I can love Discord and Twilight, but not myself · 9:02pm Aug 11th, 2015
So, I recently started going to therapy. (The gal that I met at efnw this year will be pleased to hear, and also I am very sorry for kind of spilling all of my guts to you and I hope you didn't lose my card because I forgot your fimfiction name.) After my first session my therapist gave me a little homework assignment; to list 5 things I like about myself. 5 non-physical things. Sounds totally easy, right?
Well...that was over a week ago, and until last night I had nothing. Literally nothing. I made excuses and procrastinated (like I do) because whenever I tried to maybe think about nice things about me, I seem to always find a counter argument for it to invalidate each one.
Then I thought, 'let's ease into this introspection with a little writing exercise. I decided to make a list of 5 things Discord likes/loves about Twi and vice versa.
For them, this is what I came up with:
Five things Discord loves about Twilight:
1. Her compassion, her ability to see multiple points of view and genuinely care about the fairness of having all sides be heard.
2. Her love of knowledge. Her intelligence and accomplishments are a testimony to her never-ending search to learn and to improve.
3. The care she gives to and about her friends and others, especially as that was a learned skill (and he can relate to the struggle)
4. Her enthusiasm for the things she is passionate about. When she gets started on one of her enthusiastic rambles about Griffon kingdoms or magically-woven tapestries or something, it almost doesn't matter that he might find the actual subject boring, because the way she expresses it makes it sound like something worth listening to.
5. How adorably transparent she can be. Although she is more like a two-way mirror, he has a much easier time reading her than she does in the reverse (or even in reading herself in some cases)
Five things Twilight loves about Discord:
1. The fact that despite the uphill battle his integration into pony society as been, and how there are still a percentage of ponies that don't have the confidence that he can change, that he is still willing to try. Even if they are small steps, he keeps climbing.
2. His natural penchant for showmanship, which makes him such a brilliant storyteller. He's always ready to entertain should the situation call or it (and he tends to dictate that it does quite often)
3. He is a very good conversationalist..Being around for so long and having seen things from nearly all angles, he has a very intriguing perspective and is great for anything from a debate to a philosophical discussion to advice. (Only problem is he has to be in the mood to share his views and wisdom. And some of his personal views on ponies might be slightly skewed)
4. His creativity/individuality. He has had to make some sacrifices in the name of change, but he doesn't seem to have sacrificed any of his individual charm nor the things that truly make him him.
5. How much of a puzzle he still is. Although it's not as hard to get a read on him anymore, there is this remaining sense of mystery still about him, like he is always holding onto a secret that just delights him to not end that he knows and you don't. (This is also on her list of things that infuriate her about him)
All of that^ took me maybe an hour, whereas after over a week of stewing on the subject, I was finally able to extract just 4 for myself:
Five things I love like about myself:
1. I try to see the best in people, and not judge them without knowing the facts since you can''t know someone just at face value or one instance.
2. I care very much about understanding others and being understanding, because that's how I'd like to be treated.
3. My creativity,because I love to write and I love my voice and I love voice acting. And even if I'm not the best, I still think I'm good at those things.
4. I like to help people feel better, to cheer them up even if I don't always know how or even if I know my method is just a form of escapism. Maybe it's because I don'twant them to feel worthless or awful like I do sometimes.
5. ?
It's probably a good measure of my current mental state when I find it easier to list the good qualities of fictional characters than to list my own. For those 4 I was able to force out, I could probably give you all the arguments against them plus about 20 more things I don't like about me.
Ah depression, oh how fun a companion you are.
More fun type posts later, and with hope more DiH.
ALOFC
-Ckat
Depression is a companion best put in a leash.:P
I am sorry to hear you've been struggling with depression.
But what you did with Discord and Twilight was very clever! Hopefully your therapist is the kind of 'hands on' therapist. Instead of diagnosing 'what's wrong with you', a good therapist will cooperate with you to help make your life better. If put in the right hands, therapy is really effective. My family life and mental state has improved a lot since I went into therapy. Best of luck to you! 
We
u Ckat. Don't forget that u're worthy of our love.
I think you're pretty cool, for what it's worth! You've got a pretty voice.
Misery loves company; talk it through with a friend. I myself have faced depression, but refused therapy under the pretense that I didn't believe it would work. (I believe most therapists do not understand the brain's thought processes under the effects of depression.) Day by day I found methods to distract myself. If that didn't work, I talked it out with friends. If that didn't work, I just waited. I had, and still have, chronic depression. It's not always on me, but sometimes taking a nap or just waiting helps. I'm here as a shoulder to cry on if necessary, but if that makes you uncomfortable, I will not attempt to overstep the boundary. Sometimes even writing depressing stories can help. It helps to fuel the emotions into something. I hope you feel better!
Best of luck!