Authors To Avoid; aka, "How I Learned To Stop Worrying, And Hit The Unfollow Button" · 10:46am Jul 11th, 2014
You know what? Fuck my insomnia. It never did me any favours, anyway. It's been a while since my last blog, so I might as well start playing catch-up. While I mentioned before that I would do the whole "updated Mystquestria" thing, I quickly gave that up. That story and author isn't worth my time right now; I've got bigger fish to fillet. In fact, I've come across more than enough authors to learn by now what kinds of people a lot of them can be. Some are alright, but there are many that aren't. Some are harmless, while others piss me right the hell off. It annoys me to no end, really.
Right now, I'm gonna compile a list of all the user stereotypes I can come up with in my sleep-deprived state, both newbie and old alike, that you should probably keep your distance from if you wish to retain your sanity and/or functional brain cells. Or don't. See if I care. To clarify, I won't be calling out anyone specifically, so don't accuse me of attacking anyone specific; you know who you are, anyway. I'll also try to be as general as I can, but, considering I stayed up all night... eh. I will probably update this list with more bad author stereotypes as I learn of them, since I know there are plenty I missed; hell, you can even share some in the comments, if you know of any.
Might as well cut the crap and get started, so... here you go.
The Neutral Noob
"I'm new here, and wanna write a story."
Annoyance Level: Low
Warning Signs:
-Posts fairly average, but clearly beginner stories.
-Inactive on blogs, comments, forums, etc.
-Tends to keep to themselves.
Intel: These are the guys that are new to the site, and nothing else. They have nothing unusual to speak of, they speak with fairly proper English, and their stories are obviously beginner's work. Their problem is that they tend to be rather... passive. They write their stories, and do very little besides that. They don't interact in comments sections very often, they don't blog (aside from basic story update posts), and they don't poke their heads into groups very often, if at all.
Recommended Action(s): Go ahead and help these guys out if you can; heaven only knows that they might actually be decent writers someday. But if they don't want to learn from your criticism, or just seem to ignore you, then don't waste your time.
The Donut Steel
"Here's my awesome OC! Hooves off, he's mine!"
Annoyance Level: Medium
Warning Signs:
-Has an OC as their avatar.
-Their username is also their OC's name.
-They write stories with -- you guessed it -- their OC.
Intel: These folks are laughable, at best. They are new users that show up with their edgy and "cool" OC characters, and proceed to show the world how awesome they are with their pitifully-shallow characterization. I've ran across a disturbingly high number of these, with a mere handful out of an entire pile being fake troll accounts. Many of their fics never get past the first few chapters, thanks in part to the smarter users of Fimfiction quickly downvoting said stories and condemning them to a fate of languishing in obscurity, leaving the thoroughly-buttmad author ragequitting the site in most cases.
Recommended Action(s): It's easy to spot and avoid Donuts, in part to their high visibility. Stories such as theirs are rarely written well, so take care to steer clear of them. You can easily recognize a Donut Steel by the flashy and horribly-clashing colors of their avatar, or the Pony Creator cover art of their story.
The Deleter
"How dare you criticize me! Take THIS!"
Annoyance Level: High
Warning Signs:
-A number of deleted comments on stories/blogs/userpages.
-Author does not respond to criticism.
-Stories or blogs are often deleted when criticized.
Intel: These guys are my personal bane. It doesn't matter if they are good writers or not, but these people simply won't accept your opinion for whatever reason. Anything other than praise for their story is an instantaneous deletion. Said something they didn't like? Deleted. Pointed out that one fucked-up detail where Twilight had four wings for no reason? Baleeted. Post a funny reaction image? You'd better believe that it will get deleted. There's really nothing much I can say about these guys; I've already had my talk about them at length a while back.
Recommended Action(s): Screencap any comment you make. LightShot or Gyazo are good tools; Google 'em. There's almost no reasoning to be had with a Deleter. I'm not going to encourage persistence, but if you can't make them see it another way, then don't waste your life away with them. Constant and rampant deletion of perfectly constructive comments can be reported as abusing the ability to delete, however.
The Fisherman
"My life sucks! Tell me I'm great, so I can feel better!"
Annoyance Level: Medium
Warning Signs:
-Posts blogs that focus more on personal issues than stories or otherwise.
-Often posts in forums in support groups.
-Circlejerks for followers using said support groups, or via PM.
Intel: These types of people annoy me. Most of the time, they're not even on the site for stories; all they want is to be loved and admired without any of the hard work. Many of them craft tales of their own personal life; usually mundane, and seemingly innocent, meant to draw in a follower and build up an "understanding" of the person. Then, now and again, they'll post some random sob story or tragedy of a variety, which garners instant sympathy and attention for the person in question. Usually more followers too, if some decide to spread the word. They annoy me when they do this, because Fimfic is a site for stories about cartoon horse. NOT a place where you can post your cry-me-a-river tales like it's your own fucking personal blog space.
Recommended Action(s): Ignore them. Giving them attention is what they want, and trying to call them out on their fishing is likely to get you swarmed by any sympathizers they have and be branded as a "hater" rather quickly. If you HAVE to do something, at least be smart about it; discredit their sob stories with evidence if possible, or at least play it safe. Lies only beget more lies, so they will soon unravel their own web before they realize it.
The White Knight
"Leave her alone, you bitch!"
Annoyance Level: High
Warning Signs:
-Sticks up for other users out of the blue, usually the Fishermen.
-Often does not back down even when proven wrong.
-Tries to get on the victim's good side, especially if the victim is a girl.
Intel: Ah, the classic internet White Knight. Sticks up for people (usually girls) all in the name of righteousness. Only problem is, most of the time, they don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. And other times, all they wanna do is get in the girl's e-pants. (Being a woman myself, I can assure you; being defended on the internet? It won't get you any closer to bed, hon. Trust me.) These people mostly piss me off because of their persistence. Most of them seem hell-bent on defending someone from valid criticism or accusations of something serious--even if there is solid evidence to prove such accusations. Annoying and persistent, they are people I despise the most on Fimfiction, mostly due to the horribly misguided attitudes of the lot.
Recommended Action(s): Try to avoid confronting them directly if you can, but if you get rebutted, try to talk them down, prove them wrong; whatever you can do. If they refuse to listen, then they aren't worth your time. Don't let them distract you. In the event the target abandons the scene entirely in the face of criticism, then simply carry on. If White Knights try to take the "fight" to any of your pages/stories directly, simply block them. They're more trouble to deal with then they are worth.
The Show-Off
"Anything you can do, I can do it better..."
Annoyance Level: Medium
Warning Signs:
-Pretentious, arrogant disposition.
-Writes numerous blogs/stories.
-Boasts about their skills and/or follower count.
Intel: Braggarts are everywhere in the world, so why should Fimfiction be any different? These people are the type that believe their work is superior to others, and they aren't afraid to share that belief. A lot of the time, they often prattle on in blogs about themselves as well, their words oozing unapologetic pretentiousness. There's really not much that I can say about them, but, some of the higher-profile writers that have become well-known often let it get to their head.
Recommended Action(s): Ignore them. I tend to avoid following certain people on the principle of their bad attitude. I believe humility and humbleness to be important traits to have for writers, but, it's sadly not as common as I'd like. Whether or not they write good stories, I would suggest not getting involved with them directly or even indirectly.
The Pack Animal
"I'm just following the crowd!"
Annoyance Level: Varies
Warning Signs:
-Joins in comment sections on one side or the other, doing nothing to support an argument.
-Not effective alone, but when grouped, can flood a comment section.
-Often hard to deal with in numbers.
Intel: Crowds are an expected occurrence when a comment section becomes "popular" due to drama, and a number of people can be expected to show up. Most of the time, some people do nothing but pointlessly interject with nothing useful, or simply restate what's already been said. After posting once, they usually don't stick around for long. The only issue comes in when there are many of them, and they start to choke a comment section from any discussion at hand. Sometimes, people might try to take advantage of the extra attention a thread is receiving, trying to promote themselves in an attempt to gain free publicity.
Recommended Action(s): Ignore them, especially if some people are trying to simply garner attention of their own. With a pack mentality, they tend to swarm a section without warning.
The Closet Clopper
"Mmmm... Yesssssss..."
Annoyance Level: Low
Warning Signs:
-Read clop stories almost exclusively.
-Often ask/request/beg for more clop stories/updates of pre-existing ones.
-They just give you the creeps, man.
Intel: ...What can I say? These people are the fellows the legends speak of; the ones in their basements that unashamedly fap to words on a screen about cartoon horses fucking each other senseless. They don't write stories, no; they're only here for the "sexy" horsewords.
Recommended Action(s): Let them be. Don't make eye contact. If you write clop, ignore and/or block these fellows. Seriously, they're creepy.
The Misanthrope
"Everyone on this site is an idiot, except me."
Annoyance Level: High
Warning Signs:
-Comes across as hostile and irritating most of the time.
-Never seems to be in a good mood.
-Shows little - if any - respect to their readers, which sometimes shows in their writing.
Intel: This might come across as self-deprecating, as some consider me to be of a misanthrope as well, but hey. It's at least comforting to know I'm not alone, even though there are plenty of people here that are actually far worse than me. Most are irritating and seem aggressive, acting snappy at people at the slightest provocation. They might write good stories, but often, their attitude is a severe problem. At times, Misanthropes might post their own controversial opinions, which often sparks drama. Even if caught in a mistake, or other sort of bad spot, don't expect them to apologize; they tend to not show much respect to their fellow user.
Recommended Action(s): Don't try to be their buddy. You're better off avoiding their vitriolic gaze, much like how you'd avoid a Show-Off for their pretentious bragging. At the risk of possibly driving you to leave me alone, I suggest that you - yes - ignore them.
I think you all can start to sense a pattern developing here, can you? In just about every instance, you're always better off either ignoring or blocking a user. What a concept, huh? Anyway, I'll update this list with more stuff as I think of them. Or not. Depends on my mood. My next blog'll have a bit more substance and my usual pissitude emanating from it. Spoiler alert: It has to do with the recent plagiarism and CP bullfuck.
Until then.
~Blinkie
Another annoying type of user I see, although thankfully rarely, is "the character".
Like, the user is called something like "the king of paprika" or some other stupid thing, and their every comment/blog/whatever is made in-character, as if we are to believe that the ruler of a land entirely made of paprika has found an internet connection to our world and uses it to peruse MLP fanfiction. Or sometimes it's more subtle, like dropping hints to outrageous details about their life, things like "yeah, traveling between dimensions is a lot harder than you mortals think!" Oh, we're supposed to believe you're some kind of immortal dimension-hopper, buddy? Yeah, right.
It's such a waste of everyone's time and intelligence.
Also I can't wait for that next blarg.
Paulasaran was this when I followed him. Daemonofdecay is still this.
Which one am I!?
CP?
Mmmm... Yesssssssss...
2274109
Well, good to see I've graduated beyond neutrality. Or n00b. Whichever one I no longer am.
Your description of Pack Animals? Zombies. That's what I think of. Mindless, shambling zombies.
Neato.
Ok so I have bashed on a lot of stories in my time on Fimfic, I try to be as good of a reviewer as I can and try to control myself so I don't come off as too hostile...but I still bash the bad parts of a story pretty hard so I can get my point across ( I try to be professional, but I don't coddle them at all.)
So I have come across a lot of stories of a...less than sub par variety.
So I have run into many arrogant authors, and comment deleters, praisers, ect.
And one time a few days ago I came across this one story, I could tell this story was going to be bad. I just read the description and it had so much crap in it, it had an OP human OC, it had Clop and gore, it had Eldritch horrors invading an MLP Fanon-verse, (Yeah you read that right.) the grammar was terrible...whats worse the guy did not even play the game that had a character that made an appearance in the fic...I thought it was gonna be terrible...and I was right.
I posted a very long, very thorough review just based on the first chapter (I also did one for the 2nd and 3rd) and I bashed the fuck out of that fic in the review I gave, it wasn't mindless hate...but I still bashed it hard. I also decided to say what the author could do improve said fic at the end of the review so that way I wouldn't just come of as a jerk.
Also one other thing to mention...the comment section was filled with praiser's, they were everywhere. They didn't even contribute to the story they just said shit like, "Lol I love this! MAKE MOAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!! <3"
So I was prepared to be hated on like no other because I had bashed other stories that were comparably better than the on I had just finished reviewing, and they have responded violently and deleted comments.
So imagine my fucking surprise when I got what I expected to be hate mail and it turned out to be the Author actually accepting my review and thanking me for giving my critique on his story, and after reading it realized his story had a lot of problems and decided to re-write it.
The author who's story was by far the worst I had commented on, the one who's story I bashed the most out of anybody else, was the one who reacted the best to my criticism...
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110715210216/gyropedia/images/thumb/8/89/Luna-shrug.png/480px-Luna-shrug.png
Go figure I guess.
Now I'm trying to figure out what kind of author I am...
I think I'd be the sob story "look at me" type at a glance to my blogs, either that or just a nervous weirdo, lol
I try to keep my real life problems to myself unless I am really, REALLY in need of a shoulder to cling to, and my stories are a mess of different writing styles as I haven't really settled on The One. I have my first OC as my avatar, but my user name is one I've used since I was eight. I still haven't used my OC in a story, but he's appeared as one-offs in others' fics that I've written/edited for, usually in a role somewhat alike a blacksmith's job.
Why are the cynics always the most sensible?
Unfortunately, I feel as though I used to come across as a fisherman. I like to think I've changed in recent months, however.
Tis a shame I cannot fave blogposts.
Hmmm.