on her own. She's a smart girl 
-Kept the healing spell, but had Seth never let her use it. This way I could set the precedence for its use later in the story, but not use it to cop out of Seth's early injuries.
-Fixed Seth's wanton vulgarity. "Butt tattoos." What, did I think I was being cool by having him refer to them like that? God, how edgy was the previous me who wrote this? 
-Added a scene that showed Seth's emotional anchor to that rifle, which is one of the only reasons he's still alive.
-a certain zdaysavior told me that Rainbow crashing into the MC was very cliche, and considering how important she was the story as a whole, I was inclined to agree with him. Thus, I reworked that whole scene to be something more than just a chance to show Seth being a dick to yet another pony. At that point, I don't blame people for quitting the story. 
This way, I could show how Rainbow and Seth got off on the wrong foot (so to speak), similarly to how he and Amaryllis acted when they first met. Seth didn't like how Rainbow spoke to him like he was beneath her (even if that wasn't her intention), and Rainbow couldn't understand why Seth was being so cold. So the original feeling between the two of them is the same, but now the interaction is much more organic.
-Anyne once pointed out that it seemed to him (or her) that the Apples didn't have enough money to pay Seth. I don't agree with this, so I decided to make it more clear how well off the Apples truly are. The farm, judging from pictures, is more than just an apple farm. You'd be surprised how many people miss this...how even I missed it what with the way the show depicted the family plowing fields. Apple trees don't need fields. That should have been our first clue that they harvest more crops than just apples. Even from the picture of Sweet Apple, I see carrots and corn. So in this chapter, I wanted to make this variety clear by describing the farm better, and actually having Big Mac work with Seth on corn momentarily.
-I changed the way he interacted with the Apple family. My editors pointed out that he stated how he should be respectful to his employers, yet never showed respect to his employers. In other words, he contradicted himself. Not only did I have him meet Big Mac first rather than Applejack to shake things up, I had him treat the whole family with respect. Not brown-nosing, just reining his sarcastic and cynical nature in so that he wouldn't annoy them. He needs to get a job with them. He had no excuse for acting like a brat in the original. Speaking of which, he kept talking smack about Applejack in the narrative, which may have given people the impression that I don't
like Applejack. That's not true in the slightest. I removed all of that entirely. Nobody likes a whiny MC.
-Removed Applejack's overexaggerated accent. Brave pointed out that all it did was make her sound like an uneducated hillbilly rather than a country girl. I was trying to write like Mark Twain for some reason, and it ended up being to Applejack's detriment. So I removed all of that, stated in the narrative that she spoke with a rustic accent, and instead used diction to show her accent.
-Probably my favorite note is that when I wrote "Let's git 'er done! Yeehaw!" in the original, both of my editors highlighted it in the GDOC and had this to say:
Brave-Hooves: No
ScootalooFTW: Agreed
Needless to say, that part was removed. 
Now that I've gone through all of that, I only have two chapters left before I've finished rewriting the first arc. After that, I'll finish Wilting Flower, and get back to my rewrites. I want to be proud of Tales of the Oppressed when I show it to my friends and family, and not feel like I have to explain to them why some parts of it are bad.
So once more I'd like to beseech you to go and read the rewrite of chapter 5 and leave a comment there letting me know what you think of the changes, and whether or not it's better than the original. Your comments always help me determine what I did well and what I didn't.
I have yet to read this story, yet read all of these rewrite updates. One of these days I will get around to it! Thanks for the cool update
Outstanding rewrite, as usual. Im really loving every single change. Upon reflecting on old Seth vs rewrite Seth it felt as if he was a child thrashing out at the world. He said he wanted revenge but it gave off the same feel as a child saying they would starve themselves in spite of being forced to finish their broccoli. Now it feels as if he could really do what he's aiming to. He has a plan, information and is acting upon it.