The Unwilling Command

by KGBCowgirl

Resolute

So, with my nightmares on the rise again, one would think that meant I had some unresolved issues to sort out... To be perfectly honest, I had a whole book's worth of issues and felt no need to sort them out at the time. All that was on my mind was tracking down the men responsible for my plight, arresting them, bringing them in front of a crowd, and letting my mom have at them in public.

You might say "Oh, your mother seems so kind and reasonable, she can't be that bad, right?" Trust me, my mom is one scary bitch when someone messes with the family. Needless to say, she had no idea what to expect after seeing me on the news, but I suppose it was correct to say she was on her way to D.C. and I had a LOT of explaining to do.

---

"He's not disrespecting you. You know that, right?"

Celestia looked up from the report she was reading. "What do you mean?"

"When Max gives someone a nickname," Jake said, "It means either he likes them or he respects them."

The Princess of the Sun looked off into one of the windows nearby."And why, pray tell, does he insist upon calling me 'Sun Buns?'"

"I thought it was obvious," Jake said. "He's checking out your ass."

This is why my little cousin learned to think before speaking.

---

I awoke to Jake walking by my room, gripping his face in a manner that almost concealed the bright red handprint on his cheek.

"Cuginetto, one might think you would remember to not comment on women's asses, especially since you have a military family to learn from." I calmly sat down and pulled out the icepack I had stowed in my new "Emergengy Rarity Supplies" box and handed it to Jake.

He regarded me with a pitiful, if knowing, look, before replying, "But Max... You get to stare at that divine backside and not get in trouble..."

"Jake, shut up before I sic Rares on you." I sighed and leaned back in the seat I was in before sensing something... something I didn't like. I glanced out the window to see tiny white orbs of evil falling from the sky.

Jake saw my intense look out the window and simply said "Oh, cool. It's snowing!"

I leapt from my seat, wrenched the window open and screamed out at the top of my lungs, "Winter and the useless marketing holidays are coming! Damnation is upon us all!"

Did I mention I hate Christmas?

---

"'Twas the day of ol' Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even...' Nope, my sorry ass was raiding the liquor cabinet because my nightmares had become unbearable again. The screaming becomes quite distracting after awhile." I finished my narration to take another swig from the flask nearby. The only thing I looked forward to about the winter months was the chance to make my own home recipe for applejack. While the traditional stuff was only made to around 35 or 40 percent alcohol by volume, my recipe was distilled to a hearty 60, keeping a pleasant warm feeling in my belly as I stared with ire upon the snow-covered landscape.

Oh, right. I hate snow. Can't stand it because it's cold, sticks to clothes, and feels like white-hot needles in ones face if the wind gusts up even a little bit. Couple that with my first snowy winters consisting of shoveling 5 feet of snow in the first month, and I grew to absolutely hate the stuff. I blew a slightly enchanted warming breath on the window to clear up the frost buildup so I could see clearly outside. Pinkie, Rainbow, Vinyl, Jake, and Applejack were engaged in a snowball war with some of the local teens. I heard a light knocking at my door and walked to the entrance to see who it might be. Shortly before I finished turning the handle, I felt the most terrifying chill ever run down my spine shortly before the door slammed open and my mother proceeded to beat me over the head with what appeared to be several newspapers rolled into on giant death-roll.

"Sonuvabitch... Dammit... Fuck... OW... MOM, QUIT IT!" I yelled without magic, grabbing the rolled up newspapers from her hand and throwing them in the corner. "We don't see each other or speak for several years and you try to give your kid cranial trauma?" I was quickly met with the back of my mom's hand cracking across my face, followed immediately by her fist, which stopped about an inch from my nose before my stepdad wrenched her away, restraining her while she proceeded to scream at me.

"Alexander Maximus Cross, you have a lot of explaining to do!" Uh-oh... Mom used my full name. I was gonna die.

I kept my arms up, prepared for another onslaught while I caught my breath before I looked at my mom.

No one ever really believes I look like my mother, since I was significantly taller than her and didn't have the same overly shiny blonde hair she did. However, they see the similarities when I point out her stockier frame and the sheer strength she could pack. My mother, Jean Cross Lewis, was a deceptively average-looking woman, standing at 5'8" with only the bare hint of muscle showing from her hobbies that included gardening and working on her motorcycle from time to time. She was who I had to thank for my blonde hair, but unlike my eyes, hers were an almost hardened pale green that were currently trying to sear into my soul or cause me to burst into flames on the spot, considering how absolutely angry she was.

Oh, did I mention I hadn't talked to her for years? Yeah, I used to call her every other week just to let her know how I was doing, but stopped after the mall incident.

"You put your poor, sweet, mommy dearest through all of this stress and the first time I hear anything about you in years and its from the fucking national news?!" She was still trying to break free of my stepdad, who was maintaining a deathgrip on his wife's midsection and one of her arms. "If you don't say something, I'll give the news another reason to talk about you! I brought the pictures with me this time!"

I could feel my face drain of color as I heard this. "You fucking didn't... You promised you'd never put those in public again!" I was panicking, and for good reason. I had a semblance of a public image to maintain, and my mom could destroy it in seconds. "Besides, what was I supposed to do? You saw me walk out of a burning building, while on fucking fire. If that's not incentive to not talk to family for awhile, I don't know what is."

I had about a half second to realize my mom had broken free and her fist was flying at my face, but not just her fist. It was cloaked in white arcs of electrical energy that I promptly felt enter my body like twenty tasers at once. I hit the wall on the opposite side of the room with enough force to partially cave in the wall and slid to the floor while just staring at my mom, whose fists were still cloaked in that electricity that shouldn't have been there at all.

"Are you going to listen to me now?" my mother growled menacingly, glaring at me with eyes that were now glowing.

I raised a hand up in front of me once I got feeling back in part of my body and responded, "Only if you tell me where you learned to do that."

"You didn't think you were the only 'freak' in the family, did you?"

---

After a much-needed and lengthy conversation with the great birth-giver, she decided to explain just how she had mastered lightning shooting out of her fingertips like a badass Sith Lord when I could only barely manage control over wild infernos that quickly spun off on their own path more often than not. It turned out that magical nonsense such as that was a common occurrence in the family and it was supposed to be my mom's job to teach me about it. That failed since I ran like the hounds of hell were on my heels as soon as I realized what happened. Combine that with what my mom claimed was supposed to be something about me picking a trade, and we had a few hours to burn when I had a chance to pick her brain further.

However, we were interrupted by Sunbutt herself barging in after hearing about the commotion. What my mom said next was likely the absolutely funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.

"Geez, I didn't realize you liked girls on the heavy side, Kiddo."

The room's silence was only broken by me restraining my laughter with quiet snorts escaping shortly before Celestia chose to respond.

The Sun Princess looked at my mom with slight annoyance and responded, "So, I assume you're Mister Cross' mother, if your droll behavior is any indication?"

My mom didn't miss a beat when she quipped, "She's got a bigger stick up her ass than your sire, too? Is there something I missed when you said you wanted nothing to do with him?"

"Correction, Mom," I responded, "I said I didn't want anything to do with him until he stops being such an asshat. This has not happened, so we're still on barely civil terms. Plus, Sun Buns here doesn't have a bigger stick up her ass than the old man, she's a prankster that can put you to shame." I quickly put a hand over my mouth as I realized exactly what I'd just said.

My mom raised an eyebrow before an evil smirk grew across her face. I felt a chill go down my back as my stepdad, Allen, leaned over towards me and whispered, "I think your mom found a friend." We both shuddered as Mom began talking excitedly to Celestia, no doubt exchanging ideas for new and elaborate pranks. "Yep, she made a friend. You're screwed now, Alex."

I scowled at Allen. "I thought I told you and Mom that I didn't go by that name anymore." I crossed my arms before I glanced outside and continued. "So how are you liking this wintry hell? Kind of different from California and Arizona, eh?" I took the time to note how bundled up my Mom and Allen were for the weather outside. It couldn't have been too much colder than Kentucky in the winter, so I went to the bathroom to brush my hair and shave while the conversation carried on in the main entryway. When I was finished, I pulled on my boots before putting on a fresh shirt and donning my new jacket.

As I walked out of the room, I could see Rarity had come to my room as well, and was giving me a pleading look as my Mom was putting her through the Cross Gauntlet, which was the title that was passed down for whenever Cross women borderline interrogate any women they think might be interested in their sons or daughters. I tied my hair back as my mom was beginning the phase that dealt with her potential fun in bed. I smirked and leaned against the doorway as I listened in.

"So, how do you feel about positions?" My mom decided to break out full throttle at this point.

I cleared my throat loudly before giving my mom a dirty look. "I don't think now is the time to be grilling my teacher about her habits that should remain behind closed doors, Mom. Or should I remind you of the time I walked in on you and Dad going at it..." I was silenced by Mom's hand over my mouth as she looked over her shoulder to continue speaking.

"He has no idea what he's talking about. He's never even seen a girl naked before, I swear." At this, Rarity, Celestia, and myself all blushed a furious shade of red. "Wait... You... They... Way to go, bucky-boo!"

"Mooooom! Stop calling me that!" At that moment, I went from semi-responsible young adult with some semblance of maturity to a grousing and borderline childish teenager again. "I'm going to be twenty-two in a couple of months. You could at least drop the stupid nickname..."

I really shouldn't have opened my mouth at that point, because there's one thing that must be said about my mother's vindictive nature.

Ye who challenge Jean Cross, be prepared to lose gracefully.

---

It wasn't until we were in the tourist trap part of Washington that my mom relented with her grilling of Rarity, who had, at this point, turned a shade of red that matched the coat she'd chosen to don for the chilly weather outside. I was keeping myself warm with the occasional flare of fire magic inside my body, so my light jacket served me just fine as we wandered towards one of the bistros that offered vegetarian fare. We all walked inside, only Celestia and myself weren't shivering like crazy. Somewhere along the way, we'd been waylaid by a few of the other Element bearers, each wanting to know about my mom and stepdad, but when Vinyl and Octavia crossed our path, I couldn't find a hiding spot quickly enough before I was tackled to the ground by Vinyl, who proceeded to kiss me in front of everyone like she hadn't seen me in forever.

As I had managed to push her off and brush the snow off, I saw Mom's eyes get the most terrifyingly evil gleam I've seen in my whole life. This was the only warning I had before she started asking Vinyl every intimate question she could about our relationship, to which Vinyl responded with gusto and almost pride. She even went as far as describing her "claiming" of me in Las Vegas, which I'm now convinced I will never live down, even after my mother passes on. (Assuming she does, that is. Seriously, she's pushing 170 these days. Magic must act like a vital booster and extend lifespans or something...)

"So I had him pinned up against the wall, giving him hickeys that didn't fade for, like, two days, and..." Vinyl was still carrying on until I shushed her when we walked into the restaurant. "Aww, come on. I was getting to the good part!"

"We're not going to discuss your forcible taking of my virginity in public, Vi," I deadpanned before realizing exactly what I had said aloud.

Mom gasped so loudly that everyone in a ten-foot radius looked in our direction to figure out what the fuss was before she exploded with excitement. "You finally did the deed! I'm going to be a grandma! Took you long enough, Bucky-boo!"

The stream of curses in three languages I uttered would take too long to actually retell, so I'll just let anyone who cares know that I managed to go through English, Russian, and Italian before I was finally stopped as I came up on some of the older tongues. I was still grumbling angrily as we say down, but finally calmed down when Vinyl apologized for revealing what she didn't know was supposed to be a secret. I don't care what anyone says, I can't stay mad at her, no matter how much I may act like an emotionless ass in public.

As we ate our meal, Allen started asking me about what I'd been doing for work since I'd fallen off the grid. I quickly launched into a retelling of some of my more exciting jobs working as a sound tech for MTA, doing my best to avoid any unnecessary jargon. Eventually the story of how I'd met Vinyl came up and I had to shove an entire handful of bread into my mother's mouth to shut her up so I could finish it. Despite all this, I was content with enjoying a meal without any sort of drama or violence. It served as a nice change from the previous chaos I'd been subjected to over the last several weeks.

My relief, however, was broken when my mom pulled out a box I took a moment to recognize before all the color drained from my face in front of everyone as Mom said to Vinyl "You might want to use one of these and tell me when I can expect to be a grandma. Alex never was good at telling us about any good news."

Leave it to Mom to keep a pregnancy testing apparatus in her purse just in case she found me with a girlfriend.

Author's Note:

Gods' blood, it's been awhile, hasn't it? I finally took the time to work on this over the last several months, but moving and work got in the way more often that I would have liked. If anyone still has even the remotest interest in this mess, do feel free to message me and let me know. Otherwise, I may end up leaving it to the wayside for nearly a year again before I remember it again.

Same rules apply as always, review, leave your thumbs up/down, and favorite if you've somehow made it this far. I have a story ready to go, I swear!