Psychology (Moving On and Letting Go) Full Blog. · 11:21pm February 9th
In relation to the questions I asked in this blog,
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1031326/psychology-moving-on-and-letting-go
here are some psychological things you may want to understand.
It's really not cool to watch someone self-destruct, is it? You want to do everything you can to make them stop, or you just plain want them to stop so it satisfies yourself. (You can't stand someone moping, groaning, and you can't stand sociopathic behavior) so you just up and demand a person just suck it up and get over it, like that!
We've discussed this before... It doesn't work like that. A person cannot just change the way they feel or how they think simply because you want them to, and it doesn't just happen overnight. (There is no magic that makes everything get better in a split second)
Letting Go and Moving on, like any psychological thing, is a process. It takes time, and sometimes it can take longer than others depending on the circumstances. You may want the person to change or get well in a hurry to satisfy yourself...
...But here's the thing that you all better get into your heads, and I mean NOW!!
Moving on, and Letting go... these are not obligations. It is, now, and always will be... A CHOICE.
You may say to someone...
"I've moved on, and you should too."
Maybe they should...
Or then you may say something like...
You have to move on. Everyone has to move on. You have no choice."
...That's not true.
Just because people SHOULD move on, or you WANT them or TELL them to move on... They don't HAVE to if they don't wish to. They DO have a choice.
Strings can never be with Princess Cadance. He knows this, and he doesn't try to stalk her, end her relationship with her family or even show his jealousy and pain. (He doesn't have pictures of her, collects wads of her hair, or has a shrine to her or anything)
But the fact is, he doesn't have to let go or move on, and just as Cadance is under no obligation to be with him, Strings is under no obligation to let go or move on either.
You can persuade him to move on and seek help
Friends/Family can give him love and support.
...But only ONE PERSON can make Strings truly change, and that's STRINGS HIMSELF. (Mind you, he's fictional. I can write him so he never wishes to move on all the time)
But I'm using him as an example of reality, not writers will. So think away from what I can do as a writer, and what you can do as real person in REAL situations like this.
You also need to stop being in such a hurry, stop being so presumptuous, and stop being so forceful.
Don't try to change someone because YOU simply want them to change and it will benefit and satisfy you.
You may not like someone moping around, or sociopathy or self-destructive behavior.
Like I asked before in the other blog, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
-You can't MAKE the person stop
-You can't just DEMAND they change and get over it.
Perdita wasn't able to make Gar change.
2:24 -End
Gar does need help, but he's made it clear he doesn't want to get help, and Perdita cannot force it on him. She walked out on him, refusing to watch him destroy himself.
What do you think of that? Do you think Perdita did the right thing by leaving him as he told her to do?
Like it goes, she can't force him to get help, not even with that Ultimatum she gave him.
I am not saying you should never try to help someone at all (Some people refuse to get that into their thick heads)
I'm saying you can only TRY and help someone, but it's not up to you if whether or not they ever get better or not.
Black Canary said this to Gar...
0:40
You need to realize, you can't just change things or people. You can only try to help and persuade them to help change themselves, but it's only UP TO THEM, not you.
Moving on and Letting go is a CHOICE. It always has been and it always will be, and if the answer they give you is still "No" if they still act all self-destructive, or sociopathic... I don't know what else to tell you. You tried to help them, but they won't change, and you can't make them.
Again, I am not saying you should never try to help anyone in the first place. I am saying... be prepared for it all to be in vain. You can only TRY... that's all you can do.
again those questions are...
When someone refuses to Let Go or Move on...
-How will you treat this person?
-What will you do about them?
-(In both cases:) Why Would you do that?
-Above all, what if every method you try including psychiatric help fails?
When you breakup with someone, and they...
-Don't wish to be just friends...
-Goes to great lengths to avoid you...
-Refuses to date someone else...
How will you treat this person, and why?
And most importantly...
You feel that a person needs help and needs to change, but no matter how much you try to persuade them, they just brush you off.
How do you view/treat that person?
Are you going to
-Bully the person, and make things even worse than they already are just to garner laughs? (Like my haters do)
-Avoid the person and leave them to be self-destructive? (Like Perdita did)
-Continue to try and help them even though your efforts may be in vain? (As Twilight Sparkle Does)
...That's REAL reality for you (Not my reality, not your reality)
You can only TRY and help, but be prepared to face failure when and if it happens.
I see you're using guy characters as your examples for not wanting to move on/change, and how it's a choice. So... here's a hypothetical for you:
Say a woman just witnessed her abusive husband die when he was about to murder her and their child. After the funeral, the woman tries to move on, and knows she needs to move on, but wherever she goes, she still feels her late husband haunting her, whispering into her mind that she's worthless now, that no one would want "damaged goods" like her.
But, she feels she can't speak up, she can't say she needs help, but her family can tell she's suffering.
So, by your argument, because this woman can't say she wants to move on, or change, her friends and family should just leave things be until she does, and not even try to help her? Even if her problems starts effecting her work, or how she cares for the child she was risking her life to protect?
If this were a man instead of a woman, I wonder what else you'd say about the situation?
5767637
I'd say the same thing no matter what gender you are. (The very thing you people continue to overlook that I'm saying)
You think there is no help for you, but that's not true. You can join groups that deal with similar problems like yours. You can even get psychiatric help.
The trick is you have to WANT help. You have to be willing admit your problems and be willing to make the change.
As I stated, you cannot force someone to get help, you can only TRY and help them.
But here's the same question you just asked
should just leave things be until she does, and not even try to help her? Even if her problems starts effecting her work, or how she cares for the child she was risking her life to protect?
What do YOU think the answer is?
What would YOU do?
(Piss off haters, you and your stupid downvotes just to spite me)
5767637
I also want you to read this
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1032932/psychology-trying-to-change-people-who-dont-want-to-change
(Piss OFF, haters)