Winter Muse-ings · 4:21pm Dec 1st, 2014
I dislike winter.
I don't like how it limits me. Though I grew up in one of the coldest countries in the world, with white snow and fur coats and pink noses, I have a strong distaste for cold.
Borderline cryophobia, actually.
But, bypassing this, good things do happen in winter. I was born in winter. Christmas is in winter.
As I once wrote in one of my stories, "Winter swept away the worries. It was like a time when the world around you slowed down and froze over to be worried about later."
And it's true, I suppose. There is something pretty enchanting about it.
...When you're not thousands of miles away from home.
But regardless, regardless.
This winter I've been somewhat productive in the realm of pony fanfiction writings. I've been poking at a lot of different things; coaxing them; building and shaping.
One of these things has been a sequel to Just Give Me a Reason, which I've been stewing and squirming on since, shit, September, probably.
I don't like making sequels to things. Specially when it's to something popular of mine, because I think that authors make sequels to popular things to try and ride that popularity and stay relevant.
But... this story.
Oh, this story.
There is something to say about a story that makes you look at your most painful experience right in the eye, about a story that you care about so much that you pull a Flaubert and write like, three words a day, or a paragraph, or a sentence, only to read it the next morning and erase all of your progress and maybe even more because it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't look right, sound right, sit right.
Writing is such a taxing thing to me. It utterly exhausts me, frustrates me. And yet I go back to it, again and again, because I can't live without it.
Perhaps this is a bit dramatic, and will earn me more than one eye roll hidden behind the screen of a phone or a computer, but, well, winter just puts me into this introspective mood. It is by far the quietest season; dead and hidden, and I find myself able to focus easier in it.
Other than that, there is another piece I'm currently working on. It's... Hard to explain what it is about. Suppressed desire, I suppose. Finding one's place, maybe. Growing up, perhaps.
All of those things, probably.
It's a literary exercise, frankly. Mood, wordplay, a little bit of imagery. I'm enjoying it; it's challenging me, making me think, making me sweat.
And, last but not least, I'm working on Paradise.
My baby.
It's a slow process, because the story is so clear to me, yet hidden at the same time. I just don't know how to word some things, cannot let the story flow without overthinking it. Nothing feels right, no scene conveys exactly what I need from it.
Perhaps it's because I'm telling two pretty separate stories in one, with drastically different moods and goals.
I'll keep poking at it, perhaps when the other two stories are out.
The story of my life,
Sleepy
tl;dr JGMaR sequel. There will be clop. Pretty clop. Sad clop. It's not an incentive.
I fail to comprehend this concept of 'I look back and what I wrote doesn't feel right so I deleted it.' I've never gone back to delete my own work. Slight rewrite maybe, a change in a sentence here or there, but to completely remove a few paragraphs and start over? No. Those flawed words are beautiful in their own right, for they are lessons learned. I prefer to keep my mistakes so that, a year from now, I can go back and see how I've grown. Agonizing over the perfect style and terminology never got me anywhere, save where I already was.
Getting back on topic... I don't like winter either. I wasn't born in a cold land, I was born in the tropics. Cold is my nemesis, to be avoided when possible and beaten back when not. You have my sympathies.
2626738 What can I say? I'm a devout follower of "le mot juste". Some writers and critics have even suggested that finding the right word is what good writing is all about. And I agree to a large extent with the notion, finicky as it sounds.
And yet I'm not so foolish as to think that perfection in writing exists.
2629288
Find 'a' right word in a sentence? Sure, okay. Going through every sentence combing for the perfect words is, to me, time consuming and counterproductive. I don't believe writing is about seeking perfection. I write to tell a story, to share what I've conceived. Writing that story well is important, but I prefer to think that the story itself holds infinitely more value than the words used to write them. Someone can write a story flowing with beautiful prose, incredible descriptions and stunning dialogue, but that doesn't make up for a sub-par plot.
Granted, if a great story is written horribly, the whole thing's ruined. I was recently and very harshly reminded of this.
Of course, part of my view comes from the fact that I've never finished a single story I've agonized over. I have too many stories I want to write to spend time picking over every word; I need to get through them and worry less about such details, otherwise how would I ever finish anything? Finding better word choices is what I have (and argue with) editors for.
2629303 Oh but of course the plot is perhaps the largest backbone of a story. Plot and characters. No argument there. I'm simply saying that the... esthetics of a story, the writing style of the author, and their clear mastery over words, adds a certain undisputability. Choosing to painstakingly go through every sentence gives the element of loving pride to the story in my opinion. One might say that they love all their stories, but there are certain ones which are always the favorites. I suppose that this is a very personal preference, but I am most proud of the stories that I've agonized and poured over because I can gladly pat myself on the back and be arrogant afterwards because I know I've created something to the best of my ability, whether the world recognizes it or not. I write stories that I want to read; I feel as though many write stories others want to.
2631477
As much as I hate to acknowledge it, I feel you're right: many writers seem to write what they think others want. I'm glad to say that I am not one of them. And I know what it's like to be proud of one's tales; I'm especially proud of more than a couple of my own.
I think where we really differ is in our definition of what it means to 'give it your all.' I suppose there's no point in trying to debate it. Your way is wholly mysterious to me, but I guess that's just how different writers handle the task. It's an age-old question: is it better to write twenty perfect-quality stories or a thousand high-quality stories?
2631505 you tell me, you have exponentially more followers, so whatever you seem to be doing is working better than what I am. :P
2631521
It would have felt like I was boasting or rubbing it in, and I hate that feeling.
I, uh, didn't want to bring that up.
2631545 It's no problem. Such is the natural pecking order. I've long since cracked the secret of how to get many followers easily, but none of the methods appeal to me because again, I write for myself pretty exclusively.
2631559
That's the thing: writing for yourself exclusively is not what's holding you back. I know because I write for myself exclusively. I have not once written a story because 'people will like it' or 'I bet this will be popular.' I write what I think will be a good story, and if others like it then great, otherwise so what? If I wasn't writing for myself, No Heroes never would have been finished and I'd have abandoned my currently ongoing Reddux the Tyrant for lack of attention.
I know Parasprite and RainbowBob; they've given me the low-down on earning a fast follower count. I rejected all of it, because I don't want my followers to be earned through some cheap baiting gig of writing the 100,000th Scootalove fic. ...okay, I did write one recently, but only because I thought I'd found an approach that nobody else had tried. Originality is very important to me.
I think a large number of things have factored into my success. Perseverance is a key element, but being prolific and writing over multiple genres helped. Getting to know the right people has played a bit into it (I'm still very proud of this). A couple of EqD features helps, as well.
But the point: I don't rightly know what's holding you back, but I guarantee you it's not that you're writing for yourself. If anything, that's something you should be lauded for. Frankly, I blame the inattention of quality writers on the blatant ignorance and narrow views of the common reader, who wouldn't know great literature from a 2-bit harlequin novel.
On an unrelated note: I just noticed that I put your 'Title Unimpressive' in my Incompletes folder when it was supposed to go into my Ril.
I am an idiot.
2631598 But that's the thing. When I say I write for myself it means that since I'm not interested in writing HiE, or Scootalove, or AppleDash and TwiDash, (etc...), I very much accept the fact that I cannot complain about low view/thumb/follower count. Though, it is frustrating. Yet at the same time it's not like I think that I'm the only one who writes quality fanfiction on this site--somehow I just seem to be one of the only ones who is not noticed for it. Ah well. I should probably enter some contests or something... but for one I'm not a social person, and for two I have a deathly fear of failure and am not sure if I can find it of my inspiration (and more importantly my schedule) to really do all that well.
2659180
There was a time when I entered a lot of contests. I ultimate quit because they were eating into the time I had to write the stories I wanted. (Plus I felt guilty for winning a lot and stealing everyone's thunder.)
Being afraid of failure. Yeah, that'll hold you back significantly. I never entered a contest for the win, though; I entered them because constructive criticism was assured. Maybe if you approached them from that perspective? Whether you win or not, it's a great way to garner some attention. Also: I have absolutely no idea what being a social person has to do with entering a writing contest. I don't consider myself social (and my parents whom I haven't called in two weeks would agree). It's not like you're entering a chat box and having to talk to 50 people; you write a story and post it. Communication with others is not required beyond that.