Critique Review: Electro Spark · 8:04pm May 18th, 2016
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
Hey, kids. You want to read a story about an OC and every aspect of their life? No? Well, too fucking bad, because that’s what we get in the story of Electro Spark!
This is a story where the author clearly had never heard of a description of a story before and just throw in the entire fucking plot of the story itself. I’m fucking serious.
Electro Spark introduces her immediate family and starts talking about her first years of school of which weren't so good.
She also talks about Dirty McDirtson, her best childhood friend. She was bullied all the time but Dirty was always there for her. Despite one day aquiring his cutie mark before Electro had hers, he continued to stay her friend. Her Grandma, however, was getting a vision of the future. Something terrible was going to happen to Electro, but she didn't know what.
At eight years old, Dirty finally blew his top and was completely jealous of Electro. Due to his young age, he couldn't cope with it and tried to kill Electro in a power plant using electricity but only ended up knocking both of them unconscious. That was when Electro got her cutie mark - a Tesla coil.
After the incident with Dirty, Electro didn't want to stay in Canterlot anymore in order to avoid run-ins with Dirty so instead she moved to Ponyville where she began to make new friends like Shadow Flash, Hunter, and Golden Rod. She also met Kuroi Shiroi and Fire Sparkle along with Hunter's daughter Sheila, and a friend of Hunter's, Slash.
She continues to meet more characters like Light Spark, Sonic Blitz, and Bess who were helping Sheila recover from a sickness. Some ponies named Sparx, Pluto, and Fireblaze were bullying her at the hospital but another pony was trying to help called Snow Eyes. A pony named Tail Sword only made things worse. She found out that Hunter had ponio and it could kill him. Later, she met Mattias Nilsson who also tried to kill her and her friends, along with Derpy Hooves and Pinkie Pie. Her brother Thunder Shock came to visit as well. She also met Jette Black and Plasma bolt who were dating.
After a while of not seeing Shadow Flash, Electro reconnects with him. A pony named Carson was trying to cure Hunter's ponio. She got split into two ponies after she drank a potion that Kuroi made me. She got cider from the first time from Applejack and met Twilight Sparkle. She met Shadow Flame and Fire Heart who were siblings along with Star Swirl who had just opened a new store of which she bought many things using Thunder Shock's money. Another friend of her's, named Titanium Trance opened up a store called Ty's Tunes.
Soon, someone was in Ponyville. It was Dirty McDirtson. After talkign to him a while, she allowed him to apologize and they became friends once more. There were spirits called Aka and Ao who were possesing different ponies but she ran before they could posses her. During hearts and hooves day, there was a lot of commotion with a love potion.
She fought a Hydra with the help of Rai, Free Kick, Blue Thrush, and Sky Dasha, along with Hunter. It turned out fine until she found out that Hunter wasn't actually Sheila's father, he was her brother! They were being mean to each other so she tried electrocuting him, but instead fell off a cliff, fell unconscious, and then fall into a coma.
Okay, guys, don’t use the plot synopsis you first write out for your story for your description about it! Seriously, who the hell does that?!
I could honestly review just those bits and that would be the fucking review right there! Short one this week, kids!
But I wouldn’t do that to you guys, frankly because I never got anywhere by doing things the easy way. So, let’s dig through this week’s fic and hope that the story itself is slightly more interesting than the description of it.
I was born on January 1, 1997. My parents are Humid Oasis and Abby Normal.
Believe me, there’s nothing normal about this fic!
At the time, my dad was 21 years old and my mom was 19. I also have a brother and sister named Thunder Shock and Freezy Snowflake. Freezy wasn't born at that point though. She wasn't born until 2004. Thunder Shock on the other hand was already 5 years old.
Ah, I’m glad this could be told to us like the character is doing a show and tell project in front of a classroom, rather than having us see the character, their lifestyle, them interacting with the siblings and parents and giving us a better feel of who the characters are. No, no. Clearly, this was better in every aspect.
I've got to say that a really surprising thing about my family is that my cousins (all three of them) were born on the exact same day as me!
I hope that this was because you are all to be sacrificed to Lord Sombra in a huge segment that arcs throughout the entire plot; otherwise, you just wasted my time with that line.
Now of course, like everypony, I have aunts, uncles, grandpa's and grandma's and more of an extended family but I wont get into that.
No, please, do go into that. I need an afternoon nap.
Canterlot was a very, uptight place. It seemed as though everypony had to be perfect. Anypony goofing around was considered almost considered a monster.
Wait, were they considered or almost considered?! Make up your fucking mind!
Of course, anypony who knows me knows that goofing around is something I'm really good at!
I mean, just look at this opening chapter. It says it will explain my life between the ages birth to three and yet, I’ve talked about things that could have just as easily have been done during the present. I’m really good at exposition.
Unfortunately, that wasn't such a good skill to have there.
Also, the ability to repeat things you just said is not a very good skill to have here.
My cousins came and visited some times too. It wasn't that hard, they lived nearby. They made fun of me sometimes and called me nicknames like Sparky but I know they were just playing like family. Everything seemed to be perfectly awesome in my life. That however changed on my first day of school.
As it does when you are a pretentious OC.
Well it wasn't exactly school, more of a pre-school. I was so excited to start learning! I was 3 years old at this time.
Wait a minute, why are we starting this story at 3 years old?! I was promised a breastfeeding segment! I want my breastfeeding, god damnit!
Most ponies learned the correct way to write with their mouths but I taught myself a much easier way to write. I could just use the magic from my horn! The teacher always got mad it me. I wasn't really doing anything wrong. The whole point was to get us to write and I was...that was the basic everyday life of mine at school.
I am superior to everypony in every way, so of course, I must be shunned for that talent. Seriously, why would the teacher get mad at a unicorn for… being a unicorn?! Unless, the teacher was a racist, asshole at which case, I could get behind that.
Oh, and if you thought I was kidding about the whole ‘superior to everypony’ thing. Oh, no. It goes on throughout the entire fucking thing. Try this next line for example.
And I forgot to mention how everypony bullied me. They thought I was stupid because I didn't know how to write even though I could clearly write words on paper. I never tried to anything wrong. But everypony hated me for it regardless back then.
Don’t worry about that, Sparky. I hate you even now.
Dirty McDirtson was my best friend all through elementary.
Ironically, he was known for his obsession with cleanliness.
I of course was bullied continuously throughout elementary school.
Because showing how you were bullied and actually showing that scene would have been outside the budget of 3 pieces of lint the fic had.
Not only was I not able to write like other ponies but I was always pretty clumsy as well. Worst of all, I was the last pony in my class to get my cutie mark.
And bare in mind, by this stage, he’s only 4 to 7 years old. I estimate Applebloom to be about 10 years old and she still doesn’t have hers! Why are you whining like this?! You are an idiot!
Actually, what's even worse than that, is that I can't even remember how I got my cutie mark! I have flashes of memories some times but I don't exactly know.
Yes, multiple blows to the head will do that to you.
As many of you have probably noticed, we are on chapter two and we have had no story. We’ve had background on this character like it’s a fucking description of the character, but no actually STORY! I thought the first thing you’d do when writing a story is to actually write the damn story!
This story tells us of a lot of things that have either happened or just are, without anything actually happening in the here and now. It just tells us things that aren’t relevant to moving any kind of plot forward. Assuming this thing has a plot.
In the third grade, Spark Plug goes to her grandma’s house where she remembers to mention all the characters that appear at said grandma’s house.
Much later, about in Summer of third grade, I was on vacation at my grandma's house. Thunder, Freezy, Aqua, Pyro, and Ivy were with me. Actually most of our family was there. Obviously like I said, our Grandma Gypsy Ball was there, my mom and day Humid Oasis and Abby Normal were there, my cousins parents Snake Eyes and Dark Shadow were there, and then my Grandpa Bee Sting was there.
You really want to describe multiple people being there?! Try having them do something!
While I was there, Grandma seemed to be getting a little dizzy. She also was very cold. Her eyes turned a bright color and began speaking to us. She was having another vision. That was her cutie mark ability. Her cutie mark is a crystal ball which gives her the ability to have visions of the future. Now, given the fact that you can choose your future, we always said that her visions wouldn't work but they tended to always happen. However, none of her previous visions were as bad as the one she had that time. She began speaking to all of us who were there "I see a power plant. And...Electro Spark. She's getting her cutie mark but...it's all blurry. I see a lot of electricity. There's a brown pony with you, with a cutie mark that looks like soil." She began gasping as her eyes turned back to normal and her vision ended.
Or quite possibly she was having a stroke.
So, rather than discuss this future vision with the parents of her grandchild or keep an extra close watch on Electro to keep her from doing anything stupid, grandma decides to just say ‘Eh, it will all work out in the end. This especially good, when grandma even admits that Sparky will be in danger.
Grandma looked at me and told me that although I was going to get my cutie mark, it wasn't going to be a pleasant scence. She knew I was going to be hurt somehow but she didn't want to scare me.
I don’t care how good your cookies are, grandma, you are the worst grandparent ever!
The first thing I did was do what I bet anypony would do if they were in my place.
Stop writing this story and try again?
I went and spoke with Dirty McDirtson to see if he knew what that was about. He had no idea what any of that was about. I chose to trust him and for the next year, I thought trusting him was a good idea. In fact, I forgot all about Grandma's vision!
Hopefully that means that scene was pointless, because it was really stupid.
It was January 1st, my birthday, I had just turned eight years old. Dirty said he was throwing me a birthday party but I had to follow him blindfolded.
Eight year olds being known for their expert planning skills.
Young Critique: Yay! I need to plan a party for my friend! I’m bored. Ooo, video games!
Ah, to be young and so full of promise.
So, apparently, his best friend named Dirty, is actually … a dirty person! What?! No way! Really?! What was Spark Plug’s grandma Dirty’s mother?! Cause that’s kind of fucked up!
Dirty pretended to be Sparky’s friend because he was jealous of Sparky’s magical talents. So he tricks Sparky and leads her to a power plant. That’s not how you be a racist asshole, you idiot! First, you give them looks of disgust and then throw rocks at them. Yell at them from across the food court, make them feel embarrassed, stalk them, break into their home, tied them up and gag them, cut off their horn with a saw, and THEN you trick them into become your friend.
Casual.
Also, why isn’t anybody monitoring the power plant?! Are children just allowed to walk into a power plant whenever they want?
Hey, kid, what are you doing here? And why is that other kid knocked out?!
Young Critique: Oh, um… he’s not knocked out… he’s… um… sleeping. And the red stuff is um… kool-aid.
And what are you doing in my factory?
Young Critique: Um… I wanted to show him where… rainbows come from.
… Okay, don’t take too long. I’ve got Cheerilee bringing a field trip here soon.
So, Dirty tosses Butt Plug into the power plant and electrocutes her, all because she can use magic and he can’t. God, who would want to read about an asshat who hates unicorns just for being different?
So, the electricity gives Power Plug her powers and she uses them to shock the shit out of Dirty. Dirty is nearly killed, but is saved thanks to Lightning Spark’s magical powers of getting the fuck out of the power plant two 8 year olds have no business being in. She takes Dirty to a doctor, not even bothering to explain what happened. I guess the eight year old is just independant now. Does this world follow Pokemon age logic? Where if you are 10 years old, you’re technically an adult?!
As a result, Spark Fuck stops going to school and I guess her parents just let her. Why not? They’ve been so fucking useless in this story, I almost wished they were killed in a car crash. Also, why don’t the parents sue Dirty’s parents when Dirty tried to murder her? Or would that be giving a shit again?
That's how I spent the next few years. I eventually thought that maybe I was thinking all wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have been acting the way I was. Instead I could start anew. That's what I did. I told everypony that I was moving out. I was going to start fresh in Ponyville. It didn't take me too long to get there but once I did. I made a house. I literally made a house. Out of hay and straw. I wanted to stay away from electricity as much as I could to make sure nothing could spark my magic without me being able to control it.
Yes, she’s 9-15 years old and is moving out of the house, has enough knowledge how to build a stable shelter with just hay and straw. But unfortunately, not smart enough to know that houses can be made of stone, brick and wood without conducting electricity!
Also, I doubt a how made out of straw would pass a fire safety test.
As you can clearly see. Haven’t you ever read ‘The Three Little Pigs and the Arsonist’?!
There is no book on record with that title.
Oh, yeah… I haven’t actually written that yet. Probably should do that sometime.
After staying there a couple days, I decided to go for a walk. Get my mind off things. If I met anypony, I'd act as if nothing was going on in my mind. Sure enough, I did meet a pony. His name was Shadow Flash.
Shadow Flash, huh? Are we talking about the DC character who is going through an awkward phase? Or a shadow who likes to get his tits out?!
Either way, I think I’d much rather be reading that than this pile of pony poop!
We introduced ourselves and he invited me to a party. I had just become friends with him and he told me that this was he going away party. I was devastated. Why did I always have to lose my friends…
… Well, Shadow Flash is kind of a dick. He basically did this!
A new pony?! You look lonely! That makes me sad. Do you want a friend?!
Oh, yes. That would make me so happy.
Do you want to be bestest best friends ever?!
I’d love to!
Great! Oh, by the way, I have terminal cancer and this is my last day to live!
Wh-what?
Yeah, you’re going to have to bury my corpse, leaving you all alone again.
Well, fuck you then!
But … what about my cancer?
Seriously, what an asshole!
Shadow tells Electro that he is leaving to marry a girl we’ve never seen or met, but his parents want him to, so I guess that makes it bad. And then Shadow leaves. Yep, glad we introduced that character. He added so much to this story. Like Cyborg in BatmanVSuperman.
She then meets a Griffin who is the father of another Griffin who she had met before, but we are now just being introduced to. Well, that’s a perfect example OF HOW TO FUCK UP A CHARACTER INTRODUCTION!
And honestly, this is where the author tries to introduce as many of their OC’s as possible. We are met with so many characters thrown in so fucking quickly, that none of them can be established or provide anything to the actual plot of the story. I’m serious, we are introduced to a music character, who Electro helps out… and that’s it.
The story thinks that if it has multiple characters, than one of them should be good and interesting. Well, what this story didn’t count on was, that if I don’t give a shit about any of them and you don’t bother giving me a reason to with some depth or personality to them, big surprise, I WON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEM!
Some more characters are introduced, I am not fucking kidding here…
The next day, I was still frantic but more calm. I went to go see if Sheila was in the medtent, and if so, if she was doing ok. When I got to her room, there were some other ponies in there. Their names were Snow Eyes, Sparx, Pluto, and Fireblaze. Sparx was bullying Sheila.
Not to mention that there was a pony near by named Pallet who was getting seriously ticked off by all of our bickering which only led to even more bickering.
Another pony named Tail Sword appaered and starting just flat out making fun of Sheila. Light Spark suddenly appeared out of nowhere and took Sheila to the medtent again.
That’s six fucking characters in barely three paragraphs! All of them have no dialogue and no characterization outside of just being bullies! Why the fuck would you even have these characters in your fic?!
Oh, I see where you’re going with this fic. You think that by taking all the names of every possible OC out there, that you can either take credit for their success or sue them for your likeness. Unfortunately, your fic is still shit and nobody gives a fuck about your characters.
Meanwhile, we all continued arguing outside. Tail Sword had no right to be making fun of Sheila. That's when I got an idea. I pushed myself to my limit which, like expected, made me collapse.
I hope you knew what pushing her to her limit meant, because I sure fucking don’t!
Okay, the story becomes like an invisible stone slab. You can’t see it and even if you find it, it’s practically impenetrable. I’ll try to make sense of it, but if you’re still lost, don’t feel bad. You’re not alone.
So, Sheila is a griffin who is bullied for… some reason that is not at all explained. Because she’s a griffin is the closest I can get to it. These ponies that come out of nowhere are making fun of her when Sparky comes to her rescue with her Pikachu thunderbolt, which presumably kills them.
Oh, I’m sorry, it only caused one of them to be blind. My bad.
Fortunately, the character seems to be forgiving about it, even philosophical about his blindness and doesn’t hold Pikachu responsible for attacking them. And apparently, neither does anyone else! Responsibility; what is it?
Oh, and I guess, Sheila’s dad is dying, I guess. That’s important because… I just shoved a bald eagle up my nasal passage, how the fuck should I know?!
Then a pony who pops out of nowhere tries to kill them for no reason whatsoever. And this is honestly the first time we’ve seen this character, so … what the fuck?!
I wanted to tell my other friends about my party so I went to the square the next day. I didn't see anypony there so I went to the town square. Sure enough, I saw Kuroi there! I asked her if she wanted to go to the party but she declined nor did she know how to rent out the Sugar Cube Corner- the location on which we decided we could have the party at! Meanwhile, a pony named Pinkie Pie was pulling a prank on Kuroi. She tied balloons to Kuroi's hoof. I saw her start to float away so I tried to save her by grabbing onto her hoof but I started floating away with her instead. While I was in the sky, I saw a pony was hiding in the balloons. A pony named Mattias Nilsson. He was trying to cut the ropes and kill us.
And now the main six are in this fic, because the author is so desperate, they think that it can throw in the main six to save this fic. Hey, it worked for the T.V show, didn’t it?
By the way, the pacing in this fic is fucked, I’m simply reading these events that happen with zero understanding and investment. I would not be surprised if there was some kind of deep, intelligent story going on in this, but I can’t fucking interpret it’s presented to us so fucking poorly!
So, there’s this potion that gives her complete control of her powers, because training is for pussies, her brother ends up in danger because who gives a shit and they confront this murderer who has tried to kill them several times because the story doesn’t have anything left and is just trying to end itself as quickly as possible.
Much like myself.
The story piddles about for another three chapters introducing characters and then taking them away before we get so much as a name out of them.
Until finally, we get to the final chapter with a hydra that manages to kill the main character and end this piece of shit.
All I can say about this fic is that it exists. That is for certain.
There’s so much of this plot that makes absolutely no sense and yet I’m not even sure there was a plot to this story. Absolutely nothing in this story has any kind of connectivity, whatsoever. It has no sense of pacing, characters, tone, setting, or anything that would make a compelling story.
I want to say that Electro Spark is ass, but frankly, she gets buried by all the characters and plot points that they bring along for the ride, resulting in a colorless mess that everyone tried to be a part of.
It’s like a fan made story, where all the fans write one sentence about where the story is going, each of them with their own fucked up version of the story that completely perverts the story that was originally going to be told.
It’s like reading that, but with one person trying to write this Lord of the Rings story with so many plot twists and characters and epic moments, with the other trying to insert his self-insert fanfic love puppet and trying to convince us that he’s cool. With only those two getting any turns, less someone with actual merit try to get them to work together.
Honestly, if this story hadn’t thrown in so many pointless characters, it might have had a better chance. Or maybe it wouldn’t. I don’t know. The story was so fucking impenetrable that I couldn’t read more than 1000 words of the fucking thing before my hooves left the book cover and fastened themselves around my throat.
Also, I just wanted to thank the author for including the synopsis of the plot in the description, since without it I wouldn’t know what the fuck was going on in the story since the story is so bad at explaining it.
Thankfully, it’s short chapters give you a break from your contemplations of suicide.
I have no idea what I just read or how it came to be, but I do know who wrote it. And she’s put into the credits of this little fic.
Written by:
Lauren Faust
That was all worth it to find out that she’s actually a hack writer.
Wow... I both knew exactly where this was going and still have no idea what I just read.
It's kind of like the worst of Mykan's writing, just without the stupid songs and lame characters to muddy anything. Rather, it's dragged down by telling us everything without a chance to show us what anything does.
Also, I think the author was just pulling references out to look cool (not unlike what I did in my first story). Seriously, this is the last place I expected to see a Young Frankenstein reference.
Also, Dirty McDirtson?! We have a new winner for "worst villain name of all time". Here are some better villainous names:
Araghast the Pillager
The Meta
Apocalypse
Darkseid
Discord
Melvin
Anything would be better than Dirty McDirtson
It does not logic.
It does not story.
It's just...
...A troll story. Ah, that explains it.
On a brown pony, how would you tell if what his Cutie Mark was soil? Maybe he had it the entire time and he just couldn't see it.
I honestly liked that introduction. It could have been handled better (Batman could have the information because Batman at the end off the movie or something) but it wasn't a bad way to get in Cameos.
3954581 Yeah, that's what I figured.
Still, it's bad even by troll fic standards
3954372 I'm not even sure what I read and I read it from beginning to end. That points to how bad the story is written. At least, Dirty McDirtson was at least as lame as you'd expect. A story with the villain named 'Apocalypse' better have him/her be a badass!
3954581 That would explain so much...
Could very well be abnormal. Or at least one in the story is.
Yea for having a possible derpy OC.
I love Derpy.
I have two of my OCs born on the same week, day, hour, you get the picture.
And I had a very good reason for that. Or, that is, how come.
I almost considered skipping this review this week, but after looking it over I considered otherwise.
Read my latest story I put out, and you will get one.
I had a teacher in elementary school, I think it was first or second grade, who didn't like something I was doing regarding on how I wished to color things with a crayon.
She gave us a simple white image of the flag, and a red and blue crayon. I took my time to look at the flag in the room, and tried to fill what I had as best I could to look the same. You know, staying between the lines and all. I wanted to show I was good at that.
You know what she did? She came over to me, got upset that I was taking too long with it and took both crayons into my hand, and guided my had to scribble all over the picture. Then she said, "See now it is done."
For a little kid I was pissed. Mostly because she had me put my name on it and displayed it as if it was something I did.
And she didn't let me work on another one correctly.
To say the least, I was scarred for life, just by that one moment.
So tragic it was.
Oh' okay then. I thought he would have been like Pigpen from Peanuts.
You know I bet Maud Pie, Mole from Atlantes, and Pigpen would all go great together. But I am not talking about anything dirty now.
Not everything from my mind has to be. It's fun when it does though. Well, for me anyway.
I took it a little further in one of mine that has such a moment that was talked about in it. But just a little.
I always had good balance myself, I was told I learned to walk before I crawled, back when I was first trying to get around on my own. Kind of did that backwards to what others likely did.
So true.
He was my favorite GI-Joe. I didn't ever get to see enough of him in the cartoon. But he was pretty bad ass in the live action movie.
Oh' no! Not another one.
At least my little vision maker tried to do something about her visions. And she was just a little filly.
Guess Grandma in this story has seen it all, and couldn't care less anymore.
I have to admit, my little vision maker didn't always tell everyone exactly what was going to happen as she saw it either.
Bad little pony! No more getting to play with Fluttershy's bunnies for you!
So was I, until reality kicked in.
Well, nopony seemed to be watching over the weather factory when Rainbow Dash decided to try and stop winter from being created.
But Rainbow Crash did a bang up job on her own, without any supervision over the place, had winter hit Ponyville all at once.
You know, these places really need someone guarding them at all times, or these sort of things can and do happen.
Well, Fluttershy seemed to strike out on her own after she fell from the sky as a little filly, at an age it seemed younger than the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Though little was told on the show what happened to her after that point in time. No mention as to what her parents did about her diapering and winding up on her own down below.
And in the show has Applejack head out on her own to live with relatives in Manehattan. Even if Manehattan wasn't all to far, it still seemed a dangerous thing to let one so young do on her own. I mean what if some mad pony was to grab her or something? It's not like bad things happen to others by shady ponies on the show. Wait, it does.
See, even the cartoon messes up with such in its story line. But, at least the creators are making money with it, despite such going on in their stories.
Wow! And I thought I added a lot of OCs in my stories. Even my latest one had a lot of them in it. But this! This is too much, even for me.
Holy shit that was funny!
No! But I am still laughing anyway. Man, that made it so worth looking into this. I needed a good laugh.
Wow! This just keeps getting better.
I had to stop for a bit after that one.
Well, it's either this story, or the fact that it is late, and I am getting tired, I just keep on laughing.
By the way, I am like a drunk when I am tired. So, that's not helping.
I don't believe it!
The writter is pulling our leg harder than Cadence's little flying new-born bundle was pulling Pinkie's leg.
Written by: Lauren Faust. Say it isn't so.
3954581
Thank you for clearing that up. I was about to cry.
Seriously though, I knew there was something horribly wrong with that name being used.
I laughed to hard at this 'Story' way more than I should have. And for all the wrong reasons.
This isn't so much a story as it is a biography. A crap, incredibly boring biography. In fact this sounds like the protracted, unnecessary long overly detailed backstory for some shitty character on RPing site somewhere. I bet that's where this all came from. Some persons boring, crummy rollplaying experience. What with featureless NPC's and villeins showing up out of nowhere, briefly interfering to do or say something, only to vanish back into the ether from whence they come one there sole purpose of life is fulfilled. Never to bee seen again.
Or its just a troll jacking off, one of the two.
3958513 Actually, the former would explain a lot. The absence of dialogue, a coherent narrative, fun.
I was googling my old OC Electro Spark on google images from 5 years ago. Never expected to come across this. Not in a million years. This review is absolutely amazing, I love it! My cheeks hurt from how much I was laughing, honest. Haha, my story truly is absolute trash, not gonna lie. I literally wrote this, like, the summer before I started high school. And now I'm almost done with my freshman year in college! Probably not much better at writing, but hey, at least I could see the humor in this. I just wanted to clear up something real quick.
So the reason this exists? Master-of-Mayhem in the comments got it spot on. I roleplayed on Fillydelphia back in middle school and had my character keep a "diary" of sorts on her character page. I also had a short backstory on her character page. And so when I was writing this story, I was mainly just trying to, first off, expand on the backstory and go into much greater detail with it, and second, detail all the events that I wrote down in her diary as best as I could. Thus why all the characters and random events. Truly like Master-of-Mayhem explained.
As for the "Written by: Lauren Faust" thing, something I did with all the fanfictions I wrote back then (I swear I haven't written a single piece of fanfiction, good or bad, since sophomore year) was put the credits of the actual show I was writing a fic about in the "credits" section of the story. All of it. I think that one line was just copied into this review because that's funnier. Not that I'm complaining, I thought that was hilarious.
Also, when I first made Electro Spark, I think back in 7th grade probably, I entirely based her off of Pikachu. It actually made me pretty glad to see you start calling her Pikachu cause I was like "Ayyy you got it." Also her "cousins" that I mention are based off of Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Charmander, not that you could tell because this fanfic is shit.
Anyway, thank you for all the time you spent into writing this! I can see you really dissected every bit of it. I don't even think I could go through my story like that, haha. Good job.