Swift Justice
If there was one thing Rainbow Dash knew, it was that evil was everywhere. There were big evils, little evils, ambiguous ones that could almost be justified, and obvious ones that could never be forgiven. A more cynical person might list the guilds themselves as the worst evils in the world, inflicting untold harm to the unguilded masses even while supporting them.
But the foulest, most loathsome evils of all were necessary evils, the ones that, as bad as they were, couldn't be done without. Dash was doing battle with one at this very moment. Though she wielded pen rather than sword, she still stabbed and slashed at the menace with martial fervor.
A faint sound made her look up from the paperwork. "You say something, Flake?"
The overmuscled stallion smiled and wheezed, "You don't have to do this, Dash."
"I wish. Still got three or four more forms to fill out." Dash shifted in her seat, working out some of the stiffness that was setting in. The damned forms were on a clipboard that was resting on her lap. In order to have a lap, she had to sit like a biped, and that was making the hard hospital chair even less comfortable than usual. She'd just sit on the floor, but then she couldn't make eye contact with Snowflake, and that was unacceptable.
"Stay with me, I mean."
Dash nudged her partner's shoulder. "Hey, you know me. I couldn't leave you hanging if I wanted to. Besides, I've been in your greaves here. Nearly went crazy with boredom."
"Yeah." Snowflake gave a chuckle that soon devolved into a coughing fit. "No kidding."
"Well, hopefully this'll teach you to think before you charge at a giant smog monster."
"Yeah," croaked the stallion.
"Um, Sergeant?"
"Yes?" Both pegasi spoke at once, then glanced at one another and grinned. Dash turned to the speaker, an amber pegasus colt. Well, stallion, she supposed, but anyone who looked that uncomfortable in uniform was a kid in her book. "You may want to be more specific."
"Er, yes. Sergeant Dash?"
"That's me."
The colt shifted from hoof to hoof. "Um, I was told to report to you. I'm Constable Boundless Zeal."
"Of course he is," Snowflake whispered, actually trying to be quiet. Dash held back a laugh. Some families had been churning out legionnaires for generations, and they all had hilariously overblown names.
Zeal continued, "I'm to be your partner during Sergeant Westwind's convalescence."
That killed Dash's amusement quite nicely. She fixed her best angry stare at the constable. "I'm sorry, I must have had something stupid in my ear. Run that by me again?"
To his credit, Zeal stood his ground. Sure, he trembled a bit, but he didn't back away. "I-I'm sorry, Ma'am, but those are Lieutenant Thrissk's orders."
"I'll be fine, Dash," rasped Snowflake. "Leave the forms here."
Dash chewed her lip as she weighed her options. Finally, she bit the clipboard and placed it on the nightstand by her once and future partner's sickbed. "Don't strain yourself, Flake."
"Mother hen."
"Not in front of the rookie. Speaking of..." Dash nodded at the other stallion. "Come on, Constable Zeal. If we've been paired up, that means you've managed to impress someone enough to get promoted, and that means I'm training you on how to do something other than stand in one place and look pretty."
"Yes, Ma'am!"
Dash rolled her eyes as she led her new charge out of the room. This had officially become one of those days. "It also means Thrissk told you our assignment for today. Where we headed?"
"Nimbus Court, Ma'am."
"And another thing. I know the drill sergeants probably jammed it down your throat, but you don't have to call me 'Ma'am.' Dash, or Sarge, or RD, or... you get the idea." She nodded at a passing unicorn medic. "Watch out for my bulkier half for me, Braveheart. I got babysitting duty."
"So I see." The white stallion gave the drooping Zeal a nod. "Don't feel bad, son. She's like this to everyone."
Dash smirked. "Just my natural charisma."
The younger pegasus managed a weak smile. "A-as you say, Sir." He flinched. Something had just touched his rump. Abruptly. It took him a moment to process that Rainbow Dash, hero of the people, top of her class at the Horizon Academy, the Spearhead of Justice, just slapped him on the ass.
"You go wait outside, rookie. I gotta go slip into something a little less comfortable. Back in a flash!"
After a few seconds, Zeal found himself able to move again. Doctor Braveheart was still there, maintaining his understanding grin. "Is..." Zeal took a breath to steady himself. "Is she always so—"
"Irreverent? Casual? Crass?"
Boundless Zeal could only nod.
Braveheart chuckled. "Actually, I think she's on better behavior than usual for your sake. Go on now, you do not want to keep Rainbow Dash waiting."
The younger stallion gave a stiff, almost mechanical nod. He made for the hospital's lobby with similarly jerky motions. This may have officially become one of those days.
Pegasi came in two varieties on Ravnica. The larger ones were basically horses with wings in both form and intelligence. The smaller ones were ponies with wings, with all the color diversity, intelligence, and magic that implied. They also made a point of emphasizing all the distinguishing traits between them and their larger, stupider, uglier, clumsier, less magical, and generally inferior counterparts.
One thing the two had in common, though, was that both had lived in the clouds since time immemorial. While there were still a few storm herds of the larger pegasi wandering the world, most pegasus ponies had integrated with the other thinking races in the city below. However, in a place like Ravnica, no one can pass up the opportunity for exclusive real estate. Thus, Nimbus Court and other cloud neighborhoods came to be. Only pegasus ponies and those who could afford the necessary enchantments could live there. Given how the areas generally catered to the former, the latter were few and far between.
Of course, this exclusivity didn't exempt such places from the law or the guilds that enforced it. The two skyjeks winging their way up to Nimbus Court demonstrated that.
"So," Dash concluded, "that's how Flake ended up in the tender care of the medmages."
Zeal frowned. "I still don't understand why he couldn't just use a teardrop."
"'Drops don't heal, they just make the body heal faster. That stuff he breathed in basically scarred his lungs, and his body can't take care of that on its own. Hence the medmages." Dash touched down on the stratocumulus streets. "Come on. We've got a job to do."
Several minutes passed as the pair patrolled. Dash traded nods and pleasantries as she passed by ponies she recognized, but never changed her steady pace. Her hooves moved automatically, retracing a route etched into muscle memory. More than once, Zeal had to trot back to her side after she turned without any warning.
As they passed by what could only be a cathedral crafted from clouds, a greying stallion in a yellow robe looked up from sweeping scraps of cirrus off the steps and nodded. "Rainbow Dash. May Celestia's sun find you well."
"And Luna's moon keep you safe, Father."
It took all of Boundless Zeal's carefully honed military discipline not to double take at the respect and reverence that had suddenly found its way into Dash's voice. Once they had moved past the temple, he asked, "You're an Alicornist?"
Dash wingshrugged. "Eh. Go on enough patrols, you pick up a few things here and there. Besides, Father Sunrise is way more respectable than the average Orzhov pontiff."
"But you—"
Dash rolled her eyes, stopped, and faced Zeal. "Do I think Celestia and Luna move the sun and moon? No. Do I think they created ponies? Probably not. Did they ever exist? Eh, maybe. Not my problem." The mare ran through the questions at a speed that made it clear she was used to them. "The point is, the good father's on this beat, and he's a good person. If I can make his day by saying a few words to him, then why not?"
She turned so her side was in view, then lifted the chain mail over her flank with a wing, revealing an image of a sword, point down, its serpentine blade striped in red, orange, and yellow. "Y'see this, kid?"
Zeal bit his lip and nodded. He could feel his face heat up. "Y-yes, Ma'am."
Dash sighed. Cutie marks were as personal as the pony wanted them to be. Some kept them in plain view, others wouldn't show them if their lives depended on it. Apparently the Zeals were more on the modest side. She let the armor fall and resumed her patrol. "What do you think it means?"
The stallion followed, allowing himself a relieved smile. "You're a soldier, Ma'am."
"Wrong."
"But you—"
All the humor left Rainbow Dash's voice. "A wojek must be many things: investigator, role model, keeper of the peace, defender of the people, and countless others. But he is not nor should he ever be a soldier. The Legion has enough soldiers for all of Ravnica. Soldiers exist to form armies. Armies exist to fight wars. The League of Wojek exists for those awkward resting periods between wars known as 'peace,' when killing others is not only illegal but also frowned upon."
It sounded like a quotation. "What is that from?"
Reverence began to slip back into Dash's tone. "War, Peace, and the Boros Legion's Place in Both, by Pierakor az Vinrenn D'rav."
Zeal nearly stumbled. "Y-you mean—"
Dash looked up into the endless blue above, her face unreadable. "Yeah. Feather, our disgraced ex-guildmaster. 'Cause Celestia forbid our glorious leader ever be allowed to make a mistake at any point in her life." She shook her head. "Anyway, that sword on my butt's pointed down because I don't start fights. I end them. Preferably before anyone gets hurt. That's what being a wojek is about. The Legion fights against injustice. The Azorius hussars fight against unlawfulness. We fight against fighting."
The stallion pondered this. He was still worrying at the idea a few minutes later, as the pair had gone airborne again to begin patrolling one of Nimbus Court's higher levels. His ruminations were only interrupted by a scream.
Dash cursed and dove for the building where the scream came from. "Come on!"
"Right!" Zeal cleared his head and followed at her tail.
One of Dash's favorite things about cloud houses was that, when necessary, doors were strictly optional. She willed herself through the ceiling and hovered, shouting, "League of Wojek! Everyone freeze!" Only then did she realize she wasn't the first one to take advantage of that particular shortcut.
Half of the human body was sticking through the ceiling, head pointing down and looking for all the world like a surreal chandelier. Once her initial shock passed, Dash began examining the find.
"I was just sitting here! I was about to go prepare lunch! It appeared out of nowhere! I've never seen it before in my life!"
Dash revised her plan. Calm the panicking housemare, then examine the find. "I believe you, ma'am," she assured her. "I'm here to find out who this is and why he's jammed in your house."
"Sergeant Dash, is this really oh my that is a human body."
The senior wojek smiled, half to reassure the civilian, half because it was funny. "Brilliant deduction so far, Constable Zeal. What else can you tell me? Start with the obvious, you'd be amazed how much you can miss if you don't."
Zeal circled the torso. "Well, it appears male in build. Athletic, probably. Dressed in leather armor, lacquered black, very closely tailored to his body shape. Skull mask guarding the face. Let's attend to that." He leaned close, then flinched back.
Dash let the joke go by unsaid. Too easy, and she was doing the whole "air of authority" thing to keep Miss Panickyflank calm. "Something wrong, Constable?"
"He's still breathing, Ma'am."
"Ah, good. He'll be able to tell us what he was doing here. Head back to the guildhall. We're going to need a containment team."
Zeal frowned, confused. "Ma'am?"
"The little ridges on the elbows." Dash pointed a hoof at them. "See how there's three of them on each, over top of one another? This isn't just any random human. He's Dimir."
"Dimir!?" Uh oh. That set off the civvy. "Miss Wojek, I assure you, I have absolutely nothing to do with those, those..."
"I'm sure you don't, ma'am. Please remain calm. What's your name?"
"D-Dizzy Twister. Please, I—"
"Dizzy, I suggest you go for a walk or a fly or a bit of both."
"I... Okay."
"Good. Constable, what are you still doing here?"
"Sorry, Ma'am. Be right back!"
Dash winced as he left through the hole she punched in the wall. Probably best not to draw any more attention to that than necessary. "I'll get that fixed up personally, ma'am."
Dizzy nodded, clearly eager to get out while she thought the getting good. She opened the front door, only to slump in shock. "Oh, now what?"
The unicorn offered an apologetic smile. "Sorry, ma'am. This will all be over shortly, I assure you."
The housewife sighed and stood aside. Come on in."
He did just that. "Sergeant Rainbow Dash?"
"That's me," answered Dash, hovering at the Dimir agent's eye level, her eyes fixed on his. Let him sleep. She had all the time in the world for him once he woke up. "Rookie's faster than I thought if you got here already."
"I'll be taking over from here."
"What?" Dash spun and took in the bulky, restrictive armor, the blue cape, the bit of dry, no, desiccated expression she could see behind the helmet. It told her everything she needed to know. She snarled and dove down to press her muzzle against the helm. "No way! This is my case, and no glorified Azorius paper-pusher is taking it from me!"
Said paper-pusher backed up a few a steps and floated a scroll much longer than Dash cared to read out from somewhere under all that steel. "I'm afraid you don't have the option of saying no, Sergeant. I have authorization from the district's Arbitration Council and your section commander. This investigation is now firmly under Azorius jurisdiction, and there's nothing that you can do about it." He didn't say it maliciously. That was the worst part. She could at least respect him if there was a hint of a sneer, a sense that he was rubbing her nose in the red tape, but it all came out clear, calm, and matter-of-fact.
"The guy literally came out of nowhere a minute ago! You expect me to believe you got all however-many subcommittees you answer to to sign off on this so fast?"
"No." The bureaucrat rerolled the scroll and returned it to wherever he'd secreted it. "I expect you to believe that this man is my best lead in tracking down the incredibly dangerous character I've been pursuing for months now. Mainly because that's the truth."
Dash was silent, struggling for a rebuttal. The unicorn seemed to take this as consent and approached the body. She zipped back in front of him and blurted, "Why?"
This actually got him to pause for a moment. "I don't have to tell you that."
"Don't you at least want to know what I've found out?"
He tried to move around her, but all that heavy armor made it foal's play to keep obstructing him. Dash savored the irony. After a few attempts, the unicorn grumbled, "Look, you can file your findings at your local chancery. They'll find their way to me. Now, if you'll excuse me—"
Dash went eye-to-eye with the stallion, very nearly headbutting him. "Only if you agree to let me help you."
She was close enough to see him glare. "I will do no such thing. Now get out of my way or—"
"Or what? You'll file a complaint? Yeah, in two to four weeks, I'll be shaking in my—" A magenta bubble formed around Dash. The bubble rose, pulling her out of the Azorius pony's way. "Hey!"
"Pursuant to Isperia's Edict, provision III.558.4, an arrester is authorized to use any nonlethal force necessary to remove an unavoidable physical obstruction that impedes his ability to perform his duty, up to and including other sapients." The barest hint of humor entered his voice. "I can't say I didn't enjoy that." He walked underneath her.
Dash struggled, but it was like being buried in custard. All her movements were heavy and thick, and floating as she was, she couldn't get any leverage. "You're gonna pay for this, whoever you are!"
The stallion paused. "Tsk. You're right. Sorry about that."
"Yeah, you'd better apologize! Now get me out of this thing!"
He chuckled. What kind of arrester chuckled? "Oh, not that. And the detainment sphere will dissipate soon enough. No, I forgot to identify myself. Senior Arrester Shining Armor. Trust me, this investigation is in good hooves." His horn lit up again. "Have a pleasant day, Sergeant."
As Dash's prison drifted out through the hole in the wall, she couldn't hear Armor beginning to question Dizzy Twister. Her own furious vulgarities drowned them out.
Boros Guildpony RW
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
Whenever another Pony, Pegasus, or Unicorn you control attacks, Boros Guildpony gets +1/+0 until end of turn.
"A guild is like a herd. You fight better when a dozen friends have your back."
1/1
Rainbow Dash, the Spearhead 3RW
Legendary Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying, haste
Battalion — Whenever Rainbow Dash, the Spearhead and at least two other creatures attack, attacking creatures gain hexproof and intimidate until end of turn.
Her battle cry routs the unrighteous and their magics alike.
3/2
Rainbow Dash was easy. Skyjeks are like the Wonderbolts mixed with the police. At least, they are when they're pegasi. The Legion would certainly appreciate personnel who don't need expensive trained mounts that act as giant targets for criminal scum. Nimbus Court is just a logical conclusion when creatures that can walk on clouds live in a city where the housing crisis borders on the existential.
Rest assured that Dash will demonstrate considerably more awesomeness in the coming chapter.
In case it wasn't clear, I do have a cycle of Guildponies planned. Because Ravnica doesn't have enough cycles. 
Feel free to speculate.
And, yes, I'm aware of the irony of making Dash a Soldier after the whole "wojeks aren't soldiers" spiel. By game standards, she qualifies as a Soldier, since she's a fighty type in a greater organization. That wasn't the point of the quotation. The point is that the police and the military serve distinct roles and should not be interchangeable, even when run by the same organization. I admit I'm channeling Sam Vimes more than anything there, but only because he's right.
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What do you think of the rule changes?
I really hope you put Twilight in Izzet because Izzet is the best guild, and I also really want Sweetie to be in the story in like the Simic Combine or something, and I must say that you have written an excellent story. I am quite curious to see where this story goes, but I at least know it's going to be a great ride. Congrats on your superb story. Have 4 moustaches.
I love this depiction of Dash
She's brash yet very acceptant to other guilds. I assumed she already knew Twilight but considering how she didn't even recognize her brother makes me doubt that now. Or maybe, like the show, she just didn't know she had a brother? Anyway, I predict Dash is going to get on this case with Twilight at the Azorius Senate.
I WANT MOAR.
Twilight will either be Azorius or Izzet. I for one vote Azorius but it's your call. Nice going with Rainbow's character, realy fun.
Man, Shining Armor is an ass.
I suspected Celestia and Luna wouldn't be around.
That leaves one more...
2621027
You pretty much described every Azorius with that statement.
Evils that couldn't be done without? It sounds to me like you're talking about . . . doing the evils, or something. Doesn't make much sense. Wouldn't "Evils that one couldn't do without?" or somesuch be more proper? I dunno, though.
You might consider making that comma a semicolon, but Rainbow Dash might've pronounced it with a pause too short for a semicolon, so whatevs.
You're missing a quotation mark.
I think you did a great job showing how different the methods are that Boros and Azorius use to deal with law-breakers. The Azorius are methodical and rigid, while the Boros seem content to bend the rules if it gets the job done.
And the Boros are territorial, just like any Red-aligned faction should be.
I wonder What Spike would be...
Niv Mizzets nephew?
I really like the Nimbus Court idea, and again the chapter is very well written and the plot twists very well thought out. And I really really like how you developed the ponies so far.
New speculations:
Trixie will be a Dimir illusionist
Chrysalis will be a very high-ranking Dimir
Flim Flam Brothers will be Izzet
Gilda will be a Gruul
The Gruul will have timber wolves, or they will be a neutral green creature
The CMC will be a street gang
Twist would make a good Izzet apprentice
Zap Apple would work as a Black Lotus equivalent,
Zap Apple Orchard would work as a Gilded Lotus equivalent
2621027
Well, what do you expect from somepony who doesn't even tell his sister he's got a fillyfriend, much less a fiancée?
2623675
> Zap Apple Orchard would work as a Gilded Lotus equivalent
Nonsense. A Zap Apple Orchard would be Lotus Vale
2623651
If Twilight is Izzet, I will love the irony.
In canon, Twilight bosses around a purple dragon.
In Ravnica, Twilight's boss is a dragon.
Also, I revise my idea of where we will find Rarity. I bet she will be Simic. In canon, she is at the head of all the fashion trends. I wouldn't be surprised if some Combine members treat body modification like fashion. And the one who's responsible for fins, frills and other body pieces that are traditionally used for attracting mates will be our favourite fashionista. I bet it.
2620128
See here.
2621027
Membership in the Azorius Senate comes with a rectally inserted stick. The Selesnya Conclave provides them, what with the subjugation of most of Ravinca's biosphere.
2624879
Hey, if Twily had submitted the proper Conjugal Notification Request at least thirty days before the engagement was announced, there wouldn't have been an issue.
I'm dying to know who's in Izzet. And do any of them know Jace Beleren? Is anyone we know a planeswalker?
2623675 I've been mixing too much MTG with ponies. I read "CMC" as converted mana cost.
Interesting! I can't recall any particular examples. . . . Can you recall how and when Vimes has made this point before?
2627642 Oh my god. Rarity as Simic. I never thought of it that way. That is genius!
2621027 This is why you should leave things to the Boros. We're Justice, not Law. We don't get bound up in red tape and volumes of proper lawn care laws or whatever. We are totally PICK POCKET! *a volley of flaming arrows pincushion the offender* We are totally reasonable in what we consider a crime. Theft, murder, arson, worshiping Rakdos, moral less experiments, crimes against sentient life, that sort of thing. We're not insane with giant sticks up our ass. Now if you'll excus me, somebunny just stole a little old ladies purse, so I have to hunt him down and blow him up.
That's a bit gruesome. A cathedral made of crowds? As in, made of flesh? It must be made of pegasi corpses, because otherwise, how would it float in the clouds?
Good to see Feather getting her props. I was right pissed when I learned she had been chucked in jail. Oh the good old days when you could count on people like Feather and Argus Kos(whatever happened to that guy? Last we heard he was in the ghost quarter or somesuch right?) to be the good upstanding cops, and the rest of the guild to more or less have the same ideals. Good to see we at least have Dash holding up that proud Wojek tradition.
Speaking of the good old days, remember when all of the problems weren't solved/caused by the planeswalkers? I mean sure the old walkers played their parts, but the "regular" chaps did to. We just don't get the likes of Gerad, Glissa, Khamal, and Argus Kos nowadays.
2660025
I'm not sure if he ever actually said something like this, but if he did, Vimes probably did it in Jingo
And now I feel like playing a 10 guild guildpony deck with Maze's end and a lot of mana fixing...
Rereading since I came off of Elementals. Rainbow Dash is AWESOME!
And planning to give this a TVTropes page. Surprising it hasn't been done yet...
----
Typo:
The housewife sighed and stood aside. "Come on in."
[Or something like that.]
2660025
2628692
I believe that the Vimes equivalent, which was indeed in Jingo, was:
Relevant epithets aside, I guess you could say they're all
Wojek horsemen
10792073
Back in the 90's, I was in a very popular Magic set...
(Also, I didn't realize you'd be reviewing this. Hope it's accessible.)
10792077
So far, so good?
Sexual harresment and power imbalance at its height. Though since I trust Dash's intentions and she made no comment about the colts body it's probably not actually intendented to be sexual but rather joke to lighten the mood. Still it's not ok and Dash should stop.