• Published 8th Apr 2013
  • 947 Views, 59 Comments

The Unwilling Command - Chryo93



When Changelings invade Canterlot, the Princesses execute a plan to bring their subjects to safety long enough to prepare for a war the likes of which Equestria has not seen for many years...

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Rising to the Challenge

I look at my circumstances and simply shake my head now. I managed to overcome my nerves and talk to Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Illogical Madness. I drank with the guy, for the gods' sake. Not only that, but we were in the city that was to be party central for the next few days. That said, I had a feeling that more than one of my former interpersonal barriers was about to be shattered. Now I was on to complete a whole phase of training that revolved around a force I had believed for the last twenty-one years to be completely mythical.

Magic, by it's apparent nature, is chaotic and ever-present. Now I'm about to undergo a kind of training to control that chaotic force and bend it to my will. Celestia has already told me that it won't be easy, nor will she be a kind instructor. I just hope that she doesn't try to feed me another mystery pill...


"Try it again!"

"Bite me! This is beyond foreign to me. This is like taking a high school student and telling them to deliver a dissertation on string theory!" I growled at Celestia. "The least you could do is get off my case for a few minutes. It's not like we didn't book a room to stay here for the next two days..." I focused on my assigned task, which was causing me more frustration than when I couldn't do a single push-up at the beginning of basic training. Celestia had told me to try to find the pool of energy that I drew on for my magic, which was far easier said than done.

Celestia crossed her arms and glared at me while Discord was perched on a nearby mausoleum, laughing his head off, literally. He was playing ping pong with his disembodied head, and it was distracting me more and more as time went by. I had tried everything short of going to sleep and asking Luna for help. I returned Celestia's glare, which started the thirteenth glaring contest of the day. I had been forced to leave my glasses off so I could get more used to my enhanced aura sight, and I had a headache the size of... huh, Celestia should probably lay off the cake before her backside developed its own gravitational pull.

I felt a rock hit my forehead, causing me to yelp in pain and rub the affected spot. "What was that for. Sun Buns? Did I strike a nerve about a certain Princess' fat a... OW!" Another rock collided with my head, and I looked over to see Celestia's body glowing furiously with her magic, several larger rocks floating around her, ready to be launched at me.

"I AM NOT FAT!" She screeched. "I JUST HAVE WIDE HIPS!"

"Then get off your ass, so it doesn't become any fatter, and actually help me!" I yelled back. I dodged another rock before I felt myself being held in place by Celestia's magic. "Hey! That's cheating and you know it!" I sent my most icy glare at Celestia, wishing she would be in the same predicament as me.

Then the strangest thing happened. I felt a powerful, but not uncomfortable, tug in my gut and gaped as a glowing whitish blue aura surrounded Celestia, holding her in place. The rocks floating around her dropped harmlessly to the ground, while Celestia was frozen, unable to move a muscle. I was also released, after which I walked slowly to Celestia, still angry at her. I positioned myself on her left and poked her backside, which had a lot more give than I expected. "Seems pretty flabby to me, Fireball-Flank..."

Then the entire graveyard was illuminated with blinding light, and I was sent flying into an angel statue. When my vision cleared, I was lying on the ground and Celestia was smirking in satisfaction at me. "So it seems you need to feel strong emotion to use your magic. I would expect nothing less from the human paired with a pony whose special talent is using the emotions of music to bring her crowds together."

I groaned as I felt several parts of my body object to my attempts to move. I looked behind me to see that I had broken off an arm from the statue. I managed to push myself off the ground and stand before stumbling past Celestia toward the nearest bar. I needed may shots of hard liquor after that nonsense.


"So you're telling me that all I have to do is focus, and I can use this magic that you so graciously forced on me?" I asked skeptically. "Sound's like a load of crap to me. Also, why in Hecate's name are we outside at five in the morning? This getting up early nonsense is for the birds."

Discord laughed as Celestia's face turned a very interesting shade of red. "Must you be so hard to work with? The other paired humans were nowhere near as difficult as you!"

I grinned evilly and replied. "I don't try to be this difficult, it just comes naturally."

Celestia groaned in exasperation while Discord and I laughed at her. She regained enough composure to ask me another question. "Have you ever meditated? That seems to be how you humans develop control..."

I gave her a flat look. 'How does she think I got my aura sight in the first place?' I sighed loudly and told her. "Yeah, and I still do. It helps me when I want to get rid of my headaches." I crossed my arms before I addressed Discord. "Is she always this pissy? Or is she in estrous and not getting any?" At this, I felt Celestia trying to set the ground around me on fire while Discord fell over, laughing uncontrollably.

"How dare you?!" Celestia seemed to be dangerously close to barbecuing me, since her aura was in a massive flux. "You have to be the most impertinent, stubborn, and flat-out horrible human I have ever worked with!"

I started yelling back. "You think I'm horrible? Who slipped the other a magical roofy without prior explanation, then used long-distance teleportation in the same day without warning?!" I did my best to keep my temper in check, but my control was slipping quickly. "Not only that, but you made me lose almost an entire night's sleep because you were boinking 'Tavi! I think I'm entitled to a bit of a bitching session!" By this point, if looks could kill, then Celestia and I were enacting World War III in full force.

Discord stepped in between the two of us, putting his hands in our faces. I was still fuming, as was Celestia, but I was quickly distracted by the appearance of a large bottle of NOS. My rage quickly dissipated as I grabbed the bottle and opened it, catching the strong smell of tropical flavoring and caffeine. I looked over to my impromptu instructor to see she was equally occupied by a rather large vanilla cake with what appeared to be buttercream frosting. Apparently the memes were right. Fireball-Flank liked cake... a lot.


The bar I wandered into was sparsely populated, but I heard a familiar laugh and turned to my right to see my cousin, my seventeen year-old cousin, drinking a large mug of beer, with Pinkie Pie knocking back shots of what appeared to be tequila. I quietly crept over to the table and stood behind my cousin, looking down at the top of his head.

I took in a deep breath and spoke in my "scare-the-piss-out-of-anyone" voice, which was slightly reminiscent of Sauron from the Lord of the Rings movies. "What dost thou think thou is doing, Jacob Anders Cross?" He locked up and looked straight up, meeting my ice-blue glare with his own pale green gaze. I grinned like a demonic figure and said. "Boo." After which he promptly passed out with a wet spot around the crotch of his pants.

"Maxie! That was mean!" Pinkie exclaimed as she tried to wake Jay up. "I think you broke Jay Jay..." He hair fell flat as she took on a dejected demeanor. I hated having feelings sometimes, because I immediately felt bad that Pinkie Pie was so upset.

I sighed dejectedly. "Fine, I'll wake him up..." I turned Jay around, watching as his aura was stuck in a state of fear, despite its now vibrant green color that seemed linked to Pinkie Pie. Her own aura was two colors, one a fluorescent pink, which was subdued by the overlapping darker pink. She was really upset, so I assumed that they were on a date of some sort. "Hey, Jay! Your girlfriend is stripping for you!" He woke up immediately, shooting forward and cracking his forehead with my face. I was lucky that my nose hadn't broken, but I still got knocked over.

"WHERE? I WANNA SEE PINKAMENA DIANE PIE'S AMAZING BODY!" His head was darting around, and I could see Pinkie blushing furiously. His eyes settled on me and he grabbed me by my shirt, pulling me up to his face. "Where is the naked party goddess?" I managed to keep a straight face as I pointed to Pinkie Pie, who was doing her best to hide under the table.

"She's not naked, genius." I said flatly before taking on a devilish grin. "Though you didn't deny that she was your girlfriend this time..." This caused Jay to drop me and begin spluttering like an idiot while I laughed loudly. I stood and brushed myself off before remembering something. "Oh yeah..." I smacked Jay in the side of the head. "Little pervert."


After my entertainment at Jay's expense, I joined them in drinking. We were quickly joined by Discord, Vinyl, and Octavia. Apparently Celestia had other places to be, so she would not be joining our little party. Jay and I were slightly buzzed, while the girls were almost plastered. The bar had also gained some more patrons, several of which were still obviously exhausted from the previous night's antics. Today, however, was the actual Fat Tuesday, so the partying on Bourbon Street was just getting into full swing at the early hour of about 6 in the evening.

Jay and I were on our third pints each. No, I didn't care about giving the minor alcohol, since he had proven that he could hold his liquor at our last family reunion, which I will not elaborate on. He and I shared a look and started stomping out feet at a slow tempo, quickly joined by the girls and Discord. I hummed a few notes to open up the song we had invented at that same family reunion. Then Jay led us in.

From among the plains of Texas
You'll never miss us

I joined in, turning it into a chorus.

The twins of doom
Are in the room
And they're about to cause a fuss

Jay took the lead and stood, pointing at me while singing even louder.

The older came first, glaring at the Doc,
And all forms of authority does he mock!
His thirst for music cannot be tamed
And on his birth, Maximus he was named

I stood and wrapped an arm around Jay's shoulders while I sang my part.

The younger one, born second
Was the odd one, they reckoned
The smile on his face will never fade
And thus Jacob was his name made

We joined in a swaying motion, holding our mugs high before singing together again.

Max was the method,
Jacob the madness
Together they caused
Great havoc, no less

Their names are feared both far and wide
And any who call them sane shall have lied
They bring chaos wherever they tread
And young as they are, both far from death

There's no cause for fear,
The Cross Cousins are here!

I saw several smartphones out, filming our poorly written theme song. Jay and I clacked our glasses loudly and drank deeply of the drafts we'd ordered. When we both finished, we slammed our mugs on the table, synchronously tipped our respective Equestrian partners back in their seats, and kissed them full on the lips, receiving a series of loud cheers in response. I released Vinyl's mouth, only for her to grab my face and pull me back down. She and I continued making out in the bar for several minutes, occasionally taking a break to down shots to keep ourselves pleasantly drunk.

"Hey, hey Vinyl!" I slurred as I knocked back another shot of tequila. "I gotta question fer ya!"

She leaned in close and asked. "Wuzzat?"

I grinned before whispering in her ear. "Yer not wearin' a bra, are ya?"

She leaned back and gave me a fake look of shock before returning my grin. "I never do!"

My grin widened as I told her about the Mardi Gras tradition involving girls and beads. To say she was pleased would be an understatement, since she squealed loudly and dragged me outside to where the outdoor celebration was in full swing. Almost immediately, someone managed to land a necklace of beads around her neck from behind me, and she pulled up her shirt, giving me a full view of her breasts.

Normally I would have been embarrassed in this situation, but I was too drunk to remember my usual inhibitions. I had a feeling that this night was going to be very good

Author's Note:

Proven fact: tequila has a strange effect that results in every girl I know taking her clothes off after exactly five shots.

The final day in New Orleans will have to wait for a little while so I can get to work on the other part of War for the Worlds, so please enjoy these antics. I promise to return to the more serious elements when I get back to this part of the story.

Please comment and review! Let me know what you think thus far and whether you have ideas for the rest of the ponies and their partners.

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