The Next Chapter of No Plan Survives Contact... · 1:43am Sep 28th, 2014
...is going to be coming soon. I've finished the rough draft of the second chapter and all that remains is to give it a thorough editing and a few kicks for good measure. In the meantime though, I thought I'd take some time to respond to some random comments that I picked out of a hat from the last chapter.
So... how is this different from Twilight's Harem? Like... at all?
It has a different name, a different picture, a different summary, and the words placed inside the story are placed in a different order in contrast to Twilight's Harem.
Look, Author, could you do me a favor? Could you just... have one of the girls say no?
So, how cloppy is this going to be, anyway?
Ok probably a dumb question but is this a clop fic? It's tagged mature and sex but is that just for subject matter or is there going to be actual sex scenes?
I fully intend to earn my tags. Anything more than that would be spoilers. However! I will say that my goal is to have a story with clop in it instead of a story that exists solely for the sake of the clop.
Instead, we have the nobles as everything wrong with Equestria again. At least that's what it seems like as of now. Maybe I'll be proven wrong... I wouldn't bet on it, though.
I've got a hundred bits. Can I get in on this bet?
I really hope this is a different take on Twilight's Harem...
My harem story has giant spiders in it. So there.
Also, chapter did not contain a lap dance.
So am I going to get a sin for every chapter that doesn't contain a lap dance, or will I get that sin redacted if I have a future chapter with a lap dance in it?
I did enjoy the story about how they got the spider silk ... but it seemed to kind of take the main story off track. If you'd just used the first section with Rainbow coming to Twilight about sub-standard wonderbolt uniforms and Twilight commissioning Rarity to make them i would have just taken it on faith they did what was necessary and the Wonderbolts would feel compelled to owe them. The cave adventure is good ... great even, it just feels like it belongs in it's own one-off side-story.
I'm going to take a moment to really respond to this because this was probably the most reoccurring criticism I got for this chapter and I will admit that it's not without merit. Obviously I can't say how this will play out fully since I don't want to reveal parts of the story that haven't been written yet, but essentially why I decided to put this event in this story in this form was for three reasons. First, I wanted to show that aside from the craziness that is happening in the main plot of this story, there is more happening here than just that. Harem style comedy is fun to write, but I don't want this story to be a one trick...er...pony. Second, while I could very well have just hand-waved the entire adventure away and just say Twilight made some new uniforms, I am a firm believer in the concept of 'show don't tell', and just telling everyone she made the uniforms felt incredibly unappealing to write as an author and frankly, is a bit of a cheat. Third, this event also had the purpose of showing how far Twilight has come in her studies with magic, as this spider cave is actually referencing a canon event in the comic "The Return of Queen Chrysalis." Also, anyone who hasn't read that comic really should.
I think you bit off a little more than you can chew, but maybe you'll surprise me.
*Mumbles a muffled response that is unintelligible because his mouth is full*
Twilight's Marem?
The person who has full control is not allowed to put in a bet. It's too easy for you to cheat.
Um... wow... I didn't have any of those concerns before (other than the out-of-place side story one), but now I'm actually more worried than I was before...
I don't know if the author is using some sarcasm I'm just not catching, but everything he "addressed" he really didn't...
I hope I just misunderstood, but my confidence in this story has actually been reduced.
In regards to the "Show, don't tell" deal, I thought I'd make my own point about that particular issue.
I fully see where you're coming from in regards to it, and it's your story, and your decisions.
This being said, Show and tell is a very difficult concept open to many different interpretations of what constitutes it; It's a very ambiguous term. It's great that you're one of those authors who really takes it into account, but in regards to this particular scenario, it would be perfectly acceptable to explain the events of the spider cave adventure through the natural flow of conversation rather than segueing into the flashback of the events of their spider silk adventure.
Most times, show and tell refers to the practice of showing the reader the actions and feelings of the characters within a story as opposed to telling us they feel a certain way, such as: "Twilight felt very bad for having lied to Spike like that, but it had to be done." Instead, you'd want to show us that she felt bad through actions and words.
I mean, yeah, it DOES apply most times to scenes themselves, such as instead of telling us the characters had tea while discussing plot point A. set the scene and show the interaction to us; but this scene did feel like it could go into another chapter as a supplement. What usually helps is to ask, "What does this contribute to the story. What does it tell my readers. Is there important information to be gleaned from this that couldn't be gained otherwise?"
Aaaand, now I feel a bit bad for this entire explanation.
I'm sorry if this feels long winded, but I felt the need to explain such a distinction. I hope you don't feel that I'm putting down your storytelling, because I'm not. I'm just explaining the reasoning why the concept doesn't fully apply to this situation.
Great to know the next chapter will be up soon(ish?).
Though I didn't have any worries since I'm usually a sitback and wait to see what happens sort of person (except with a certain book of a favorite series but that's another thing entirely).
For now I'm just interested in reading a story where Twilight's vacation plans get derailed by Princesses, Nobles and (debatedly) well intentioned friends. Not to mention how everyones good and bad plans concerning Twilight get derailed as well.
However I for one did enjoy the story behind the Wonderbolts new outfits and look forward to others like that since those help add more depth for a story. Though it would be funny if Rainbow Dash still had to limit herself someway to keep from shredding the experimental uniform.
Twilight: "For the last time, NO DOUBLE RAINBOOMS!"
Rainbow: "But...."
Twilight: "No!"
Rainbow Dash: "Fine! But how about a Triple Rainboom?"
Everyone Else: "NO!"
Goodness I hope so. This story had a similar description and appeared to be a similar premise... but Twilight's Harem was awful. What? Oh no, I'm not saying your story is awful... Twilight's Harem was awful because the guy proved in the very first chapter that the description was a blatant lie. It is a hilarious premise and I have very high hopes that this story will do it proper and believable justice.
I'm sure you won't have the bipolar bullshit of Twilight "I'm reluctant and unhappy about this!" then five minutes later here comes Twilight "They gone? TIME FOR THE RAPE TRAIN BITCHES! What, you don't wanna? Nopony cares what you want so shut up and put that mouth to work bitch!".
Oh and... your response to this comment is too vague. We can't really tell if that is you telling the commenter that no you won't do that or if that is you giving them what they asked for in a humorously sarcastic/overly literal way by showing one of 'the girls' saying no to something in general.
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That's putting it lightly. At least Derpy went in fully aware and of her free will. In a later chapter Twilight coerces a drugged-to-the-gills Zecora into becoming her slave in return for some relief. And in yet another, she outright rapes and abuses Trixie, who had come to have a friendly and fair duel of magic, and didn't even get a warning before she was worked over. (And who was then abused by Derpy carrying a grudge, with Twilight's explicit permission.) The guy has some serious issues if that's what he thinks is "in character".