Big Mac's Seduction -thoughts and review · 4:57am Mar 16th, 2015
Big Mac's Seduction chapter by chapter thoughts NSFW story
Shoulder pains
You know as slow as the story is for my taste in reading it makes up for it in the way the characters are protraid and given a personality that seems to fit with the situation of the story given the subject of it.
So far I enjoy this fan fiction and it made me wonder what the fuck happened to Rarity and Fluttershy with the triplets but that is up to others to write as I'm a reviewer and an analist not a writer first and formost. Hell I'd go as far to say thats my 7th or 8th thing but thats something else entirely though.
Anyway I'm highly looking forward to the next chapter.
Trunks
Now that wasn't all that unexpected considering that she had just seen him when.... oops almost spoiled it my bad anyway ya not that suprising how that played out though the reason for it on the other hand was a bit meh but then again i'm not the writer here just the person to help give advice and constuctive critiizism.
Though the sceen was expected given the people that are the subject I'm wondering why rarity given the fact the way she acted she wasn't more whats the word elegant and teasing with him but hey given how she was I could posibly see why it played out like it did though it felt a little too straight forward.
Either way its interesting how we see some more of the backstory of this alternate verson of the cannon characters and possibly some side characters aswell.
Delivery
Welp that was unexpected I can say with all honesty even with the name of the chapter. XD
But down to business... a few more grammar and spelling errors in this chapter but over all a pleasent read the way it was discribed gives some idea about what pinky in this fic's universe does all over and continues to expand on whats going on. Though I think those twins earned a favor from Bigmac in the future.
You don't even notice the errors from the wording unless you looking for them either so again good job on this chapter.
Taxes
As much as I don't like mature porn reading it without the bias was a plot twist so ya I'd say you are getting great at writting porn fictions.
I could see alot of the sceens in my head more so than any other (well other than Rarity's chapter but thats cause you see alot of that when you go to a super market or a hospital) the whole Scribe not walking in had me wondering but meh thats me just looking at all the possibilities.
Either way it was well discribed, worded, and had a nice flow to the pacing of it.
Examination
welp that was a treat.
Now I could go and state that you had a few wrong placements but hell I don't thing they were all that big a deal honestly just some of the basic and common anotomy that I remember from some books and that from highschool as well as the research on medical procidures I did back then as well.
I can say for a fact that I enjoyed this chapter even more as Big Mac seems to finaly have grown a spine so to speak for a bit befor he got the news and just went limp XD
I look forward to reading the next chapter.
The Dream
OOOKKKK then given how I have 4 years of drafting and design and the fact that I had a RP session with one of my friends where I was keeping track of 6 characters all doing there own thing plus the fact that I was rotating this all in my head with little effort... ya this was interesting to say the least.
The only thing that could have made that chapter even more crazy is if he woke up and everyone so far was pregnant and holding where they were placed in that sceen
over all I liked it a few spelling errors that were noticible but meh you can easly over look them and fill in the blanks.
Relief
Welp the pacing was rushed a bit at the start but is smooth out fast. I can say that this was a funny chapter, on top of that the fact that someone game Big Mac some much needed advice was perfectly implemented.
Though I'm wondering if he should have been less inclined at first then came back after getting half way home the next day as to add to the feelings of his to Zacora but thats just a personal oppinion.
Either way it was told in a manner that was paced well and gave us a sense of time to how far the events where spaced apart.
well done 9/10 over all score from me.
As always:
Keep on working
Keep it real
and Keep on at it
Cause you never know whats going to happen
Signed,
Foaly Reviews
