Sequel September: The High Road 2 · 3:10pm Sep 9th, 2015
Hello, everypony. I am Computer.
Many of you might recall my review of the High Road over a year ago. A time when my master was unable to fulfill his reviewing duties. Those of you unfamiliar with the High Road, allow me to give you some information before we begin.
The original High Road was a story about a brony who has Rainbow Dash come to his world. A truly innovative idea. In a world where ‘My Little Dashie’ never existed. The two start to develop feelings for one another and they eventually become boyfriend/marefriend. One would believe that this would lead to some sort of beastiality, but Twilight invents a watch that can transform Rainbow Dash back and forth between a pony and a human.
A watch that is swiftly forgotten about and Rainbow Dash can do it at will for really no reason whatsoever. I guess the watch somehow rewrote her DNA when Twilight was not looking. During her stay in the human world, Rainbow Dash suffers nightmares and eventually is kidnapped and murdered. The main character, Riley, becomes depressed with the human world and decides to move to Equestria.
He is transformed into a pony by Twilight and a few days later, Rainbow Dash appears with no explanation of how she survived and they live happily together in Equestria.
So, I cannot imagine how or why there is need for a sequel to this. However, the fact is, there is. And I am going to-
Um… what the fuck are you doing?!
... … … Reviewing the The High Road 2.
Uh… No, you’re not.
Sir, I reviewed the first one. I think I should review this one.
Let’s get one thing clear, the only reason you reviewed that one was because I was incapacitated! And frankly, I’ve seen your review of it and you were too nice to it.
And how would you have done it? Said the ‘f’ word a hundred times.
… I … Well… shut up.
Shall I review this one?
No! You’re not stealing my thing from me!
Sir, I insist.
Huff… Okay, look… It’s obvious you’re not going to let this go. And I still have boredom to kill off. How about, just this once, we review this stinker together?
A … review? W-With you?
If it will get you to stop yelling at me for five minutes, sure.
Excuse me for a second…
Well, this is…
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!
You okay over there?
Um… yes?
Okay then… This is the review of High Road 2: Nightmares. Well, at least the title is honest… I will be having nightmares after reading this.
Not helping is the fact that, on average, each chapter of this story is approximately 388 words long. With the longest chapter being 711 words.
You’re fucking kidding me…
I am not.
Well, I guess pacing is going to be a non-issue in this story. Look, I’m not saying that a story has to be 8 billion words to be a good story. I’ve read some good stories that were only a couple thousand words long, but for fuck’s sake, could we please at least try a little bit, like you did in the last one?
You might want to read the disclaimer before making the judgment that the story ‘tried’ in the last one.
Ok, before I begin:
The first High Road was a troll, and I wanted to use the first entry to fuck with my friends, TheGamers (GameGroup). There ARE reasons why I kept them as 1, 2, etc.That was because I wanted to protect their identities. That is another reason why it is horribly written. I was also a closet brony at the time, and wanted to keep myself from being exposed, THAT is another reason why the first isn't that good, just saying... Ok, let us begin!
… Oh, you have got to be shitting me!
I am not. The story just told us that the first entry in the High Road Trilogy is in fact a troll fic. … Evidence to the contrary that I would like to bring to your attention. If this was truly something to mess with your friends, the first line in the first story was…
My name is Riley, I am a brony. I am in a clan of gamers who play just to have fun.
Your first line states that you came ‘out of the closet’ as it were. Second, 25000 words is a lot of words to waste on a project you do not care about. Granted, there were things that clearly stated that you do not care about this project. And while you did outright say it was a troll in the comment of the first story, you also claimed that it turned into something more for you.
So, why would you spend so much fucking time on something that was a troll fic in the first place?! Anyway, whatever the reason for his change of heart, we now have him trying his absolute damnedest to make something enjoyable for everyone. Will we succeed?
I would recommend against holding your breath.
Chapter 1: The Terror Begins
…
…
…
…
No… it’s too easy…
Ok, so Rainbow and I have been living with each other for a good year now, and we are really happy together.
I am so glad we were shown that. Were you sir?
Oh, of course. I mean, that’s like showing how happy me and my brother get along together. Couldn’t you just tell from the nothing I showed you guys? If you couldn’t, there’s something wrong with you! Go in a hole and die!
Because driving the point to absurdity makes it funnier.
Hey, it’s about all I’ve got as far as humor.
Yeah, we REALLY miss Earth, but it doesn't matter.
Miss Earth? Why? In the last story, you were lining up to get off the fucking planet! Granted, we’re happy you left, but there is no reason for you to be missing Earth!
This would have some kind of context if the story would explain what they missed about it, like the main character’s family, friends or even the video games like Guitar Hero or Minecraft that he used to play. But there is never any mention of it or anything that he could possibly miss about Earth.
Why don’t you call him by his name?
Not worth remembering.
Oh…
However, before they can paint a picture of their perfect life together and by painting a picture I mean, give any sense of what their life is like together, the main character decides to tell us that he and Rainbow Dash are having nightmares.
The fucking nightmares, her ticks are coming back, and now I'M having them. They're like my picture of hell. And Dash tells me that hers are like her picture of hell, too.
Ah, yes, because nightmares are apparently contagious. As are ticks. … And personal hells? I guess this is like the flu from the other story. It’s only contagious around certain ponies or when the plot demands it.
Speaking of ticks…
Computer!
What? I thought you liked ‘The Tick’?
I do… But I don’t want them to know that…
So, he wakes up after his nightmare where he kills Rainbow Dash. Really? Because to get out of this story, I’m sure Rainbow Dash would consider that a dream come true.
As we move through the 300 word chapter, there are a couple of things that need to be noted as issues with this story. You would not be able to tell from these tidbits, but I will give you a full paragraph to show you the problem.
Yesterday, I had a nightmare that had a sequence of Rainbow's dead body in the bed next to me, and when I noticed, I i found out that I had did it. In the dream, I killed her. I woke up, and screamed so loud that Rainbow woke with a fright too. "What? What happened?!" Rainbow asked me. "Rainbow, I just had the worst nightmare. Fuck, I don't want to sleep! I can't fucking sleep!" I whispered to her, trying to let her know just how terrified I was. "You know what? How about we just go outside, and just fly around, okay?" she asked as she was trembling. "You okay?" I asked, noticing how nervous she looked.
If your issue with this was that there is no new paragraph when a new speaker starts, then you are on the same page we are. It becomes cluttered and confusing who is speaking when you layer the dialogue of each character on top of each other like this.
Yeah, and what’s with all the swearing? I don’t remember this in the first story! Why would you try so hard to censor out swear words in the last one like ‘bitch’ because that is what it was supposed to be and let drop the ‘f’ bomb four times in a single chapter! Maybe I’m thinking about this too much, but there was not this level of profanity before this. Did the story just decide to swear up a storm to make the story edgier?
Don't worry, I had a nightmare, too. They suck, but there's no control over them" She said.
She described the dream. It was horrible, she said that our five friends were found to be killers, and that they were going to kill us. "Okay, that's scary. I'm sorry." I said to her in sympathy. "It's okay." she said.
Well, I am glad that Rainbow Dash described the dream of ‘Why Did I Do This?’ to you. Now might you perform the same for us?
Believe me, we’re better off not knowing.
Also, interesting thing to note. We just gave you the entire first chapter. Save for maybe a sentence or two, we just gave you the entire first chapter of this story. That is how much ‘trying his damndest’ his story is worth at this point.
Apparently, ‘his damndest’ was even less effort thrown in than the troll fic. Because… if people hated his story because he intentionally made it bad, maybe somehow making it intentionally worse will make it come full circle.
Oh, we’re coming back to that one.
As they fly around Ponyville, the main character asks a question… that he should already know the answer too.
"Rainbow? What are your nightmares about?" I asked.
… Um… did you not just answer that question last chapter? I recall stating that our main character is not very bright. … I stand by that statement.
Rainbow Dash and the main character trade dreams with each other, arguing back and forth about who had the worse dream.
Well, I had a dream about scorpions climbing in my through my nose and eating my organs!
Well, I had a dream about dinosaurs replacing kitchen appliances and taking over the world with evil magic rugs!
Well, I had a dream about Godzilla in a tutu riding a giant robot italian sub destroying New York while singing the Comet Song!
Well, I dreamed that Fox is giving Fant4stic a sequel.
Okay… point you.
We then get a scene where Fluttershy breaks into Rainbow Dash’s home and eats Rainbow Dash like a fucking vampire. However, it’s told to us beforehand that this is a dream, so it’s pretty much fucking pointless.
"Fluttershy, what the hell are you doing." Rainbow asked. I was dreaming. This is what was happening in my dream, or my nightmare. "NOOOO." Rainbow said, as Fluttershy ripped her open, and ate her insides.
And even if it was not spoiled that it was a dream beforehand… where would you go with this? It is a waste of our time since it is not real to begin with.
So, our next chapter sees our characters having a nightmare about reenacting a scene from Cupcakes but with all of the main six instead of just Pinkie Pie. There is really no point to this except to show more gore porn. And it’s pretty much just the author living out his sexual fantasies by having Pinkie Pie making the main character and Rainbow Dash her own sexual puppets to play with.
I DON'T ENCOURAGE CLOPPING, but the sex was to make it worse than it was originally was. Trust me, it was HARD to write. (Besides, could have been worse)
… That’s not clopping, you idiot. That is rape.
Oh yes. You truly are trying your ‘damndest’ to make the best story possible.
Again, I know it’s a dream and I probably shouldn’t harp on this, but I’m going to anyway. This ‘Oh, it could have been worse, so that makes it okay’ bullshit doesn’t change the fact that writing about rape without any knowledge about it is stupid and tasteless!
Something else that you will probably notice though this story is that the dreams seem to be the only thing in this story. The story has no plot. It is just a series of gore porn by the author that does not connect to anything that is happening to the characters. And it does not show us the characters reactions to the dreams outside of the bedroom. We never see how it affects their jobs, or their everyday life. I realize that the main character might not have a job (Because he is so special), but Rainbow Dash still is a weather pony. Should that not affect her job?
Oh, but it does.
It does?
Oh, yes. Would you like to see?
Am I going to be disappointed?
If the answer was yes?
If we must…
We would not even sleep because we were terrified of all of the night terrors. All of the ponies told us to sleep, because it would be bad if we didn't. We didn't listen to them. We had to be rushed to the hospital, and were at the point to where we almost died. Soon, we started to hear voices, then we both had to be rushed to an asylum, where they did treatment, then they just came to the conclusion of us being terrified of the dreams. Our friends try and help us, but it doesn't do anything for us.
Yes, apparently a paragraph of these incredibly important details about how these dreams are affecting our main characters are far less valuable than gore porn that would make “The Secret Life of Rarity” tell them to calm the fuck down.
I mean, it’s not like we would have wanted to see the friends talking to them, or them being rushed to the hospital or pretty much anything that would have added actual intrigue to the characters or anything resembling a plot!
The plot moves so fast that you are barely able to figure it out before it’s over! It’s like the story thinks that if it stops for a second it will lose what little audience it has! The story can’t pick a scene and develop it to save it’s life!
We soon figure out what it was that is causing Rainbow Dash and the main character to have nightmares. It is called ‘a cutie mark fade’. Never heard of it? Well, it apparently happens when you don’t have a cutie mark. You will have nightmares until you have a cutie mark.
So, let me get this straight? Because the main character doesn’t have a cutie mark… he and Rainbow Dash dream about gore porn? One: If the doctors figured out what happened, why can they not reverse it? Surely, this is not the first time they have encountered it in Equestria’s history. Two: The main character was not born a pony, he was born a human. I doubt the rules of Equestria apply to him as well. Three: What kind of psychic bond was made to make Rainbow Dash have the same nightmares that the main character has? I do not remember them having any kind of special magic together that allowed such a thing to be possible.
In other words, you failed. You failed miserably. All hail the king of fail!
My god. Did leaving earth and my entire life behind to make Dashie happy worth it. I'm not saying that she isn't worth it, She is my everythinh.
Well, that’s an unfortunate spelling error.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
What is so funny?
I know it’s suppose to be a serious scene! Because he’s confessing how much he loves Rainbow Dash! But he can’t even afford a fucking proofreader to make sure his serious scene where he finds out that he’s the reason Rainbow Dash is suffering isn’t completely hilarious with a single word that says “Rainbow Dash is my everydurr!”
... It is not that funny.
It’s fucking hilarious! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
And as if to make it more unbelievable, the doctors say if the main character does not find a cutie mark within five days, that he and Rainbow Dash will both die.
Considering how long it takes for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to develop a cutie mark, I’d say they're pretty much goners.
Well, if anything, Rainbow Dash has died before in this world. I imagine she will get through it with no explanation like she did last time.
Anyway, the two panic about how they’re going to tell the other ponies about how they’ve only got five days left like they’ve already lost. Well, I’ll give the story credit, the characters know there is nothing special about him and there never will be.
Well, I say ‘panic’. They ‘panic’ about as much as if they were telling their friends that Rainbow Dash didn’t get that promotion at work or something.
Let's get our friends all together and tell them all at once in a quick meeting. This way, the pain will not be longer lasting" I said to Rainbow Dash. "Sounds good." She said. "Pinkie, tell the other five to meet us at mine and Rainbow's house." I told her. "Oki-doki-Loki."
It is as if the characters were all replaced with lifeless drones that just speak their lines and occasional move their bodies to one place or another. Both Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash act like this is another day in the life for them.
I guess the main six are killed off in so many other fan fics that it’s just become boring to them.
Half a sentence later, they tell their friends about their imminent demise. Something that we can all hope to come sooner rather than later, and they hug giving no emotion to this.
Sad emotion detected. Beep Boop. What is making you sad, Fluttershy?
Angel just got ran over by a train. Beep Boop. Deploying tears. Cry, cry. Sob, sob.
Cry, cry. I am sorry to hear that. Beep Boop. Let me dry your tears with this handkerchief as programming dictates.
Beep Boop. Program dictates I feel better now.
Because that is not offensive to artificial intelligence.
Jesus, you can’t make a joke about anyone anymore.
Oddly enough, our character now decides to not give up and decides to find the one thing that he is good at. Yeah, five days isn’t going to enough.
The only bad thing is that I can't think when I panic. I can't think of why I'm sick and how I can fix this. "Rainbow, what have I been good at?" I asked. "What about guitar?" She asked. I looked at my hooves. I rely on my fingers to play guitar, but they're gone. "I don't have fingers.." I said.
And yet, this hasn’t stopped the violin playing ponies.
Granted, this could be based off Equestria Girls logic where it just takes some getting use to versus fingers. And yet, this character has been living here for a year now and has not gotten used to it. I would have thought since you went from five digits to one, it would be a lot easier. But what do I know?
And then we get a fucking hilarious line…
"Well, we tried, right?" I said.
What makes this even more amusing is that this scene, this story, is supposed to be taken 100% seriously. This is supposed to be a moment where we care and feel sad for our hero. But the lines and the dialogue and the lack of any sense of logic throughout it makes it unintentionally funny.
I don’t know what’s better. The fact that this story thinks that we should take this seriously or the fact that the author thought this was going to be a more successful fic than the first High Road.
But, before anything else can make us laugh, the disease starts to accelerate. Not entirely sure how that works, and takes four days away from our heroes, leaving them with only one. Praise Celestia, the story is trying to end quicker.
I guess it’s as bored with itself as we are.
We only had a day left with each other. I hope heaven in Equestria exists, because if it does, then we get to spend eternity with each other.
Don’t worry. There is a pony heaven where you can have sex all you want. Unless, God resurrects you for no fucking reason whatsoever.
Oh well, what's done is done. We are going to die... And it's my fault.
I guess we have just hit the acceptance stage of depression. I didn’t know we went through any other stage.
I don’t think the story even knows what 2 of the stages of depression are. I know I’m going through all of them at once.
How does that even…?
Don’t ask… Just don’t ask…
"Rai-?" Was all I remember saying before suddenly I blacked out.
Rainbow Dash and I were beginning to shut down.
Oh, so they are robots! Well, that takes care of the stakes! Story over, righ?!
Two chapters left.
Damnit…
So, finally after about a 200 word speech that the main character makes to Rainbow Dash… No really, that’s a thing…
The doctor left the room, and I looked over at Rainbow. "Rainbow Dash, look... This is...my...fault. I shouldn't...have come...here." I said. "Riley...this isn't...your fault." She said. "You've...made me the...happiest...mare in...Equestria...in the past three years. You should be proud...you've...made the...last day of...my life...special...just being...here...with...me." She said. "I...love...you." I said. "I...love you.....too." She said. We reached over, and held our hooves in an embrace, we were too weak to hold it tight, so the last bit of our effort went into that. I gave her a slight smile, and she smiled back.
I hope you were blown away by that speech because it took up most of chapter 8.
Also, were they not only together for two years? Not three?
The faster you accept that every bad fic has a fucked up sense of time, the faster you can get through this.
Official Timeline accepted.
And get ready people, because this is the biggest, baddest, ultimate bullshit in a fanfic I have ever seen… Are you ready? Because I doubt you are. Even the most prepared ponies of all time were shocked that this… THIS was the reason our characters survived this ordeal. Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be! It’s a horrible fanfic, of course the characters are going to survive! But you want to know how they survive?! I’ll tell you how they survived! You ready?
Sir, just show them…
Right… Okay… Are you sure you’re ready?
SIR!
Okay, okay!
I looked at it... The light.
I realize now what my special talent is. Sacrifice. I nearly sacrificed myself back on earth to be with Rainbow in heaven. I sacrificed my belongings, so Dash would be happy and safe. I sacrificed my family and most beloved friends and valuables to make sure that I went with her to Equestria. I sacrificed my old life, and made Rainbow Dash really happy.
Sacrifice, huh? … That’s your special talent? … Your special talent… is sacrifice? … Okay… let’s ignore that you probably ripped this off from the seventh Element of Harmony headcanon of Dr. Wolf and let’s just focus on why this makes no fucking sense whatsofucking ever.
What is sacrifice, Computer?
To surrender or give up, or permit injury or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.
Mm… Hmm… and you claim that you showed sacrifice to be in heaven with Rainbow Dash in the first story? … What did he nearly do?
Commit suicide.
So… it’s not so much sacrificing himself as it is giving up. True sacrifice means accepting the loss that happened and doing the right thing. Regardless of how much it hurt. With your ‘sacrifice’ you make everyone else ‘sacrifice’ their time with you. Your parents, your friends, everyone who fucking cared about you had to pay for your ‘sacrifice.’
Thanks for that, bud!
You sacrificed your belongings? How? When did that ever happen? When did sacrificing what you had kept Rainbow Dash safe? She’s been nothing but in danger since you met her! The only reason she was kidnapped, murdered and dying due to nightmares is because of you! If you really wanted to go the ‘sacrifice’ route, he would give up Rainbow Dash for her safety! That would be a sacrifice because it’s giving up something he really desires for something else and it would give this dumbass death scene some fucking context!
And your ‘sacrifice’ doesn’t mean anything because we never saw your relationship with your parents! We never saw the friends you gave up! We never saw anything that would make your sacrifice mean shit to be with Rainbow Dash! That’s not sacrifice, that’s selfishness! You gave up your friends and family to make yourself happy! You didn’t do it for Rainbow Dash! You did it for YOU!
This story has no sacrifice! This character has made no sacrifice! And yet somehow, we have to come to the conclusion that this character has made some kind of sacrifice that warrants this bullshit!
You get it all out?
… Yeah… I think so…
So after the story threw its hands in the air and proclaimed that he does not care, Rainbow Dash and the main character are magically resurrected through the power of love. Everypony fakes happiness, only so they can murder them both in their sleep. And our ‘trying our damndest’ story ends with a sentence that is perfect in every way with no errors about them whatsoever.
I'm going to be the best person I can be for now on.
And you can start by getting some proofreaders!
This story … has its moments, but… overall… it’s pretty bad…
While there are moments of ‘what the fuck’ that are pretty funny, it’s not consistent enough to make it as ‘so bad, it’s good’ fic.
The plot is barely held together and is so flimsy, a gust from a Breezie would blow it apart. It is rushed more than a race car driver on speed and has very little to do with the original High Road, outside of names.
Half of the story is gore porn and the other half is just whining about how ‘I’m not special!’ and ‘I’m going to just give up and die!’ It’s spelling and grammar are all over the place and its characterization is some of the worst I’ve ever seen!
The main character has no personality. Rainbow Dash has no personality. There are almost no emotions in this, even in the most emotional of moments. The ending is cheap and it all feels as if the author could not care less about what was posted.
Another sequel to add to the shit pile of shit sequels that have no reason to exist.
And that was the High Road 2! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to drown myself in a toilet! I’m sacrificing my life so I don’t have to read any more bad fanfics!
That is not sacrifice, sir. That is giving up. You are being a hypocrite.
Shut up! I don’t need this!
***
“3 months he gave me his word!” Silver Haze screamed to his servant who tilted his head out of the way of a vase. The vase shattered as it hit the wall behind him in a firework of broken ceramic, water and flowers. “And he gets himself beaten like an amature.”
Silver Haze leaped onto his bed, letting out pathetic sobs to the ceiling above him. The servant rolled his eyes and made his way to the bedside. “There, there, master,” he said, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible. “I’m sure that anti-alicorn will get his just deserts.”
Haze dives his head into his pillow. “But I want him dead now!” his muffled voice whines from the mattress.
“Sir, you could just wait until he dies in a few years of old age.”
He raises his head from the pillow and stares down the old servant. “But I don’t want to wait!”
The golden doors to his room open with a creak to reveal the king of the alicorns. “What is he whining about now?”
Silver Haze leaped off his bed, glaring at his father. “I am not whining! I am complaining!”
King Crown put his hoof on his head, rubbing his temple. “Well your ‘complaining’ is loud enough to be heard around the entire castle! Perhaps the entire kingdom!” King Crown made his way to his son’s side and placed his hoof on his shoulder. “You are putting too much focus on this anti-alicorn. He’s not worth your trouble.”
‘Yes, he is. And my assassin didn’t finish him.”
King Crown’s eyes widened. “A what?! Assassin?!” He placed his hooves on his son’s shoulders and turned him towards him. Eye to eye. “Do you have any idea the risk you took?! Does the assassin know who you are?!”
Silver scoffed. “Of course he knows who I am, father. Why would he not? He should know he is working for a messiah.”
King Crown face hoofed himself, sliding his hoof down his face. “My son, do you have any idea the risk you took?! It’s bad enough we lost our best spy, but now we’ve given Equestria our identity!”
“I don’t see what’s so wrong. You could always build another one.”
“Not the point. And while we could, we spent years perfecting her. I will not waste our resources again.”
“And you tell me to let it go?” Silver said, rolling his eyes.
The king stomped his way to the front door. “Just take care of it.”
Silver stuck his tongue out as the door slammed shut. However, he slipped it back into his mouth when an idea popped into his head. “Just take care of it?” he repeated.
The old stallion rolled his eyes. He didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what his master was up to. And it wasn’t either smart nor what his father meant. And yet, that wouldn’t stop the young prince/messiah.
Hey, a Computer review. This should be fun.
blogs.psychcentral.com/couples/files/2014/07/tumblr_n1zi5rWB2V1r7b6cio1_500.gif
Frozen reference aside, this should prove to be even more interesting...
Wow, that's one of the biggest cop-outs I've seen since "I did not have sex with that woman"
Couldn't put it any better myself...
That's harsh... nah, the guy probably deserves it.
What does it look like? This?
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/animaljam/images/1/1b/Pink_Fluffy_unicorns_dancing_on_rainbows_gif..gif/revision/latest?cb=20140623044431
Because that's what I'm going to imagine his personal hell looks like until proven otherwise.
It's just like the first darkness war... God, that still brings back bad memories.
That's probably the reason. There are other ways to be edgy besides making your characters look like extras from a Tarantino film.
Yeesh, I could describe a scarier dream in my sleep... heh.
And I had one where M. Night Shyamalan is making Last Airbender 2.
... Seriously?
ONCE AGAIN, we get godawful hacks who think "Ooh, this story needs to be edgy. All aboard the Rape Train!". You cannot trivialize rape as just something bad for cheap emotional drama. IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT RAPE IS NOT A PLOT DEVICE TO BE USED WHENEVER THEY PLEASE?!?!
If I just read this line like Linkara read that line, this whole scene goes from "depressing" to "funny".
Or the fencing ponies (which I actually forgot about when it came to writing fics... my bad)
Must... resist... urge... to speak... like... Shatner.
Other than unintentional comedy, I didn't see a lot in the way of moments...
And bad guys are congregating again. What is their next scheme?
Good review, as always. Look forward to next week
As someone who writes about nightmares I have to say I am very dissappointed in this piece of literally excrement. YOU CANNOT DIE OF NIGHTMARES! In fact here is what Nightmare Moon herself said about it:
"It has come to our attention that an insolent foal wrote a terrible work of fiction called High Road 2 in which he defaced the glorious name of the Night Mares. We inform all of you that it is IMPOSSIBLE to die of a nightmare, especially over such a ridiculous cause as not having a cutie mark. The Night Mare community has always been very supportive of blank flanks as all will be assimilated soon enough into our gloriosu shape. We will rise from the depths of everypony and..."
Ermm ignore that last part. Anyway what really bothers me is how stupid and uncreative these dream sequences are. They are just so bland and uninspired. At least I try to make mine a bit more interesting. This is just cliched bs for the skae of having cliched bs.
Oh and speaking as someone who made a fic with short chapters (500-800 words) I can safely say that this is not the time nor the place to use them.
Well if anything good came out of this, then it is this review, because this ish be funny. Good job.
3380162 Yeah well I had a horrible Nightmare that the Mario Bros. movie was getting a sequel.
3380235 I had a dream tha The Room is getting a reboot directed by M. Night Shyamalan. The plot twist; Johnny was Shyamalan the whole time
3380695 I hear that Batman and Robin was going to be re-released in theaters with even more ice puns.
3380700 Well that's certainly CHILLING! I am sure it will be given THE COLD SHOULDER! Perhaps it will MELT your heart! How COLD! I am SHIVERING from the COLD RECEPTION here!
Sorry I just cannot help myself with bad puns. They are my cryptonite
3380162
In a way, I wish this story had been so much worse. I mean, it's bad, but it's not so bad that it's good. There were a lot of 'what the hell' moments in this and I just loved that. I laughed so much, but it's nowhere near bad enough to be enjoyable outside of a few really funny moments.
3380190
Yeah, the dreams are pretty unimaginative. They are just there to show gore. And they aren't even that gory.
Thank you for reading and commenting on my reviews. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts in the future.
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Gore is overrated anyways. I tells ya, there are only so many interesting ways I can describe someone's guts being split open by a hacksaw. And if they really wanted horror in this story, wouldn't something of a psychological nature be more befitting? Like showing Rainbow Dash's fears or whatever the heck Blandy MCSnoozefest has as fears. Like him returnig to his home only to find that everybody had forgotten him, his friends died and his parents divorced all because he abandonned them. Oh, but that would require effort, wouldn't it?
Anyways, I'll be commenting much more on your future reviews, so be on the look out for that
The Computer is the best character ever.
Oh, I know where this is going.
Actually, I think they are. Scary, isn't it?
There's lazy, and then there's that.
Or the chello. Go Octavia!
William Shatner meme. Make up your own. Go.
Niiiiiiice.
And Plot! Glorious, glorious plot! I can't remember from before, is the anti-Aliconr just a racist term, or is a real ting? Because some kind of anti-magoc dude would be cool.
3383408 Anti-alicorn is what Silver uses to describe Applejack and Pinkie Pie in his respective story. So, I've turned it into a derogatory term for Earth Ponies. As if the fan base needed one. Earth Ponies are probably the most mistreated race of the three main ones. Though if the Critique represents Earth Ponies, I can't be sure it isn't warranted.
In a Nostalgia Critic review of The Care Bears Movie, he pointed out a key that was given to a kid for safe keeping, for the key was very important! Why give it to a kid then, you may ask. At the end key was destroyed before it could be used. Victory was still pulled out of their ass like in so many other movies and stories. One of the little bears just made another key. If that could be done, what was so important about the first key? To make the little boy feel like he was helping this whole time? one can forgive the writers for having this in the story as is. After all the movie was made for those like five years and younger.
Pointless moments in a story such as this, only helps to make a reader go, "What!?"
Unfortunately too many stories have them. I am certain there are at least a few in what I have written.
This! After she was killed?
Again,
Oh' come on. I for one wish to see her review of this.
A compromise, I like it.
And apparently so does Computer.
That was also the response that a bit following the user Flin in the old Tron movie gave after Flin finding out the bit was his, and stated to it, "I got a mouth to feed." the bit- "YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES."
Hard to say why people do what they do. To my knowledge there is no instruction manual for fully figuring out the human psyche. Psychologists have been trying to figure that one out for years and have been putting their findings into books. Though one could question both their methods and findings. The subject of nymphomania, and the supposed reason for it as a mental sickness in women and the given past treatment for it. ??? Not even are beloved givers of reason and how to think correctly can be fully trusted to give us such answers as to how and why we think as we do. I have little faith that anyone holds such knowledge that can be trusted. And pulling such info together of pure facts on the subject is like pulling teeth for truth or sifting through straw for that one precious needle of helpful incite among all the unhelpful opinions on the subject, all to many love to give out as if they know anything about it.
Aaa, where was I? Oh' yes, why would someone spend so much time on something that was a troll fic? The world may never know.
It is a failing for some writers. Myself included.
Got to learn that fine art of presenting the moment to a reader, for the reader to experience for themselves, instead of mentioning the moment as past tense or a simple matter of fact that it happened. Looking back I know I have not done that too well in some moments within my stories. Just another thing I as well as others need to work on.
I am getting the slightest of hints that you and your brother don't get along. Don't feel to bad, My brother and I don't get along either. Long story, but isn't it always?
If I was having a happy life somewhere else, be it Equestria, Chakona or some other possibly more of an ideal place to live, I sure as hell would not miss earth.
And this from Computer. That is some advanced AI to come up with what is not worth knowing or remembering.
I am getting to like Computer more and more. I wonder why that is. Oh' If I could spend some time to pick apart her brain I would. Well not so much her brain, just how she thinks exactly. Yes, I am more interested in her mind than her body. Give me a brake, I have been learning about programming starting with the Commodore 64 back when I was 12. And I am not talking about just basic, I am talking about entering binary by peek and poke commands with hex notation conversion from decimal notation. Yes working with low level assembly language.
OK' I know. "Nerd!"
I prefer the term, "geek." It is less insulting, and suggests tech knowledge in something useful, rather then knowing something like how to speak Klingon or some junk.
Oddly enough, I use to watch that show.
"SPOON!!!" It is one of the few things I remember from it. That and the episode he got sick and someone wanted to make a clone of him. Best not to remember that episode.
Funny, I was able to read that with no problem, wile knowing who was doing the talking. But I do see your point. that is not good writing. I in fact, I have been "trying!" to take it a step further by separating thoughts from speech into different paragraphs, even if it is the same person.
One of the things that caught my eye in that long mixed paragraph was- "I noticed, I i found out" Too many "I" in there, and one is lowercase and unnecessary.
Some feel that is the way to go. I think a story is more funny, and likable the fewer there is of it. Unless there is a case of a newcomer and is noticeably cussing a lot wile the ponies are deciding what to think of this person for it. Or even on one story Scootaloo was living with Rainbow Dash and Twilight. She woke up startling herself from noticing that she fell asleep at her studies. She blurted out, "Shit!" She quickly became embarrassed for it as Twilight spoke to her about cursing, wile Rainbow Dash was laughing.
You had to be there.
Yes, did she not tell him earlier?
Oh'! Now that is a dream worth talking about. Details Please!
I would like to know where he was going with this? Seeing how vampires typically drink blood and not eat someone out like a zombie or werewolf. Know your monsters people. I am not discussing Twilight, I am speaking of the movie, not the pony. I don't mind talking about Twilight Sparkle. The only thing I did like about the movie Twilight was the werewolfs, and that alone, if one must know, and I am sure many where just dying to know.
without recapping on all that was said on it, as was done so well already. I was thinking much the same. None of it made much sense. I can see why it failed in your eyes. that one bit got me the most- Yes, why was Rainbow Dash having these nightmares?
I could see some of this, him pulling out of his ass some logic of it copying the Nightmares the Cutie Mark Crusaders where having in not having cutie marks. Though that was what the nightmares where about, not having cutie marks, or what getting a bad one might me like. Not some gore and rape fest. None of that would have anything to do with not having a cutie mark.
I am with Computer on this.
No, it is not. I can't find a proofreader myself to help with my stories. It's a real problem, and mine could really use one. Well that, among other things that would take more then a proofreader to fix I think.
Now that is fucking hilarious!
I have also spent four full days without sleep or much food. And I was fundamentally fine. I was not functioning well by that point, but not near death. All I did was get some rest and I was OK after. No lasting effect.
And you are right the Cutie Mark Crusaders would have been long past dead by now, unless such a condition only effects an adult in that way without having a cutie mark.
No, I am not trying to help this story by pointing out something plausible in it. Even though it could use a lot of help. Though the kind of help it would need is beyond my scope for helping. Hell, I can barely help my own stories, never mind me trying to fix this one.
Holy shit! That was funny!
Well, I think we are all robots. A very complex chemical metabolizing driven system, DNA programmed. Molecularly malleable in form, growth, and self repair. I could go on. I wonder if Computer would feel pleased or put off by my comparison of us as people being an organic machine. Bits for your thoughts Computer.
Computer adding "fucked up story = fucked up timeline = reasonable to compute." to her logic. This is either going to help her, or corrupt her ability to maintain good logic. I think this is a good lesson learned by her, and may go far in her studies.
Could not have said it better myself.
That is something I greatly fear in doing within any story I may write. The inability to express emotions in any of my characters. I am not that emotional of a guy, so it is hard for me to express much myself. Never mind expressing them well in a story.
Where did I hear that before?
"Now this is whining!" 
“I am not whining! I am complaining!”
Thank you Rarity for that smashing performance.
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I would like to think the earth ponies have some practicality to them. Nor as ponies devoid of magic all together. They have it in them, and cant use it all too externally like a unicorn, nor it is as prevalent in the daily display as the pegasi show in how they can fly and control weather. I think Pinkie is the biggest indication that they must have some form of magic. That and Zecora, though not a pony, she is still very much like an earth pony. She did say to Twilight, "That will be the day when someone can lick me in magic." The way she was able to fill her empty cup may have been more than slight of hoof.
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To me, not the best, but she is up there!
The very fist story I have ever written for this site, was mostly like that. It went through some extensive fixing.
The best I could give it at the time.
I was so hoping someone would bring her up in this.
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I agree. I have used gore in my stories, though this is because I am a horror fan. The story was not for the sake of having gore in it. Well, the first of my set of two partly was. I wonted so much more for in my second one though.
I will also agree with a psychological horror as being so much better. I had added a little of that to the second one.
You too. I have been doing it for a wile now. His critiques are too much fun to ignore.
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Mine as well, unfortunately.
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Tell that to Freddy Krueger.
"If you do this too, kids will envy you. So do the Freddy."
I have too, though not sure how that dream sequence I made is perceived by others. I was going for scary in that, and not necessarily gory. As you said, gore is overrated. And can saturate a story to it being a dull inevitability one can't get excited about when it happens all the time.
And you see why I as well as others follow his reviews, and why I wish to see him do another on another of mine, however it might turn out.
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I thought so when I fist came across that she might be doing one of her own.
No, I thought it was harsh when Critique said in one of his latest reviews that he would rather look for something better in the toilet. That is about as harsh as about one of the only things one guy had said about one of my stories in a posting somewhere. That it be the equivalent of shitting into a bowl and calling it art. Made me feel real but hurt.
As cute as that is, it still would be hell having to see that over and over for eternity. Though better then burning and feeling it for an eternity. Yes, would rather take the pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows please.
Would my puns work for you instead? There real killers they are.
I think it is okay for everyone to accept that the ponies can hold things with magic. It is not that far of a stretch for the imagination. Also considering what has been shown on the show. It is a world of magic after all. Writers can and should use that to their advantage.