Review: The Power Ponies: A Night of Crime and Passion · 1:43am Feb 13th, 2014
So, here and there, I'll go and click on a story in the featured box that I KNOW I won't like, and I find this rather torturous towards myself. Still, I don't know why I do it.
Well, I figured--if I'm gonna read the damned thing, I might as well write a review about it and post it on my blog to share my dislike of things with others because I like to be loud like that.
I'm gonna do this more often (I think). But anyways, I gotta start somewhere. Beware of everything NSFW. This blog is not clean.
The Power Ponies: A night of Crime and Passion
Staff edit: NSFW link removed
Starting off immediately, the first paragraph is rather jolting. When I read stories for effect, I read them out loud to myself, which also makes it really easy to detect a run-on sentence. The first paragraph has one of these, and man is it long. But that's not all. After scaling the wall that was the first paragraph, I realized something: it's got more than one topic. It starts off on the topic of Maretropolis, but somehow migrates over to dazzling description of an anthro Rarity with absolutely no wiggle room in the middle. It's a rough grind and a sloppy way to start a story, but it is a clopfic after all, so I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Now, for those of you that have been following me for a while, I shouldn't have to say that I despise anthro considering I've made it quite clear in the past. Nonetheless, I am not going to focus on this. Anthro does not make a story bad; it's just stupid in my opinion. I am going to be focusing on the story, and not why ponies have tits and walk on two legs.
We begin.
Although I'm starting this story with a bad taste in my mouth, it only gets a little worse as I read on. All fancy introductions have been skipped, and Rarity and Spike are already shipped tighter than a nun's twat (apparently he's her 'drakefriend', though this story is a sequel, so I guess that makes this part excusable). What I'm not liking is the way Spike is already made out to be some attractive stud, which isn't exactly his portrayal in the show. On top of that, Rarity's calling him her 'master'. Seems a little far-fetched.
The daydream was shattered as a bell alerted her to a guest. Considering she had closed the shop, she was not surprised that it was the tall, lean dragon of her dreams. “Hey, Rarity, I’m here.”
“Spikey!” She ran up, throwing her arms around his neck
Ugh.
I read on a bit and scroll over the multiple sentence splices and commas that are so lost that they might as well be Fimfiction's quality content.
Releasing him from her hug she swept back gracefully revealing the gift.
^ just for the sake of reference.
To be honest I found myself skimming over the larger paragraphs and dialog sections because they worked about as well as Nicolas Cage's accent in 'Con Air'. Though I can't help but notice that the author seems to have written Rarity as a complete babbling idiot who cares about nothing more than Spike up to the point of where she's actually lost her accent and character traits.
As the last word left his mouth a portal opened from within the comic, forcefully warping the surprised dragon and grinning unicorn into its pages.
Well, that was fast!
As I near the halfway point of this story, I can't help but make inferences. Spike is a thick-headed, sexually-dominant fuck, who also seems to be overprotective of his brainless fucktoy, but only when he wants to be. Rarity just plain doesn't seem to know what she wants. She wants Spike, oh wait, no, she wants to fight crime! No wait, Spike, crime, Spike! make up your mind!
There's no desire at all for me to read the action scenes. There's literally nothing good about them. The bad guys serve as much of a problem to Rarity and Spike as a bus full of orphans which coincidentally happens to be made out of papier mâché, serves against a train if the buffers had been replaced with three-foot steel spikes and the driver happened to be a politician.
Once all the baddies have been reduced to ash, its time for the two to start fucking one another.
It was actually painful to read the sex. It was a few pages of unrealistic power play that left me wondering how the story portayed a single thing about female anatomy correctly. I'm somewhat surprised that Rarity's vagina was in the front.
Synchronized orgasms? Don't even get me started. Two... synchronized orgasms? Excuse me while I take a ride to the nearest Walmart on my sparkling unciorn tricycle that pisses rainbows and tops out at light speed to buy myself a box of bullshit-flakes.
The sex went on, some more power-play, some more of Spike serving as a dominant stud to shut up all the squealing fanchildren complaining about how their doormat doesn't get enough attention in the show. The ending was bland, flat, and left me with such a poor aftertaste that I'm debating gargling a cup of Drain-O just to have a little variety. By far, reading that story was one of the bigger wastes of time I've suffered this week, the lesser being locked in a room with nothing to do for fifteen straight hours until my eyes popped from boredom. As I believe I've stated before, it shames me to even see things like this featured as a top story. It makes me feel like I'm in a fandom with a bunch chimpanzees who were given keyboarding lessons and allowed to watch porn for two hours each day. In the end, the story was polished shit. Sure it received an editing run or two, but you might as well be slapping shoe-polish on a flipflop for all the good it did this story. The real problems lay in the execution and portrayal of the characters, who, sadly, represent the canon characters about as well as a photo of the Beatles that's been crumpled up and fed through a washing machine represents the real thing.
Now excuse me while I go back to drinking paint.
static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121219174008/mlpfanart/images/3/3e/Twilight_human_clapping.gif
damn straight.
fuck all these dumbass clopfics, giving our fandom a bad name.
Hehehe, you should do these kinds of reviews more often.
This is so fucking hard. It hurt to read that. Not to mention that the story had one of my favorite kinks in it and actually did nothing but leave a bad taste in my mouth. I was disappointed to say the least.
I may review this myself, just so that I can prove I am even meaner than Sorren. But, on the other hand, the story deserves cruelty, because it's a bland little shit with a lot of sparkly glitter glued onto it. Enough to attract the attention of the mentally retarded for a sufficient time that they can upvote and fav it, but I felt no different after reading it than I did before. Power play is one of my biggest fetishes, and this failed to engage me even once--it's the standard D/s fic where the author doesn't know anything about how relationships like that actually work. For fuck's sake, I write a ton of horrible porn, but I have enough sense not to spam FIMFic with it unless it's legitimately a novel idea or fun to read.
In conclusion, Sorren is based Sorren, and this fic fucking sucks.
Agree with you completely.
1828186
1828259
You guys should go see the fun I'm having with him.
1828693
Oh i am and I'm enjoying it as well.
you knows what is the saddest? this blog post made me laugh more than most fics on this site
1828693
Do you have any idea how amazing you are, Bad? I'm capping all this.
And I feel no guilt, because Cloud has repeatedly rejected my attempts to make peace with him and then blamed me for it
I was turned off immediately by the Spa
rity shipping alone. A crock of shit is what that ship is. 
*Finds out who the author is of the story*
*Finds out who's the one who wrote the blog post*
*Reads the comments and reads the names of those who made the comments*
...I honestly feel like this story was just picked because of a personal reasons, but that's just vibe I'm getting here. Not sure if true or not.
1829496 Actually, I only found out it was by Path of Cloud after I'd read halfway through the damned thing. To be honest, I was a little skeptical to continue with this after that because... well, yeah. You know.
1829500 Well I can't prove that you're lying or not so I'll just settle with trusting you. But whatever, my opinion hardly matters.
1829504 You're Path of Cloud. Aren't you? Nobody using an account from 2011 with only 16 favorites who isn't following anyone, nor being followed, logs in to simply comment on one person's blog with a prior knowledge of the goings-on between two users.
1829508 Hahahaha Nope. I apologize if my account does give that impression as I hardly do much with it except add occasional comments, favorite stories and then remove them when they are finished. I read Path of Cloud's stories sometimes and I read the comments he receives. I'm aware of the controversy that's been happening. Not very convincing, I know, and I apologize again, but that is the truth Whether you believe or not is up to you. Now I feel like an asshole.
Edit: Now that I think about it, I probably should do more with my account. Hmmm....
1829510 No worries.
1829519 Good to know.
Honestly Path_of_Cloud's work does feel self-insertish, where as every story of his has the same characterization of just spike dominating rarity. I've noticed the same pattern in other authors as well and over time, it just becomes more apparent. I'm not denying this story is probably bad (didn't read it because of first statement), but people review these stories like genuine stories instead of just realizing that the person probably just wrote it for fun and there is nothing wrong with that.
I get the frustration of seeing things like this being featured in the Feature Box and overshadowing other works, because of sex. Hell when the rape_train_express guy's work kept getting featured, I wanted to fucking hurl.
Again, I undestand the frustration of seeing bad works being praised only because they have sex. If you see stories like this, just don't give them your time.
Again, most people on this site aren't trying to write masterpieces. They are just doing it for fun and again there is nothing wrong with that.
I absolutely love reading those kind of those stories oddly enough. There's something about them being so jarring and poorly written, that I can't help but have a good laugh over them.
Its like a car crash with clowns. Sure it's horrible in its own right, but the twist in it makes it more humorous than it should be.
Although knowing that these kinds of stories are featured, is actually pretty damn cringeworthy to say the least. I don't mind it if someone enjoys reading something I don't like (I'm not the biggest fan with clop but I understand why other folks like it). But I still find it disappointing when the feature box is filled with nothing but clop fics every now and then. More so disappointing, when the author starts to throw a hissy fit over some criticism they receive.
1828955
Could you upload it somewhere like imgur? Someone went through and deleted all the comments.
1830341
Rapetrain-Express was a boss, though.
1832405 From a writing standpoint, I would say he was a good writer. My statement still stands though. People are complaining that they are annoyed that badly written clopfics keep making the Feature Box, but it was disturbing how many rape-fics made it to the Feature Box.
I understand they weren't meant to be taken as literal and more just troll fics, but still rape is rape in my eyes. I guess I'm just being a baby bambi about it though.
Still, even though I despised those fics, I just left them alone. Didn't downvote, didn't comment or nothing. Just because I don't like something doesn't mean others can't enjoy it.
Honestly, my only issue with the guy (aside from being a massive drama queen, which I learned when I dared to not like 'A Weekend Maid For Spike') is that he is a one trick pony.
Spike is a massive stud, Spike has a harem, Spike fucks everyone.
He never writes anything different, and he has clearly shown he has no idea how a healthy relationship even works. His words are written well, but his story telling is fuck awful.
And, as suggested earlier, he's a pretentious prick who will scream and yell at you if you dare to disagree with him.
-Lumino
Damn straight Sorren. Cloud is toplolfag.
1833467 Like so many other authors here.
Love and tolarance my ass, you guys are full of hate.
1849894 It seems Path of Cloud has picked up a negative following. I personally, want no beef with the author, and specifically avoided his name or speaking of him in the comments.
And just to say, love and tolerance has never really been a thing. Whenever someone tosses that out on the table now I throw up a little bit in my mouth at how bad that 'joke' has become.
1850198
Love and tollarance is just a running gag.
But whetever. Each to their own.
I'm too indiscriminately degenerate (read: down with the odd spot of anthro action) to hate PoC's work, but you do have to be in a certain mood to overlook the ham-fisted harem mechanics & one-sided dom dynamic. Plus, encouraging your friendly neighborhood drake to 'hoard' his nearest & dearest after mere birthday gifts prompted him to level a town? Nope, that couldn't backfire tragically at all.
That noted, for more humanoid-Spike-as-wanked-up-harem-center material to shred, I must needs point to a fetid lump of entitlement-dripping sewage by the title of Man About Town. Come for the 'hawt' Teen!CMC action, roll your eyes at our hero's Studly Shonen Upgrade(R), and cringe at the general undertone of Chivalrous Dudebros(TM) one-upping their flighty, hot-mess ladyfriends at every turn.