On my lack of content and on my future plans · 7:41pm Jul 15th, 2015
It's no secret that a while ago I essentially went missing. From churning out story after story to barely making a sound. I've been meaning to explain. But always found some reason to delay. I guess because I needed everything to level off before I made an attempt.
So, as those who follow my journals know, my aunt had cancer, which went into remission then returned. During the first bout I offered what help I could, as she was still mostly in Arizona but also got treatment here in California. The second occurrence happened after she sold the Arizona house and moved here with her sister and brother, who share a very large home. Because I was available and had the capacity I took to spending days caring for her. Making food, helping her around, fetching stuff. The usual. And doing things for my aunt and uncle like fixing their dinners, taking in trash cans and bottled water and generally being useful. You do for family.
Things got more... emotional when new rounds of chemo made her lose her hair and made her weak and often too sick to eat more than a few bites. A tumor took position on a nerve and caused constant pain that required powerful medication. I had to get her her pills and see that she ate and drank at least a little something. She walked less and less, soon having to have a bed put downstairs because she couldn't climb stairs anymore. She moved with a walker, and even so with difficulty. Naturally, I stopped everything for this. Pony words might be enriching, but again, you do for family.
She went to the emergency room with some frequency for complications caused by poor diet and the painkillers. Eventually she went in and we got the news. Terminal stage. She came back home, wholly unable to walk. I helped carry her to the bed and got her in it. That was where she stayed. I saw her awake and talking one last time, then went a day later to see her in not-a-coma, occasioanlly gasping for a breath. And then never again.
The funeral was about a week ago. My sister and her kids flew in from back east to attend, which was bittersweet. I seldom see her or my niece and nephew. I've been walking around sort of emotionally raw, somewhere after numb but not scarred over. It is the emotion that happens after the shock of seeing a loved get a death sentence from a doctor, then helping them as they walk in the shadow of looming death, then seeing that moment when it becomes inescapable.
So that's why. You do for family. And you do it even when it feels like being dragged over broken glass. You do it even more when it feels like that. Because they have it worse.
Now as to future plans...
First, I need my writing mojo back. I am rusty and drained. Can you blame me? I just need my head to get back to normal and then give it a go.
Then, I am refining my focus. This time with my aunt and inside my own head, mostly away from things, has driven me to embrace what I used to just nod at. My own Socialism. It was never a secret I was a leftie. But a combination of raw emotion, personal thought and study have slanted me to the left. That kind of Euro-socialism that the Nordic nations have. Or that England sort of wants to have but the Tories are too obstructionist and Labour is too timid, but it's still a nice place anyway. I always showed my Equestrias like this but now the stories will be more about the nuts and bolts, in some sense. And show comparisons and contrasts. My grandfather on my mother's side left me a great legacy, being a leftist union man who lived the American dream. Illiterate and poor at English he turned the sweat of his brow and the labor of his hands into a life for seven children. (And yes, cheeky wags, I do happen to have L'Internationale and La Marseillaise in my personal playlist along with my pony music. My biggest source of sadness is that there is no good, robust socialist party in America. I have to vote Democratic.)
I'm also going to be even more anti-misogyny. I can't enter that headspace, even as a completely idiotic sexual fantasy. It feels anything from completely moronic to completely disgusting. I'm not an SJW because that term has been dogwhistle'd into meaninglessness. And yet as a socialist I believe in, well, social justice. As well, ponies have always provided strong and wonderfully unique female characters. To destroy that makes me think ofthose disrespectful jerks, the proto-hipsters in Ray Bradbury's "The Watchful Poker Chip of H. Matisse." I also just lost a female relative, while surrounded by other female relatives, and just saw my sister, and my niece. All I think of is, "I would sooner die in pitched combat, crawling with one good arm to die stabbing at the Heartless Hind than see these members of my family whom I love hurt by these chunderf 
ks." It's why I used to make a big deal about deconstructing the idiot sex world, asking what became of the old and young. I frame the idiots as fascist monsters because they fit the role to the hilt. And I am often at odds with the authors and artists of such because frankly... I have no evidence but simple reasoning tells me they might potentially be really terrible people. As in, jerks like Vox Day or Roosh V or Marjan Siklic. Genuinely internally ugly and antisocial people. I don't know it. I'm sure that some could convince me they are merely mentally grotesque-but-in-an-artistic-way-like-really-ugly-statues-in-city-squares. But it's not an easy sell.
As you can guess, I'm turning this sorrow into anger. And that anger into writing. I will be back to "Etiamsi Omnes, Ego Non" as a giant middle finger AND a giant Emori Per Ignem to Creepy McCreeperson, long may he be hated. I'm also trying to find artists for anti-Fall propaganda. They have been too softly coddled for too long. They need to face their own chain-and-chair-leg Cable Street gauntlet. They deserve disdain.
But as well, my softer works need some love. It's one thing to oppose this monstrous madness. But an alternative must be shown. I'll make more bright, shiny and happy works, promoting peace and love and joy. If not I, then who?
So that's everything. Don't mind if I don't reply to comments. As ever, this phone is very unstable. I may make an effort but if it crashes I might rethink my attempt.
Well, good to know we stand at extreme ends of the political spectrum, but don't worry. Even though I'm a racist, xenophobic, poor-hating conservative redneck, I still love you, you America-hating, Commie Pinko bastard.
Sorry to hear about your Aunt. Never easy losing a loved one. If you ever need anything, I'm here for ya, brother.
Glad to hear you're getting back to sticking it to that retarded little AU. I'm eager to see where you take The Phantom. I love that guy. All too often stories like these focus solely on the suffering of the females, but the males suffer as well, just in different ways. I often think what would happen should Shining Armor suddenly snap out of Dainn's mind control and see what he'd been forced to do to his wife and baby sister. I imagine shield bubbles surrounding all adjacent caribou and shrinking slowly...
Glad to have ya back, friend!
First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how hard that process can be, and if you need an ear, feel free to PM me (I can't always say as much as I used to, but I can always make time for a friend.
As to the other things... I have a piece of advice, and I want you to seriously consider it. This applies to both of your passions: Make sure the people you're helping want the help you're offering. "Freeing" people involuntarily from something they're choosing is just a different form of slavery.
In any case, welcome back.
Hey Gabe, I'm sorry for your loss. That kinda thing... Seeing someone you love wasting away in front of you... It's not easy. I wish you the best.
First, sorry for you loss.
Second, glad to have you back. Odd how your politics aligns with mine. So Leftie it up to your heart's content. I'm not sure about the anti-Fall thing as I've never followed that AU, but more power to you.
Third, does this mean more Long Eared Temptress or Dames of the Tea Table?
I'm so sorry for you and your family. I lost my mother to slow cancer, so I know exactly how awful the whole process is, and I truly feel for anyone who has to go through it.
Good for you and your philosophy of life! I'm all over the political map, deciding on issues on a case-by-case basis. I don't subscribe to any ideology because I think that limits my ability to really examine any given question. But there can be no better touchstone than asking what makes life better for the majority of people. Speaking for myself, I would rather see stories from you that celebrate your own philosophy rather than ones attacking the ideals of others... no matter how vile or repugnant those ideals are.
But, in any case, welcome back!
It's always emotionally thick the first few weeks. Just lost both of my folks last month.
I remember when my dad was bed ridden. He had already lost all of his hair and was on powerful medication for the pain. I'm laughing because he'd say that ants were biting him and crawling all over him. We thought he was hallucinating because we were told that was a side effect, but sure enough when we changed his blankets he was covered in ants! XD
Heh. Humor helped her in the declining period. She tried to stay as happy and in good spirits as she could. Even at the end she remained sharper than expected. Though we still don't know if she was mistaking theTV for a picture frame or if she was commenting that a picture looked like something other than what it was because we were in different clothes than usual and were unnaturally posed.
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I would suggest staying away from the Etiamsi Omnes stories. They are a hybrid of my philosophy being promoted and the other one being denigrated. My other stories will be more purely about my philosophy and how it works with interesting stories.
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My unofficial plans are as follows: Finish a collab with Kalash that I started just before this all started; do another "Prince's Bride" chapter,"; do something with Etiamsi Omnes; maybe another Brotherhood chapter; and start a series on Equestrian holidays, using framing stories to move into a deeper explanation of the specifics ofthings like pony Santa Claus, their Easter Bunny, and so on.
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That's why I never managed to get back to you. Life has been... intense.
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In the main, I understand what you are saying and why you are saying it. You and my friend Noble have taught me what the heck BDSM is and how a non-libertarian can be neutral to it (when, just by appearances it seems to be a tool of the power elite.)
I was struggling with how to explain all this. The idea is that just like I. Real life the overpowering majority of citizens want nothing to do with power play and D/s structures, if they even know such a thing exists. And that vanishingly narrow subset that does likely does not want it anywhere near as hard as the caribou have it (for one thing it denies lesbianism, gay males and femdom their indivdual expressions.) The practical concerns for the Black Knight and his rebellion and allies are to restore the governments in exile to political power and restore some semblance of stability along with infrastructure to stabilize the population (keep in mind, this is a hard deconstruction of fetish worlds, not just a lot of attacking. The major deaths serve a political or propaganda purpose.) Once the political goals are met and the provisional Equestrian government has things ready for Celestia and Luna to come back, more "fluffy" concerns can be addressed. Chief among them will be those who want to remain in some variation of D/s. It should be handled like... like Christianity and the same sex issue. Christians exist. Christians have megachurches and Bible rock and Veggietales. But the law is clear that however they may want to make a theocracy, they can't. The D/s dregs who liked it will have to "suffer" throgh other people having freedom they don't want while they voluntarily submit to their thing. (But the law is the law; religion can do stuff until it abuses those who did not consent or goes over the deep end, like those exocisms that kill people or faith healers can kill people.)
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In the main, I understand what you are saying and why you are saying it. You and my friend Noble have taught me what the heck BDSM is and how a non-libertarian can be neutral to it (when, just by appearances it seems to be a tool of the power elite.)
I was struggling with how to explain all this. The idea is that just like I. Real life the overpowering majority of citizens want nothing to do with power play and D/s structures, if they even know such a thing exists. And that vanishingly narrow subset that does likely does not want it anywhere near as hard as the caribou have it (for one thing it denies lesbianism, gay males and femdom their indivdual expressions.) The practical concerns for the Black Knight and his rebellion and allies are to restore the governments in exile to political power and restore some semblance of stability along with infrastructure to stabilize the population (keep in mind, this is a hard deconstruction of fetish worlds, not just a lot of attacking. The major deaths serve a political or propaganda purpose.) Once the political goals are met and the provisional Equestrian government has things ready for Celestia and Luna to come back, more "fluffy" concerns can be addressed. Chief among them will be those who want to remain in some variation of D/s. It should be handled like... like Christianity and the same sex issue. Christians exist. Christians have megachurches and Bible rock and Veggietales. But the law is clear that however they may want to make a theocracy, they can't. The D/s dregs who liked it will have to "suffer" throgh other people having freedom they don't want while they voluntarily submit to their thing. (But the law is the law; religion can do stuff until it abuses those who did not consent or goes over the deep end, like those exocisms that kill people or faith healers can kill people.)
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AronRa, an atheist Vlogger gave a speech about how society had changed over the course of his life with respect to blacks, gays, atheists and women. He proudly proclaimed himself to be a feminist, because feminism was about equality between both sexes. I follow his lead in that. Now it does sound semi-tacky to say "look at how the men are suffering" when the women are being whipped and mutilated and forced into slavery, but those men who cannot escape to rebel have to see all this and have their guts ground up. They are impotent and despairing, unable to do anything but watch. That's why the rebels are so eager to fight and glad to die. For most death is prefereable to their fate incaptivity, or because they understand what the message of their death would mean in pure propaganda gold.
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Thanks for the heads-up. I'll do that!
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I was speaking more metaphorically than specifically about in-universe FoE. I fully support your fics, but how it really relates to what I said is that a lot of the artists and writers for FoE are actually female. So in some cases, by attacking FoE or other rape fics/hardcore BDSM/etc for being misogynistic, you're actually attacking the fantasies of real women. You're protecting the representations of women by saying to real women "you can't do that."
Along the same lines, politically, if people don't want communism/socialism, you have to accept that. There are a lot of benefits to capitalism, and there are drawbacks, but some people (even at the low end of the ladder) think the drawbacks are worth it. The Conservatives, the Libertarians, the Tories, those are groups of people who are blocking the policies you want-- not rich, greedy people, people like me.
If you don't talk to people, and find out what's important to them, and why they feel the way they do, you're a crusader who represents just yourself and your own opinions, and those generally aren't appreciated. So just make sure you're talking to the people and realizing there are people behind ideas you don't like.
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I understand completely. If you want to get started again, do let me know. But if you want to take a break, that's fine as well.
Sorry to hear about your aunt.
As for the socialism thing... Well I'm in neither wing honestly. I fucking hate politics, because all of it is bullshit, socialism included. And you know what? Whatever happened to America just being... America? Not left nor right nor pinko commie. But like so many things, the base product that worked so well is taken and bastardized to suit whoever wants to change it, for whatever reason they'd have. If it ain't broke don't fix it. (Though I will freely admit that it is currently broken, only because someone tried to fix it when it wasn't.)
However, I think I really would like to see a fic about the 'nuts and bolts' of Equestrian government, as you see it. Sounds either really interesting, or mind-numbingly boring. Get to work on that!
What is "Etiamsi Omnes?" Also, Creepy McCreeperson? Is that actually a person, or is it some kind of expression?
With you on everything you wrote.
'Nordic Socialism', which made my country Denmark great is on it's way out though. We have a conservative and far right government now that is attacking it on all fronts. Wealth gap is widening and economy is getting wobbly, social services are under attack and profits are being privatised while the risks are socialised. The usual.
Still better than the USA's system, but not if they have their way. The US is their great idol after all.
Anyway, political stuff aside...
All my best wishes to you and I hope you'll get your life back together and into 'normalcy' again in the not too distant future.
Not really "jerky." I mean, the female suffering is obvious. It's arterial bleeding, while the male suffering is the collapsed lung, if I may be graphic. The bleeding wound is blatant, painful, and out there for all to see. The lung is hidden, and while not as overt or spectacular as the wound, it will still kill you.
I get that reaction a lot when I bring this up, and it kinda irks me. Pointing out one group's suffering isn't denigrating or downplaying another's. They're both suffering, just in different ways. The females get the attention, and they should due to how horrible they are treated in verse. However, a good chunk of the males are endlaved as well, and as I mentioned in my Shining Armor example, I can't even imagine the mental anguish and pain that one would experience once they broke through the haze.
There's a line from a poem/song written by, I believe, Mercedes Lackey. It's from a verse called The Temper of Revenge which involves someone about to break stringent rules to get justified revenge. The line I most often recall is "Forgive me, my lord, for what I do. Know that this sinner is suffering too."
I kind of touched on this but have not fully expressed it. One of the powers of the Black Knight's silver knife is to cut through brainwashing. If he carefully cuts the forehead down to the skull, with surgical care, he releases them layer by layer, allowing time to carefully grasp each bit and slowly come to terms with what the brainwashing made them do. It still leaves many traumatized but those who are functional are known as The Released and act as penitents or atoner-Templars (one is seen among the detachment in "The Great Locutor.") Now if he just slices down to the skull in one intentional, and hard-eyes stroke he unleashes all the memories all at once. It's not something to be done gladly or often, as death is preferrable to being confronted like that, but there are certain indications that someone's balance was skewed anyway and all the brainwashing did was help them over the last hurdle holding them back. (The concentration camp director in "The Stolen Child(ren)" would have been in line for it had Queen Phobia not snapped his neck like a toothpick.)
I would like to emphasize that I show men suffering or stoning as balance to the misandry of the original wherein they are seen as pure evil. Fall of Equestria is like bad RadFem fiction where men are thoughtless monsters. As I said elsewhere, Fall is offensive to every gender, orientation, trans/cis status and other categories. I also sometimes use non-pony males to emphasize how oppressive the regime is. Diamond Dogs seem perpetually depicted as a mono-gender race of complete idiots who exist only to forcibly have sex with pony women. Blackface "tribal" "savages" in Dog masks making old Pulp racism and Black Brute images palatable to allegedly modern viewers. It's part of the reason one of the more noble figures, a warrior and peacemaker, was Mayor Goethite of Trout whose unprovoked and cowardly stabbing drove the Trout militia into a fascist-beating furor worthy of British anti-fascists. Vidal Sassoon would have been proud.
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Let me preface this by saying I understand what you're saying and I wish I could articulate how well I understand it. I wish I have a way to make sure I knew you understand that your points have sunk home.
To politics: I agree... to a point. Ordinary people aren't really in politics, politicians are. That's not ordinary. The preconditions are demonstrably extraordinary. But I take your point. On the other hand, yes, the rich exert greater control, somewhat vaguely akin to the old idea that rich people should have more votes than poor people. Now of course I'm not foolhardy enough to say that corporate overlords literally sit in government and yank puppet strings. I'm not a Communist or radical Anarchist. (Unless the government figure is a businessperson; voting necessarily considers the bottom line.) But I am saying that Koch brothers money sure can buy a lot of twine. And by twine i mean PAC airtime.
We may be talking past each other on the opposition front. Or you may be slightly differently placed when it cme to the issue of what folks are capable of saying (free speech) versus what happens. Just to demonstrate my friendliness, I agree capitalism has done some neat stuff. One thing it gave the world is the invisible hand. Going back to the Christian example, Christians can open their mouths and say anything (within reason; "Fire" in a crowded theater and all that.) But they can't have a reasonable expectation of non-notice. Fundies Say The Darndest Things holds their comments up for ridicule or expressions of shock and disgust (speaking of disgust, I mentioned several folks up there; I hold you in too much regard to wish their idiocy on you. Best give their names a pass, them and John Wright and PoR. They sounds like caribou if caribou were white men with hard rightist goals and arms.) Or boycotts could happen, as with Chik-Fil-A and Hobby Lobby. "Freedom of Speech" comes bundled like a software suite with "No Freedom from Consequence", or perhaps "Response." It's how modern racists are pushed back into dark corners. They can speak all they want but they are not protected from the invisible hand. MRAs are learning the same lesson. If people find them skeevy they will say so, and vote with feet and money. My quarrel is with the setting which in practical terms means I am only the enemy of Creepy McCreeperson. If I had more trasure I could hire my own mercenary artists to flood the memeplex the way he has. He has it easy. He sits in his tower of isolation and uses money like the Light of Kefka to create without overmuch struggle.
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I've had a few minor things. References and asides mostly. "So you want to hybridize" is presented as a government pamphlet that explains the rules of hybridizing. The series on PSAs shows how the governemnt promotes certain pro-social agendas.
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"Etiamsi Omnes" (more properly "Etiamsi Omnes, Ego Non", "Even if all others, I will not") is a connected series of stories whose main title is "Etiamsi Omnes, Ego Non" with various subtitles to show the subject of the stories. Beyond the orginal further subtitles are "The Promises", "The Avatars" and "Women of Brass and Steel." Some stories in one collection reference stories in another. A line in "The Promises" story "The Great Locutor" references a plot point in "The Avatars", while a character in "The Avatars" story "The Magnificent One" is introduced in "Women of Brass and Steel", "Aerie Go Bragh."
I'm never sure what the policy is on any given sight for naming names. So I have always just used stand-ins that are, admittedly, very oblique. It's not a Roman a Clef. I tend to just make the name more appropriate, in my estimation.
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I had heard there was a far-right nationalist backlash in some European countries. Sad to see it happen Denmark. One of my best friends in college is Danish and his mother still has a home there. As I undertsand it, the USA is the idol of a lot of Rightist European parties. But often the racist ones. The Christian Democrat parties tend to look at us like we're insane, which is a nice change of pace. Out religious right is too crazy for religious parties elsewhere. That's encouraging. It's why I actually respect Chancellor Merkel, while being in favor of the opposition party.
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3243310 We just had a general election a few weeks back... I don't think I've ever felt such despair at an election's outcome. The social democrats won, barely, but the conservatives, the far right and those representing our version of the neocons and neoliberals together have more votes.
The second place (22%) went to the 'Danish People's Party' they either support or have formed a coalition with, like the conservatives have. They are nationalist and, regarding domestic politics, more or less socialists. The Germans were and are horrified at this outcome in their beloved little neighbour and tourist destination.
Germany has tried national socialism before. It kind of didn't end well.
And yes, I have some newfound respect for Merkel. Never thought I'd say that... I grew up in Germany and hated her. But I'd take her any time over what we just got.
The first thing they did was pass a law that slashes social security to 'scare of parasitic immigrants and refugees who only come here because of our social services'. Never mind the victim of this law to 95% are Danish - which suits the conservatives just fine.
Sorry. /rant
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Okay, I knew the name of the titles, I just didn't realize the name for the series. I probably should have. Thank you.
I really don't like the idea of calling for someone to be hated, even if there's no name being given- though I do think other people get the hint.
Damn, they really are looking to us for inspiration. Our idiot politicians also try to severely punish immigrants and villify welfare recipients, who are mostly poor people working multiple low-income jobs. Also, depending on the state they are less eager to hide thier pure evil. In Arizona, for example, if the police think you look too brown or give them some "indication" (read: they justfeel like it) they can pull you over and demand to see your ID. And if they don't think you're complying fast enough or if they think you're disrespecting them there are a lot of "flexible" laws that allow for arrest.
Just saying allthat out loud I thinkthe mystery of my increased socialism has been solved.
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I am somebody of few words about, well, anything really... but most times I hear of a person passing who was loved by others brings this to mind:
I don't entirely know if it suits the situation though.
