On The Limitations of Male Emotions · 11:57pm Dec 19th, 2015
I've always been fearful that talking about this subject is something that will get me labeled as some kind of annoying men's right's activist or something along those lines, but I'm personally always felt that men in media are restricted by their emotions by a lot. And more directly, by their relationships to other men, and to a lesser extent women. There's a phrasing that's sort of become a joke by all except those who take things far too seriously that it's impossible for a guy and a girl to just be friends. Obviously as a gay men this is quite literally the stupidest phrasing I have ever heard in my life, and if I wasn't writing some self righteous power blog I would leave it at that. But for the sake of argument let's take into account why I struggle to find much enjoyment in romantic comedies or just movies with a comedy subplot in general.
Maybe it's just because I always identify as the nerdy dorky character the most, but I always find it disheartening when a character has to be ashamed of who they are in order for them to feel like others like them and have this be considered the right thing to do. A common cliche would be a comic book nerd or a general dork who feels the need to change for their generic no character given female crush because originality be dammed. I've always made it a point to write and practice that characters who are like that need to be given that quality and have it be seen as endearing by their crushes. Now there's a difference between having a fetishistic relationship with depression and anxiety and being a general dork/nerdy kind of a person. The most recent example of a character who isn't looked down upon for having these qualities would be Alphys from Undertale. But, as much as I adore this character and want there to be more like her, that's the problem to me, it's a her.
Women are given a lot more bypasses in the process of marking their own path for groups in media I think. I don't want to turn this blog into some kind of women bashing anti feminazi bullshit, I'm just using this as an example. I for one think it's perfectly reasonable to just have a cartoon made for children have gay characters as an open couple with no reading between the lines. Hell, not even a couple is needed. Just gay CHARACTERS are amazing to have. Characters who openly flirt and have crushes on the same gender is great. And bringing the subject back to females having more leeway in this situation I can name you three shows with "Canon" lesbian relationships made for kids, but not a single one with gay men. Steven Universe, Legend of Korra, and Adventure Time all have relationships or past relationships with complex bisexual/gay characters. Steven Universe being the most progressive of the bunch by having Garnet say multiple times that she is in a relationship (Or IS a relationship).
I feel like I want to be pushing against this wall when I write. Characters to me like Caramel and Blueblood and my book character Lemmy are important for me because I personally struggle to feel wanted even by my boyfriend who I know loves me. I want characters who don't have to change their interests or likes and are loved despite of their emotional problems and social issues are the relationship is founded on actual friendship and trust and the willingness to work through these problems. But I feel as though every time a man is over emotional in a story it's seen as a negative thing. Steven from Steven Universe is one of the best examples of a very complex very open male character who they somehow seamlessly made it the single most in character situation for this scene to happen.
This scene is amazing to me. This was never looked on negatively or seen as something bad. Steven has cried more than any other character in the entire show and it's for good reason. He feels real. He doesn't even have the negative qualities of depression or anxiety (In most episodes) to saddle him with the need to cry, he's just emotional and open about his feelings because of how he was raised. His father is another great character who could have easily been a deadbeat dad and one note character but no, he loves Steven more than the world.
Now let's take a bad example of the scene above. The closest thing I can think of is the cross dressing pageant in Persona 4.
This entire scene is possibility the most uncomfortable I have ever felt playing a video game I love. It was riddled with homophobia and taken as a complete joke, with literally every person in the school finding the entire thing disgusting and horrible to watch, and being very open about saying this. Let's ignore the fact that Yosuke is casually homophobic throughout the entire game but this scene is god awful in every way imaginable and just made me feel like more of an outsider in my opinions. And this is coming from a game that by all means has a wonderful message in Kanji Tatsumi's personal storyline about him coming to grips with the fact that he likes doing things like sewing and making cute things and is really good at it. Kanji is a complex character. Kanji is the kind of character I would write. Now if only the game could decide to commit if he's gay or bisexual or something else.
To me what's romantic is what I write. Characters needing support through their emotional episodes and not being looked down upon but supported because of it. I want more casual scenes of straight men hugging for comfort and talking out their feelings, and for that matter I want more scenes of gay men doing it. There's this unspoken sexism when more lesbians are allowed to be shown in hopes of coming across as aggressive instead of usually some sort of power trip fantasy for the men who wrote it. Again, this isn't the case for everything involving lesbians. A game that came out just this year has an optional lesbian romance route and it has amazingly well developed characters.
I actually feel scared that when I do finish these books I write that I'm going to be looked down upon as some kind of outcast or turned away just on the grounds of how I write my characters. I have men who have up to a certain point been straight but then feel affection for one guy and don't question it and kiss them spontaneously, and I want more of that. I want more open experimentation with men and more men being allowed to cry and more men being allowed to have emotional breakdowns that aren't violent and more subdued and quiet. I wanted more characters I could relate to and connect with. Yes, there is such a thing as emotionally stable straight men who have their shit together, but I can name you a million movies with characters I personally don't remember or find all that amazingly strong. It's hard to explain because I feel as though I project myself too much onto characters and when I find one I'm like I latch on and think they're amazing. It's why I write them like this, but at the same time it's also because I think it's important for characters to act more humanistic.
I've grown to hate stories about men dealing with sexuality lasting as the main focus because I feel as though it's old. It tries to tell a message that I think should be over by now, that it's okay to be gay. I'm tried of being told that it's okay to be gay and I want to be shown it's okay to be gay without it being the centerfold focus of the entire freaking plot. What's so wrong about a romantic comedy about two men or a love story about two men falling in love without any drama in regards to the fact of their sexuality? Six Feet Under is a great show that managed to get the entire plot about David's guilt over being gay out of the way in the first season and then focus the remainder of the show on his relationship with another man.
This blog feels all over the place and jumbled, but I felt the need to make my opinions public for whatever reason.
I'm not sure what to say, other than the fact that I agree with basically everything you said here. We do live in a society where women have a sort of freedom when it comes to emotions and relationships. I can't remember the last time I read a story, or saw a show, that didn't have the guy going, "No way, I can't be gay!" Yet the ones with female characters usually get away without a huge drama filled arc of self discovery.
I guess it has to do with the way we view society today. Women have always been viewed as being more mature, so if they make a decision like this, it's accepted. Men are seen as immature, and ruled by their emotions. That's probably where the whole "Just a phase" Idea came from.
If only.
3630233 I think it's based more on media is a male dominated industry and a lot of guys don't like writing gay men.
3630474 Oh, that's definitely true.
3630474 I've noticed this back in high school, that apparently for guys, it's okay if you're gay as long as if you're a girl.
3630671 All I want is a sweet love story about two men falling in love and hugging and kissing for the remainder of the series in my perfect world
No worries there, this is considered a feminist sentiment. Negative effect of gender roles on men, see.