Birthday Bios: Hay Burger · 4:39pm Jun 29th, 2016
Welp, looks like it’s the Sandwich Dad’s turn.
While Hay Burger is a pushover, he’s also got a bit of a snarky streak, which eventually had sons Cheese and Tomato catching onto it. I like to call it the “Sandwich Sass”. Mozzarella absolutely hates it.
Anyway, I better get on with this story.
Hay Burger was born in Manehattan to Beans and Panini, preceded by his sister Cocoa Butter by five years. He was a quiet, easygoing baby, content to just chew on his toys and stay out of trouble. Most of his toddling consisted of following his mother around or running away from his sister, who tended to be disruptive and aggressive in playtimes with baby.
As he grew older, he proved to be very shy. Meeting anypony always had him hiding behind the attending parent’s legs, even when said parent (or both if that was the case) tried to assure him that the stranger was not gonna bite. This often irritated Cocoa Butter, who started to pick on him for it. This had the effect of making it worse, since he figured that if his sister, who supposedly loved him, mistreated him, what would a stranger do?
When he started school, he simply sat in his seat, busy rearranging his things on his desk until he was content. He did end up missing role call on his first day because he was so focused on making his desk look presentable. And when it was time for recess, a couple of meaner foals knocked all his stuff off his desk, forcing him to start over and miss outside time (while he wasn’t going to dare socialize, he wanted some fresh air).
One other foal was inside with him, a filly named Honeydew. While it was awkwardly quiet much of the time, Honeydew did start asking him questions about himself, to which Hay would answer curtly. It was a bit of a one-sided conversation, but a couple more times spent inside had them talking more and more until a friendship was made and they started to play together. From him arranging whatever flowers she picked to playing jungle explorers, from his helping her with schoolwork to her talking about the wonders of nature, they were soon best friends.
After a while, when Hay was granted permission to go to Honeydew’s house, he met Honeydew’s twin sister, Mozzarella. She tended to have a sharp tone and was a stickler for the rules, so she kind of scared Hay. He even sensed some tension between the sisters, which he didn’t find surprising since he didn’t get along with his own sister much anyway. He often would clean up and reorganize things at the twins’ home out of courtesy, even as the sisters would argue. Sometimes, his cleaning up made the arguing worse, with accusations of “lazy bum” and “bossy bug” flying around.
Throughout his foalhood, he has dealt with being bullied for being the nerd of the class, and found himself preferring to stay inside and help the teacher reorganize stuff (the year he had his mother for the teacher, she was more firm in making sure he went outside). The times he was outside had him playing odd games with Honeydew, such as her finding sticks and him arranging them by length.
One of his most prominent bullies was big sister Cocoa Butter, who was not afraid to hit him and scare him at any opportunity. She often claimed that she was toughening him up, but their parents knew that was a lie and often punished her. Still, it didn’t stop her from whittling down Hay’s confidence even more. Beans and Panini tried to help build it up again, but it was pretty tough with his natural timidity. The most that happened was that he learned sarcasm to help him cope.
Two-foal or group projects were frustrating for him, because no matter who he was partnered with, he ended up doing all the work. While he’d oblige in doing the work in Honeydew’s case, as she claimed that she was too dumb to do anything as well as he could, most other ponies he ended up resenting because they’d goof off while he did all the work. To his surprise, the one pony that was willing to share the work was Mozzarella. While she was still bossy during the projects, she still took on some jobs of whatever they were doing.
His cutie mark appeared when after helping the teacher arrange files for his classmates, he admitted that he finds a lot of peace in organization. After all, he doesn’t have to worry when the area is clean and things are easy to find. Naturally, when it appeared, the first pony he showed it to was Honeydew, who cheered over him getting his mark. When Mozzarella saw it, she shot him a rare smile and told him that his talent would serve him well in the future.
His teen years consisted of the same old routine of work, school, helping Honeydew with her schoolwork, and maybe a few hobbies of his like collecting marbles, doodling, or number puzzles like Sudoku. Still being picked on by Cocoa Butter, he was happy when she went off to college to study chemistry, and thus he could live his lifestyle in peace. Mostly, as some of his peers still liked to go and pick on the nerd.
One day, he learned that Honeydew had failed her math test, and was baffled about why she did when he had been helping her with that subject for a while. Even Mozzarella’s dim friend Dolly Flowerbox did better than her. He blamed himself for being a horrible tutor for some time, clearly remembering how he had shown her each formula in detail during their homework times and it still wasn’t enough. And when Mozzarella bluntly stated, “Hay, she peeks at other ponies’ papers, including yours and mine”, he was in some pretty deep denial.
In talking to Honeydew later on, he listened to her spiel about how school was pointless, how sick she was of the cruelty and the control, and that the rules only restricted ponies from being their true selves and made them mean (even complaining about having to resort to lows to survive in the Manehattan climate). Hay was a little uncomfortable when she suggested that dismantling current society and creating a more free and loving one within nature would make everything better. When he tried to explain the flaws in her thinking, she got defensive, and that led to an argument which fractured their friendship. When he learned that she left town, he felt guilty for driving her away.
It took a bit for him to move on, coping with his classic organizing and re-organizing of his collections, his father’s music sheets, and his mother’s bookshelves and family photos. Sometimes, these were ruined by his mischievous nephew, Peanut Butter.
He got into college, though he wasn’t alone. He ended up sticking with Mozzarella for a sense of stability, even if her presence made him miss his friend. Still, if anything, they made good partners when doing school projects together, as they managed to make their special talents blend together in ways that had them succeeding.
In their high of graduating and thanking each other, they thought a romantic relationship could work between them. The rest of the family wasn’t so sure, as while Mozzarella was an intelligent and driven mare, she wasn’t exactly good in the emotional department. Hay assured them that he’d be fine.
After they married, it took a few months before things got rocky with normal marital problems like finances, stresses of their jobs, and irritation at some of the other half’s habits. It didn’t help that Ella always had the upper hoof in their arguments, and it had to be her way unless they failed. They even argued about having a foal, which eventually, they decided may help them cooperate better. The result was a little son that they named Cheese Sandwich.
For the first year of Cheese’s life, Hay Burger was in full-on dad mode. He liked to play with the little colt, gave him the silly nickname of “Cheesaroo”, and was willing to watch him when Mozzarella was out. For a while, it seemed like things were improving in their little family.
Soon enough, problems arose again. After recovering from her pregnancy and Cheese’s birth, Mozzarella was back in her controlling ways. It was around this time that Hay realized that it wasn’t really working, as Mozzarella had the exact opposite problem from Honeydew. However, remembering how he lost his friendship with Honeydew when they had a disagreement, he didn’t want to lose another relationship and end up alone, though being bossed around like that was wearing him out. Plus, he didn’t want to disrupt his son’s life, so he stayed, even amidst concerns from his parents and sister. Still, to cope, he threw himself into his work, sticking with the old reliable friend of his organization talent—at the cost of his relationship to his toddler son.
An attempt for better bonding resulted in an accidental pregnancy for Mozzarella. Hay resented that pregnancy, as he only wanted one kid, and he didn’t want to bring another into their mess. Still, it came to pass that their second son, Tomato Sandwich, was born. He couldn’t bring himself to even look at the newborn colt, much to everyone’s frustration.
The only times he interacted with Tomato were out of prodding on Mozzarella’s part, though one exception was to cover up a goof-up he had made while watching him (he let Tomato swallow a bit, and Hay changed his diapers over that weekend to find the coin).
The deaths of his parents made him shut down even more, and arguments with his sister eventually drove her away to move to Seaddle. Since he doesn’t recall much of Cocoa being kind to him, he has a hard time missing her. From then on, he focused on trying to survive in his dysfunctional family.
While Cheese was upset that Daddy didn’t play with him anymore, he eventually lived with it by focusing on being a big brother instead. While Hay liked that the naturally reserved Cheese tried to be quiet, there was really no way to keep the excitable Tomato’s volume down. Hay spent more time at his office in order to have more peace and quiet. And while Mozzarella tried to convert Tomato’s old nursery into a home office for him so he had less chance of being disturbed, Hay was too used to sitting at the kitchen table to change.
There were some things he noticed, and some things he completely missed over the years. As far as he knew, Cheese was like him, being the shy geek that everyone picked on, and Tomato was the class clown that knew how to keep everypony entertained. He noticed when Cheese ran away and Tomato started to be quiet thanks to some depression, but while he got news of Cheese’s return, he didn’t quite understand why Tomato was angry over that event. He was even more confused when he learned that Cheese essentially did a personality 180 and became a party pony. How did that happen? At least he knew how Tomato ended up with his own 180. The most Hay got involved was just hearing some bit of news, and patting Tomato on the head when he did something right.
He misses a lot of things in his routine, only ever breaking out of it every so often (usually at Mozzarella’s nagging). Even then, it’s usually just writing “Hi” to Tomato at college, talking with somepony at the door, or cleaning up a bit. Sometimes, he’d take a detour to sit in the bar that his father used to work at and talk to the framed picture of Beans.
Things have been quiet in the house since the boys left. He and Mozzarella don’t really talk anymore, instead doing their own things separately. Hay can still be found at that kitchen table, working on paperwork from his job and gulping down coffee to keep him going.
A quiet tragedy, the portrait of a stallion beaten down by life until he fell into his own cutie mark and rarely ever resurfaced. I can certainly understand why he never pursued a relationship with Honeydew. Cries of revolution aren't going to resound well in a stallion who finds comfort in organization and stability. Still, it's a deep shame that Hay never even seemed to notice the lives of his sons pass him by.
This is seriously masterful characterization. I may say more when I have access to a real keyboard, but well done!
What a tragic tale. I wonder if Mozzerella ruined Hay Burger's life, or if she is the only thing keeping him from completely falling apart.
Okay. Here's why this blog post is beautiful characterization.
It ties together the story of four dysfunctional Ponies and explains exactly why each of them treated the others the way they did; and most importantly, just why Hay Burger ever married Mozzarella in the first place. Or fell in love with her. Or hung out with her, really.
First of all, Hay Burger. You're describing someone really messed up, with obsessive-compulsive disorder resulting in a need for order that causes him to shut out the rest of reality, both objective and social, while he's trying to appease his obsessive compulsion. This is at what I would call mildly-autistic levels, reinforced by his extreme lack of social skills as a colt (and to some extent even as a stallion). What's worse, it's improbable that his culture would have even recognized autism as a problem when he was a child.
His older sister Cocoa Butter, picked on him. Not because she was evil, but because she was just a filly and a brave, extroverted sort of filly, and she had no patience with his timidity (that timidity being another common sign of autism, but she would have understood this even less than the adults of that day). Cocoa Butter would eventually enter a dangerous field of scientific research (the gonzo chemistry of an Industrial-era magical weird science civilization) and fall for and marry another brave extrovert, whom she doubtless treated with much greater kindness and respect, both because she did respect him more, and because she was by then a mare rather than a little filly. Cocoa Butter's a misfit too, but in the other direction, and she's found a really good outlet for her aggressiveness and curiosity.
So, friendless, he makes friends with Honeydew. Now, Honeydew is also rather dysfunctional: she's independent-minded and rebellious to the point of having trouble with self-discipline and learning from others. Honeydew maybe has some mercenary motives here, because she can copy off Hay Burger, but a lot of their friendship is quite genuine; maybe she likes having a friend who can be awed into submissiveness by her random extroversion instead of just finding her annoying and pushing her away. Honeydew never really learns better in the time we get to know her: she runs off to find free love and anarchy, and in the SWSV would be greatly in danger of getting sucked into really dangerous things by the Levellers and Equalists, who appeal mostly to Earth Ponies like her, not to mention the more common dangers faced by young mares who want to tune in, turn on and drop out.
Because he befriends Honeydew, he also winds up meeting Mozzarella. Now, unlike Honeydew who is merely enthusiastic in random directions, Mozzarella is domineering, extroverted and driven. Once Hay Burger gets over being frightened by her, he finds that most of what she wants to order him to do is stuff he wants to do anyway. And Mozzarella appeals to his obsession with orderliness, with doing things the right way, more than Honeydew who is more likely to just do whatever is fun for her at the moment.
So Hay Burger and Mozzarella become friends. And it's not like either of them is really very good at getting along with others -- though Mozzarella's better, because she's an extrovert who knows how to CONFORM to social expectations to achieve her ends, while Hay Burger more meets social expectations out of the fact that society always has uses for very organized people, and Hay Burger's afraid to rebel anyway (the reason why Honeydew tires of him).
And things just happen naturally. Hay Burger by his nature is unlikely to ever take the initiative with a mare, so he's very likely to fall for the one mare who regularly seeks out his company, if she becomes interested in him. And Mozzarella's domineering, intense perfectionism probably scares off other stallions; plus she's possessive and she sure as heck will try at least subtly to drive off any other mares from her good male friend, who's always there for her and who she doesn't intend to share with anypony else, especially not other mares, bunch of nasty untrustworthy trollops, one and all ... they'd probably hurt Hay, and he's such a sweet young stallion, he needs protection and guidance ...
So they fall in love, and marry, and unfortunately for Mozzarella, she finds out that in a relationship that close, there really are limits as to how far she can push even Hay Burger. Because Hay can always retreat into his work, or into his own mind -- that last bit is an autistic trait. And when he does that, it doesn't matter if Mozzarella screams at him, because he's just not there any more.
And they might get divorced, but one thing that happened early in their marriage was Cheese, a good reason to stay together. And besides, they actually love each other, and Hay Burger knows divorce is disorganized, and Mozzarella knows that it's an imperfect thing, the sort of thing that immoral mares would do, so they both have a lot of resistance to the notion. And they try to reconcile, probably more than once, by the obvious method of expressing intense affection, and then there's Tommy. Now there's two reasons why divorce would be irresponsible.
And Hay never realizes that he needs to stand up to her and define just how far he'll let her go, instead of merely avoiding her. And Mozzarella doesn't grasp that the more she tries to control Hay, the more she is losing both his attention and love. And the kids sense that something's wrong, and there's resentment against them too because Hay and Mozzarella know that their children are one reason they can't even temporarily separate.
And so it all curdles and grows nastier and more vicious and spiteful over the years, and no one has the strength and understanding to make the concessions that could have saved it, until it's all so bitter that it's probably just not salvagable, it will probably end in the death of Hay or Mozzarella with the other one bereaved and realizing too late that they really loved their dead spouse, but never knew how to express it in any sane or healthy manner.
This is wonderfully and horribly tragic. And quite believable.
Well done.
4057796 I love it when you go into epic observation mode, no matter where or what character(s) you're looking at. I find long explanations like that fun to read. I will admit, the apparent autism that Hay Burger has was an accident, but it makes a lot of sense.
I only have one problem with this one: Honeydew's not an extrovert, she's an introvert.
I suppose that's what I get for relying on previous things I've said about her without mentioning them here. You know, the parts where she was kind of shy, really sensitive, and condescendingly sweet. She didn't go outside that fateful day because she didn't really like the other foals, and found Hay the safest one to approach. And well, when one digs deeper, she has a fun, imaginative side and a love for all things nature.
Of course, she still does have her desire to rebel (which she takes a while to get the guts for) and live in a society where all would live peacefully without any suffocating rules to oppress all the ponies to the point of stress (like that would ever happen, even in Equestria). She's not exactly the brightest bulb, though she's surprisingly clever enough to get away with her laziness (whether it be chores at home or work at school) and cheating off smarter ponies to survive her cruel world. After all, their parents never caught on to Honey's more sinister traits, though Mozzarella did.
Long story short, she's kind of a mixture of Fluttershy and Zephyr Breeze, with a few other traits thrown in.
Of course, more details should come on both Honeydew and Mozzarella once their Birthday Bio comes up.