Like A Sore Thumb
I watched as Celestia began to cry when she related her story to me. I saw her trying to keep it together, but knowing from experience that such things weren't healthy, I stood and face the Princess.
"I'm sorry." I said before giving her a hug and let her cry into my shoulder. It seemed that despite all of the power she held, Celestia was still susceptible to the pain of emotion. She had lost her home, her people had died before her eyes, and she had lost hope. Being the stubborn SOB that I was, I flat-out refused to allow any further pain to come her way. I felt that strange tug on my gut again, but it was more like a sharp yanking on my innards. I ignored the pain and continued to let Celestia cry until I was satisfied she had released all of her pain. Even though I was a crass and anti-social wreck compared to most people, I could relate to the pain of loss better than most. I felt the Princess stop shaking, though I could still hear the quiet whimpering from her, so I held her a bit longer, and even signaled for Vinyl and Octavia to come over. I embraced all three women. "I had no idea that you had lost so much..." I whispered, feeling the tug again, this one even stronger than the last. It took all of my willpower to not keel over on the spot. I could not, however, halt the grunt of pain that escaped my lips.
All three women pulled away at once, watching me as I finally doubled over in agony when a third and even more violent tug turned into a feeling of fire exploding through my whole body. I managed to grit my teeth and maintain focus long enough to ask again. "Figlio d'un cane, what was that pill?" I couldn't stay standing any longer when the fire in my veins effectively turned from small house fire to supernova. This time I wasn't granted the bliss of unconsciousness when my body felt like it had been injected with concentrated pain. I let out an almost unearthly howl of agony. My aura sight started to act up a bit as I looked up at Celestia.
"It was a medicine we developed to unlock your latent magic as a human." She said, the regret on her face apparent, even through my hazy vision. "Your kind have access to unbelievable power, but humans have forgotten magic, regarding it as a myth. This medicine in your body is giving you the necessary push to unlock that power." Celestia's magic felt like a warm hand as it lifted me and placed me on the couch I'd woken up on. I knew then why she had the first drink ready when I woke up. The fire in my veins intensified further, spreading to my brain, which was the turning point of the process. I could feel my mind moving at a million miles an hour, every individual sensation exploding in my senses tenfold.
What I hated was the fact that I;d just gone through the easy part.
I could hear Celestia's voice, but it was unintelligible through the next wave of raw power that exploded through my body. After all of my main senses had already been abused, my aura sight was attacked next. Normally I would have to focus on an individual to see their aura, and that was all I would see. Now my head was searing with the most pain I'd experienced in several years. I could see my own aura several feet in front of my face, glowing like the sun. I slammed my eyes shut, and regretted it instantly. Aura sight is dependent on the user's ability to stretch their sixth sense out, usually in a straight line that required intense focus. Now, even with my eyes shut, I could see swirling energy all around me, almost blinding me, despite my closed eyes. I turned over to face down, thinking there would be nothing to see in the ground.
Today was not my day for luck, since the moment I turned over, I saw what appeared to be a massive underground system of pipes. These pipes glowed all sorts of colors, ranging through the entire visible spectrum, and a few that would have otherwise been invisible to the human eye. From these pipes, I could see millions of tiny strands of energy undulating and moving, almost as if each one was connected to individual people. Some were brighter than others, and my own, which stretched from my core to the pipes, was the brightest of them all. I could not, however, see any of the strands leading up to the three women that I knew were in the room with me. Suddenly, I felt the tug again and watched as my strand grew brighter and brighter, until it exploded, severing my connection to the pipes below. The sensation was indescribable. The most I could say was that I felt as if I was weightless, no longer weighed down spiritually by some previously unnoticed force.
The wonder was short-lived, since I opened my eyes and forced myself into a sitting position. I reached for my glasses, only to find that they were no longer on my head. I looked toward Vinyl, who was holding my glasses out to me. Apparently they had fallen off my face during my mini-seizure. I gave Vinyl a grateful look as I put my glasses on. I was relieved when the maelstrom of energy was no longer visible. It was going to be inconvenient for me if I had to wear my glasses indoors from now on. I looked at Celestia, and she rushed up to me, delivering a tight embrace. I could barely hear her repeated apologies, since my hearing was still overloaded from... what the hell just happened anyway?
I removed my glasses, wincing as the energy around me became visible again. "That sucked." I mumbled as my other senses stabilized. I was distressed to find that even the slightest touch still felt like a needle in my flesh. I looked to the bar and began advancing toward it. I felt someone grab my arm when I was about halfway. I looked to see Vinyl shaking her head.
"You won't be able to do that for awhile, Bass Drop." She laughed a bit as she said this, more than likely because of my horrified expression. Even Celestia and Octavia were giggling quietly at my plight.
"No more vodka...?" I asked pitifully. Vinyl shook her head. "Well, damn! How am I supposed to get over my stage fright now? Also, what's with you still calling me 'Bass Drop'? My name is Maximus..."
"It's a cool name!" Vinyl said, grinning widely. "Not to sound rude, but Maximus is kinda lame." She put a hand on my shoulder, obviously enjoying her entertainment at my expense.
I sighed, then remembered that I had to call Luke to let him know I arrived at the club, which I'd neglected to so last night. "Hang on, I have to call my boss and let him know I..." As I pulled out my phone, I noticed something was wrong. Namely, the phone's outside had been partially melted, and it was beyond repair. "Uh... What happened to my phone?"
Celestia walked over and examined the phone, equally bewildered. "I don't know... could it have something to do with your new..."
"It's not magic." I interrupted. "Humans can't use magic. It's not possible..."
"It is magic," She snapped back. "You've already seen it for yourself. And I believe Vinyl will be able to help you best." This elicited a quiet squeak from the DJ, who I could tell was blushing. Her aura was shifting nervously and seemed to be attracted to me. I put my glasses back on, still unnerved by the newly enhanced sixth sense. Then I detected a smell, which also seemed to be coming from Vinyl. It smelled like her hair, but far stronger and with undertones of... something. Whatever it was, it smelled good. I shook my head to clear my senses.
"Can we go get some grub, now?" I asked. I looked at the clock, it was half past 11. My stomach let out a loud rumble to echo my sentiment. "The Maw demands sustenance beyond strange medicine, alcohol, and energy drinks." I said ominously. I tried to remain serious, and so did the ladies, but Octavia was the first to crack. Soon after, we were all laughing as we walked out to my car. I was grateful that I'd bought the four-door model. What surprised me was the fact that in the several months that they'd been here, Celestia was the only one among us who's never been in a car. I was feeling rather malicious after her failure to fully warn me of the effects of the medicine.
I turned on the car, seeing Celestia jump a bit from the new noise, then I turned on my stereo and slowly raised the volume before switching to my CD. "What, you've never been in a car before?" I asked, and she shook her head silently, gripping the "oh-shit handle" next to her.
I hit play and the first track started playing. As the guitar rev began I matched it with the car's engine, warming the Banana-mobile up. As the main guitar kicked in, I started to peel out, and as the main riff began I let up and allowed the tires to catch on the road. My car lurched forward with enough force to slam Vinyl and Octavia into the backs of their seats. "YEEEEAH!" I yelled as we hauled ass down the street towards the freeway. As I hit the on ramp, the lyrics began. I was pretty sure that Celestia and Octavia had wet themselves, if the smell from the back seat was anything to go by. Vinyl, however, was headbanging to the beat of the music as I gunned the engine when we got onto the 101. I was doing all manner of stupid things, weaving in and out of traffic and leaving the lunch rushers in my dust. I cackled maniacally when Celestia began to beg me to slow down. Instead, I flipped up my center armrest to reveal a steel bottle with a familiar orange label. I opened up the valve and uncovered a series of switches as well as a red button where the mobile power supply used to be. I flipped up all but one of the switches and looked back to the screaming ladies in the back seat.
"You might want to hold onto something stable. I'm about to show you why I call this monster the 'Banana-mobile from Hell', and it may get a bit, uh, violent..." I returned my full attention to the road as we approached the straightaway leading from Calabasas to Thousand Oaks. I pressed the red button and out surroundings became little more than a blur as we rocketed down the freeway at almost 250 miles per hour. I saw the turn-off for Ventura and cut the NOS before taking the exit. We made there in one piece, though Octavia and Celestia were still holding onto each other for dear life. I slowed down to human speeds as we approached the exit. I navigated my way to the mall and pulled up in front of the entrance nearest to the food court. When I stopped, I think that Celestia and Octavia broke the fastest record for exiting my car after my early morning mania. Vinyl stepped out at a normal speed, seemingly unfazed by my psychotic driving. until I saw her stumble a bit.
"Oops..." She said, blushing. I laughed a bit at her plight. "It's not funny!" She snapped. I continued laughing as I pointed at Celestia and Octavia, both of which were curled up in fetal positions and extremely pale, presumably from the fear they'd experienced from my maniacal driving. "Poor 'Tavi..."
"I'd be more worried about the Princess if I were you." I laughed. I walked over to the aforementioned woman and put my hands under her arms and lifted her to a standing position. I should have expected what came next, but I was still in a state of inconsolable mirth. So I didn't see Celestia's closed fist flying toward my face until it was about to make contact. I didn't think a Princess could hit so hard, much less one who appeared to do so little physically, since I felt my nose almost break, instantly thankful for the years of smacking my face into much harder surfaces. As it was, I was sent flying for a few feet.
Vinyl rushed over to me, panicked at seeing me damaged. "Are you alright!?" She almost screamed. I wasn't exactly seeing straight though...
I moaned as I opened my eyes, then I saw Vinyl leaning over me, but I also saw two more of her. All three Vinyls were wearing a distinct expression of worry. "Hey..." I said dizzily. "Now I have three times the sexy worried about me..." My head wouldn't stop spinning as I tried to refocus my vision. That was easier said that done, since I felt the invisible force of magic lift me into the air. I looked over to a very angry looking Celestia. I waved lazily before addressing the Princess. "Hi, scary lady with the sledgehammer fists!" I then noticed that my glasses, which used to be on my face, were now snapped in two and lying on the ground where I used to be. "Dammit... Those were Oakley's, too..." I felt Celestia's magic release me, and I caught myself before walking over to pick up the remains of my sunglasses. "Good thing there's a Sunglass Hut here, eh?" I said cheerfully before pulling out my backup glasses, which were simple black biker shades.
"How many of those do you have?" Octavia asked as she recovered from her catatonia.
I adjusted my glasses, looking at the cellist. "Enough." I said before making my way toward the mall. I stopped almost immediately and looked at the three women, Vinyl would be fine, since I could just pass her off as a punk rocker or something similar. Octavia, however...
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked nervously. I sighed before replying.
"Lose the coat, the bowtie, and mess your hair up a little bit." I looked back to Vinyl. "You're fine, just watch the pony grammar." Then I looked at Celestia and shuddered.
She glared at me harshly in response. "What was that for? I can't be that outlandish."
I lowered my sunglasses and gave Celestia a flat look. "You have multicolored hair that moves of its own volition, your dress looks like something out of the 1500's of this world, and you have an irrevocable air of authority. The best you could do is cover up your hair," This only intensified Celestia's glare as I continued. "And we could probably get you a much less formal set of clothing. Maybe a business suit..."
"Absolutely not!" She exclaimed, and I could feel the flare of sun magic as her temper rose. "This is a perfectly acceptable form of attire and..." I felt a small amount of satisfaction when I cut her off yet again.
I returned the glare in the same fashion as at Club Pon-3. "Shut up and listen." I snapped with the same authority that she had tried to display seconds before. "I don't care if you're thousands of years old and know everything about how your world works, but this is my turf. I know almost everything about basic interaction on Earth, and you will stick out more than a noble at a rock farm if you don't choke down your self-righteous bullshit and try to blend in!" Celestia was almost red in the face by the time I finished chewing her out. I could see her aura flaring in restrained fury.
"You would dare to speak to me in that way?" Celestia seethed. "I am royalty..."
"You are a guest in my gods-forsaken home dimension. I don't care if you're a deity, you need to shut up and try to blend in or else we'll have unnecessary attention from all the wrong people." I could feel my own temper starting to rise, since the air around me seemed to get colder. I knew that I had a high threshold for being pissed off, and hadn't had an incident since before high school. I wasn't going to let this woman break that streak, so I choked down my own building anger. I still let a bit of venom tinge my voice when I spoke again. "We're going in there. The story is that you were at a LARP festival or something similar." I pointed to Vinyl and Octavia. "They are your nieces, twin sisters with different tastes." I then pointed to myself. "I'm going to come up with something on the spot when the situation arises."
"And just what makes you think that your story will be so easily bought by everypony... I mean everybody else?" Octavia asked, crossing her arms now that she'd dressed down a bit. She didn't touch her hair, but now she was wearing dark grey slacks and her blouse without the tie. She'd even unbuttoned the top two buttons for a slightly more casual appearance. "Vinyl and I look nothing alike and Her Highness doesn't resemble either one of us!"
I groaned at Octavia's objections before saying. "You're adopted." I then signaled for all three women to follow me. "That's the story we stick to. Deviate and we're screwed." We all walked to the front entrance, receiving the occasional odd look. I opened the door and gestured for the women to enter before me.
Vinyl and Octavia had already become familiar with the human world, so they stepped onto the escalator and ascended without further incident. Celestia, however, looked as if she was about to have a panic attack at the sight of moving stairs. "This is Discord's magic!" She said to me in a hushed tone. I rolled my eyes and guided her to the motorized staircase, gently pushing her as a step appeared, steadying her as she was about to fall. I stepped on almost immediately afterward, making sure the Princess didn't have an actual breakdown in the middle of the Pacific View Mall. As we reached the top, I lightly lifted her over the stop point and set her down on the static floor.
I watched as she wobbled a bit, and when she steadied herself I walked over to the Sbarro nearby and placed my order for a large vegetarian pizza. I would have ordered something with meat, but the thought bothered me a bit and I was craving veggies like nobody's business. I walked over to a larger table and sat down, pulling out my iPod to connect to the wi-fi. When the connection was established, I sent a message to Luke letting him know how the first night had gone as well as the majority of this morning, leaving out the incident with Vinyl and Celestia's appearance. I received a reply shortly after.
"Why haven't you answered your phone, then? I almost called the cops to track you down! Enrique let me know what happened with that dirtbag Mikael. Good work, by the way. Now the L.A.P.D. wants to offer you a job."
"If they call you about that again, tell them I said to piss off. You know what I do in my spare time. It may not be illegal, but they certainly don't appreciate their officers being involved in our covert nonsense." I typed the last bit with some irritation before sending the reply. I put my phone away when I saw Vinyl and Octavia walking towards me, coming from the Hot Topic nearby.
"What's up, Bass Drop? You look mad." Vinyl said as she sat down next to me, her glasses pushed on top of her head. "Something to do with last night?"
I sighed before pulling out my own glasses on setting them on the table. "Apparently my boss has been going crazy since Ricky told him about what happened last night." I leaned back in my chair, stretching my arms over my head before a loud pop came from my back. "The police want me to work for them, but I like what I do... Sorta."
Vinyl gave me a perplexed look, then she shrugged and looked around. "Where's Princess Celestia?" She asked, a bit of worry painting her expression that quickly turned to irritation when I laughed.
"She's probably still freaking out over the escalator." I then saw that the order at Sbarro was ready. "Hell yeah! Food's ready!" I walked over to the counter and picked up the box, nodding my thanks to the cashier. I pulled out a twenty from my wallet and handed to her. "Keep the change." I said, receiving a smile in return. I walked back to the table and had to avoid a few teenagers that were chatting and ignoring their surroundings. When I almost bumped into one of them, I said a quick "Pardon me." before continuing towards the table. Before reaching my destination, I grabbed a few paper plates, then I set the box down and saw that Celestia had found her way to our little group.
She gave me a confused look when I sat down. "What is that?" She said, sniffing the air. "It smells... different." I opened the box to reveal a massive pie of crust, sauce, cheese, veggies, and a satisfying amount of empty calories. "It looks disgusting!"
I raised an eyebrow before I saw Vinyl and Octavia's eyes widen as they pulled slices of their own from the pie. I retrieved a piece of pizza, folded it down the middle, and tore into it. I never remembered vegetables tasting this good on pizza, so I moaned with a small amount of delight. Considering this was the fist thing I'd eaten since dinner the previous night, I was starving. I watched as Celestia looked at the pizza with minor disgust. I spoke after a few bites. "It ain't gonna bite you, Princess. If anything, the worst you have to worry about is the potential mess." My point was proven when a small drop of grease fell from my own slice and landed on my plate. As Celestia continued to glower at the food, I narrowed my eyes and used a phrase my parents and many other parents had most likely used for many years. "Picky eaters starve, now eat the damn pizza."
Both Vinyl and Octavia gasped at my continued flippant disregard for formal decorum, while I stared down the Princess until she relented and took a small slice from the box. I watched with interest as she held the pizza over her plate and took a small bite. At her expression, I internally cheered at the victory of converting another individual to the dark side of food. She then posed a question that I never expected from anyone.
"What do you need to make this?" She said after swallowing her third bite.
I took a deep breath before referring to my old semi-useless knowledge of cooking. "The crust is made in a similar manner to bread, the toppings, however are a melange of crushed tomatoes that are eventually turned into a sauce, which is then spread on the crust. Mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses layered on top of the sauce make up the glue that holds any number of toppings on the pizza itself, which can range from the vegetables you see here, to some fruits that taste admittedly good when cooked, and most people in America like to put various kinds of meat in tandem with either of the previous two. After all of the toppings have been laid down, the pizza, which is referred to as a "pie" in its whole form, is put in an oven at anywhere from 375 to 450 degrees Fahrenheit for approximately thirty minutes. After the baking is done, a circular or even a semicircular blade is used to cut the pie into semi-even slices. And voila," I took a bite of my own slice. "You have pizza."
I looked around to see all three women looking at me in amazement. I didn't think that making pizza was that big of a deal, but they looked as if I'd spoken the words of some great prophecy. Even Celestia looked as if she was about to kiss me. I stood up, about to go get drinks, when I was shoved from behind by someone. I stumbled a bit and turned around to see one of those teenagers that I'd almost knocked over.
"You think you're cool, huh? Hangin' out with this hot pieces of ass and not sharing?" The kid said. He looked to be Hispanic and no older than sixteen. "I don't think you deserve such fine women, puto. I think the one with the blue hair should do real nice..." He had a lecherous grin on his face. This kid couldn't have possibly known exactly what he was about to get into, but he was talking about Vinyl like she was a prize to be won.
I shrugged my coat off, hearing the sound of the armored sections thumping on the ground. "Listen, kid. I don't want any trouble, and my girlfriend here," I put a hand on Vinyl's shoulder for emphasis. "Is just trying to enjoy a day out with her mother and sister." At this I nodded toward Celestia and Octavia respectively. I glowered at the teenager before continuing. "I would very much appreciate it if you would leave us all alone. I'd rather not cause a scene." I had my right hand hovering near the knife on my belt, just in case the brat in front of me was armed.
"Cause a scene?" The kid repeated, walking up to me and trying to get in my face. Unfortunately for him, he was almost a foot shorter than me, so I was forced to look down when he was less than a foot away. "Nah, we ain't gonna cause a scene." I saw his hand move toward his pocket before I caught the slight glint of metal. My free hand grasped the knife, ready to draw. Then I saw this little toy of a butterfly knife. I couldn't help but snort in derision at the tiny blade. This seemed to piss off the teen further, since he held the knife up to my face. At that point, I slowly drew my own knife, which was barely within the legal limits of my open carry license. I continued to move slowly, keeping eye contact with the kid, who was sneering as if he'd won. Then I held the point of my own blade against the crotch of his pants.
"I don't think you want to move, kid." At this I looked down slightly. He followed my gaze and his eyes widened at the six inches of black painted steel pointed at his manhood. He quickly put his own knife away, but didn't move otherwise. "Good, you're smart. Now, go back to your buddies and tell them that these three," I twitched my head toward the Equestrians again. "Are off limits, and if they attempt to pull what you just did, they won't ever need to worry about impregnating their cousins ever again." I leaned forward, almost past the teenager's face, and growled into his ear in the single best impression of an MTI I'd ever managed. "Do you understand me, stronzo?" I leaned back to a standing position and proceeded to glare in an almost demonic fashion until I received an affirmative nod. I removed the knife and put it back in the sheath on my belt. As I kicked my coat up with my heel, I let the stock of my pistol flash into the kid's view momentarily, eliciting a small squeak of terror.
"Bass Drop, be nice!" Vinyl said when my glare hadn't softened. I sniffed the air and looked down. The poor kid had pissed himself. I sighed and put a hand on his shoulder before walking him back to his friends.
I handed him an unused temporary debit card that had about a hundred dollars on the balance. "Here." I said, looking at him with a slightly less intense glare. "You're not gonna want to walk around in piss-stained pants all day. Just don't forget what I said, yeah?" I'll admit, I had my values, and I would stand by them until death. However, cruelty was not in my nature. I'd been bullied enough to know what it could do to someone. I lightly pushed the Hispanic kid toward his group of friends, and I heard him trying to spin some wild tale before I interrupted. "By the way, kid." He looked at me with a small amount of fear. "Max Cross, ex-Air Force and current security and sound specialist at Club Pon-3. Come by when you're old enough to know the difference between an easy mark and one you should just let go." With that, I turned around and walked back to the table. I reached for another piece of pizza, only to find it was all gone.
At my slightly shocked look, I heard a small burp from Celestia. I looked over at her to see her trying to act demure and covering her mouth. "I'm so sorry!" She said. "But I simply couldn't help myself!" I hung my head before sitting down and resting my forehead on the table after pushing my plate out of the way.
"That was an extra large pizza..." I groaned. "It was meant to feed six people..." I looked over to Vinyl and Octavia, who looked as shocked as I was. "How many pieces did you two have?"
"One each..." They chorused.
That was one of the first times in several years that I had beat my head in frustration.
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Really enjoying this story. Great contrast of humor and seriousness, really make the story. Keep it up.
2453822 That's understandable. I'm still trying to get away from my bad habits, but it's a slow process. When I get the chance, I'm more than likely going to go back and overhaul the chapters that need work.