Critique Review: The Disney 7 · 5:02pm Aug 19th, 2015
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
You know, after watching my favorite character be neutered for the past two weeks, I decided that I’m taking a break from reviewing anything that would insult my favorite ponies. So, this week I’m not going to review anything from MLP. Instead, I’m going to review something that insults something else I like.
… It may feel like a step back, but… … Yeah, but nothing.
The story I’m going to review this week is a bit of an infamous fic. I first heard about this story from a critic known as the Fanfiction Critic. Not to be confused with the FanFic Critic, who also reviews fan fictions. Yeah, it gets confusing around these two. For those of you who don’t know, the Fanfiction Critic was a reviewer who reviewed bad fan fiction often being the worst of the worst fan fictions of all time. Armed with only her sarcasm and her never ending Shout Outs to things much better.
With a B A in English, the Fanfiction Critic reviewed some of the most awful fan fics of all and has served as an inspiration for myself as well as others I’d imagine. She closed her account since she started and thus most of her content was deleted. I don’t know what exactly happened, but I had heard that before she closed her account she had gotten married and a job that she wanted concentrate on. While I am sad that she left, I am happy for her and wish her the best that life has to offer.
Unfortunately, that leaves one less reviewer to comb through the cesspool of unending shit that is the fan fic ocean, but what you gonna to do? This also happened to be the first review she ever did (at least in video format) and it’s honestly what got me interested in reviewing bad fics. Well, this and My Little Unicorn.
It’s a disastrous little fic called The Disney 7 and it was written by FrolloFreak (known at the time of writing it as Crazed Writer). Now, my first thought was “Cool, a story about the Seven Princesses of Heart from Kingdom Hearts. I can’t wait to see how sexist this is.” Well, thankfully this story has nothing to do with Kingdom Hearts. Though to be fair, this story could use some Heartless in it. You’ll see why later.
The first thing I want to look at is the title. Is it an unwritten rule that your numbers should be written out if its less than ten?! What if you did a sequel to this? Would you write it, ‘The Disney 7: 2?” Wouldn’t that be confusing? Not that anyone would want a sequel to this trash.
Our story opens with Jiminy Cricket introducing a town called Walroy, USA.
Hello! My name is Jiminy Cricket, but I don't think we really need an introduction.
And yet, you insist on giving us one. Yeah, Jiminy Cricket is narrating the story. This will be confusing later, but for now, I’ll let it slide.
Jiminy explains that the town had just had an adventure that turned the town upside down and that it was definitely a strange time to be had by all. Maybe the story was so bad that it decided to skip to the end and these are just Jiminy’s closing thoughts. That would sure be nice.
It turns out that after each of your favorite Disney movie ends, the characters go to their respective ‘realms’ until they are needed for another day. Whatever that means. Are the characters actors and they just play the roles they are given? Is it like whenever their movie plays, they have to come out and act out the roles they have? Or are they just waiting for sequels to be hastily made after 50 years?
I’ll admit, this is an interesting idea. This could honestly be a great satire, with characters who you think would be really nice, like Belle or Quasimodo, being kind of dicks in reality. Teaching us that what is on screen is not what’s in real life. That honestly would be pretty funny.
But no, instead, we get the most cutesy, over the top, cartoonishly, Disney Channel bullshit introduction to this town I have ever read! I could puke right now if I had anything in my stomach at how cute this intro is supposed to be. And bare in mind… My favorite pony is Fluttershy. So, you cannot imagine how bad this intro is.
That is, Quasimodo and his friends go about their daily routine in 15th Century Paris. Ariel is enjoying her life with husband Eric and daughter Melody. Belle and her prince are doing fine in magical 16th Century France, as are Jasmine and Aladdin living happily ever after in Agrabah. As for the non-human characters, Simba is still king of Pride Rock, Bambi is still Prince of the forest, and Aladar has settled into domestic bliss with Neera at the Nesting Grounds. And what of my former charge, Pinocchio? He's being the model son; Gepetto is one proud papa.
And the Critique is suffering in Ponyville as he reads this incredibly boring intro.
And you’re probably wondering, as Jiminy is quick to point out, what about the villains? Are they still dickheads? Why, yes they are! It turns out the villains are still as nasty as they are in the movies, just banished to a separate dimension so they can’t harm anyone. What kind of fucking sense does that make?! I’d be pissed off too if I had to go to fucking Bad Guy Town every time my movie ended! Is this supposed to be discrimination?! Because that would make great fucking satire! You could have gone Wreck-It Ralph before Wreck-It Ralph did.
But no… We get the bad guys who are bad guys for the sake that the plot needs one. So, whatever.
Oh, and apparently, Superman is part of the Disney mythos as Jiminy explains the dimension that the villains are trapped in.
Ever read the Superman comics? You know how Superman's birth planet Krypton put criminals in the Phantom Zone? Well, that's almost like the place where the Disney villains go.
Hey, they’re stealing my thing!
Huh? So, this fic is the reason why Disney bought Marvel instead of DC? Official head canon accepted.
It goes on to explain that Walroy is some kind of nexus where the characters from the various Disney movies can go and mingle. It’s just more exposition to set up everything that’s going to happen in the story. And it seems to drag on forever. I know you have to explain things sometimes, but could you at least have it flow a little better?
It goes on to explain that there is a magical clock tower in the town that can summon Disney characters from their respective worlds. I’ll harp on this later. Trust me, it will be worth the wait. Flashback to a few days earlier, even though the line before said weeks, but trust me consistency is the least of this story’s problems, a group of kids are climbing up the clock tower, even though they aren’t supposed to.
Ben bragged all the way to City Hall that he could gain access to the clock tower and steal the communicator without anyone noticing. Of course, Andrea, being the ever obedient and sensible child, tried to stop the boy from doing something that would surely land him in hot water.
Actually, watching these characters being boiled alive would be preferable to reading this. Hell, I’d take being boiled alive at this point.
If Mom and Dad ever find out what they were up to, "They'll ground us until we're 30! And that's real old!"
As someone who is nearly 30 years of age, I am insulted by this dickweed! 30 is not that old! That’s something a five year old would say! Also, quotation marks should go inside of what you are saying! Why is that a lost art?!
The three kids, Ben, Andrea and Kristen, Ben’s little sister, go up the clock tower, with Ben mocking the two girls as they climb. Ben wants to use the power just to prove he can. He has no real motivation for doing this and as we’ll see soon, his involvement in this story is to get the plot rolling.
But, before our esteemed characters can get this show on the road, the story has to tell us about their parents, who are part of the city council as well as a baseball game umpired by Timon and Pumba. While amusing, it’s entirely pointless and has nothing to do with the scene going on right now, since it doesn’t further the characters we’ve seen and gives a pointless nod to Abbott and Costello.
Although this would have been more entertaining if this story had written out that part instead of just telling us that, but whatever. We’ve just barely started this thing and there is soooo much more I can gripe on. So, let’s move on.
Ben finds the box that allows them to communicate with other worlds… With the lightest security system I’ve ever seen! Holy shit, my toilet has more security than this! The most powerful item in the Disney universe that can summon any Disney character at will and it doesn’t even get a locked door! Very trusting community we have here! Maybe this is the town where Moxie can go on a killing spree and nothing bad will ever happen to her!
Sir, the doctor said it is not good to talk about that story any more. Find your happy place.
Okay… Find … my happy… place…
I don’t care if you’re a made up crossover pony… ONE DAY, YOU WILL BE MINE!
Ben continues to be an idiot as he starts playing with the dangerous device and manages to turn it on. A huge beam of light emerges from the machine and fires into the distance creating an explosion. Knowing that they are in deep shit, the kids rush out of the clock tower.
A small explosion could be heard in the distance, sending folks out into the streets to see from where the conflagration came. So much murmuring and alarm!
And yet, no one can figure out the cause of it. I can see the mayor of this little town regretting his decision to forego tighter security around the FUCKING DIMENSIONAL WORMHOLE! TAKE SOME FUCKING LESSONS FROM STARGATE!
So, in chapter 2…
Hi there. It's Jiminy again.
D… Did we go to a commercial break or something? I mean, okay. Maybe that line might have worked when there was a month between reading chapters or something. But when you read from one chapter straight to the next… it's dumb. It’s just dumb. We already know that Jiminy is the narrator. I think we pretty much established that!
And if we were ever going to switch points of view in this story, there are more creative ways of doing so!
Anyway, Jiminy explains that the void to the villain’s dimensional prison was breached and that three of the most notorious, most sinister, most evil villains in all of Disney escaped from there. Are you guys picturing what I’m picturing right now? Because I think you are. Let’s see what the story gives us instead!
A few days pass since the event. A few days from when? I don’t fucking know. Jiminy says a few weeks, the narration says otherwise. Let’s just say the timeline is fucked and call it a day. So, Jiminy goes to an Ice Cream stand run by Carl. And just like before, the story stops to tell us more about Carl. Get used to that. I like to call it ‘stop and go’ storytelling. Mykan’s famous for it. And so are other writers. It’s where you stop the action of what is going on to explain the backstory of something else. Whether it has to do with the current situation or not.
Sometimes it’s not a bad thing. Sometimes you need to explain it. But when you have an intense scene like an action scene or a dramatic reveal of a villain or plot point, you kill the pacing by telling us how great Carl’s ice cream sundae is!
Shit I still don’t care to know!
Carl explains that things have been different in the town and it is now being run by the most vile of villains in all of Disney-dum.
Suddenly the place became very quiet as two men entered the soda shop. I looked these guys up and down, then hightailed it behind the cash register. I knew them right away: Gaston and LeFou!
Wait… so those two guys from Beauty and the Beast? They’re two of the villains in this? Okay, actually Gaston is supposed to be one of the big bads that escaped. I guess the story considers LeFou a henchmen, so he doesn’t count as a villain. Okay, not a great choice for a villain, since he’s more bigoted and selfish than he is actually evil. Though I could easily see a bit of a sadistic side in him.
Ugh… you sick fuck… thanks for that image….
But, whatever. As long as we get some really awesome villains, Gaston is a good brutish pawn. Too dumb to have high ambitions of his own, but not a complete idiot. His hunting skills would come in handy in a fight. Okay, I’m willing to accept this one.
So, the two burst into the Ice Cream parlor and demand service. Everyone, being too scared to stand up to the guy, backs off and gives him his order.
Carl, without hesitation, served both men big glasses of root beer followed by triple-decker burgers, fries, and heaps of ice cream
Um… Really? Fast food? I mean, LeFou, maybe. But I don’t know. I think Gaston loves his body too much to put that shit in it.
As they leave the Ice Cream Shop, the two men mention that Carl is behind on a payment and that their mysterious employer would be unhappy if Carl was any more behind. So, this sounds like Prince John from Disney’s Robin Hood. I’m not going to lie. It would be hilarious to see more powerful Disney villains take orders from a bumbling crybaby. Well, as a satire piece of course. This story plays it too straight to do that.
It turns out that this mysterious man has banned anything resembling fun. Apparently, this guy is so evil, that anyone having fun offends him. Hades from Hercules? Maybe?
At the same time, a woman has set up a sweat shop where all the women and children are forced to work for her. Oh, god! What in the fuck does this woman have in store for them?! Is she going to turn them into a garden of seaweed creatures? Like Ursula, the sea witch?! Or put a curse on them? Like Maleficent?!
No one knew where they were being kept, but Ben, not wanting to alarm his sister, finally realized that the infamous Cruella deVille had the pets kidnapped.
…
…
…
Cruella de Vil? … Cruella de Vil?
If she does not scare you, no evil thing will.
SHUT UP!
I mean, fucking Cruella de Vil?! What kind of powers does she bring to the table?! The power to be a complete bitch?! … Okay, valid, but… she’s a normal human being! A normal human being with no powers! No abilities! No skills! And two of the dumbest henchmen, even by dumb henchmen standards! She’s not scary at all!
GOOD SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS!
Holy…
…
…
…
I take that back… that is one scary bitch…
So, the kids learn that Cruella plans to turn the animals of the town into fur coats. Just like she did in the Dalmatians movie. But since she was outwitted by a group of puppies, how difficult can she be to take down?
Okay, Gaston was a decent choice for a villain. Not good, but decent enough. Cruella. Awful choice to go up against the entire Disney library, even though she’s a freaky as fuck woman. So, the third big Disney villain has got to be someone big! Someone who is feared throughout the entire Disney universe as one of the greatest and most powerful villains in the roster!
We cut back to the Ice Cream parlor where our story goes more in depth about Founder’s Day. Apparently, the main villain wants to cancel Founder’s Day and to the characters in this story and to the author, it is more important to save Founder’s Day than it is to save the city and its inhabitance. Why?
Because of the charity basketball game!
The parade is ready to go, the charity basketball game is to be a thrilling match - Imagine Eric and Phoebus on the team, Quasimodo helping officiate, and Esmeralda and Ariel leading the cheer block.
The only thing that sounds interesting is seeing Esmeralda and Ariel in a cheerleading outfit. That… I’m 100% behind.
But yes, this becomes the motivation for fighting back against the main villain! It’s not because people are suffering and losing their freedoms to these criminals! It’s because the main villain is threatening a city holiday! Why do I think if this town had Carnage as their mayor they’d be fine with him going on a killing spree, but the second he causes them to lose the ‘Nicest Looking Town’ award, they’re going to fucking impeach him?!
Priorities! Yours are fucked up!
So the evil villain continues to be evil as the story tells us of the teams of the basketball game working tirelessly on… projects? I don’t know. We never actually see anything that is happening. Anyway, because they are working on projects they can’t practice for the upcoming game.
Rarity… would you please overreact in an over-the-top fashion, a quality which I have come to love about you?
Thank you...
Jiminy arrives and tells Carl and some woman named Tina about a plan he's hatching to reach out and get some help, since they aren’t strong enough to deal with the villains on their own. And we learn the identity of the head mastermind behind this insidious plot! Who is it?! Is it Jafar? Chernabog?! The Horned King?!
Jiminy's voice lowered to a dull whisper as he uttered, "OK...Judge Claude Frollo!"
… … … Are you fucking kidding me?!
Look, I know I said that Frollo is my favorite Disney villain! I still stand by that, but… Really?! Judge Frollo is the main villain in this story?! He’s the biggest, and baddest Disney villain?! No! He’s not! God, no! He’s the most interesting! Don’t get me wrong! He’s a complete pervy psychopath, but… what?!
And his big thing is to cancel fun?! I think the Frollo I watched in the movie was a bit more complicated than that! I don’t know, it’s been a while! But I think Frollo was on a mission from God… that he took a bit too far! This is so out of character… I don’t even know where to begin! This is the character who would kill you at the drop of a hat! And his big, evil scheme is to cancel Founder’s Day?! He must be fucking pissed off about being in that Phantom Zone!
So, our three main villains of this piece are… Gaston… Cruella De Vil… And Frollo. Three normal human beings. No powers. No super natural abilities. No skills. Okay, Gaston has hunting, Cruella has Jasper and Horace and Frollo has… um… the late Tony Jay?
It never mentions any army that Frollo might have. Yes, I know he had a thousand men under his command in the movie, but that’s never mentioned here. So, six normal people, only one of them who has a gun is able to take over an entire town? In a town of magic and supernatural beings, a muscle bound idiot with a gun is a threat too big for the town to handle without some fucking backup? … And if you think that’s the dumbest thing this story has to offer… Oh brother… It gets worse.
And it gets worse at the very next line…
When Jiminy reeled off the heroes he had in mind, both Carl and Tina voiced approval. "But," Carl said somewhat uneasily, "I don't see how Aladar can help. Having a dinosaur around may be unsettling for folks..."
Now… I realize that Dinosaur might not have been a popular film when it was made back in 2000. So many of you might be wondering who Aladar is. Well, let me give you an idea of who Aladar is…
HE’S A 6000 POUND, 33 FOOT LONG DINOSAUR WHO COULD STEP ON EACH AND EVERYONE OF THESE ASSHOLES AND CALL IT A DAY!
He could literally end this story in 2 seconds! Fuck, the story even admits that, but as you’ll see later, the story kind of forgets that little detail! And people are worried that he’ll leave potholes or something?! Fuck the potholes! You are being enslaved, you idiots! I think a little collateral damage to the town is justifiable compared to the human lives you’d sacrifice if you didn’t! I think folks are already unsettled by the fact that they are being enslaved by a psychopath!
Ugh! Chapter 2 people! Chapter 2!
Jiminy heads off to gather the only seven heroes who are capable of saving Walroy… I mean, Founder’s Day… Huzzah…
At the start of chapter 3 we have another narrator, who is narrating what Jiminy is doing. Is this like the Winnie the Pooh narrator? Why do we have a narrator on top of a narrator? Does Jiminy have a little voice in his head that tells him to do things and what’s right and wrong? … Kind of ironic if he did really.
So, the first character Jiminy wants to recruit is Simba from the Lion King. Nala, his wife, doesn’t want to see him go, but Simba says he needs to help out and deal with the threat in Walroy.
"Do what you have to do, Simba," she said, knowing she'll miss her mate. "But please be careful, especially around that Cruella. I don't want her to turn you into a coat!"
And there’s exactly the problem with this. The first hero to be gathered and already the plot could have been over in two seconds. Simba is a fully grown lion! I think he would rip out Cruella’s throat before she had a chance to act. Yeah, she has a car, but the second she is out of that car, she’s cat chow! And the only one who would stand a chance against Simba, would probably be Gaston, and that’s only because of his expert hunting and his gun! Other than that, the villains of this piece could be taken down by this one character! And we have six more characters to wrangle up! Who else are we getting?! Gurgi?!
Hm… Never mind. Welcome to the team…
The thing I love about this fic is how it tries to build up Frollo as this big threat to the characters, even though he clearly isn’t! Just look at this…
"And don't forget we have a couple more baddies. Gaston and LeFou will be pushovers, but Frollo!" The very name sent shivers down Jiminy's spine.
Now Nala was really alarmed. She remembered Esmeralda's account of what happened in 1482 Paris during the Feast of Fools, and how Frollo terrorized all of Paris just to hunt down the outspoken Gypsy dancer.
"Come on, Nala, Frollo is like Scar, and I'm sure he has a weak spot."
Yeah, it’s called anything that kills a human being! Lion attack falls under that category!
So, as if this fic couldn’t get any stupider, the next character they decide to recruit is the aforementioned Aladar. Remember? The giant dinosaur who could end my suffering in 2.3 seconds?! The funny thing is the story mentions about Aladar’s size and yet this story will forget about that little detail as it goes on.
The next character on our list is Ariel from the Little Mermaid. Oh, so, she’s going to go get the trident from her father?! That’d be fucking badass! Those villains are in hot water now!
Worst joke ever.
I really don’t need your sass right now!
Sadly, no. The story does none of those things. Instead, it mentions that Ariel is a mermaid, even though she’s living on land with her husband and daughter… but it clearly says mermaid in the story… Why would she be a mermaid- Oh, fuck it.
So, they head off to collect one of my favorite Disney characters, Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Though I am rather curious why they don’t just use the magic powers of the Disney Summoning Box to bring them straight to Walroy, rather than traveling to their world and collecting them, like the Blue’s Brothers, but maybe Frollo and his goons have control of the clock tower.
However, I do have a complaint. If they can need the portal generator machine to teleport to other Disney worlds, how the fuck are they going to all these other Disney worlds?! There is no mention of how they go to these different worlds to get help?! What? Are they using a Gummi Ship from Kingdom Hearts?!
They bring Belle because apparently we needed the extra help. The group then makes their way to Paris where they hope to enlist Esmeralda and Quasimodo. Where the heroes of the movie are kind of pricks...
"Uh, Jiminy," said Phoebus, "are you sure you want US to help you? Come on! It was bad enough with Frollo the first time around."
I seem to remember Phoebus being the guy who did the right thing, regardless of the risk! Well, thanks for buttfucking that character, story! Are there any other characters you want to make your bitch while you’re at it?!
Esmeralda echoed Phoebus with, "Yeah, and if you want to include me on your little caper, count me out. Ugh! Just the thought of being within ten feet of Frollo gives me the heebie-jeebies."
Well, excuse me, princess!
So, after some convincing from the gargoyles who have no place being here, which brings up the question, why don’t they go to the world of the Gargoyles and get Goliath?!
Esmerelda and Quasi decide to help the group face the villains and save Founder’s Day. With one last stop to make, Jiminy heads to Agrabah to enlist the help of Jasmine. However, Aladdin explains that Jasmine is pregnant and can’t help them. Which raises the question, why the fuck don’t they enlist Aladdin?! Hell, I’d even understand if he said no, so he can be with his wife while she is pregnant! Even though the baby isn’t expected for another seven months according to the story…
But what about the fucking Genie?!
Why can’t they enlist his help on this?! He has no reason to be there where he won’t be able to help Agrabah for another seven months!
Jiminy and the gang are upset that they can’t get Jasmine’s help on this.
"Now what will I do? I can't think of anyone else willing to take on the challenge."
Neither can I, Jiminy. I can’t think of any character who would be helpful against these villains… Except for this small list of characters....
Captain Jack Sparrow
Stitch
Peter Pan
Tarzan
Mulan
Hercules
Scrooge McDuck
The Rescuers
Basil
Baloo the Bear
Robin Hood
…
There’s more, but I think you get the idea.
Poor Jiminy! He assembled the oddest, quirkiest assortment of Disney heroes, but he was lacking one more.
Ha, ha, ha! You have no idea what quirky means do you? … That or you just called all the characters odd? Seriously, the oddest one there is Quasimodo and even then he’s not that odd. Also, really great on the repetitive thing. And a very good job on the tediousness.
Hello, pot. I am kettle.
I don’t get it.
We then cut to the perspective of Frollo … which is the weird thing… I don’t think Jiminy was there when Frollo was making his big plans. Or is this the other narrator we’ve had that’s telling us this? But it talks to us like Jiminy is talking to us?
Yeah, I probably should move on…
We find Frollo masterbating to himself… eww…. about how evil he is and how he is going to ruin Founder’s Day. And more importantly the Charity Basketball game.
God, would you shut up about the basketball game?! Nobody gets this excited about normal basketball!
And we get some insight into Frollo getting horny as he gets into a fight with his secretary. Yeah, this story really, REALLY takes a dark turn fast. I mean, this is fic started as kind of the Disney traditional ‘fun for the whole family’ deal, but now it’s rather disturbing. Yeah, it’s part of what I like about the character of Frollo, but it comes straight out of left field, especially since what we’ve seen up to this point, doesn’t match anything we are seeing now as far as the tone.
Anyway, Frollo starts thinking about his co-horts and how he eventually plans to betray them. As he feels they are unsuited to aid him in his mission. Which is…justice? I honestly have no idea. To ruin Founder’s Day? Okay, then what, smartass?! There is really no end goal to Frollo’s plan. It’s just… ‘I need to ruin Founder’s Day.’ And that’s it.
It mentions justice like I said, but it’s never really explained what he sees as just or not. Is it because Gaston is putting up a protection racket? A protection racket that you allow him to do?! Or Cruella’s stealing other people's pets to turn them into clothing?! Again, you said she could! So, what kind of messed up justice are you building towards?! At least in the movie, he believed he was doing good because of prejudice!
He is interuptted from his self masterbastion… again… eww… when a woman named Tina walks into the room and has a discussion with him. And then… it skips over to Tina driving home from that discussion. That’s okay, I didn’t want to see what the fuck they were talking about anyway.
But it at least, TELLS us what fucking happened. Opposed to that, I’ll show you…
The sick fuck!
So, the entire chapter is setting up how Frollo is in love with Tina and how Tina wants nothing to do with him. Frollo still not having a clue, despite her constantly telling him to ‘piss off’.
The group gathers at Tina’s place where they try to come up with a plan to defeat the villains. And they come up with the most brilliant plan ever! Are you ready? Because this is fucking genius! Ready? Okay… Split up into teams, free all the little animals that Cruella has captured without her noticing, make Gaston believe in something superstitious by tricking him and have the woman who was just harassed by Frollo lead him on for information on his plans.
Jesus, that’s brilliant! I mean, I had this other plan to send the 6000 pound dinosaur into each of their homes and stomping them into paste, but this seems much more logical!
So, yes, folks. This is what this story has be written for. The whole reason this story exists is so that a young woman can have sex and be molested by an old guy. … Um… what?! Isn’t fan fiction/self inserts usually self-fantasizing? Something that you wished would happen to you, but you know it wouldn’t ever happen? So… this girl… wants to be sexually assaulted by a much older man? … Ugh… I could honestly spend hours trying to figure out the logic, but I’m afraid I’d become stupider if I did. So let’s just move on…
We then cut to Carl’s Ice Cream stand, funny how this character has more screen time than Sombra did in his episodes, where a mysterious man in a black cloak enters the shop. This is our mysterious Disney Seventh. The story wants to keep him as secret as possible. Even though he amounts to very little in this story. It’s cute how it thinks I care.
The only problem was NOT to let themselves be known, not with three of Disney's worst out and about. Someone might spot them
Oh, no! Frollo might see the dinosaur out the window and figure that he’d better ditch the town and give up his evil ways! We couldn’t do that! Then we’d have a much shorter story! And lord knows I haven’t hit my quota of suffering yet! Rarity, we need you again!
God, that never gets old.
So, the group splits up and we cut to Tina and Esmerelda. They make their way to the clock tower to try to get the device that will send the Disney Villains back where they came from, but it turns out that Frollo does have guards. And they are all guarding the device. All two of them.
Though to be fair, it is more security than the last fucking mayor had. Honestly, I don’t see the issue with Frollo being in charge. At least shit gets done.
Meanwhile, Quasimodo gets a hold of a holographic projector device… Don’t ask… just… don’t ask… and plans to use it to scare Gaston into running away. Even though with his acrobatics and unusual strength he should be able to give Gaston a run for his money. But Gaston does have a gun, so maybe this is more logical.
At the same time, Simba and Aladar decide to stake out Cruella’s hideout where she is keeping all the animals. How the fuck did they figure out where she’s keeping the animals? … The plot fairy?...
The logic is that if Cruella sees Simba and Aladar rescuing the animals, then their plan would be for nothing. Even though ALADAR COULD EAT HER! Yes, Aladar is a herbivore, but I don’t fucking care! Bite her head off, you idiot! Or have Simba tear her apart! I don’t care! Fucking something!
As they approach the hideout, Cruella’s arrival causes them to go back into hiding. It’s like Superman dealing with the Penguin, except Superman is too frightened of the Penguin to deal with him. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, Frank fucking Miller!
Cruella gets into her hideout without noticing the 33 foot tall dinosaur hiding behind a bush or something and tells her henchmen, Jasper and Horace, about the job she wants them to do. And then she just leaves… Okay then… Enough of her then. Though to be fair, I have had enough of her to last me a lifetime.
GAH! STOP THAT!
As Cruella leaves, Aladar comes up with the only decent plan these characters have had thus far.
"This is gonna be tougher than I thought," said Aladar who had a mind to crash through the door, scare the crap out of Jasper and Horace, and rescue the pets.
Wow! I mean, holy shit! Wow! That is an amazing plan that came from the 6000 pound dinosaur! I wished I had thought of that! Clearly, this story is pushing the envelope!
But Simba prove he’s kind of an idiot with this very next line…
"Hmm...I have another idea. Aladar, why don't you stay here, then I'll go inside, just to ward off those two. When I give the signal, then do your thing."
Okay, not as good as the dinosaur fucking shit up plan, but okay, a lion is as good as anything else and we know that Jasper and Horace don’t have weapons, so… One villain down?
Nope. They wait until they fall asleep. Are you fucking shitting me?! They wait until they fall asleep! What were they afraid they were going to do? A Three Stooges routine at them?! So, Simba manages to sneak in the back, again with Aladar waiting for something to go wrong, and manages to rescue the little critters. However, before Simba can escape, he is shot by our villains with a tranquilizer dart.
The little critters explain to Aladar how Simba was captured. Oh, no! If only we had a 6000 pound dinosaur to save him!
Sir, you do realize that joke is incredibly old?
Well, if this fic wasn’t so stupid, I wouldn’t make fun of it!
Aladar bursts into the building and, just so we are clear, it’s not the fact that the 3 ton dinosaur that burst into your hideout that has the villains scared. No. No. It’s the fact that Aladar pretended to eat a pet cat that scares them off. This story just gave Jasper and Horace balls of fucking steel and at the same time, no balls at all! It’s kind of amazing… actually.
So, the little critters are saved and Jasper and Horace are on the run. No doubt going to Frollo and telling him what they saw, which is what our heroes were trying to avoid in the first place, but our heroes seemed to have forgotten about that little detail, so I will too.
Knowing that Cruella will return at any moment, the group decides they best head back to their base of operations, instead of waiting for her to return and going king of the beasts on her!
They get back to base where they discover that Jasper and Horace… are put in jail? Why is there a fucking jail if there are no fucking cops in this town?! Seriously?! I mean, yeah, the story mentions a police chief very early in the story, but we’ve never seen him or know what happened to him! We have not seen one fucking cop in this town to deal with the threat of three ordinary people with very limited resources! Who leads these cops?! Chief Wiggum?!
Frollo isn’t pleased with the fact that Jasper and Horace failed… and visits them in the jail? Um… isn’t he in fucking charge of the place? Could he not pardon them and get them back on the street and working for him?! Since he has control of the justice system, wouldn’t he… Oh, who gives a shit?!
And then… Frollo does this…
Right then and there, Frollo produced a curious item. It looked like a walkie-talkie, but that wasn't what it was. Claude Frollo simply smiled wickedly at the men, showed them the strange device, then depressed a red button. In a flash, Jasper and Horace found themselves engulfed in a blaze of red light. Within moments, they disappeared!
Holy shit! … Did… did he just send them to Hell?! … Because that is what it looks like! I think that Frollo just sent those two to Hell! … Very in character the more I think about it. … Okay, story, you get one point. But can you keep it?
Frollo, still smiling, said to himself, "There! That takes care of those two. Now, when the time comes, Cruella and Gaston will be next. I must thank Sid for coming up with this little device..."
Wait… who the hell is Sid? Sid? I don’t remember any character in a Disney…
Wait… do you mean Sid from Toy Story?! The Sid that blew up toys for fun in Toy Story?! The little boy Sid?! Sid invented the portal to Hell?! He’s not fucking Jimmy Neutron! He’s a child that is only a threat to the toys because they are alive! As far as he knows, he’s doing nothing wrong! I … I don’t…
Sir, happy place.
Okay… Happy place… happy place...
Okay… I think I’m good now…
So, in a strange grace of mercy, Cruella gives the slaves she has the day off from work because all her pets are missing. Huh? … I seem to remember her being a tad more persistent in the movies… DON’T YOU DARE SHOW ME HER IMAGE AGAIN?!
So, Ariel and Esmeralda are setting up… I don’t know… some kind of mechanical device, to deal with Frollo and his goons. All two of them. Again. But the problem is that neither one of them are technologically inclined. But before anyone can give enough of a rat’s ass, Belle arrives with her father just to help with this sort of thing. I guess Belle is now the fucking Flash or they have the device that allows them to teleport Disney characters to their world… So they can get the device that can teleport the Disney villains back to their world. … Make sense?
Meanwhile, Tina is serving herself up to Frollo and playing off him. Frollo continues to molest her and we get this fucked up line…
No wonder he has this fanatical female fan following...He must have that effect on them...He IS kind of sexy...Oooh, this kiss...I know I shouldn't feel this way, but...
Oh, good. The female character is enjoying being molested by this fucking perv. Remember girls, if a guy starts to touch you and kiss you against your will, just sit back and enjoy it! Don’t have free will of your own!
FUCK! YOU’D THINK I’D BE USED TO THAT BY NOW!
So, after we established Tina as a step backwards for women, Quasi and Esmeralda set up their lame ass holographic projector to scare the piss out of Gaston and LeFou.
None of the villains had yet to discover the Disney heroes' presence in town, and Quasi knew that if that ever happened then it's "bye-bye" Walroy.
How? … Does Frollo have a bomb or something?! An army to tear the place apart?! Has threatened to actually get some good Disney villains in this story?! Ones that actually might be a threat and turn the tables on Frollo when he tries to control them?! … Actually, that would be miles more interesting…
We cut to Gaston who is doing what any guy with evil plans would be doing… Watching T.V of course… Sure, why not? However, as they enjoy their show, a noise is heard from outside. Gaston sends LeFou to investigate and a mysterious creature attacks LeFou, but he is able to escape. Oooh… a mysterious creature? Okay, story… I’ll bite… what is this mysterious creature?
LeFou explains that he was attacked by a creature, right after lying to Gaston and telling him everything was okay… The Point doesn’t say pointless as much as I do in this fic! So, Gaston goes to investigate. At that moment, Gaston and LeFou are attacked by the mysterious creature that manages to easily overpower them and tells them about Jasper and Horace being sent to Bad Guy Hell.
And if you are wondering, yes… this creature is the mystery hero. Who is still a mystery at this point… Why do I get the feeling this character is going to be incredibly disappointing? So, after spending pointless scenes with the holographic projector, the mystery hero takes out one of the villains. Waste of text… it turns out that our mysterious hero has learned all about the plot and explains it to everyone. Apparently, Cruella has no idea what Frollo did to Jasper and Horace and that Frollo gives Cruella his guards to aid her plans. ALL TWO OF THEM!
They also learn the identity of the mystery hero that helped them. Oh, sweet! So, we finally get to know who the mystery hero is?! Alright, let the bad guys run for the hills because our mystery hero is…
It was Ben who, upon returning to town, revealed Quasi the mystery hero's identity.
Our seventh hero is…
At first the bell ringer was wary of this hero's presence, however, after some thought, Quasimodo rejoiced that the seventh hero just may the ticket to Walroy's freedom from the escaped villains' clutches.
Any second now...
However, Aladar and Simba were puzzled.
Um… Story? Story? Excuse me, but could you please reveal the mystery, now?
Since they had successfully freed the town's pets, they wanted to take down Cruella themselves.
Story?! We’re still here! Mind telling us what you’re keeping from us?!
Come on, Simba had a personal reason for getting Ms. DeVille since it was her henchmen who nearly killed him.
WHO IS THE … OH, FUCK IT! I’m going to my happy place…
Okay… I’m good…
So, Gaston and LeFou go to confront Frollo, falling into the heroes trap of turning them against each other. This would be a clever tactic IF THE VILLAINS WERE ACTUALLY A THREAT! Frollo lies and explains that there is no device, but wonders where Gaston and LeFou got the idea. They explain that a monster attacked them. And the identity of this monster is hinted at… Or rather spelled it out if you have two brain cells to rub together.
"Not human by any means, sir. Looked more like an animal, but unlike any beast I've ever seen."
This monster was big, blue, and butt-ugly. Oh yeah, he had a real temper, too. Really wrecked the house, so we'll need a place to stay."
So, yeah, if you haven’t guessed it by now… I’m spoiling it… The mystery hero is Stitch…
Which… brings up a whole new can of stupid to this fic! The mystery hero does not talk like Stitch! Seriously, could you ever see Stitch saying half of this dialogue?!
The thing was insistent. "Yes there is! Jasper and Horace were sent back because I saw the whole thing! Now if it's not here, who has it?"
"You were expecting Rocky or Screwy Squirrel,"
Did you not see the movie?! Stitch does not talk like this!
Stitch’s voice is broken up because he is still learning English! There should be clues like this through his dialogue! Not talking like a normal person! Also, the mysterious figure in a black cloak was not described as a munchkin! He was described as being normal height! Which doesn’t help the ‘big’ remark Gaston and LeFou made about him!
Ugh… Let’s just move on…
Frollo betrays Gaston and LeFou and banishes them back into Hell. So the villains are more a threat to themselves than the heroes are to them? … Well, that’s kind of interesting… And a bit funny… IF IT WAS ACTUALLY FUNNY!
Tina returns to Frollo’s office to try and seduce him again, while Belle, Esmeralda and Ariel sit with their thumbs up their butts waiting for a cue. Tina goes upstairs to try and distract Frollo, while the others look for the device that will send the villains back to Hell. But there is still one problem? What to do about Cruella? Because, clearly the dinosaur, the lion and the alien who can lift 3000 times his own weight will be ineffective against the normal human!
Tina takes Frollo down to his torture chamber, no doubt preparing for the S&M scene later in this story. Meanwhile, the other girls burst into his office and find the device. Yay… can we go now?
Oh, and I wasn’t kidding about the S&M joke either. These next couple of lines are pretty iffy.
And if I know Frollo, he's damning Tina, threatening to put the screws to her – no pun intended."
"I got it! Now, let's head downstairs. We'll toy with Frollo while he's 'tied up' before sending him back.
Oh, so, now we’re adding B and D to that, I guess?
Cruella is pissed off that her plan with the little animals didn’t go quite as she wanted and demands to see Frollo. She calls him up, but it turns out that Frollo is chained up and dangling over Tina. I’m starting to see why this whole story was written. So that the author could have BDSM time with a wrinkly old man… Whatever works…
So, with only one villain left and seven heroes to deal with her, what’s the hero’s best plan?
Simba and Aladar meet Cruella where she kept the animals. They convince her that Frollo sent them to help her deal with them, but when they arrived Jasper and Horace as well as the animals were gone.
FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A PITCHFORK!
They explain that Frollo had double crossed her by sending Jasper and Horace back to Hell. And that he planned to do the same to Gaston and her as well. Cruella doesn’t take this kindly and stomps off to confront Frollo.
We cut back to Frollo’s S&M dungeon where our girls are TORTURING HIM! Yeah, Ariel, Belle and Esmeralda are enjoying torturing a human being! Who the fuck do they think they are?! Jack fucking Bauer?!
Phoebus and Cloppin arrive… Oh, sure, now you grow a pair… to help gang rape Frollo. Yeah, who are the bad guys again?!
Cruella arrives and is escorted down to the dungeon where our heroes wait for them. Yes, even the fucking dinosaur!
Esmeralda merely replied, "This is what happens when someone tries to double-cross you, Cruella. We have what you want, and that little beast can't wait to have his fur all wrapped around you."
Oh, god! We’ve add beastiality to this! Did the author just think that all these fetishes would spice up this story?! If so, fail!
So, the day is saved. Stitch is finally revealed as the mystery hero and the villains are sent back to their world. The town then has the pleasure of enjoying Founder’s Day and more importantly the basketball game.
Alright, this basketball game has been promoted throughout the entirety of the story. A basketball game that is apparently more important than human lives! Something we have waited the entire story for! All I’m saying is… this better be one hell of a basketball game!
Then the game: The Disney Toons vs. The Walroy Wonders. On the latter team, the high school basketball team plus a few adult volunteers made up the starting lineup. On the Disney team? How about Phoebus, Hercules, Eric, Goofy, Clarabelle, and Mickey Mouse for starters. The game, of course, was strictly for fun, and all proceeds went to charity. Who cared who won or lost? With Esmeralda and Ariel leading the cheer block, and Quasimodo and Phil officiating, and that odd assortment of players, it was one laugh-filled game of hijinks and good time fun. By the way, the Disney Toons won: 99 to 55.
… You’re fucking kidding me? You’re god damn fucking kidding me?!
That was the basketball game?! That was what we were leading up to?! That was the mess that this story was building up to the entire fucking way through?! A single paragraph giving you the surface of the tip of the polar bear’s ass on the top of the fucking iceberg?! Really?! Fucking really?!
Sir, happy place.
Happy… place… Happy… NOPE!
This story is stupid!
I’ll give it some credit for its premise! The idea of a world where the Disney characters are aware they are movie characters is not doomed from the start! We’ve seen it work! Wreck-it Ralph is proof of that!
And the concept of huge crossover between other Disney characters is not dead on arrival either! Kingdom Hearts proves that! Fuck, House of Mouse and Sofia the First are better crossovers than this!
The only problem is… EVERYTHING ELSE!
The tone of this story is all over the place! Sometimes being very childish and talking down to its audience, but then throwing in molestation and fucking S&M torture messes with the tone of it! Either go one way or go the other! I don’t care! Just choose a tone and stick with it! When you try to do both, it seems like you have no idea what the story is!
The writing is bad. It’s descriptions are the bare minimum of telling. I never got an idea of the world we were in or some of the emotions of the characters. Half of the jokes that are supposed to be funny in this were so poorly executed I started to wonder if they could qualify as jokes at all. Scenes are never properly developed and other times you wonder what the hell just happened!
The characters are barely recognizable. Every single character acts nothing like their Disney movie counterpart. I never once believed that any single character was from a film I enjoyed.
And let's not forget the fucking molestation scenes where the woman is actually enjoying being sexually assaulted by her attacker. Yeah, kind of a fucking misstep there! It makes the character of Tina a fucking joke! She's a weak-willed sexual tool. That's it! That's ultimately what this character amounts to!
The plot in this could have been over in two seconds with the character choices! But no, because this is so poorly planned, the story has to come up with contrived reasons why the heroes don’t just end it! It’s not even plausible contrivances! It just turns the heroes into complete idiots, hoping that it will make the villains more dangerous!
The way to make villains dangerous is to show your heroes as competent as possible and yet the villain is either one step ahead of them or defeats them regardless, either by skill or cheating!
This story never does that! It just expects us to be afraid of the villains, because the characters are afraid of them. Not because of anything they actually do!
Four of the Disney 7 were fucking useless! Belle, Esmeralda, Quasimodo and Ariel did nothing throughout the entire story! This should have been called the Disney 3 since Aladar, Stitch and Simba were the only ones to actually do anything. And one could make the argument that Stitch didn’t do anything either! So, this should have been the Disney 2!
And the motive for the heroes is WEAK! Seriously, Fucking Founder’s Day is more important than saving innocent lives! And the story doesn’t bother making Founder’s Day cool!
And there is so much more that I could scream and yell about, but honestly… I’m spent for this week…
Have a good day guys.
Just putting this out here, that crossover-ponified Belle is FABULOUS!!!
Other than that, this sounded like one of those "special-little-snowflake" crossovers that doesn't just get everything wrong, it gets everything SPECTACULARLY wrong! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
Also, this guy not figuring out what to do with a motherbucking dinosaur makes the idiots running Jurassic World (just... all of them, they're all idiots, every last one) look like bucking geniuses with their ridiculous ideas of what to do with them! Especially Vincent "Let's militarize them" D'onofrio.
Um, why would it be sexist if it focused the Seven Princesses?
And I call myself a fanfic masochist.
Actually, it's a written rule; it was drilled into my head a few times in Middle and High School, if not earlier.
What a talking cricket is doing in Louisiana, I don't know. Maybe he's looking for gumbo.
Will Smith passed through on his way to Bel Air, I believe.
There are actually a few good fics with this premise out there...
Eech, that's no good.
On a side note, would you be interested in helping me with my "Blue in Equestria" fic?
Although, if Disney did buy DC out from under Warner Bros. the DC Cinematic Universe would probably be better off.
Why is it in Louisiana?
Thanks for telling us instead of, oh I don't know, SHOWING US!!!
Also, who are these characters? When were they introduced? Are they Disney Character I just don't know about?
Well, since we've only just met these character, how are we supposed to know how old they are... although you have a point; 30 is not old. 40 on the other hand...
And again, who are these characters, and where do they fit in Disney Canon?
Because only a man can do something so difficult. Who needs women anyway?
... as I say this, half of my characters are plotting to kill me.
To be fair, Abbot and Costello are funny. Which is more than can be said for this fic.
And in your defense, that Belle pony is seriously cute.
Frollo, Maleficent, and... who else? Ratigan? Rourke? Clayton? I can't think of a third one... I probably could, but I can't right now.
And there's never a Doctor around when you need one...
I use a variant of it from time to time, but I always do it in a way that ties in with the ongoing action (say, someone telling someone else a story to expand upon dilemmas they're currently facing).
... Seriously?
That's who you're going with for a villain? Instead of, say, Maleficent? Frollo? The Headless Horseman? Chernabog? Any of those villains would be much more intimidating, but instead of an evil preacher, a vengeful revenant, a sorceress with an army of goons, and the Devil himself, you go for a jackass and his dimwitted toady?
Any hope for this fic has died.
You're right; it needs more eggs.
I'd read that fic.
If this story were good, it would be Maleficent or Chernabog. Since it isn't, I'm just going to say that it's Alameda Slim.
Wow, and I thought Mykan's villains sucked. There, I said it. Mykan did something better than someone else.
As much as I like Frollo... he's not exactly high tier, especially when compared to Maleficent, Jafar, or Chernabog.
Never underestimate the power of a good singing voice in a Disney Movie.
Unless the villains are packing a Carnotaurus... which really should have been T. Rex or Acrocanthosaurus given that Abelisaurs like Carnotaurus only lived in the southern hemisphere.
Yo dawg, I heard you like narrators. So I gave your narrator a narrator so you can have narration while having your narration!
Or failing that, Genie could finish this entire story with a snap of his fingers.
Princess Kida
Dumbo's mother
Mary Poppins
Bayleen (Who is even bigger than Aladar, on account of being a Brachiosaurus)
There are more I could mention as well.
Green Arrow: JUSTICE!
Green Lantern: justice justice Justice!!!
Supergirl: Justice?
Green Arrow: Justice.
Critique, are you trying to tell us something?
And this story was painful... yet you keep going... poor you
Like House of Mouse?
You know, there's a fine line between fanfiction and flat out plagiarizing something because you have no ideas of your own.
He literally specified which cliché these kids are in the text.
Now granted, that could have been funny.
I'm not the only person who know what Dinosaur is! Yay!
Luke Skywalker
The Avengers.
Heck, Gonzo could stop them on his own.
Please tell me your not serious.
3331639
I know right.
3331682 I'm sure some author would figure out how to do that. That's the sad thing.
3332193
Does Celestia raise the sun every morning?
I think it's a spoof of Walt and Roy Disney. Combining their names into one. Not sure if the author knew it was a real town in Louisiana. I certainly didn't.
I know. It was the best pick of Belle as a pony I could find.
It's a sad day when you have to praise Mykan's writing skills.
JUSTICE!
Maybe I should be called the Fan Fic Masochist.
3332783
Oh, yeah. I forgot Disney owned the Muppets. I would have said Marvel and Star Wars, but the story was written in 2004, so Disney didn't own them yet.
Huh. Thought this was gonna be a Big Hero 6 crossover at first.
As for the story itself, judging by the bits of it I read in the review, it seems to fall into that category of stories that I just call the wasted potential category. You know, those stories with potential to develop in a lot of different, unique and interesting ways, before it makes you watch as it stabs itself in the chest over and over until every single interesting route it could take is gone, leaving nothing but a lifeless wreck that the writer is desperately trying to portray as interesting? Yeah, one of those.
Also, I'd just like to point out the obvious and say that the choice of characters to show off here, for both the hero's side and the villains side, is awful overall. Let's just go over each one individually:
Simba: Although most of the other choices are pretty bad, Simba is an exception. Not only is he physically powerful, being a lion and all, but he's also a character that anyone with even the most rudimentary knowledge of Disney would recognize.
Aladar: He would be a good choice for this, if it weren't for the fact that many people don't remember anything about Dinosaur. I'm just saying, if you're gonna make a story where Disney's best and brightest team up, it might be best to choose Disney characters that aren't so... obscure. Still, he's a dinosaur, so he'd at least be able to pull his weight.
Ariel: Granted, she is one of the more well known Disney characters, but still, what the heck is Ariel going to do? Sing them to death?? Unless she's using her father's trident, I don't see what exactly she could do to help?
Belle: Replace the word's 'using her father's trident' with the words 'using Beast as a bodyguard', and what I said for Ariel would apply to Belle. ...Oh wait, Beast ended up becoming human at the end of Beauty and the Beast. Never mind, I have no idea what they're planning on using her for. Even as a human, Beast would be the better option here!
Esmeralda/Quasimodo: Okay, I've only seen Hunchback of Notre Dame once in my life back when I was about nine, so my knowledge on this one may be a little hazy. Still, from what I remember, neither of them seem like good choices for a team of Disney's best and brightest. Sure, Quasi would have decent mobility, given how he'd spent his whole life climbing around a clock tower, but still, if you're looking for climbing skill, why not bring Tarzan instead? He's bigger, stronger, faster, probably more mobile, and he's a more recognizable choice to boot!
As for Esmeralda... well, I think I saw her doing parlor tricks in the movie? Still, unless the villains get easily distracted by that sort of thing, it doesn't seem like she'd have much use. Besides, if you want a magic user, you should probably just put Mickey in a sorcerer's hat and call it a day.
Jasmine: Well, I guess she has Raja, but still, I'd probably go with Aladdin first. Or better yet, I'd just bring Genie.
Stitch: A pretty darn good choice, if it weren't for the fact that they never chose him in the first place! Since he just sort of invited himself onto the team, I'm not sure I can count him.
So, out of eight characters, there are only three who I can seriously consider good options, and of those three, one is incredibly obscure, and the other wasn't even invited! So, yeah, not a great team of heroes here.
The villains however, I can't defend. Seriously, Disney has tons of awesome choices who are both threatening and recognizable! Jafar, Ursula, Hades, Maleficent, Shere Kahn, Scar, Chernabog (or as I like to call him, Satan)! All of these would be far better choices than who this story went with. Or heck, if you wanted to stick with just humans, I'd still choose Captain Hook before Cruella DeVille, since Hook at least knows how to use a sword! And another thing, why the heck are they portraying Frollo as a threat? Unless you're saying that Judge Frollo can become a hell fire demon or something, than I fail to see what makes him dangerous.
...Sorry, that went on longer than I thought it would. Just wanted to say, good review as usual, and this story seems like a humongous disappointment. Cheers
3334272
Cool. I'll send you a link.
I could just kiss you. But I won't. I'm not into that. Lucky you, yes?
You know, seeing that there has been much mention of Chernabog as a villain. Seeing the role Zeus played in Fantasia, He might have made for quite the villain in this as well. Just throwing that one out there. Hell, even Jadis the White Witch in Narnia would have been a better choice then many others. But that movie was made one year after the story, so it is a moot point.
I remember seeing a woman stating on TV about a book she has written. In it she states, "Men underestimates just how crazy woman are. And women underestimates just how stupid men are"
I personally feel it is more of an individual thing. From what I have seen in person, I would not underestimate the depths of what any man or woman might think or do, at any given moment, even of such things that is hard to think about or consider. In the words of the Cheshire Cat, "We are all mad!"
3332783
It is, but it is not only a case of not having new ideas, it is part of human nature to mimic what we see to some extent. We might not have this fan fic site otherwise. It is also said by some, "Imitation is the greatest form of flattery." It is a matter of perspective on when it is giving a nod to something one liked and just down right copying for sake of not thinking, or hoping the the popularity of said subject might give what they made a boost in the eyes of other fans. At that rate we all could be accused of copying from Hasbro for our use of their ponies alone.
Still, I know what you are saying, out right plagiarizing is just not cool.
3332193
I do remember coming across that while looking up some of the mentioned rules of writing that I could find. I made a few changes to what I had written after finding that, along with a few other such rules.
I am still working on how to do that well, without going overboard with too much details.
Than again, I remember some say, "It's all in the details." The question is always for me, what details work best, and how to give enough without repeating myself as well. I find I tend to do that. And it is a vary bad habit.
Thanks for making me feel old!
I agree. Though I am generally none too picky.
I could do with out that image of Computer. I understand though, everyone has their own tastes.
Doctor who? Oh' Now I get it!
I can be accused of doing this as well, But I do it for the sake of the story, not just to prolong it.
I just got an epiphany of sorts as to one other thing (of the many other things) that might have been a problem within my last story.
"I like to call it ‘stop and go’ storytelling."
Do to the fact my story dose not revolve around one or just a few characters, some of what I have in each chapter is broken up into segments. This is so I can keep tabs on the many in my story. I now feel perhaps this is in part why so many did not like it. Some might have fount it frustrating that it did not strictly stick with any given event and not bounce around within the story so I could fit in what each of them where doing during any given moment. Though I also feel I am grasping at straws for any possible reason.
It was also mentioned by spideremblembrony to try and keep the feel of a story and not bounce around trying to fill too many types all at once. If it is is a Horror, keep it a horror. If it is a comedy, keep it a comedy.
This I failed at within my last story as well.
Without spideremblembrony giving a review of it, I am still finding faults just the same with what he has said on other stories. I feel it has far too many now to fix, by any means, without a full rewrite and full destruction of what it is.
This is why I stopped writing. Other than what I am finishing up for myself.
3335272
Yes, very cool.
3334738
You'd be pretty much right on the money with that one.
The only thing she did in the story was call her father and get the bullies to stop picking on her. Oh, good. One of the legendary heroes who is going to save the day has to call for help from her dad.
Well, in the movie, he did have an army of a thousand men under his command, but sadly the story never mentions any of that. We sort of just assume he waltzes into town, declares himself king, and the people are too nervous to ask him to stop being mean for fear he'll call them fat or something.
Thanks for commenting and reading my review. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future. Until then, take care.
3335847 Yes, Fluttershy is my favorite. Followed close by Rarity and then in third Princess Celestia. Yes, I like Luna too, but I find Celestia more compelling.
3332783
I liked that movie
3338214
Oh' I found Celestia to be quite compelling in the first story I read on this site. A Bluebird's Song.
She feared abusing her power. Though one pushed her too far when Twilight was threatened. Celestia tortured his ass ruthlessly for it. In the end it killed him. No, now that I think of it, he was poisoned after by someone to help ruin Celestia's reputation, and her confidences in herself as a kind ruler. It almost worked. It was a very long and complex story.
Oh my God I loved House of Mouse when I was little!
3349562 So did I.
I still remember the theme song.
3351149 I'm not sure what to think of myself after realizing that I know the theme by heart.
...I have no life.
3351175 You and me both my friend.
