Power to the Forsaken!

by Bazing

Fall of Shan Bu

"Champion! Our campaign is reaching a climax. We are at the very threshold of the Thunder King's palace. It is time to knock down his front door." My name is 'Twilight Vanquisher' Varik Drabor, a Forsaken Death Knight, I was standing in front of the 'Regent Lord of Quel'Thalas', Lor'Themar Theron.

"Speak to me when you are ready to launch the assault!" Lor'Themar says to me, I walk up to him.

"I am ready to launch the assault Regent Lord." I salute him in the signature Forsaken way, both arms crossed at my chest and both feet together, Lor'Themar nods, he glances to a mage standing near him, she nods back and opens a portal.

"Enter the portal, so that we may launch our assault." I nod back, and step through the portal.

I exit the portal next to a gate, the gate leads to the main courtyard of the palace, in front of me is 'Regent Lord of Quel'Thalas' Lor'Themar Theron, to his right was the Archmage Aethas Sunreaver, and to the his left was Scout Captain Elsia.

"Good, you are here." the Scout Captain says, she motions me to talk with her.

I approach her, "I am ready" she nods.

"Regent Lord! Everyone is in position, and the Shado-Pan are inside, but..." she trails off.

"Yes?" Lor'Themar asks, concerned as to what might be on the other side of the gate.

"The Alliance is waiting for us just across the courtyard." She says Alliance with that extra hint of disgust.

"Ahhh, so the Grand Lady of the Kirin Tor wants a fight, does she?" He says fight with emphasis. "RANGERS! ADVANCE!" he yells, and to his command Scout Captain Elsia moves forward. I look behind me to see 5 rangers standing in formation, I look forward to see the Scout Captain running towards the gate, Lor'Themar takes a step forward, followed by Aethas Sunreaver, "I will deal with Proudmoore."

I hop onto my mount; the Grand Armored Wyvern. I ride forward just as the gates open, on the other side of the courtyard, another set of gates open. Lady Proudmoore and her Kirin Tor walk through, in the middle of the courtyard 3 Shado-Pan are waiting, the leader of the Shado-Pan, Taran Zhu, in front of him, Shan Bu, the leader of the Thunder King's forces.

"Taran Zhu! it does not matter how many you array against the Thunder King. Soon, all will kneel before him!" Shan Bu shouts at Taran Zhu.

"YOU will kneel, when you beg for my mercy, monster!" Taran Zhu shouts back. After he finishes talking, five Zandalari drop down, three from the right, and two from the left. As a Death Knight, I specialize in the Blood talent tree, I focus damage onto me and away from allies, while healing myself.

"One problem at a time people! focus on the Zandalari!" Lor'Themar shouts over the combat, I turn my attention from the Alliance to the Thunder King Trolls.

I use the Death Knight's signature ability, 'Death Grip' and pull one of the Zandalari to me, instantly gaining his attention, while I walk to the others, and use 'Blood Boil', a wave of boiling blood is sent from my body and connects with the Zandalari, also gaining their attention. With the five of them on me, I use 'Bone Shield', summoning swirling bones around my waist, reflecting damage. I now focus on one Zandalari at a time, while my allies and enemies do the same, I turn to one of the Zandalari surrounding me and use my strongest attack, 'Death Strike', healing me for some of the damage I received, also leaving me with something called 'Blood Shield', a sphere of a holographic blood surrounds my body, absorbing a lot of physical damage.

One of the five Zandalari are dead, while I look back to the other four who are attacking me, two of them are nearly dead, thanks to my comrades, and my most hated enemies. The Shado-Pan were also attacking one, leaving one for me, I turn my attention to him, and swipe my sword at his heart using 'Heart Strike', this attack also deals some damage to surrounding enemies, this kills the main target instantly, and kills the other two weakened Zandalari, with one left, he dies quickly.

After all the Zandalari were defeated, Taran Zhu walks forward and shouts, "Those statues wield the power of the first emperor! Destroy them!" I only just notice two giant stone statues stand either side of the main gate. The Horde forces focus on the left statue, and the Alliance focus on the right statue, while the Shado-Pan attack both.

At this point, I pull one statue, while bursting down the other one, using my main three attacks, Death Strike, Heart Strike, and Rune Strike. After a few seconds, I notice that I start to feel a-little weak, so I summon Bone Shield once again, combined with Blood Shield, I can now focus on damage once again. The first statue down, and all forces pile on the last. It dies within a few seconds.

After the last one dies, a swirling purple line of dark energy connects with the main gate, all forces get back into formation, "Regent Lord! More Zandalari approach from the mines!" Scout Captain Elsia shouts to Lor'Themar.

"Damn their hides, Rangers! Hold this position!" All rangers nod, and get into a defensive formation.

"Taoshi! Get those doors open!" one of the Pandaren nods and opens the doors, the Regent Lord and Aethas Sunreaver get into formation with the other rangers, while the Kirin Tor do the same on the other side, "Champion! With me. We must press forward while your comrades cover the rear" I nod to the Pandaren.

Me, Taran Zhu, and two other members of the Shado-Pan walk into the main courtyard, where we see 4 Zandalari, Shan Bu, and a giant Thunder Cloud Serpent, "Shan Bu! Again you try to create a god. When will you learn?"

In the middle of the courtyard, Shan Bu is performing some sort of Thunder ritual, "Who needs a god? We have the Thunder King!" he yells, still performing his ritual, "Trolls, make yourselves useful. I am almost finished here."

I brace for more battle, "Zandalari reinforcements are coming!" Taran Zhu says to us, "Yallia, we need more healing, Taoshi, cover the rear!" with this, Yallia, a Pandaren Priest, Taran Zhu, and I charge into the courtyard, while Taoshi heads back into the other area.

Two more Zandalari walk in from the sides, making it a total of Six, I use Bone Shield again, and also use Death and Decay and Remorseless Winter, Death and Decay summons a giant circle of boiling blood, giving all enemies in it's radius diseases and slowing down their movements, Remorseless Winter summons a blizzard, in the form of a cone around my body, freezing all enemies inside it after five seconds, for 5 seconds. Now that I have DaD (Death and Decay) on, all enemies will suffer from diseases, making my job just that little bit easier.

I focus to one of the Zandalari in front of me, and use Heart Strike, killing him and dealing damage to two others next to him, Taran Zhu, stabs one of the Trolls in his neck, killing it instantly, I turn to see one of the Zandalari going for my head, I bring up my sword and parry him, I quickly use Death Strike, healing myself, summoning Blood Shield, and killing him.

With three down, and three to go, I use Heart Strike once more, killing one and damaging the other two, I quickly evade the others attack, and use Rune Strike, my sword glows a bright blue colour, the same as the colour of the Lich, and I stab him in the throat, slowly and painfully killing him. Yallia uses smite on the last one, a sword in made from the Holy Light, comes down and swipes at his head, killing the last Troll. During out fighting Shan Bu finished his ritual with the Cloud Serpent.

"Rise Nalak! Protect our beloved Emperor!" the Cloud Serpent known as Nalak begins to rise slowly.

"Face me, Shan Bu! Or is the court of the Thunder King a den of cowards?" Taran Zhu taunts, Shan Bu's face visibly turns red with anger.

"The emperor will be most pleased when I present him with your head. Shado-Pan." Nalak explodes with purple lightning and flies off, Shan Bu charges us, I use Bone Shield once again to get ready for the oncoming Mogu. Shan Bu goes straight for Taran Zhu, I use this to my advantage, I use 'Raise Ghoul', and a nearby corpse explodes in a pile of flesh and gore, what's revealed is a creature that looks similar to the Forsaken, but with more flesh, and bigger claws and teeth. The Ghoul jumps to Shan Bu, and delivers a series of swipes, he is to focused on Taran to even care about the Ghoul, so I the use Death Grip, taunting him and pulling him to me, Shan Bu's attention is now fully on me, so I use Remorseless Winter and Unholy Blight. Unholy Blight summons a swarm of mini carrion swarmers, the swarmers fly around my body in a sphere motion, and devour any enemy flesh that comes into contact, they then plant several diseases in the target, killing them just that little bit more.

Shan Bu now has multiple diseases in him, A VERY deadly Death Knight attacking him, a VERY pissed off Taran Zhu behind him, and a VERY good healer Yallia healing both of them, he knew this was the end. I reach into my backpack and pull out a horn, I bring it to my mouth, and blow into it, a very low pitched noise comes out, I just used 'Horn of Winter' increasing my strength and generating Runic Power for my sword, I now have enough Runic Power to use Rune Strike, once again, my Rune-blade gets coated with Lich as I stab Shan Bu in his stomach area. Shan Bu yells in agony, but the attacks don't stop there, being a Monk, Taran Zhu, delivers a round-house kick to his right ribcage, my Ghoul then jumps on his back around his neck and starts swiping at the sides of his face.

Just before his death, Shan Bu uses dark energies to lift Taran Zhu off the ground, "I tire of your insolence! I will choke the life from you impudent slave!"

Taran Zhu calls out to you, "Argh! Kill him quickly!" I run up to Shan Bu and use Death Strike, but he still stands, "Finish Him!" I reach my Rune-blade back, and use Heart Strike, I thrust my sword forward into his heart.

"I...No....My Emperor! My Emperor, I have failed you!" Shan Bu falls face first into the ground, for good measure I stab him in the throat. Taran Zhu slowly gets up from the floor, and starts limping to the other area.

"You see? No power of this world can trample the pure of spirit" I nod in response and help him walk back. Taoshi runs back from the courtyard and up to Taran.

"Lord Zhu! The Alliance! The Horde! All chaos is about to erupt out here!" I hear a low and distant laugh inside my head, I merely shake it off.

Taran Zhu groans in pain, "like children" I look back to Taran Zhu, "Taoshi! Hand me my weapon!" I looked at him shocked.

"My lord....You are gravely wounded!"

Taran Zhu just shrugs her off, "My weapon! Champion. With me. I want you to see this" Taoshi hands Taran his weapon, and we all walk slowly back to the middle courtyard, a trail of blood behind Taran.

As we enter the courtyard, I see the Horde on one side, and the Alliance on the other, all about to charge one-another, "Hand over the Archmage, and I may allow you to walk out of here Lor'Themar!" Jaina Proudmoore is the first to speak.

Lor'Themar roars, "PROUDMOORE! You will release my people from the Violet Hold, or I will cut you down myself!"

Jaina shouts back, "Your people are legitimate prisoners of war. They orchestrated an attack on Darnassus from MY city!"

Lor'Themar shouts defensively, "The Sunreavers knew NOTHING of Garrosh's raid on Darnassus"

Taran Zhu lets out a deafening roar, "ENOUGH!" he jumps in-between the two factions, "There will be no more bloodshed today!" He gasps in pain, "I see now, why your Horde, and your Alliance cannot stop fighting!" he continues, "every reprisal is itself and act of aggression, and every act of aggression triggers immediate reprisal."

Jaina and Lor'Themar speak at the same time, "They undermined EVERY attempt at peace!" Jaina points towards the Horde

"I must protect my sovereign people." Lor'Themar says to Taran Zhu.

Taran Zhu yells once more, "SILENCE! YOU must break the cycle! It ends TODAY! Here. The cycle ends when you. Regent Lord, and You. Lady Proudmoore. Turn from one another. And Walk. Away"

Regent Lord, Lor'Themar rolls his eyes, "Rangers, lower your weapons" as told, all Sunreaver rangers lower their weapons.

"My Lord!" Scout Captain Elsia yells.

"Very well, we will stand down" Lady Proudmoore says.

"They killed my husband!" Vereesa Windrunner shouts to Jaina.

Proudmoore replies, "This won't bring him back. But know this "Blood" Elf: There can be no peace, while Hellscream is Warchief of the Horde."

Knowing of the rebellion that will take place within the Horde, Lor'Themar says, "That is precisely why I wish to conserve our strength today.", Lor'Themar bows, "Lady"

Proudmoore bows back, "Lord"

Lor'Themar turns to his Captain, "Gather the wounded. Withdraw to the harbour." Lor'Themar salutes, and she salutes back.

Proudmoore turns to her Kirin Tor and says, "Everyone, regroup back at the camp. Our work here is done."

Taran Zhu falls to the ground, "Lord Zhu!" Taoshi runs to his aid.

"Champion. This cease fire, may not last, but remember what you have seen today."

Taoshi picks him up, "We must get you back to the monastery."

Taran Zhu turns to me, "Shan Bu's monstrosity remains at the foot of the palace it-" Taran Zhu coughs repeatedly, "Must be stopped, before it wreaks havoc across Pandria!"

"Yallia. Take Lord Zhu to safety." She runs to him and puts him on her tiger, and rides away.

"Hero. It will be up to you to defeat the Storm Lord Nalak. You will have to marshal a small army! But after what I have seen today, I have faith in you. It has been a great honor to fight by your-side, thank you."

I salute her, "Of course Taoshi, I will gather some men at once! We shall destroy this "Storm Lord" Once and for all!"

I get on my mount again, and ride to the portal, I hear a low laugh again, this time it's closer then before. The portal rumbles, I approach it cautiously, "Don't worry, the portal is stable." One of the magi sustaining the portal tells me, I still approach with caution, but I step through none-the-less.

Author's Note:

Stage 5 has more Zandalari, but that would take too long to write about killing 15
Blood Shield does not show a sphere of blood, I just wrote that to make it sound better.
I know that Death Strike and Heart Strike do not 1-Hit-OK but it would take to long to write about a full battle with all of the moves I used.
I made DaD (Death and Decay) give opponents diseases, doesn't do this in game.
Smite isn't a sword, I just made that up.
Grand Armored Wyvern

the Cloud Serpent called Nalak

Ghoul

I couldn't get any pictures of anyone else sorry.
I know I missed some dialogue from the game in there somewhere, and I forgot to include the mini cloud serpents that come in and help Shan Bu.

Comments

[Alex Wadegrove]

Show us, don't tell.

[Alex Wadegrove]

Alright. Time for the promised reivew - one for each chapter:
(Warning: I can be very destructive, even if it's not my intention - and lazy)

Well, I suppose I can begin with how the story is set.

Writing directly off the dialogue in the game can be considered a double-edged sword, though most authors really immerse the character of interest into the events in a really intense and exciting manner while still having some pieces of the original dialogue present - needless to say, it's good when it's done right; but in this story's case it's pretty much a direct copy of the event with minor involvement from the main character (granted, you do make up for this in later chapters, but only because the story is about him and it should be about him). And the parts where we really do witness the MC involvement is redundant at best. It's pretty much just the protagonist listing up numerous abilities he's using on who and what he's fighting.

A particular issue about that that I really frown upon is the fact that you straight up explain what the ability does; sure, that's alright in some rare cases, but there's no elaborate details (actually, there is too specific detail in the wrong places at the wrong time) or thorough description of the fight itself. Like the part where you listed the 'Blood Shield' (passive) ability:

a sphere of a holographic blood surrounds my body, absorbing a total of 100,000 physical damage.

I practically yelled out "COME ON!" when I read that.

Instead of just bluntly listing up an ability and directly stating the exact thing it does in the game you should immerse the character in the fight. What you do is telling us what's happening and not 'showing it. (see Sparklight's Show vs. Tell for more detail). If this is how you're 'comfortable' writing, however, you should keep in mind that how you personally like write sometimes conflicts with the reader's enjoyment; fair enough when it's only 2-3 (depending on the number of people that read) but in a lot of cases there's a lot more than that.

Another example of how you're 'telling' us what's happening is the pictures. Don't be lazy; describe what people look like instead of showing pictures.

Anyway, that's my review of chapter one. I don't really have much to say about it because the protagonist (which should be the main focus of the story) is barely involved here other than a repetitive narrative.

Unless you want me to stop reviewing, see you in chapter 2.

By the way:

"They killed my husband!" one of the humans next to her says.

That was Vereesa Windrunner, leader of the Silver Coventant and Jaina's Right Hand (and archbitch that I hope dies horribly at some point in the near future).
EDIT: And she's an elf.

[Shin Guyviroth]

Okay. I'm gonna critique and review this while I'm reading, as I do with most stories I read.

There are many formatting errors, such as misused commas, lack of paragraphing where needed, places where commas are needed, and some other things. I can't really put anything more than what Alex has reviewed. So far, chapter 1 is drab and dull. It feels more like reading an instruction manual than a story. It needs more description, and less showing, matter-of-fact writing style. That, and it really needs a good clean-up of grammar and formatting.

I'm not gonna thumbs up, down, fave or bash it just yet. Gonna read the rest of the story first before I do anything like that.

Don't be disheartened, though. Just read other stories and always look through this site's writing guide for further tips and helps. Also, join The Writer's Group and try and get feedback from the members there. All these things has helped me to great effect.

Now, onto chapter 2...

[Kaiser change name]

The picture says he's human. Did you not say he was forsaken?