My Crazy Life Story · 2:46pm Jan 1st, 2016
My Crazy Life Story
They say that the truth is stranger than fiction. This is what I always think of when I look back over the last six years of my life, running from a family member who intended me harm, meeting interesting people along the way, and making valuable friendships in the midst of all of my hardships. This might sound like something straight out of a movie, but I assure you that everything I am writing here has indeed taken place.
I remember submitting this essay to a non-fiction class my senior year of university (at least the first half of it) and the teacher as well as the students told me to stop lying about life life because it was making everyone uncomfortable. It struck me as odd that my life story could sound so far-fetched or removed from reality. It is just something I've gone though, so it is normal from my perspective. But I can understand how it might seem strange to anyone who hasn't experienced the same thing.
So here is a little bit about the crazy adventure my mom and I have been on the last six years.
I was abused until the age of 24 (almost 25), and when I left the house my mom was finally able to have the courage to divorce my dad. Things were not going good at home as I entered into my freshman year of college. My step dad had started to drink heavily and reverted back to his old abusive patterns I remembered growing up with.
I plodded forward resigning myself to living in my dysfunctional family until I finally got the courage to walk out of my house my sophomore year of university. When I finally put my foot down and wouldn't take it anymore, my estranged father got really violent. He went outside and yelled for an hour. He came back in and threw things. He yelled at me and made me afraid to even be breathing. He demanded that I leave the house that instant and take all of my things with me.
It was in a moment of clarity that I called up some of my close friends and had them help me move out of that dysfunctional household, never once to look back. It was scary and I honestly didn’t know where my decision was going to take me. But at that moment I was FREE. I didn't care how much of a fit he put up. I didn't have to live with that abusive man anymore. I stayed with friends until I was able to get an apartment of my own. I went to work full time and distanced myself from the dysfunction that was my family.
A few months later I got a call from my mother who had been beaten up and thrown across the floor by my estranged stepfather. The two of us decided to get out of town and discuss what the next course of action would be. We used some free passes my mom got in the mail to stay at a hotel in Cliff Castle Casino and we stayed there for a few days to clear our minds and figure out how to get my mom out of that house. When we came back, my mom put her plans for divorce in action.
She told my step father to leave and he did. We tried to get my sister out of the abusive situation too, but my step father manipulated her into accusing my mom of hitting her, so she was taken out of the house by the police. We haven't seen her since that day. We are praying that she comes to her senses and leaves him when the time is right.
It wasn’t long after my sister was taken out of the house that my step-grandmother, Grandma Dorothy passed away. We weren’t able to attend her funeral because my step-father had spread rumors to his side of the family for years that we were bad people and that everything he was doing to us was what we were in fact doing to him. He also had been saying bad things about us to my mom’s side of the family ever since he married into the family so when all hell broke loose with the court hearing and our lives were being threatened, my mom’s side of the family remained scarce and out of contact. Like my step-dad’s side of the family they believed all of my step father’s lies and believed that we were to blame for everything that was going on, not the other way around.
As we watched everything get taken out of our house day by day my mom and I held our own funeral for Grandma Dorothy among the chaos. It was a surrealistic feeling sitting in an empty house, with bare walls with a few lit candles to honor my grandmother’s passing. We prayed in that empty space, candles lit after my step father had taken the last of the furniture. We sat there holding each other and sobbing at the injustice of everything that had taken place. The one thing that comforted us was that Grandma Dorothy in heaven now knew the truth. It would have been better to have everything resolved and be reunited with her again. But we reminded ourselves that one day we would pass on and be reunited with her. And she would know that we weren’t stealers, or abusers, or any of the lies my step father had been saying about us for years. There was comfort in knowing that my grandmother now knew the truth and that from heaven she would be watching over us as we went through our many hardships.
After the house was cleared out, my step father came in and took the few remaining items left out of it, including important documents. My mom went to court later and explained how he took everything out of the house and also all of the money in their joint accounts. Originally, the judge took sympathy and had my step father pay her spousal support. She also won the house in the settlement. However, we were not able to get the money he took from mom, and later we found out that he took from me.
It turns out that my grandfather had been sending me money for college but I never saw that money. My step father put it in a bank account in his name and took it all. That was not the only money he took from me, but the discovery that impacted me the most. The man literally stole my future. He also took money from my sister and if she would take two seconds to evaluate his nature, she wouldn't be in the abusive situation she is now. But you can't force people to think the way you do. They have to come to the realization of things on their own.
On top of all of this, my step father filed false taxes with the IRS and forged my mom's signature at the bottom of them. So the judge ruled that they needed to file the taxes jointly again to clear up the problem with the IRS. My step father continued to harass us in public. He hacked into my mom's computer to get her information so he could see what jobs she was applying to and sabotage them. He hacked into her phone to get information about where she was going and who she was talking to. He tirelessly set out to destroy my mother and I. There were many days I was afraid to leave the house because I knew he was somewhere waiting for me and that he intended me harm. There was a day that my step father came and took everything out of the house because the court ruled everything inside the house in his favor. He left nothing inside of it, apart from the clothes we had in our respective rooms. He even took all of the food out of the cabinets.
After mom won the house, my step dad relentlessly did everything in his power to win it back. He prevented my mom from getting a job so she would not be able to afford the mortgage. He intentionally lapsed on payments so mom would not have the money to pay the mortgage. In other words, he set it up so he could get the house back. So at the end of August, he took my mom to court and got the house back which left us homeless.
Fortunately, I had started selling all of our stuff we had acquired through donations on Craigslist which gave us enough money to live in the place we were living at the time. I applied for financial aid so I could return to school and so we would have enough money to live on while we both attempted to find work. There are many other details of the story I am leaving out because either I can't piece them together in my mind or I don't want to worry my readers with them but I will say that this man is still attacking us and the worst of our situation is not over.
Later he took my mom to court and reduced the spousal support he is supposed to pay her because he cried poverty to the judge. So along with everything else he took from us, he took the one contribution he was making to clear up his damage to our lives. He also pressed charges against my mom and attempted to put her in jail for not filing the taxes properly, which is a crime he committed. Since the court date, our situation became even direr. We had no food, and have had to take frequent trips to soup kitchens and food banks. The state would not give us food stamps. My mom couldn’t get hired because my step dad continued to sabotage her efforts. The money I made was not enough to pay off the debts to her attorney (who never came through for her), the credit cards we had been living off of, or other bills we couldn’t pay.
I continued school against all odds; hunger, isolation, and lack of funds. I keep fighting on, or as they say in Korean Aja! If I could find three words to define me or my life those would be it. I am the very definition of a fighting spirit; I keep pressing on.
Shortly after graduating from university I got a job working with adults with disabilities. I had applied to the Master’s program at NAU but due to the fact that the head of the department didn’t like me and probably had a lot of influence in the decision making process, I didn’t make it in. Instead, I set to work helping teens and adults with various developmental disabilities. It was a fun and rewarding experience. I especially enjoyed working with the teens. My happiness at the institution was short lived however because the threats my mom and I received from my step father continued to increase. He continued to harass, stalk, and threaten our lives. So I quit my job and a few months later we sold all of our furniture and large items on Craigslist, packed everything that would fit in our two cars and drove down to Phoenix, Arizona to safeguard our lives.
We were initially were both living with this publisher who offered to take us in until we found a place in the Valley because we literally came down here with everything that fit in our cars and really didn't know anyone. My mom ended up doing the lady's marketing because her Master's and expertise is in marketing and I made her website for her.
But one day the lady completely freaked out for no reason after I had made her website and my mom brought her 10,000+ in sales. So in the middle of the night my mom and I were thrown out of her house in the rain and were basically on the street in Phoenix. We spent the next week selling everything we had left at pawn shops just to have enough money to afford a hotel.
On a similar note, when my mom and I were homeless for that week, living in a hotel that allowed pets (since our cat was with us) and putting the bill on my credit card, my mom responded to another ad. I went with her to this house that has an old man who wanted people to clean his house. It was a downgrade from what we were used to do, but hey, work was work, and we needed the money to get out on our own, so we both decided to see if it would work out. But when we went there, it became apparent pretty quick that the old guy wanted people for services we were not willing to provide.
Everything about this guy screamed creepy predator. He kept talking about all of the females who left the job because they didn’t like to be around him. He also implied that his wife had left him because he had gotten way too friendly with his daughter. He kept insisting that we could stay with him in his house until we found a place to stay and that he would be happy to give us any comfort we needed. He said this in a creepy way that implied so much more than it might have seemed on the surface. We both finished the interview, then left. We did not respond to the man again.
I hope that no one else will respond to this guy’s advertisement and if they make the same mistake we did, I hope they really question his motives. We were just lucky that the man was willing to talk about his weird behavior so we didn’t have to figure it out for ourselves. All I can say is that if you see an advertisement online posted by someone who wants a maid, make sure they have references. There are a lot of creepy people out there and not all of them are as willing to share things about themselves as that creepy man was.
From there, we rented an apartment with someone my mom had met through some mutual friends for about a year. But the lady ended up being weird too; stalking this guy online, even going to where he lived for a week to stalk him there. And she started charging my mom and I for every little thing and turning nasty. So my mom and I finally saved up enough money to move into our next apartment.
A year after moving down to the valley it seemed like everything happened at once. My grandparents passed away, then my uncle, then my mom lost her job and we were going to food banks for a while because of the financial cut, then my mom got rehired but we had the roof leak and cave in and no one helped us for two weeks or offered to put us up anywhere where we were living in a water logged place.
We were stuck in the living room until the apartment people finally got around to fixing things...so it forced us to pack up everything and move to where we are now.
A few months after living in the new apartment, we had a huge bed bug infestation brought in by the upstairs neighbors. Because of the infestation, we had to throw away the majority of our clothes, personal belonging, and furniture. We are slowly getting things replaced, but it costed us thousands of dollars in treatments, bug spray, storage for the items that weren't infested with bed bugs, buying replacement items for the apartment, and etc.
Mind you, this entire time we have still been on the run from my stepfather. And at the same time, many of the family members who had taken my step father's side had passed away; my step grandmother (on my step-dad's side), my grandfather (on my mom's side), my grandmother (on my mom's side), and my Uncle (on my mom's side). But our family had disowned us so we weren't allowed to go to those funerals. We had to hold our own vigils for those people on our own. This was very emotionally draining for us both, seeing as we never got a resolution from those family members before they died. They passed away believing all of my step dad's lies about us. Our only solace was knowing that now that they had passed on, they finally knew the truth.
And that pretty much brings me to where I am now. And in the midst of my crazy adventure, I met my husband who is currently overseas. But we have kind of made a mutual agreement that we don't want to be officially together until my mom and I have worked out our crazy life adventure. So that has been another emotional thing for me, over these past six years.
I have been pursuing my art, music, writing, and other creative things while going through this crazy adventure. Even though I've gone through a lot of crazy stuff in my life, I am not going to let it keep me from the things I like to do.
Everything in life happens for a reason. This crazy adventure has taught me to have compassion for other people who might be going through something similar. While it is disappointing that my family chose to take my stepfather's side, it taught me an important lesson that just because people are related to you by blood, it doesn't mean that they will always be there for you, or understand what you are going through.
I always felt different from most of my family anyway, growing up because of my abusive situation. But also because of my unique gifts. My husband is an IA. I myself am a combination between an Indigo child, Crystal child, and Star-Seed individual, with some traits of an IA. Which is basically someone with lots of spiritual abilities. There are communities built around those people, I'm an active member of those communities. I always post about my experiences being in the Indigo/ Crystal/ Star-Seed spectrum and people usually have no idea what I'm talking about. lol Well, that is probably a good thing.
My mom is also on this spectrum, which was something that also separated her from a lot of people growing up. She has a very interesting story as well as she, her sister, and her brother were kidnapped by their mother and step father one summer and were abused for 18 years, until each of them were able to escape and return home. It is interesting that their long adventure of abuse affected our family even after they returned. My aunt became rather successful, but has lived a difficult life because of her past pains. My uncle who recently passed away became a rather successful producer in New York, but also struggled with issues from his past. And my grandparents were very dysfunctional. My grandmother (who was really my step grandmother, since my grandfather remarried) was always overdosing on prescription drugs, which had some adverse effects on her behavior. And my grandfather was very narrow minded when it came to what woman were allowed to do out of the house. Mind you, I grew up watching all of these people around me growing up, and it was hard to make sense of everything at such a young age.
So anyway, that is just the tip of the iceberg of my unique family situation and crazy life experiences. I don't feel sad that I've gone through these experiences. Like I said, they have made me into who I am today and have shown me all of the things I don't want to be.
Sometimes life isn't what you think it would be and it takes unexpected turns.
You can feel old, tired, and worn out like you can't go on.
But I believe we go through hard times, to help other people who are going through the same thing.
I know that over the course of my six year adventure of struggling to get by, I have met valuable friends and adopted family who understood my situation and could sympathize what I was going through. And that is worth more to me than what this word says it can give you; a car, a job, status this, status that.
Yeah, I've been there. I grew up with a lot of stuff but I wasn't happy because I was being abused. I've had good jobs but left them because I was being harassed. I've had the opportunity to get an education but didn't enjoy that either because I was bullied by professors. I've been in those places that are supposed to make you happy, and it took having nothing, having no food, and subsisting on prayers and broken dreams to realize that what the world says it can give you amounts to nothing.
What matters is the time you spend with the people in your life who really matter. Everything else is so superficial and fleeting. You can lose a job. Your education could mean nothing as technology advances and replaces your need to be in a field. You might lose your possessions in something like a natural disaster or just because you need to sell them to get cash. It is all so meaningless.
But the people who really matter in your life are priceless.
I can tell by reading only half of this that you are very strong person
Wow that was crazy. But your awesome still.
Well, I'm glad that you're doing better now.
Wow! My friend you have been through A LOT! Well I'm hoping things are going good now and that you know you have the online communities (families I call them!
) for love and support!
I hope you have a safe and wonderful new year.
3656311 Thank you for the kind comment. :) My life experiences have definitely made me a strong person. I am glad that I have gone through them so I can help people who might be going through the same kinds of things.
3656322 It has definitely been interesting. Thank you for the kind comment. I think you are awesome too. :)
3656323 Me too. I am happy that I am no longer in that abusive family situation. I'm still on a crazy life adventure, but I am just taking things a day at a time. :)
3656325 Thank you for the kind comment. I hope that you have a very happy new year as well. :)
3656334
Glad you're staying strong.
3656336
3656338 Thank you kindly. :)
3656358
3656378
You're welcome.
3656407 Yay.
I read the entire thing. Jeebus.
You are an odd duck. It makes you our friend. I personally really like your infectious happy-go-lucky demeanor online.
There is one part where I'm certain you're fabricating the truth, though...
There's no such thing as rain in Phoenix, only incessant sunlight.
Something you should have done a long time ago--like, the day you finally moved out of his house would have been a good time--would have been to record everything. Let everyone hear your stepfather as he truly is, not as he presents himself to them.
I find it difficult to believe that he hacked your mom's computer and phone as well. I guess if he opened the telnet port on the computer and exploited that, or he set up a means of remote access and a keylogger, then that's a big maybe on the computer--but he doesn't seem the type to understand technology. Too much of a prickface.
As far as your phone, I find that even more difficult to believe. If you have any ideas as to how he may have done it, I'd like to do some research on phone exploitation.
3656414 I told you, my story is hard to believe, But we actually have documented evidence that he hacked our phones and computers. We showed this to a judge and because my step dad paid everyone off, no one cared. The crazy thing is that we have documented evidence that he hacked into our stuff, has literally been trying to take out our lives for six years (either himself or sending other people to do the job), stole our money, forged my mom's names on his taxes (which is a federal crime by the way), tried to take our cars, and even stole our mail. And no one will help us. Needless to say, I don't believe in the American justice system anymore, having gone through what I have. But it does give me sympathy for anyone who has gone through the same thing.
And ironically it really was raining the day my mom and I got thrown out of the publisher's house. You know that old saying when it rains it pours? Well guess what? It really did. Ha.
3656423
Do you have proof that he paid everyone off, or that they're just incredibly skeptical because his lawyer or whatever made for a really convincing sob story on his part?
3656435 Well, let's put it this way. My step dad has a lot of money. He has a lot of connections. He grew up in the town the trials took place in. He knows about every cop, judge, and lawyer in town. So even if he didn't pay them off, he does have connections with just about everyone who would have been present during the times we tried to stand up for ourselves in court. So you can see how no matter what we did, the odds really weren't in our favor. Hunger Games pun not intended. :P
3656413
Anytime.
3656448
3656445
Ah. So you're just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.
3656455 Not anymore. I moved to the big city. ;) Mostly to escape crazy family members. :P But I came from a small town.
Honestly, I don't know how you could do it. But I know that now, I can do more than I thought. But I have one problem. My mom is~ My grandma, she's the only one I can cherish. The only one I can truly hold on to. I need to set my life straight. Tell my dad the truth. And why I hated him for leaving me before I was even born. How I've needed him.
But this blog is about you. I understand a lot of what you've gone through. But I can't truly understand because I haven't gone through it. I Have had to move a lot to. But you've gone under so much more. I know I can push harder.
My one goal is to help other's who can't help themselves. It's simple but hard goal.
And anyone can do it.
Best regards~ Lord of the dark, Nighttime bellows
3656472
Did you get to the big city by train, perchance? And was it scheduled to depart at midnight?
3656333
:3
3656476 Well if you ever need any advice or just need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a PM. I will be happy to help out in any way I can. :) Just stay strong and I know you can move past the hard times. Just remember that you have a lot of friends and people in your life who are willing to help you as well.
3656482 That would have made my story sound cooler. :P But no. I just drove down to Phoenix on the highway. Which was kind of scary in itself. :P
3656490
3656505
Did you also meet someone from the city on your way in, and did you two share the night due to him smiling?
3656537 Nope. Just a crazy publisher lady who we lived with until we were thrown out. :P
3656557
I think it's funny that you still haven't acknowledged the reference.
3656568 That's because I was having fun. :P
3656578
It was admittedly quite fun.
3656587 That is excellent to hear.
3656454
How's your new year?
3656660 Just spending time with my mom. :) It's been a good day so far. Also, eating way too many cookies. ;)
“The Seven Social Sins are:
Wealth without work.
Pleasure without conscience.
Knowledge without character.
Commerce without morality.
Science without humanity.
Worship without sacrifice.
Politics without principle.
From a sermon given by Frederick Lewis Donaldson in Westminster Abbey, London, on March 20, 1925.”
― Frederick Lewis Donaldson
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
“When you see a good person, think of becoming like her/him. When you see someone not so good, reflect on your own weak points.”
― Confucius
“Even if things don't unfold the way you expected, don't be disheartened or give up. One who continues to advance will win in the end.”
― Daisaku Ikeda
You have done much and you have faced much, but in the end I am glad to have known you as you are.
3656858 Those are great quotes and very true. Thank you for sharing them. The one by Confucius stands out to me because my life experiences have definitely taught me how to be kind to others and try not to fall into the same self-destructive patterns that other people in my life have. I am also glad that we can be friends. :) Keep on being awesome.
3657031 I'll see what I can do.
3656664
Om nom.
3657062 I am sure you will do great. ;)
3657099 Yes, I om nom'd way too many cookies, chips, and snacks. And the sad thing is, I still want more.
3657114
Speaking of food, I'm sort of hungry myself.
3657128 Eat lots of yummy things for me. ;)
3657164
Actually, I only had a ricecake, but that's still yummy!
3657322 Rice cakes are awesome indeed. ^0^
3657457
Yum.
3657503 Sushi is yummy too.
3656501
Thank you.
3657666 You are very welcome my friend.