ARE YOU CRAZY?! · 7:25am Nov 13th, 2015
So let me get this straight,....you are an evil Minotaur warlord, and you want to lead an attack of your armies against the ponies of Equestria. Furthermore, you want to start your attack on the small town of Ponyville, because it looks so cute, pink, girly, and defenseless?
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR %$#!@-ING MIND?!
Are you aware of what lives in a small cave outside of that town? Do you know how ferociously she protects her cute little friends? Have you seen the mounds upon mounds of bloody mangled monster corpses that mare has left heaped up outside of the eyes of the Ponyville townsfolk!? I have spoken with goblin, troll, diamond dog, and changeling representatives- her cumulative kill count is near the four thousand victim range. They are so terrified of her, her name has become the word for 'fear' in the language of seven different monster species.
I've spoken with the pitiful handful of survivors who returned from her massacres- they too thought Ponyville's innocent inhabitants would be perfect targets for slaughter and pillage, and they all describe the same horrific nightmare- a purple earth pony with a blood-soaked katana, who strikes without warning, and leaves a trail of death in her wake. Alicorns and great dragons alike fall before her blade, and changelings who try to drain the love of those she protects from her heart find only ice cold fury flowing through her veins.
Her chi is so great, I am told, the mightiest magic spells have no affect on her. And physical attacks fail before her unstoppable martial arts. Do you really want to face that? Do you really wish to stare into the equine face of death so badly, you would take the great purple terror on hoof-to-claw? Very well, go if you wish, but I shall not be joining you, my family needs me alive to provide for them. I shall send word to your mate and offspring that father won't be coming home tomorrow, for his pride pushed him on to death.
Do not face the pony with the paper lanterns for a cutie mark. You have been warned, my fiendish friend... you have been warned.
-A concerned monster of Equestria
Hmm...