chapter 3 v2: thoughts · 10:14pm Jul 3rd, 2023
so this is basically the finished product, it just needs to be edited, but I took chapter in a different direction. I would like to know your thoughts:
So, I bought a chess set, because Blaze saw it in a window and was interested in it for some reason. Aside from the names of the pieces, it pretty much played out like chess. I was pretty decent, for somebody who doesn’t actively play chess, but apparently Blaze was nuts at it. So far, I won the first game, and that was the only game I won. Like after being fully explained as to what each piece does, Blaze took to it immediately and started kicking my ass every game. All without reading my mind or some shit too. Now I can safely say I was getting… Out foxed… I’m here all week.
“Checkmate.” Blaze hummed as she did, in fact, checkmate me with over half her pieces left. “So Ostri,” I looked up from the chess board after knocking my Princess, who was the King in human chess, over. “How old are you? Because I have been thinking ever since Luna dumped you, and I’ve been thinking even more since you claim you still love her. Just how old are you?”
“Well, I woke up in Equestria shortly after graduating high school, so about eighteen or so. I think I’m nineteen though; a bit hard to tell now.”
“So that is quite young, especially for a pony.”
“Yeah. Why are you asking now?”
“I learnt that ponies have birthdays, that they celebrate for some reason…” She hummed. “I was hoping we could do the same for you.” Blaze’s ears twitched. “But also it means you are quite inexperienced when it comes to dealing with relationships, correct?” I nodded. “How often have you interacted with people?”
“Not a lot. I was an orphan, after all.”
“So I have been thinking… I think you being with Luna, and speaking with Celestia is quite bad for you. Luna is simply trying to manipulate you. And I must ask, would Celestia seek you out if you were depressed? Celestia didn’t seem to care too much when you flew off in distraught. In fact, nobody did. Not even Luna. Not even after you said to her… And while I am at it, you may as well put some distance between yourself and those six mares. They’ll just try and guilt you into dating Luna again even if you two apparently left your relationship as friends.”
“Wait, Luna didn’t even care when I flew off?” Blaze nodded. “You aren’t lying?”
“I am not. Trust me, Ostri, I only act with your best interests in mind. And Luna will find some way into making you two date again; she wants control over you. As for why, I am not sure. I know Celestia probably still thinks you are a strategic genius, and with you dating Luna would tie you to Equestria. Hence any ‘juicy’ little secrets you have would only be of use to the Equestrian nation.” Huh… “I know. Trust me, Ostri, I would not be saying any of this if I did not think this is a genuine issue. Your naivety is going to get you into trouble because of how blindly you want the affection of a loved one.”
I silently stared down at the chess board. “You still-” Blaze leaned in and nuzzled me on the cheek. She then stood up, rubbing into my side before wrapping her tails around me. She then proceeded to start grooming me. “Blaze?”
“This is a sign of affection, Ostri. I would not do this unless I considered you a very close friend. And while I was once friends with Celestia, I do not find as much joy in grooming her as I do when I groom you. For kitsunes, if we even let you touch our tails, that is the ultimate sign of trust and affection.” Blaze then gave me a very canine-esk kiss. “I love you, Ostri. I simply want to protect you, and now that I know how young you are mentally, I… I think of you as my own little kit. Nobody is harming you without getting through me first. Not Luna, not Celestia. Nobody will hurt you while I am here.” Huh…
I leaned into Blaze’s chest and let out a deep sigh as I found myself feeling drowsy…
Then somebody started pounding on my motel room’s door. I sighed. “I can get the door,” Blaze offered.
“No, if I lay in your fur any longer I will fall asleep. I’ll get the door…. Who’s on the other side, by the way?”
“It is Twilight and her friends.” Oh brother. “I know. Are you certain you do not want me to get the door for you? I can tell them to ‘fuck off’ as you would say. Or we can ignore them.”
“C’mon Ossi! I know you’re in there!” Pinkie’s voice was very squeaky. “We want to talk to you!”
“I don’t think that’s an option, Blaze.” We both sighed. “Talk later?” My fox nodded. I got out of bed and walked over to the door, I mentally and emotionally prepared myself. I took a couple deep breaths before finally opening the door. Twilight and her friends, Twilight at the forefront because she’s a pretty pony princess and her friends aren’t, were all practically grouped around my door. “Why are you guys here? Like legitimately, why? I don’t wanna talk to any of you.”
“...Well, Princess Celestia has informed me that the way we’ve been treating you so far is a bit unfair. After all, you and Luna ended your relationship off as friends… You clearly are not a bad pony, so I shouldn’t get angry at you over your love life. That’s Cadance’s job, after all. So, me and my friends were about to go out on a picnic and figured we should invite you. Mostly at Rarity’s request,” Rarity batted her eyelashes at me, she was holding a fan up so her nose was just barely poking over it. I blinked a couple of times. “And I’m a bit curious about you myself, beyond you being from the past, you are quite interesting. According to records at the time, you simply appeared one day. You walked into town with a caravan of Earth Ponies and quickly found yourself in royal hooves.”
I stepped out of the motel room and closed the door.. A picnic can’t be too bad. “Say, can Blaze come along? The two of us were just having a little bit of a chat; some nice bonding time too. Given that Blaze is my best friend…” what is some bullshit I could come up with. “She would help me feel a bit more comfortable? I’m not the most socially outgoing dude ever, and Blaze helps boost my confidence.” I could practically see Fluttershy bouncing up and down when I asked that. The best part was, that was partially true; I suck at being social.
“I sure wouldn’t mind,” Twilight shrugged. The door was quickly caught in Blaze’s magical signature, and the fox casually strolled out. Not too long after, she was lying on the ground, Fluttershy babying her, with her tongue out. Now Blaze went from almost motherly to the biggest fucking baby on the planet because of the yellow pegasus. After a few moments of being babied, Blaze stood up, Fluttershy being held by the scruff, happily following us. It was kinda cute.
“Ostri, I like this mare. Don’t touch her; she’s mine.”
“Oi, I thought I was your favorite pony, you dickhead.” Everyone’s eyes widened, then became dinner plates when Blaze simply giggled.
“Ostri, you will always be my number one… Just don’t touch this mare.” She looked left and right. “Just trust me.”
“Meh, aight.”
“What did she say after she paused?” Apple Jack asked. “Ah don’t like how Blaze said something but none of us could hear it.”
“That is the art of telepathy, my little farm pony. I was merely telling Ostri some advice; it’s not a good idea to immediately chase love after your heart’s been broken…” Blaze grinned. “Rarity, stop staring at Ostri’s rear end. I know you think it looks nice, but my pony isn’t interested in mares right now.”
“H-how?” Rarity stuttered and sputtered as she just stopped, pointed at Blaze, and had a mini seizure.
“Ostri fully knows that you are interested in him.”
Rarity’s reaction was priceless.
After a while of wandering around, we found a nice spot in a random field, and quickly had a picnic blanket set up. Fluttershy was a giggly mess, happily trying to touch Blaze’s tails, even though the kitsune looked like she was trying her best to not growl at the pegasus. While everyone ate and happily chatted, I kept watch on the forest. Apparently, where Everfree City once stood, was just that massive, possibly evil and fucked up forest. Where the weather is free or whatever. To me it just seemed like planet earth; I don’t mind clouds going along with the flow and snowing when they feel like it.
“Say Ostri, wanna have a race on the ground?” Rainbow tapped my shoulder.
“Nah. I’ve just been wondering about… stuff. Me being dragged out of the time I was supposed to be in… It feels weird. Not jarring; I was literally dragged out of my home before. I just figured adjusting to a more modern time would be harder; it really isn’t. Luna said she struggled, but I suppose she’s a mare of tradition or whatever…” I hummed. “It just feels… eh. I dunno. I should maybe be a bit more sad now that I will never get to see some folks I was hoping to see again. But three out of the six people I talked to are still kicking.”
“...Who are you missing?”
“I dunno if you guys heard of them, but… I believe two of the last three people were a part of a very, very early day Apple Clan. Crab Apple and Red Delicious; they helped me get kick started in life with just a bag of bits. Hell, I never woulda been in Everfree City if it weren’t for them. I woke up in the middle of a forest, no clue how I got there, in a body that wasn’t mine, and they took me in for a bit. Hell, Red wanted to sleep with me if what Crab had to say was true.” Apple Jack’s jaw dropped. “What?” Twilight and Starlight were just rubbing their chins while they listened to me.
“You know my great, great, great,” several greats later. “Great Aunt and Grandma?” I nodded. “What were they like? I heard stories of their hospitality; it’s what we Apples pride ourselves on.”
“I can’t really say; they were the nicest folks I met. But I only got to speak with them and be around them for a day. I was hoping they’d stop by Everfree sometime, maybe grab a cup of rum and chat with them. Then uh… Yeah, no. That never happened,” I sighed. “I kinda found myself missing them at times. I don’t have much to my name, even back in the past, but I wanted to repay them for helping me out so much.”
“Ostri, what do you mean by ‘in a body that wasn’t mine?” Twilight asked.
“So uh, about me appearing randomly? That’s true. Even I don’t know why the fuck I ended up in Equestria. I used to be human; some hairless monkey type of thing.”
“Oh… That would explain why you weren’t utterly blown away by being in the present,” Twilight rubbed the back of her head. “So who’s the last pony you were missing?”
“Somebody named Chrysalis. We didn’t get to interact much, but I found her in a net, fed her, and we were sorta friends. I only met her a week before disappearing; that was zero time to get to know her. Luna and Chrysalis were best friends though. I wouldn’t have minded getting to know… What?”
“Chrysalis tried to kill us not even four months ago,” Rainbow’s hoof slammed into the ground. Damn. Guess that bitch went bumfuck crazy at some point then. “How did you even become friends with her? She had to mind control you!”
“No. She was trapped, so I showed her some kindness and freed her. She was hungry and fed on love. Again, I just fed her and chatted with her. It was brief, but we were pretty chill.”
“And here I was, thinking that I would have to hunt you down, Ostri. It is quite nice to see that the sands of time couldn’t slow you down.” A layered, but familiar voice rang through my ears. “Oh Twilight,” the alicorn in Question looked ready to kill somebody. ‘I am not here for an act of aggression. I merely heard that an old friend of mine is still alive and I would like to chat with him.” A green light snagged my attention, and… Chrysalis pretty much appeared out of nowhere. She was taller and had longer hair now, maybe a few more holes, but it was Chrysalis.
“Hey Chrysalis, are you hungry?”
“I am. Would you mind giving me a snack? I won’t take too much love.”
“Go for it.”
“Ostri!” I turned to Twilight. “She’ll just drain you and-” Chrysalis took some love, her reptilian tongue flicking, before licking her lips.
“I do not harm friends, Twilight.” I got a good look at Chrysalis. Yeah, her eyes tell a nice story. And now it could be a long one, a hard one, but she wasn’t sane anymore. Like legit, I couldn’t even recognize the Chrysalis I first spoke with, what was standing before me was simply a husk of what was. It made me grimace slightly; I was hoping to actually become actually good friends with Chrysalis when I found out she was still kicking. “Ostri, is something wrong?”
“...What the fuck have you been through?”
“Leading a constantly starving country is rather stressful. Especially when that country abandons you after you failed twice to feed them all.” Oh. Chrysalis laid down on the picnic blanket, acting like she was actually invited to it. “So I have a proposition for you.” Oh boy. “I want you to join me. I know you’re planning on at least leaving Ponyville, maybe Equestria in general. I would like you… to join me when you do leave. I can guide you through Equus, you can teach me how to committed genocide on a group of griffins.” She smirked when everyone around us flinched. Well, except Twilight, Starlight, and Blaze. They already knew about that.
“Uh… here’s the thing, Chrysalis, I still feel like a sack of shit for doing what I did. Sure, I did it to defend my home, the people I loved. But I wasn’t proud of killing everyone in that battalion. You… You legit look like you would use whatever I teach you and not feel a lick of remorse for what you did.” I shivered. “And no, I won’t be joining you when I leave Equestria. You could join me and hopefully I can uh… Help you not be mentally insane.”
“Ostri, you are making a mistake. Celestia and Luna will only use you if you do not join me. Trust me, your methods for warfare are far and away the best, and you’ve only used one of your kind’s strategies. Together we can rule Equestria, neigh, the entire world with you at my command!” Chrysalis was saying that, in a group of national heroes, like they weren’t listening to us. “And somepony in particular,” Chrysalis glared at Starlight. “Will suffer for what they have done to me. I simply must ask you again, join me. Do you not want to be king of the world?” I can guess who that somepony is, and I don’t think I wanna fight something that figured out how to time travel. It can just travel back in time and murder you when you’re a baby, and Starlight is that It.
“...If I say no?”
“I will track you down and I will drain you of every ounce of love that you have. Then I will kill you once you can no longer be used for food.”
“If you touch Ostri, I will kill you,” Blaze snarled.
“Oh please, you and I both know that I could kill you in a heartbeat, Blaze. I have recently begun learning magic that can put you in a kennel on life support.”
“I will light a firework and make sure it goes off in your fucking mouth if you hurt my kitsune, Chrysalis. I will not join you. In fact, if you hunt me down, I will show you why you do not fuck with humanity. My kind has killed millions before. My kind has committed crimes that make whatever the fuck you’re planning seem like nothing. I will make sure a canister of tear gas goes off in your fucking lungs. I will slowly skin you alive and will force feed you what the fuck I peel off your worthless, fucking hide. Got it Chrysalis?”
“Hmm-oof!” I punched Chrysalis so hard that I saw a few of her teeth falling out of her mouth when she opened it again. Her jaw simply hung there in shock.
“Again. I will skin you alive and make you eat your own fucking carapace. And when we’re done, I will boil you, and I will eat you. My kind are carnivores, Chrysalis. I miss the taste of steak. I wanna eat some jerky. If you come for me, I’ll remember what those tasted like. Got it?” Chrysalis glared at me, before flying off. I looked around. “Well? Chrysalis said she wants to kill us all and we’re gonna let her go?” Oh, they’re all in shock. “What?”
“...You would eat Chrysalis?”
“No. I wouldn’t actually do that. But I will kill her in the most painful way possible; being boiled alive is fucking painful. You don’t mess with the people I care about and get off lightly.”
“You do understand that Queen Chrysalis will make a return, correct, Ostri?” Blaze asked.
“Oh yeah, that glare screamed ‘you will pay’ energy. If Chrysalis wants to fuck around and find out, then… she can. I don’t want to, because there is a slight chance that the Chrysalis I once knew is still in there. A very slight chance… I just really don’t want to actually kill Chrysalis…” my ears flattened. “It kinda sucks, y’know? When I first met her she wasn’t the happiest person in the world, but she wasn’t bumfuck crazy back then. It’s… kinda hard for me to remember that the last time these people have seen me, people I was once friends with, or even dating, was a thousand years ago. It fucking sucks dude. Like fuck, Celestia feels like an entirely different person now even if not even four days ago, for me, she and I were playfully insulting each other and actually becoming friends. Some bits of her have remained the same, but so much is off. Luna feels roughly the same, but even she’s a bit different now regardless of if I was still dating her or not.”
“I… I could find some way to send you back in time, Ostri.” Starlight said. Her head was hanging a bit low. “It may mess with time and space, but I could. Would you want me to?”
“...No. No matter if I’m a human, in the past, present, or future. Or if I’m a stupid, little horse, I’m gonna keep pushing forward. As a wise man once said, life ain’t about winning or losing. It’s not about how hard you’re hit by life. It’s about getting back on your feet every time you’re hit, even if you feel like giving up, just get up and keep moving forward. Determination is a human’s strongest trait, and you best be damned if I give up because I got fucked over.” I sighed. “It hurts, bruises remain, but if you aren’t dead then you’re still in the game of life.”
Twilight was the first to break the silence.“...That is actually a good outlook on life. Who said that?”
“Some boxxer. Or a human that punches the shit out of other humans for a living.” Everyone blinked at that. “So, I guess we don’t hate each other now?” Twilight got up and draped a wing over me, and promptly nuzzled me. “What the heck are you doing? That’s some pretty intimate pegasi shit that only Luna’s done with me.”
“...I uh…”
“She thought that punching Chrysalis in the face was ‘hot’.” Oh. Twilight’s face was now bright red. “And your little, borrowed quote. That sealed the deal for her.”
“Shut up Blaze! You’re not allowed to use telepathy anymore!” Twilight tried to bury her face into my shoulder. It didn’t work very well because she was actually taller than I am.
“But how else would I communicate with my favorite human?”
I slid out from under Twilight’s wing. “Sorry Twi, you’re pretty and all, but I… am not gonna fall in love with anybody anytime soon. Not again at least. I dunno how the fuck you fell in love with me so quickly, I don’t wanna know, but if I’m feeling it in the future I might give you a chance.” I simply shook my head. “Not now though. I’m leaving Ponyville tomorrow, next week at the latest, and then possibly Equestria purely to see what else is out in the world for me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll find somewhere I belong, or even return to give you a shot… And after how you were treating me, it’s gonna take a lot for me to want to date you anyways.”
“In other words… you’re turning me down.” Twilight sighed. “We can still be friends, right?”
“Yeah… We could be friends. Theoretically we could be good friends. You’re a very attractive mare and an alicorn. You can probably find a stallion more deserving of your time than I am. Or a mare if you swing that way, I dunno which way you swing; could be both and I wouldn’t give a shit. Just find somebody who loves you. I’ve been trying to do that for the last little while now.”
“...What do you mean by that?”
“Not much. Don’t worry about it, Twilight. I’ll see you ladies around; I have a trip to plan. C’mon Blaze.” Blaze yipped, put Fluttershy down, and started trailing behind me.
well i way prefer this too, the one where cadance shows up and magically (mabey actually) made him want to talk to luna.
the only gripe i have with this chapter is how chrysalis just shows up out of absolutely nowhere.
she said she heard he was back, but she would have had to been IN ponyville the whole time to have heard the news of his return.
not enough time passed for news to spread.
or mabey im wrong, but thats what i felt from it
5736173
with a few extra lines of dialogue i could probably fix the chrysalis coming out of nowhere bit
Make ostri realize about chrysalis insanity slower, like she sat down and have a friendly talk for awhile, before showing her true self.
I also thought it would be better if it was Blaze who read Chysalis’s mind and revealed her plan. After all, Chrysalis is supposed to be queen of changelings, the race of deception. Making her plan cracked by unwinable scerio is better than instantly become a buffoon immediately.
This I like the girls trying to be his friends. yeah they were wrong especially twilight when he was getting his heart stomped to pieces and she supposed to the princesses of friendship which would imply that when someone who is suffering from a broken heart you do what you can to make them feel better.