• Published 20th Apr 2013
  • 1,434 Views, 58 Comments

Freefall - Regidar

  • ...
12
 58
 1,434

Why am I Drifting Away?

“I kill myself mentally a hundred times while I watch everyone else pretend to live.”

Standing on the edge, she looked down. The sky was a mix of deep red and neon green, the wide branches of colors glazing silently over the wide expanse.

The world below was vibrant and beating, but it was faking it. That much she knew. That much she had been and always will be able to tell. It wasn’t worth being in now, and likely never would be.

So, she looked over the edge one more time before turning a bit, and twisting, before taking a large fall backwards, a great spiral to the ground below.

It was a hard decision to make, but in the end she realized that’s what she needed to do. It was all that could be done, and all that was needed to be done. It was her decision and her choice, together and apart, yet not nearly both at the same time.

It hurt her mind to think of it that way, and yet... it was the only way to describe what was going on. It was the only way to put words to it, the only way to breath life into her mind.

The world she lived in was terribly depressing. Something happened to her, but she couldn’t remember what. Something happened to the town as well, but no one ever talked about that. The sun never rose after a fateful day in the summer, and she had nearly forgotten what it had even felt to experience the sun.

Then it happened. In a brief moment, reality seemed to shift, and the sky was filled with pain, like a thousand burst souls swimming towards the living. She tried to think of a less creepy analogy, but it was really the only possible thing she could think of.

One by one, her friends began to die.

It was a rather painful experience, because they did not die like one would expect. They slowly began to drift off, ignore her, and find other things to do. In no way was it intentional, they just found other ponies they wanted to be with instead of her. She didn’t blame them of course, but it hurt as she watched her friends slip away into their own dithering reality.

The sky was bright and beautiful, yet the surrealism of it all scared her and some deep level. It was unsettling, and she often kept glancing at the ground to avoid ever acknowledging to it that she was afraid. She didn’t want to live in it’s shadow, she didn’t want the sky to know she feared it.

But it knew. Of course it knew, it always had a way of finding out. It knew her friends had slowly drifted away from her, beyond her grasp, backdrifting and backsliding away. She had never even made an attempt to grab them and bring them back into her arms and hooves, her orange coat never again to be graced by their varying other colored ones.

The sky laughed at her, and she cursed it for doing this to her. She spat at it in anger and pain, but most of all, fear. Her reaction to the fear was what one it over, what allowed it to grin and slide into her mind and wish it all would stop.

That was the day she decided she had to do this.

She prepared for this day like no other. She worked tirelessly to ensure that all of her emotional ties were good and gone. She stopped speaking to the others, and they stopped speaking to her. They had no time for her silly mind games after all, and that made her job all the easier.

It finally became the day for her to carry out her simple mission. She left her home on the morning, the sky filled with the same colors that occupied it every morning, every day, and every night. They never changed fully, sometime shifting hues slightly, but never a full change.

On her climb to the top of the ridge, she was visited by a doubt. It snuck into her mind, eating at her, messing with her psyche.

“Is this really what you want to do? What if you change your mind?”

“I won’t,” she reassured herself. “It’s my only choice.”

“But why?” It asked her as she put one hoof in front of the other. “But why must you do this? Do not lie to yourself, you have no idea why you’re choosing to take this path on.”

She refused to answer it, that was a part of a doubt’s power. If you didn’t answer it, it would fade away, fade out, and slink elsewhere.

She stood at the top of the ridge, looking out at the color stained sky, blinking at the bright contrast between the two prevailing hues.

She couldn’t help but feel somewhat disheartened again. Everypony down below had no idea what she was facing.

The world below was vibrant and beating, but it was faking it. That much she knew. That much she had been and always will be able to tell. It wasn’t worth being in now, and likely never would be.

So, she looked over the edge one more time before turning a bit, and twisting, before taking a large fall backwards, a great spiral to the ground below.

The wind rushed all around her, her purple hair swept up in the little swirls and vortexes of air that passed by so incredibly quickly. Her orange wings flapped uselessly in the air from the force of her falling. She was not moving them at all, in fact, she herself had gone limp.

A few stars shot across her vision, and the colors in the sky shifted quite suddenly to orange and pink— but only for the most fleeting of fleeting moments. Then they switched back to the green and red she never had dreamed to anticipate of changing.

Yellow and white danced across her vision, and the tears that left her eyes were caught by the updraft as she fell. She watched them fall upwards as she sank downwards so incredibly quickly.

She would wake up the instant she hit the ground, she knew it. She had to, it would only make sense if she did.

The ground rushed up to grasp her and make it one of its own, and for a moment, the sky grinned an evil grin, knowing that on some level, it had won.

But at the end, it was Scootaloo who grinned, for she knew that on all the other levels she was won.

Crunch!