• Published 8th Feb 2012
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Rainbow and Clyde - protractror



Rainbow Dash tries to impress Clyde Pie

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Apples and Rocks

Rainbow and Clyde

Chapter 3, Rocks and Apples

"Well, way down upon the Swanee Riv-riv-riv," the music blared in the background, finally starting to skip as the needle hit a less than ideal section of the record. Apparently God did exist for Rainbow. It had been about twelve minutes of old time tap dancing and she was beat, physically and mentally. As much as she felt like the hero right now risking it all for Pinkie, it was all counteracted by the dancing. This would not be a story she would be boasting about anytime soon.

Even Clyde didn't seem to find it all that entertaining. He never cracked a smile the entire time and not a chuckle escaped his old lips. That wasn't to say he wasn't paying attention though. He barely blinked the entire time, staring right into Rainbow's eyes. His stare bored into her, its judgement almost having enough force on its own to push her back. Even when the music finally faded away, Clyde continued his death stare. Awkwardly Rainbow tried to finish her “act”.

"Ta da!" she announced with an attempt at jazz hooves and a smile as fake as a three bit bill, which seeing as they are coins are, in fact, rather fake. Clyde gave her a very slow clap, not breaking his stare for a second. Before Rainbow finally cracked from his stare, he slowly turned to look out the window.

"I guess that will have to do for now. So Rainbow Dash, what's interesting in Ponyville?" Clyde asked as he stared outside. Rainbow had to suppress her instinct to proclaim that she was the only interesting thing in Ponyville, but struggled to think of something an old stallion would like. There was that home where she saw a bunch of old stallions hanging about, but none of them ever seemed happy there. Rainbow didn't know why they even went there in the first place. All she knew was that it was so great nobody ever left. And that a lot of them thought she was their granddaughter, which is why she didn't want to go anywhere near it again.

All this thinking was of course assuming that Clyde enjoyed anything, which other than Pinkie, he apparently didn't. Rainbow realized that this was the perfect situation to try out successfully failing. It was a concept Twilight had told her about, but she had assumed she would never need it until now. It basically meant that if you are doomed to fail, then you should fail in the best possible way. If she was going to be stuck with a cranky old stallion all day, at least she could spread that joy with somepony else.

"Well, Ponyville is actually home to one of Equestria's highest quality apple farms, Sweet Apple Acres!"

"An apple farm? That sounds like the most boring farm I've ever heard of. What do you do? Mine an apple vein? Grind down an apple tree to apple pebble? Doesn't even sound like a farm to me." Sensing she was losing the sale, Rainbow leapt in with her clincher.

"It sure is a farm, and it's run by one of Pinkie's best friends!"

"Twilight Sparkle?" Clyde was really starting to have fun with Rainbow now. All he had to do was be the eternal contrary thinker and Rainbow would handle the rest.

"What? No! I, uhm mean no sir! The farm is run by Applejack."

"Applejack? The loyalest of friends and the most dependable of ponies? Well in that case I would love to go!"

"Well I wouldn't exactly say she's the loyalest of friends..."

"I sure would! She said it herself from what I've heard, and she's the element of honesty you know? They just don't give those out to anypony." Rainbow was steaming, but before she could do something she'd regret Clyde got off of his chair and strolled downstairs. "Come along Dash, I didn't come all the way here to sit and watch you dance. Let’s take in the sights."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sweet Apple Acres may have been the most tranquil place in Ponyville. There was work to be done at the farm, but it was methodical and calm. Applejack whistled as she strolled through the orchard, looking for any apples that had survived the final round of bucking. The apple bucking season was just about done and Applejack felt like a million bucks. Specifically like she had just committed a million bucks to her apple trees, but satisfied none the less. As she scooped the few last hold-outs into her barrel, she saw a mighty peculiar sight walking down the road to her farm.

One of them was obviously Rainbow Dash. Applejack could always spot her from a mile away. Partially due to her years of friendship, but also because she had a mane like a warning sign to the world. However what threw her off was the old stallion walking up to the farm. He looked like he hadn't smiled in years, and Dash looked terrified of him. Dash couldn't have been walking on more eggshells if she had gone through the chicken coop. Applejack was intrigued enough to walk over to the pair.

"Well howdy Rainbow! Who's your friend here?"

"The Name's Clyde Pie. I believe you know my daughter, Pinkie." Applejack's mouth was slack jawed. "Yes, the resemblance is uncanny. She's got the old Pie family grit. But where are my manners? I believe you would be Applejack?"

"Yes, that would be me. So what brings the two of you all the way up to Sweet Apple Acres?" Applejack was still in the dark, and the sly smirk on Clyde’s face didn’t help.

"Well, Rainbow and I were talking at my place when I just got fed up of being cooped up inside. So after I convinced Rainbow to come on outside, you know how lazy this ball and chain can get I'm sure, we just decided to stroll on over to Sweet Apple Acres. Why did we come here again Rainbow?" If anything at least Clyde was being more talkative, so Rainbow decided to go with the flow.

"The sights. They sure are beautiful up here. Apples everywhere, and stuff."

"You said it dear." Dear, a perfectly acceptable word for a stallion to call an obviously too young mare like Rainbow, as she interpreted it correctly. Or, a perfectly acceptable word for a lover to call his other half, as Applejack misinterpreted it just as Clyde planned.

"Well shoot if you two don't sound like your having a hoot together! Clyde how would you like to have a private tour of this here property?

"Well that sounds perfectly swell-" But before Clyde could finish he was abruptly cut off by an antsy Applejack.

"BIG MAC! WE HAVE A STALLION HERE IN NEED OF A TOUR PRONTO. Big Mac's a real blast, you'll love him. In the meantime can I talk to Rainbow Dash for just a bit?" Rainbow looked to Clyde and he nodded. Applejack's forced smile became even faker upon seeing that exchange. Before Rainbow knew it she was being swept off to the nearest tree by an angry apple farmer.

Meanwhile, Clyde was beginning his tour with Big Mac. Staying true to his character, let’s just say it was an awfully quiet trip. Clyde wasn't really paying attention though as he was more listening for Applejack from behind her tree.

"Are you insane?" Applejack yelled at the utterly confused pegasus. "First of all he's got a good twenty years on you! Second, he's basically Amish and I don't think that'd be a great match with your personality! But most importantly, Pinkie's dad? Do you know how awkward that's going to be for her? I'll feel awkward living within a mile of her house! How are you even attracted to him? Does he have bits?"

Putting two and two together, Rainbow snapped back before her friend could get any farther.

"Woah AJ, woah. I'm not dating Pinkie's dad! He's just in town and I came over to visit Pinkie. Long story short, she had to go and now I'm stuck doing old time dances for him. Nothing more!"

"Uggh, that's even worse! I don't even want to know what old time dancing is a euphemism for."

"We’re not friends with benefits! What benefit would I get from him? A pension? I'm just keeping an eye on him while Pinkie's gone, alright?" Applejack seemed a little suspicious, but after Rainbow gave her a glare she seemed to believe her. "It's been like this all day! He's impossible to please and all he does ends up like this. I don't even think he likes it!"

"He seems to be enjoying his tour with Big Mac." It was true, Clyde was letting a brief smile cross his lips.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
"...."

"So you farm apples?"

"Eeyup."

"I like that."

"Eeyup"

"..."

"Rocks are the better crop of course."

"....Nope."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Well, if you're not dating him, why are you spending the day with Pinkie's dad? I know you said Pinkie left, but if I know you, you could've wriggle out an excuse faster than a rattlesnake in a boot." Applejack was proud of that simile, feeling like it almost validated her many experiences with rattlesnakes.

"Well, I sort of want to make a good first impression. I mean-"

"Right, your crush on Pinkie. Should have thought of that one." Rainbow's crush wasn't exactly common knowledge, but for her close friends it was pretty obvious. There was of course the stolen glances and awkward smiles, but it was even more omnipresent. The easiest sign was the never leaving shade over Sugar Cube Corner from Rainbow's "drifting" cloud beds. Rainbow had up until now thought she was being pretty sneaky, however.

"What? Where did you get that from? That's just crazy!"

"Well it’s either that or you’re seducing her dad."

"Why did I even come here?" Rainbow said partly to herself, but definitely loud enough so Applejack could hear. Applejack, for her part wasn't giving her any reasons to stay.

"Maybe Pinkie was going to restock on apples. Maybe she was going to drop one, and have to bend over to pick one up, ever so slowly," Applejack said tauntingly. Rainbow had done this too her countless times with Caramel, who Applejack did not like in any way romantically, and as such Applejack had no qualms with her current teasing. "Maybe she'd even turn around and wink at you ‘Dashie’."

"I'm leaving."

"I can see that, your wings look like you're about to fly to Fillydelphia." For what felt like the thousandth time, Rainbow blushed hard before pulling down her wings. She had had it with Sweet Apple Acres and was searching for Clyde. What she didn't expect was to see Clyde barreling towards her at full speed with a barrel of apples, a rope around his waist and hooves like lightening.

Dropping the barrel for only a second, Clyde quickly spoke to Rainbow in between breaths.

"Big guy... doesn't like... being showed up... at bucking. We need to get out of here!" Clyde didn't want to break his straight face persona, but this was serious. What had been a friendly bucking contest got rather heated after Clyde used his full rock bucking leg strength. Suffice to say, the tree was knocked over and Mac was flabbergasted. Rainbow only saw a panting Clyde and an ever-increasing red dot, but she didn't have time to think. What Clyde wanted today, he got.

"So what do you need?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Clyde tossed Rainbow the rope attached to him. "Fly you fool!"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Get it?" Pinkie said to seemingly no one. Fluttershy ignored it after spending enough time with Pinkie, it was all normal to her.

"Alright Pinkie, let’s try this one more time." Fluttershy shifted her posture to Rainbow Dash mode. "Woo me." Pinkie immediately turned to Fluttershy, letting her hair fall over her face.

Pinkie let out a barely audible squeak. Overall Pinkie was doubting Fluttershy's advice more and more. Still, if Pinkie wasn’t mistaken Fluttershy seemed to be sporting a pretty deep blush from her “passionate” confession.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
After the rope was secured and Rainbow triple-checked Clyde knew what he was getting into, she finally took off, apples in tow. Apples were also in pursuit, but they weren't anywhere near fast enough.

"Yeehaw!" Clyde yelled as he flew down the road to Ponyille several feet above it. Rainbow wasn't anywhere near top speed, but he was flying. For the first time that day as Rainbow looked back, both ponies were smiling. Rainbow may have had not even a clue of what was happening, but this was teamwork, and if she wasn't mistaken, this was a prank.

Maybe Clyde could be a hoot after all. As if on cue, Clyde took that moment to let out a loud hoot. It wasn’t everyday you got a first class ticket on the fastest flier in Equestria, and Rainbow guessed it was even rarer back on the farm. It seemed they had both found something more enjoyable than her dancing.

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