262 Strangers I Don't Even Know · 12:06am Jan 27th, 2015
I'm only writing this blog because of a blog that Regidar wrote recently. It talked about his trouble adjusting from his old image of a nirvana-obsessed crackfic writer to what I could only call an artist. There are still plenty of people who think of him as he was when I first met him in 2012. It reminded me of my current struggles, so I wanted to address them here.
My group of followers is a graveyard. Most of them joined that list in 2013 at the peak of my career on this site, and almost none of them read my stories anymore. I struggle to get triple-digit views on stories I've refined for months. It's draining. I still enjoy writing and the process of it all, but I don't feel that my work is properly appreciated. It's not just my ego talking, it's a fact. Though my stories receive very little attention in terms of views, I've only seen one or two downvotes out of my last four releases, and a large portion of the people reading bother to give that thumbs up. But there are so few people reading those stories. I've never had that regular of an audience, actually. The closest I came was with that one Twinkie story I wrote, but it was a pretty shitty story. A generic shipfic; the exact thing I had promised to avoid. But I relapsed and wrote The Double Meaning of Engagement. Even at my high, I struggled to get people to read, and I resorted to writing stories I didn't really like.
But the process hasn't fooled me a third time. I haven't written anything I've regretted since. But neither have I written anything meaningful in a while. Daring Do and the Lineate Latus is the only story I can truly say I'm proud of that I wrote in the latter half of 2014. Part of that was the fact that I haven't had as much time to write as I did before. I've thrown myself into playing and writing music, and I'm very proud of the work I'm doing there, but I feel like I neglected my writing.
All of this notwithstanding, there's really one primary cause of these 262 strangers I'm talking about: the summer. I took multi-month breaks twice. The first time I got back, I was welcomed warmly by all the people I'd left behind, and I resumed my work just as I had before. But the summer of 2014 was different. There was nobody to welcome me back, and it's continued to feel like that for me. My writing isn't as creative as it once was, but it's certainly polished enough to make up for that. But people forgot about me. Now I'm hardly even active on the site. I used to be a proofreader, but I haven't even gotten a request in months. Fuck, I don't even read anybody else's work anymore.
Back when the first wave of popular authors started going inactive in early 2013, I didn't understand it. Why would they leave such a vibrant place and all these people? Real life. That's why they left, and I can understand it now. I really don't want to leave, but fimfiction isn't the same anymore. Can't you feel it? It's darker. Stories get more downvotes than ever before, and the community isn't as united. It seems like there's five inactive users for each active person on here. Or maybe it's just me. Perhaps it's still happy on the other side and I've just cut myself off for too long. Who the hell knows.
This post has meandered on long enough, though. I'm not leaving the site. i'm not going to stop writing. My followers may be 262 strangers I don't even know, but I'm not going to stop until I have another 262 that I do know. But please, if you're seeing this blog, just take five minutes to read something I've written recently. You have no idea how much help that would be to me. But If things keep being like this for too much longer, I'm not sure how much longer I can maintain my interest, especially for longer projects. I'm sure things will look better in the future, but right now:
It always surprises me immensely to see anything related to blues in our fandom. Then you add an appropriately placed B.B. King into this post. We should be friends, Garbo.
Also just yesterday I recommended you to one of my friends for a prereading/editing request.
I used to think like such....
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Yeah, there isn't enough blues around. I love the blues.
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Just gonna leave this here for you
I do have several fics of yours on my RiS list, guess they're getting bumped up to now!
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I'ma just listen to this
Way back, I read Flying With Angels, which is one of the first stories I read on this site. Or fanfiction, ever.
After that, I found parasprite's Solitary Locust because you were editing it.
You were among the first people I followed, and got a re-watch.
That's over two years ago, dam'.
FiM-Nostalgia, now a thing.
So, going for the now. Yeah. I'm one of those graveyard-followers, sadly. Barely interacting, not reading much, and all that. Maybe pone only can keep interest flowing for so long, maybe the fanbase really is changing or maybe it's because of the hiatus. Whichever, I had some of your one-shots in my RiL, so I bumped them up.
I've been big on Gov't Mule lately. Warren Haynes is a mastermind :V
I helped edit Lineate Latus, AND I've read your works since, well, I started xD It's hard to get views for me as well - A fic I released in December has only 38 views after a month.
38.
That's ridiculously low, even for me :O I mean, it was a little niche writing, but I figured I'd get more exposure for having written for PaulAsaran + RainbowBob's Them-verse than I did. Ah well.
Also:
Learning Cliffs Of Dover > writing fics
Any day.
Keep being that sideline sense of reason, and we'll keep being on the sidelines for you.
Don't forget to flood the groups with your stuff when it's released, too. That's the best exposure you'll get aside from personal recs and reviews.
My personal favorite from them. Aside from the entirety of Dark Side of the Mule :V
Don't know if you remember me, Garbo, but I consider ya a good writer and a friend too. I took multiple months hiatuses too. And I know that feeling of having become obsolete. It's hard to come back from. But if you like what you do, keep writing. Hell, I'll even try to help advertise for you.
I'm still here \o/
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B.B. King always relaxes me, especially the album he did with Slow Hand. Brings me to a place words cannot describe.
You know, I was just about to make a comment about maybe you wanting to know me better, but then I reminded myself that you are following me.
So hey.
Hey, if you're free this weekend, you might want to try this month's writeoff. There are a lot of good writers involved, both old hands like Bad Horse, Cold in Gardez and Horizon, and relatively new folks like Titanium Dragon and SharpSpark. There's also a lot of fun socializing during the judging, reviewing and seeing what people think of your writing without your name attached, and the three day time limit is awesome for killing procrastination.
It just seems to me like a scene you'd like.
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I might just have to try that.
Something that has helped me stay sane as I was on again, off again with my story My Little Poem over the course of three-plus years with only one one-shot in between is the mindset of "it's okay to take your time with your writing, especially if there are other priorities in your life that are more important". What's more important is that you stay healthy and safe, both physically and mentally. In my case, trying to write every day was a nightmare. See my stories that I put on permanent hiatus as an example of how bad things got
I fell into the trap of trying to build an audience for My Little Poem, despite my inability to write the amount of content in a time span that would hold people's interests. What ended up being more important and more powerful was finding a core group of folks that I consider friends on the site. They treat me not as a source of entertaining content, but as a fellow writer. These folks are far more influential on my writing style and on my creative capacity. I would never trade one good friend for an audience of strangers. I also don't use the Follow system to measure how many "friends" I have; if I want to just chat or hang out with them, I go and chat and hang out with them. We don't have to talk about writing; the topic could be anything we want.
True friendships last for quite a while, and they will understand if you go away for a bit for whatever reason. They will be the ones to remember you when you come back. While I haven't kept up with you story-wise, I at least check the blogs when I get a little free time. And I comment when I have something to share. It's not much, but it's what I can manage.
Make of my thoughts whatever you will.
Sincerely,
Mr. Album
P.S. I seem to remember that you were not interested in going over my story, My Little Poem, back when I approached you about it quite a while ago (was it a year ago? Damn, it might have been!). If you are interested, I'd like to put the offer up again, since you were interested in proofreading stuff. Thanks for your time!