Happy Holidays and wishes · 7:18pm Dec 25th, 2023
Merry Christmas to all who partake and a happy Enjoy your Monday to everyone else.
Life update below
I love and miss you all. Even if we haven't talked in ages, I still think of you.
The season always evokes in me a slight melancholy, very different from the usual deep depression I assure you. I find myself dwelling on past friendships and wondering how they're doing. Hoping they're happy, wondering, perhaps selfishly, if they think of me.
Slowly but surely I'm clawing my way back to myself. It's slow and I stumble often, but everyone around me says they see progress and change. I'm working on seeing it myself. I still cry a lot, and have depressive episodes, but they come less often. Doing things on my own is still a huge toll, but I have a wonderful support network to reach out to, and often do.
My sister's twins keep growing and changing by leaps and bounds. Ten months and they're already standing and trying to walk. It's fascinating seeing them and how different they are every time.
I feel awkward talking about normal human experiences. Like everyone is simply going "yeah yeah, we know already, you're not special" but that's why I like hearing about it. Because it reminds me I'm not special in that sense. I'm not the only one who has these struggles and experiences. I find great comfort in that.
I have more I could say but the words aren't coming out. I never did feel like being a writer was a good fit. Being so vulnerable on a page never suited. I'm happiest polishing and being vulnerable privately. Cheering people on and getting excited to help build the world.
You are loved back, Ferret. I hope I get to see you again soon, but please remember that you are welcome here anytime and that I'll always be happy to talk to you online as well
Merry Christmas and Happy Hearth’s Warming, Ferret! I think of you often and I’m glad you’re doing better. Please know that you are loved and that I’m here for you, anytime.
It's so good to hear from you in any case!
Ferret it has been great to see you around these past few weeks. I'm sorry to hear that you are having to climb out of a depressive time, but it's been lovely to get to see you around, and seeing this I'm really happy to know you've been able to make such progress.
I've spent far too much of my life feeling depressed. It took a long time to see that a huge part of that depression wasn't an issue with me - like, antidepressants never worked - but rather a quite natural reaction to the fucked up state of the world.
We're all facing trauma. We live in a fucked up hell world, that still somehow manages to hold traces of rapturous beauty all around us. And that means living through a paradox of agony and hope and finding a way to rise and fight that agony each and every new dawn.
The luckiest among us manage to spend considerable amounts of time - years, decades even - free of it, but for the rest of us...well, that's what hope is for. Hope, and doing what we can to make the future better for those even more vulnerable than we are.
Which is to say, good to see ya poking the head up <3
5760770
Thanks, I'm sorry I'm so bad at reaching out ^^;
5760809
Thank you friend, it means a lot. n_n
5760811
Agreed! I'll theoretically try and blog more but we'll see how it goes haha.
5760941
Thanks, that genuinely warms my heart to hear.
5761093
I've got the paperwork to show it's a brain chemistry thing and not just "holy shit the world sucks sometimes". Thanks for the comment tho n_n
5761528
Well <3 and good luck on finding the right thing to help the brain chem thing then!!