The Dilemma · 7:20am Mar 23rd, 2014
Some of you may be interested to hear that something quite peculiar transpired not many moons ago. Plopping into my chair, emotionally exhausted and not faring much better physically, I found myself lacking the desire to put forth any kind of effort towards my art. Even the notion of spending a few hours slack-jawed and numb, traipsing around the darkest corners of some dank dungeon seemed little more than a bore, and on a whim, I decided to go back and read some of "The Cheval Glass." While that name may not be familiar to any of you, it is in fact the next entry into the Ceruverse, designed to be a story to confront some of the unresolved side-stories that have arisen due to my own inexperience as a writer. Recalling one scene in particular that had given me grief the last time I had attempted to make headway, I moved to that section of the story, deleted what I'd written before, and then... I wrote.
Now, I'm sure you all can imagine my surprise when I paused some three hours later to realize I had not only finished the scene, but had enjoyed myself immensely along the way. That level of enjoyment, of freedom and imagination, was something that I haven't felt since the first half of "Under the Starry Skies." I spent the entire next day at work far removed from the petty needs of the noisome cattle known to me as "customers" and frolicking through the fields of possibility as my mind forged onward, tantalizing me with thoughts of what was next to come in Rarity's journey of self-discovery. While doubt, ever present, warned me that it was merely a fluke, I sat down again the next evening and again found myself enraptured with the wonders that filled my mind. Over the next two days, I finished yet another scene that I had been unsatisfied with, and had almost begun to hope that it would last. Mere days later, I sat down again to work my magic, only to have my creativity chained down and my intentions of writing thwarted by that dreaded whisper that warns only of inadequacy and failure.
It would be quite the understatement to say that I was disappointed. I had hope that, maybe, enough time had passed that whatever mental barriers I had unintentionally raised had come down, but it seemed that they hadn't. However, as the days went on, I found myself spending much of my time in thought about various aspects of the Ceruverse, more specifically Pinkie Pie and Rarity. Sometimes, a little distance brings with it a much needed dose of clarity, and earlier this evening I came to a conclusion that may well pinpoint the blockade that has kept me from giving you all something to read: Cerulean.
For those of you who have followed me from the beginning, you know that he was originally quite the self-insert, and to a certain extent, he still mirrors many aspects of my past and personality. As one might imagine, there comes with such a character a certain kind of emotional sensitivity to how that character is viewed, interacted with, and received. "Tears in the Snow" was something I wrote as a means of therapy, a way to recover from something that was extremely emotionally scarring, and for that, it served it's purpose. I never had any intention of creating an entire series based around that one story, but now, with four of the mane six engaged or married, my writing has carried me to somewhere I hadn't expected. This isn't "bad" by any means, no, and there are many things about my writing that I take great pride in. However, because the entire series is predicated upon a story that revolves around a certain character, what happens if writing for that character becomes emotionally taxing? While there are definitely many factors that affect my writing, not the least of which is my chronic depression and increasingly stressful homelife, one of the primary reasons I feel unable to write is because I haven't the faintest idea how to write for Cerulean anymore.
If one strips away the obvious Gary Stu qualities that he was presented with in "Tears," what you find is an average stallion with an affinity for ice magic who trots through life with the best of intentions and perpetual bad luck. At it's core, there's absolutely nothing wrong with such a character, whether or not he's based off of my perceptions of self or not, and such a character should be simple to write for, especially since all I would have to do is imagine how he would react in any given situation and go with that. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem nearly that simple in practice. I'm well aware of the stigma surrounding self-inserts and how they're despised, and it's likely that I attempt to overcompensate by being unfairly critical of any scenes involving said character. In fact, I could conjure any number of plausible explanation for the harshness with which I grade any writing involving Cerulean, but the bottom line is that any time I try to write for him, my entire mental flow effectively stops, and the whispers of doubt come creeping in. As a result, I find myself at an impasse of sorts.
I can't simply remove Cerulean: too much has been built upon that foundation, and even if that were the "best" choice, I've no doubt that many a reader would feel as though I'm uprooting an integral part of the series (as indeed I would be at that point). Even were I to attempt to rebuild his persona, as I began to do for "In Swept a Blizzard," I would likely be unable to detach myself enough to view him as his own separate entity, and as of right now, I cannot write for him. This stigma will likely continue until such a time as I've worked my way to a healthier emotional and mental state, and attempting to fight against it will likely result in anxiety and frustration. As of now, I'm putting "In Swept a Blizzard" on hiatus until such a time as I find myself ready to let that story unfold.
To make matters worse, my apparent inability to create anything I find worthwhile concerning Cerulean affects my writing for the rest of his family as well, with Whisper perhaps being the exception. That throws the proverbial wrench into the works in quite the unfortunate way, considering that the next story in the series was meant to directly confront the unresolved issues between Cerulean and his parents. Though there are times when I find myself able to write for his mother (who plays a much larger part in the story than the father, since Cerulean doesn't bear him any ill will), what good is that if I can't write for Cerulean? And if I can't do that, then half of the plot I'd planned for the next story is unusable.
So, then, where does that leave us? Well, there are several options. You see, the whole dilemma with Cerulean and his family should have been confronted in his story, not stretched out through all the others, but that was impossible at the time because I hadn't planned on writing more than one fic. If, however, I do eventually complete "Blizzards" (and possibly the other two stories that were to come after, effectively making Cerulean's story a trilogy), then any explanation or writing I do to resolve those issues now would effectively become obsolete.
Therefore, here's what's on the table. One option would be to completely ignore the gaping plot holes I've introduced, remove any references or involvement of those subplots from the next fic, and just write for Rarity and Pinkie's plot points. That would lead to a much shorter fic, but it would also mean that I would get to begin working on their romances that much sooner. Another idea that I've been toying with would be to follow all of the above, but also begin making story-related blog posts that effectively function as stand alone chapters that don't really fit into the next few fics. That would remove any hindrance of pressing the overall plot forward while still giving me the freedom to explain some of the plot holes if and when I feel so inclined. Is it professional? Hardly. Will it make it easier for me to focus on new content? Very, very much so.
I've been told many times that I need to write for myself first and foremost, but to those of you that have stuck around so long, well, you deserve more than a blog post every few months fraught with naught but tales of woe and admittedly reasonable excuses for why you've nothing to read. If I can't even finish this, a labor of love for a show that has changed my life and people that have shown they care, then how can I possibly expect to make it as a published author, as is my heart's desire? No, I want to finish what I've started, and regardless of how crappily written the start is, I'd like to go out with a bang rather than a whimper.
As a side note, I would be quite grateful if those of you interested in seeing the series brought full circle could give me some feedback on what I'm considering with the story-canon blog posts and whatnot. I'd really like to see this thing finished so that I can lift my eyes towards my future without feeling like I've turned my back on those that gave me my beginning.
P.S.: I was at worked when the finale for Pinkie's romance came to me. I had to go upstairs and sit down for about ten minutes to keep from bawling (in a good way, I think).
EDIT: Went through and separated all the usable bits that I already have written for Rarity/Pinkie, and it looks like I've got a third, maybe closer to half of the next story finished if I choose to exempt the parts about Cerulean's family (it would be a shorter fic, like 20-30k). That's... actually really exciting for me. It makes finishing feel plausible. XP
Plot holes? ... I don't see any.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I remember a blog post by Knighty eons ago that said you couldn't post chapters as blogs, so you'd have to check with him. I can see it working if it is allowed. Having said that... whilst this series certainly focuses on Cerulean' story, each of the other characters has helped with his growth, as well as their own along the way.
As much as it sounds painful, I would rather see his story continued with the others. I have seen this as more of background tale to each of the characters as we progressed down the years (Coming up on 2 1/2 in story I believe), so think it should continue as such. If that means we have to wait for you to be able to write for Cerulean , then wait we shall.
Stories... no, art such as this takes time, and I for one (as much as it doesn't seen like it) will be waiting painterly until your decision is made. Either way, I'll still be here to support you, as I'm sure all of your other 952 followers will.
1948407 I actually wasn't aware of that rule, and I'm glad that you brought that to my attention. If it were the case that posting story canon material as blog posts transgressed that rule, I'm sure that I could make some kind of workaround for it (like making them into a short fic, or even adding them on as additional chapters on the new story to be posted after Rarity and Pinkie's arc concludes).
As for the rest, well, I already made it clear I'm not removing Cerulean, but I never intended for him to play any kind of significant role, or even appear at all, in the final two romances. So, even if I were to beat myself up over resolving his family drama or forcing out a few more chapters of Blizzards, it wouldn't have any bearing on the final two stories, which is why I'm inclined to discretely sidestep his family issues in the interest of "completing" the series (after which I could go back and work on patching things up). The last two romances will be written in such a way that they can function as standalone fics, so it just makes the most sense to move forward without dealing with Cerulean's issues. This universe that I've made doesn't revolve solely around Cerulean, and I know there are readers who want to see both Pinkie and Rarity finally get their stallion (especially Rarity. I mean... dayum, girl. You need some cuddles).
1948456 Hell, if we have to wait until after their stories for that, I'm perfectly happy. It's also nice to hear that you managed to get something written at least.
And didn't Rarity get some cuddles during Whisper's story?
(I also can't wait to see AJ and Dash competing to be the best mother after their foals arrive!)
If you can't do the chapters in your blog thing, why not host them else where? Or retry tumblr?
Though honestly, the best thing to do at this point, in my humble opinion, would be to go ahead with the separate chapter idea. Though you could also just put them in their own story, like some people do with one-shots for their own head-canon-story-verse, if that makes sense.
As Lucky said, I've rather enjoyed Cerulean's appearances throughout the other stories. Seeing him grow and develop over the years has served as a great tie to bind all the other stories together and make every new installment feel like a continuation of one long story, that being your vision of the Elements, their families, and their lives. To that end, I'm more than willing to wait for you to be able to see both Cerulean and your writing of him the way that your fans do.
But if his parts are negligible at best in the next story, I like the idea of writing the main plot and then adding in his issues with his family either as one-shots or bonus chapters to one of your existing stories. That way you can both write what makes you happy, and still have the space to complete Cerulean's story when you're ready to.
I vote for the side story idea. Seeing as how the two parts don't really interact (unless I am misremembering the first two chapters or so) you can have Rares and Pinks as one part, and then Ceru's as another side-story that can be worked on as you gain inspiration/courage to write it.
Seems the best way to keep things moving in my head, anyway...
I vote for the option that brings us Rarity's story.
But seriously, if you have come up with a plan that allows you to keep writing in your 'verse, go for it.
My vote? Do what's you think is best. I'm looking forward to any new stories/chapters from you! You're one my fav artists that do romance.
But also I hope you do sometime in the future get back to Cerulean. I like the character(Even the old version). Plus, it includes my fav pony. 
Very eager to see the Pinkie chapter. I see so often artist struggle to put her into a serious romance cause...Well, it's Pinkie!
I have read from Tears in the Snow to Cutie Mark Catastrophes. They were truly amazing and beautiful. They encouraged me to begin writing. I have since published 28 stories and I've only been on FimFiction for about a year.
I love the characters, the romance, the side stories/plots you've added within this series, and the actual writing. You have a gift, to say the least. Though, you're writing may not come naturally. Or, maybe it does come naturally, but these barriers you speak of are keeping you from fully relishing your gift. Either way, you have written fantastic stories.
You have your doubts about Cerulean and his character, but I love him the way he is. If he is based off of you I would say that you must have a lovely personality, despite your obvious lack of self confidence when you need it. He has a certain quality to him that makes him likable. He has humor, but more than that, he has a warmness to him, even when serious or sad. I fully embrace his character and believe him to be as realistic as the characters on the show, if not more so.
The stories you have created are rich with excitement and wonder. They kept me on the edge of my seat, even though they aren't scary. This is because they are still thrilling. They have all these perfect qualities put together and make an excellent series.
You say you've ended up in an endless pit of plot holes, subplots, side stories and more, but I'd say they were all needed and were all justified. They enriched the story by adding more and allowing you to add more to this still growing series. I say that you should follow these paths to the end. If all of these plot points lead you to write 1,000 stories then I will read all of them because I love this series and I have loved every single story within it.
You may have some complications as of right now, but I believe in you and I just know that all these wonderful ideas in your head will be written in the most creative of ways. Do not give up on this series and these characters because you've done perfectly so far. I expect some more brilliant writing and I will wait, no matter how long it may take.
I read Tears in the Snow a long time ago and started reading the rest of the stories a few weeks ago. I am now right in the middle of Song of Whispers which I am very much enjoying. I don't really have any feedback to give, but would love it if you finished the series. I will get back to reading now, have an alpaca.
i.imgur.com/bFMo8w5.jpg
Ohhhhh that's a tough choice to make.....I been following you since Tears in the Snow all the way to In Swept a Blizzard and I was sad about the fallout you had with your writing since your last blog post and while I do want a Rarity story I have ask myself about Cerulean mhmmm. . . . . .
I will give you my clear opinion on this tomorrow because this is something I can't ignore and I may even end up re reading the 5 storys again to get a clear grasp on where Cerulean stands right now.
Tears in the snow was one of the first fics i ever read, and i have been a fan of your work since.I know its not helpful, but with both of those options i say do what feels right! I'm here for the long haul weather it ends in a bang or whimper. So just do what feels best.
OK after reading Tears in the Snow again I have to say that your right....Cerulean never actually re connected with his parents after clearing up the incident with Bangles and since he was a vagabond for 4 years before he met Twilight that would make it 7+ years (depending on the age of Dawn Starshine at the end of Song of Whispers) since the last time he spoke with his parents.....and at this point he has gotten married,has had a foal without ever saying a peep to his parents and even went as far as forgiving AND helping Bangles while still not talking to his parents....so yeah your right that is a plot hole.
-You could either take the easy way out of this dilemma by erasing or changing inconsistencies make it so that he was an orphan or his parents are dead or something...
-Forcefully shoe in the needed chapters in Pinkie's or Rarity's storys to cover this plot hole and have Cerulean make amends with his parents despite the fact that your obviously not in the right mind set to do so right now.
If your really not interested in writing for Cerulean right now than I say just erase his parent's existence than because I didn't see nobody complaining about this plot hole or pointing fingers at it until you brought it up.
As for Pinkie's and Rarity's Storys I hope you treat them in the same fashion as Under the Starry Skies and Song of Whispers where the love interest/development is the focus of the story but the story still has "substance" to it. By "substance" I mean like when it tells of events that happen around the story focus too such as those bits of Rarity struggling with abstinence despite the fact that she wasn't the focus of the story or the whole deal with Bangles being in love with the restaurant worker. Those little bits adds "substance" to the story for me and it makes your universe seem more alive and likable.
IIRC didn't you mentioned at one point that you wanted to cover Carrot Top too?
I've been reading up and catching up on things... I need to reread Tears in the Snow and your others to truly give a valid opinion, been going through and trimming down my favorites and read laters.
Hang in there either way for the moment, I know how blocks are. While mine may have only lasted for a few months, I can understand how one thing might lead to a ton of ire. Until I can reread your stories and give you a valid opinion, I'll leave you with two words for now: Good luck!