I'm Sorry and a Review · 7:35am May 10th, 2015
This is going to be a longer blog than what I normally do.
First off, I want to say I’m sorry to all of my fans out there. These last couple of weeks have been putting a strain on me. First there were problems with the preparations with my upcoming wedding. Then there was the death of my best friend’s mom. Following that I had to work fourteen days in a row while still trying to spend time with my fiancée and write the Thousand Years Change. Sadly, I started to break down when the comments felt more like an argument on the quality of the story as a whole instead of the current chapter I had written. So, yeah, I was in a dark place for a while.
Thankfully I have used this time to think and get my old perspective back. I am thankful so many people care about this story and I don’t mind people poking at its flaws, because even I will admit that there are some. Many because I either explained things poorly or can’t get over my writing flaw of bashing characters I really, really, really hate. But I have been trying and I hope that you will all enjoy the ending I have planned.
Yes, I am going to continue writing and finishing up this story!
Now that that’s out of the way, I want to do something I have been meaning to do for a while. See there is a MLP comic that I have been reading for a while now that I would like to share my option with all of you. And if you think my version of Celestia is bad well you haven’t seen nothing!
Without Magic is a story written by PerfectBlue97 and can be found here: http://perfectblue97.deviantart.com/art/MLP-FIM-Without-Magic-Part-1-Edited-326029285.
The basis of the story is that Celestia believes that Twilight has become too dependent on her magic. So, as a lesson, she has taken away her magic and cutie mark and told to find what makes her special without those. Once she does, she will get a new cutie mark and then get back her old one and horn.
Yeah.
Where to even begin with this idea?
The first major, and biggest, flaw I have with this story is Celestia. Big shock I know. However, in this comic, she is being portrayed almost like a tyrant. She is claiming that this is a lesson, but from the first page we haven’t seen Twilight doing anything wrong. She is helping ponies the way she was taught and raised. And who taught her? Celestia! And removing her horn and cutie mark without even talking to her or giving her any insight as to why this is a bad thing feels so wrong. What gives her the right to do this? Because Twilight is her student she can take away that which makes her special and suffer no consequence?
What is wrong with using your special talent anyways? In Equestria there are tons of ponies who heavily rely on their special talents. Octavia, whose special talent is music, uses it daily to provide herself a living. Or Fluttershy who uses her special talent to help animals. Or how about Rainbow Dash, whose special talent is speed and uses it to take care of the weather in Ponyville as well as to help her with her dream of joining the Wonderbolts. What I am getting at here is that there are a lot of ponies who heavily rely on their special talent, yet for some reason Celestia is singling out Twilight…because.
There are also no consequences for Celestia’s actions as well. In the comic, Twilight goes through depression and suffers in various ways. A race riot starts up! And the more I see ponies suffering because of this ‘lesson’ and then seeing Celestia sitting pretty makes me hate her more. Cannon Celestia is looking more and more appealing by the page because she would never put somepony through this much pain and suffering. And it is wrong.
“But wait a moment Darthvalgaav,” you are all saying. “Didn’t you in your own story have Celestia torment Luna in her dreams?” *Cracks knuckles* Yes, I will freely admit that I had Celestia do that. However, the situation was much different. In that story, Luna was refusing to communicate with Celestia. With each passing second, Discord was getting closer to being freed. So Celestia thought that she could manipulate her sister’s dreams to direct her in a way Celestia wanted. It was more of an act of desperation with a lot riding on the outcome. But here, there is nothing riding on this ‘lesson’.
Then there is the cutie mark issue. This is a major problem. If this were to happen in the show, Twilight would have solved this problem in ten minutes. She should know herself well enough to know what else she has a talent for. Now I can understand her being in shock and all that. However she and her friends for some reason seem to think that helping her live like an earth pony will help her find her new talent. Mainly on the farm. While seeming to overlook all the other earth ponies who have talents outside of physical labor.
One last thing to note that is a problem is that several big events are brought up and then dropped. Like I said before, there is a race riot in this story that has several pages devoted to it. And then it gets solved off panel and is never mentioned again. It feels like anything that is brought up that could led this story to an end is discarded so that it can continue.
Now onto the good stuff!
The two best characters in this story are Luna and Rainbow. Luna is usually amazing simply because she is Luna, but here she shines. The art work for her is some of the best I have ever seen. Not only does she inform Celestia that Twilight is troubled by what she has done to her, since Celestia hasn’t even bothered to check up on her, but she also spells out to Celestia that what she is doing was a dick move. And to Celestia’s credit, she seems to realize for a short time that she has done something horrible until the author shrugged this change off and reverted back to her uncaring mode. At the very least Luna seems to care about Twilight’s emotional wellbeing.
Then there is Rainbow, who actually does something interesting. She tells a story about her youth that fits in very well with what Twilight is going through. It is so good and well played that I don’t want to spoil it.
The visuals and humor are also very good. A lot of good jokes and dark images really set the mood for the emotions the author is getting at. Hell, at one point I though Twilight was going to hang herself.
Overall, I recommend giving this story a shot. While it has problems, there is something about it that makes me want to see how it ends. And hoping that Celestia realizes again that she caused more pain and suffering than Discord.
That sounds interesting. I might give it a look sooner or later.
And remember that no matter how much the haters complain, there will always be those of us who like and appreciate your work. So don't give up
No problem man, tying the knot and death are certainly not the least stressful events there are. You've handled them admirably by how it sounds and don't upset the future Mrs. Darthvalgaav for our sake. Remember happy wife, happy life. (Although in this case I guess it would be happy fiance, less Beyonce? Any ideas on words that rhyme with fiance?)
Take your time, we'll be waiting when you return.
Mane 6 Comments:
*Transmission Cut*
You should not focus too much on the bad comment. A lot of people probably enjoy the story and just don't comment at all. And it's alright to not write because you have to deal with thing IRL, it's not like you are paid or something :)
Your read too much on Without magic, but yeah it's really something awful for Twilight if you look at it like that.
Glad you are finishing the story.
If you have to correct some things here's where I would go.
De tech the Republic a tad.
When Celestia starts to realize that she needs to fix things have her actually start laying the hoof down.
and last switch Sunset and Trixie around.
that's it.
Look forward to the next update.
Don't worry about a thing. Even with all those things to worry about yet you still manage to deliver reasonably sized chapters at a good pace. I'm actually quite envious at your writing pace. Like skarksnik said there are a lot of people who enjoy the story but can't comment much like me. I've been following your story for quite a while but I can't remember if I've commented anything due to being a mobile user. So keep on writing, do it for all the lurkers out there that can't comment!
3059822
Well if you want you can write your own version of this story.
Good luck and congrats!! (wedding present is in the mail, I gave it to some grey Pegasus....)
Take a deep breath, and update when you can. Dont write the story haters want, write the story you would want to read. Keep in mind, the rest of us will be peering over your shoulder reading along.
The comic sounds interesting, I'm no big Celestia fan, but damn, that sounds harsh even for her.
I may have to check it out.
3060227 I might. i would be awhile. l A Lot on plate. But I love the story and will be watching. You give reasons why most of why it is the way it is so that helps in my opinion of any flaws I see. the characters for the most part are within the norms of their character. YOu will find me more defending you then not.
Firstly, that link didn't work for me. Secondly, congrats on getting married! Best of wishes.
Now I myself do have a couple qualms about some points of the story, but I can't complain too much b/c I can see you POV about some of these characters. Also I'm a Luna fan myself so this is a real treat. My biggest thing is Prince Blueblood, he seems more like an OC then anything else since his intelligence seems to got a small boost... a small one. I love the villain aspect but I guess to make it work it would be someone that would be relatively close, like say a cousin. Besides that the world you've built is amazing, love the whole concept of an advance society of ponies, which I am ok with. Thinking about it, Luna in your story has always been interested in sciences and such things and if she pushed for advancing science, especially with survivability at stake, then I can see how they could advance like this so quickly. I mean, us humans haven't really been focusing on scientific advance for more then a century, and in another century or two we'd probably be around the Lunar Republic's level of tech with how fast we're advancing. Within a 1000 years we'd be travelling the stars. In the 1800's we had steam power, in 1900's we had machine guns, planes, jets, vacuum tubing, traveling faster then the speed of sounds, landing the moon and early internet, 2000's we have tablets, smart phones, the beginnings of nano-tech, smart cars, plans to colonize Mars, and so so much more. In a decade all we have now will look like retro and slow junk. Think about it.
Here's my opinion of your Celestia since she seems to be a gripe among people.
From what we know of canon leading to nightmare Moon Luna was unloved by the ponies of Equestria. As any little sister would she would seek Celestia's help. All known evidence points to Celestia brushing it off with a 'be patient' answer every time. THe next thing we know is Nightmare Moon and Celestia having to banish her own sister to the moon for 1000 years. As far as we know they are the only 2 alicorns at this point in time so Celestia's one constant companion is now gone by her own hoof. That would wake some one up on how they did things and Celestia would start making those changes. What she did we don't know since in the show the whole political is unknown except that the princesses are the final word on things.
In this story Luna did have ponies that loved her and her night. Celestia has been proven right here. What she didn't expect was the hate day ponies would have against the night ponies. Now she should have responded better to the Hoofshire burnings but believable reaction considering her state of mind at this time. When Luna left without telling her she got mad that Luna didn't trust her and again was proven right that ponies did come to love her and that these issue will be settled in time. However despite everything she does love Luna and the author reveals that she has been sending letters to Luna asking her to return. They became more urgent when she felt the elements pick new bearers and that one was with Luna. Then even more so when she felt Discord's prison weakening. She nearly succeeds till Twilight shows Luna what Equestiran's thought of her and her Republic and sends a crushing blow to her plan. All her attempts to fix it fail miserably so the desperate dream action. Which she wish she didn't have to do. Everything else snowballed fast for her to make changes after her pod incident where she is starting to get what Luna had issues with 1000 years ago. Celestia in this story has been Jimmy Carter/ Barrack Obama. Believing her words alone would fix things. THis is why Teddy Roosevelt said speak softly and carry a big stick and Ronald Reagan with trust but verify. You need to back your words with action at times. And that Celestia has completely failed here.
What this story shows is how critical Nightmare Moon was to Celestia mindset. Those of you who bash this Celestia have no idea how bad some portray her else where. the author gave one. I'll give another. In Forgotten and Exiled Twilight attack 'Cadance' before the wedding. Celestia has her and Spike banished from Equestria for that. 10 years later they caught up to her in a city after she left hints to find her. Note 'Cadance' was revealed and the core actions of the wedding still happened. At this time Twilight is essentally a mob boss for the city and has improved the city's safetly. She was literally raped not long after arriving. That can't happen now. On the ugring of her now dead foster mother she tries to make amends with her old family and friends. Cadance was no problem since she played no part in the banishment. Shining was a bit harder. The girls really tough and she didn't touch the Princesses. Sadly Celestia has become desperate in this story as well in the wrong ways. Like this story Discord could be loose again and the Elements currently can't word for lack of harmony in the bearers. So she tires to have the girls drug Twilight so she can come in and ERASE the past ten years from her memory. She also kidnaps Twilight's girlfriend and ends up killing her because shewas a Changeling Queen like Chrysalis. So does the Celestia of this story really sound out of character compared to that?
What the author is doing in his way is showing a key weakness in many fan version of Celestia. She does the wrong thing for the right reasons. Case in point. Past Sin's version of Celestia. Her attempt to prevent Nightmare Moon's true return ends up causing it.
I just hope for an update soon.