My First Story Review!! · 3:14am May 3rd, 2014
A wonderful user by the name of PrincessColumbia has written a review of the first chapter of 'Twilight's Secret, Celestia's Obsession', and I have replicated it here verbatim save for more personal messages to me that didn't have much to do with the story.
OK, ok, ok! So let's get some niggling critisism out of the way:
* Minor typos that could have been caught by a competent editor.
* What the hell is a "hair shirt"?
* Awkward pacing, there's some things that blaze by and others that plod along.
* Seriously, "hair shirt"?!
* Length - Even this chapter could be stretched out quite a bit without losing any of the tension. Some scenes, a couple of interactions could have been drawn out quite a bit.
* It's stuck in my head...hair shirt, hair shirt, hair shirt.
* Minor quibble that's really a holdover from the pre-EQG days: I personally feel that anthro is a bit of a cop-out when it comes to MLP fics, just as I felt pre-cannon "humanized pony" fics were a writing crutch. This is not to say that it can't be pulled off, just that it's kinda awkward, and unless done exactly right, it breaks the suspension of disbelief. Admittedly, this is a hangup I have about JUST MLP fics, any other series gets anthro'd or adds anthro characters and I'm all for it. (last thing and I'm done with this point, honest!) The characters are ponies, and I personally think a competent writer/editor team can write for ponies and make them appealing and relatable to even the most die-hard hater.
* I'm not going to be able to sleep at night without knowing what a damned hair shirt is!
OK, now on to the good stuff!
THIS! This fic! This is THE fic! A couple months ago I posted a couple of messages on the Futaquestria board commenting on the (desperate) need for there to be futa fics that don't have such a focus on sex as to be nothing more than cheap, disposable clop-fodder. Worse, the afformentioned cheap, disposable clop-fodder always winds up "pushing the boundaries" more and more until eventually you get foalcon and worse. I wanted to start seeing more fics that had futa, but weren't necessarily all about the D. Fics that explored relationships and the altered dynamic of having a member of the relationship having, well, a "member." The way their reactions are different because of a personal difference. While I can't necessarily prognosticate on what the author has in mind for future chapters (and I reserve the right to revoke this endorsement at a later date), so far, this is the "iconic" fic that could start the trend.
My earlier comments about anthro being said, this particular author manages to not only pull off the anthro nature of the fic, but even subtly include the unique aspects of an anthro'd MLP universe in as critical parts of the narative.
As for the "quality" of the piece, yes, this is a freshman effort. The author clearly only just started with the creative writing and it shows. However, he shows so much more potential than most people who have written volumes.
tl:dr - Me likey! MOAR!
Whats so confusing about a hair shirt? It's a shirt. Made of hair.
.......What is a hair shirt?
Am_Z, what's a hair shirt?
Oh, because I'm an A.I. I automatically know everything?
Racist!
....What?
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On the off chance that thats a serious question!
A hair shirt(Cilice!) is a shirt or undershirt made out of rough animal hair(hair shirt), coarse fabrics and so on. Some times things were added to increase the discomfort, like spikes. They were and are used by certain religious sects as a form of penance or a method for the mortification of the flesh. They're also used by the bondage community for much the same reason.
They can also be used to derail sexual urges, just like thinking about your grandmother naked. Celestia probably had some wicked chafed nipples in the story, if she wore one frequently when around Twilight.
2072404 It was. And now I know.
And knowing is half the battle!
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I have no idea why I am slightly aroused at the concept of Celestia's chafed nipples.
