The Dividing Line

by Divide

Chapter Three: A Few Bolts Loose

The Dividing Line

Chapter Three: A Few Bolts Loose

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As I ran in Twilight's hoofsteps down the hospital hallway, butt-naked with the exception of a thin bed sheet wrapped around my hips like a towel, I figured I'd lost it. I've listened to mentally unstable people spouting gibberish on the street, and the things they'd say made more sense than what I was currently experiencing.

I glanced behind me. Nurse Redheart was about twenty steps behind with a syringe held between her teeth, and she was leading the charge of the roughly ten ponies that were converging towards me like hipsters to a thrift store.

Yep. I've probably lost it. Although, even if this was some sort of extremely elaborate delusion on my part, the least I could do was figure out exactly how everything was going to play out. My sanity was null and void; what did I have to lose?

I put on an extra burst of speed, going as fast as I possibly could without crashing into a wall. I caught up to and even passed Twilight in no time at all: it felt like I was going for a light jog rather than running for my life from a bunch of sex-crazed ponies. I guess that was the epinephrine finally doing something useful.

After sprinting by a number of sick rooms, the back exit—two doors with push bars—came into sight. Going at what felt like a hundred kilometres an hour, I didn't have time to stop and operate the exit like a normal person. Instead, I barrelled into one of the doors at full speed, smashing the mostly wooden aperture open and nearly off its hinges. My shoulder took most of the impact, but I didn't feel a thing. When Twilight ran through the exit right after me, I slammed the door shut.

"Here!" she called. I twisted my neck and saw a two-by-four plank hovering within reach. I grabbed it and jammed it between the two handles. A split second later, the doors bowed and the plank cracked loudly when something crashed into it. Thankfully, it held.

"They're like zombies," I muttered, backpedalling. "But instead of brains, they want..."

I didn't finish my sentence. With a shudder, I turned to Twilight. "Please tell me there's a second step to your plan!"

"G-Give me a minute," she panted. Her chest was heaving.

Another crash at the back exit, this time causing the plank to splinter, told me that we didn't have a minute.

"No time!" I exclaimed. "Where's the nearest place we can hide?"

I could see Twilight's mind racing: her eyes scanned across the breadth of her vision like she was reading an invisible map. "Sugarcube Corner!" she blurted suddenly. "Pinkie Pie can hide you!"

Of all the ponies that I'd have to rely on, why did it have to be Pinkie Pie? While I'm not normally one who neglects help when it's paramount to my survival, I still almost put a bull's-eye on my crotch and gave up then and there. Thankfully, saner thoughts prevailed.

"Alright, fine," I replied a bit more testily than I intended, but I was anxious to get a move on. "Let's go!"

Twilight shook her head. "It's five doors down, and looks like it's covered in candy," she explained, still wheezing like we'd ran cross-country rather than a short sprint through a small hospital. And I thought that I was out of shape. "Go on without me. I'll try to—delay them."

I wasn't having any of it. "Absolutely not! I'm not having any of your 'go on without me' crap." Twilight's mouth parted in surprise, but I interrupted her before she could say anything. "I know that you think you can't go on, but you can. It's mind over matter, something that you of all ponies should be particularly adept at. Now take a deep breath, and let's go!"

Somehow, my hastily put-together motivational speech worked. "You—You're right. I can do this." A determined look replaced the worn-out one, and Twilight nodded resolutely. "Follow me, and stay close!"

Even though she was huffing and puffing more than a train engine, Twilight Sparkle and I still managed to elude our—my, rather—pursuers by hopping fences, hiding in bushes, and in one case, climbing a tree. Thankfully, ponies don't seem to look up when searching for a pasty human to pounce on. With the epinephrine causing every second to feel like a minute, and every minute an hour, etcetera, it felt like a bloody year had passed before we were able to sneak our way into Sugarcube Corner via a side door that led into the kitchen.

After pressing my ear against the door, I heard the herd of ponies continue on past, their thunderous steps fading with distance. Wiping my forehead in relief, I sank to the floor with my back against the wall. Twilight collapsed into a heap beside me. "I think we finally lost them," I said, relieved.

"Y—Yeah. I think... we did... too..."

I looked around. Surprisingly, there was no pink to be had: Sugarcube Corner's kitchen lacked the ostentatious decorations of the outside and dining area. Instead, the walls, ceiling, and cupboards were a basic beige, with occasional bursts of metallic shine coming from the various bakery contraptions. I only recognized an oven, a deep fryer, and a refrigerator out of the dozen or so cooking instruments. Since the fridge was closest, I figured that the door we came in was used mainly for receiving shipments.

I glanced over at Twilight. She was curled up in a close approximation of the foetal position with her forelegs folded over like an oversized praying mantis. Her tongue was lolling to the side, and she was covered in beads of sweat. I could hear her heartbeat over mine.

"Something tells me you don't get out enough, Twilight," I commented with tongue in cheek. Despite the situation, I very nearly chuckled.

"Eugh," she grumbled back. "Pinkie! Are you there?!"

"No, I'm not there! I'm here!" was the immediate response to my left.

I bashed the back of my head against the wall and nearly fell over out of surprise. Without a sound, Pinkie Pie had somehow managed to appear in the kitchen, not a metre away.

"What're you doing back here, Twilight and... other? There's a perfectly good front entrance!"

Twilight struggled to a sitting position. "We couldn't use the front entrance because... well..." Twilight rotated her hoof, trying to think of how to explain. She turned to me. "Can you—?"

"Yeah, I might as well," I sighed. "Pinkie, you don't have any customers to attend to, do you? This might take a while..."

Pinkie Pie shook her head. "It's been strangely quiet today, almost like there's something happening that's attracting everypony's attention," she mused. Pinkie's eyes lit up and she bounced nearly a metre into the air. "Oh! Does it have anything to do with the large group of ponies that are looking for something? Because I love scavenger hunts, and—"

I held up a hand, silencing Pinkie before she could talk my ears off. She was almost exactly how I imagined her.

"If you calm down and let me explain, everything should hopefully be made clear," I said. "Hopefully."

Pinkie Pie responded by lying down with her front hooves underneath her chin. Her eyes were wide with interest.

After clearing my throat, I began. "It seems that pretty much every pony, save for you and Twilight, want to... err... jump on me—"

"Jump on you?" interrupted Pinkie. "Like leapfrog?"

I snorted. "Ponies wanting to play leapfrog with me is the least of my worries. No, they want... something else of mine—"

"Like what?"

I leaned towards Twilight and whispered, "Help me out here!"

"How?" she whispered back. "I don't know how to explain this any better than you can!"

"What are you two whispering about?" Pinkie Pie asked in a hushed tone as well, yet somehow I was able to hear her as if she was right beside me.

"Nothing," I muttered. It seemed that the only way I would be able to get the severity of the situation across to Pinkie would be to start from the beginning. "Pinkie, do you know what happens when one pony likes another pony?"

"Like, like-like?"

I inwardly groaned at that sentence. "Yeah. Like-like."

Pinkie Pie nodded, stone-faced.

"Well." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "It seems that almost every pony like-likes me a bit too much. So much, in fact, that when I woke up in the hospital, Nurse Redheart tried to... show how much she like-liked me." I coughed. "Luckily, Twilight came to my rescue before Redheart could do anything drastic, but unluckily, every other pony caught wind. We managed to elude them, and now here we are, laying low until we figure out our next plan of action. The large group of ponies you saw is the one trying to track me down."

Pinkie Pie was thinking harder than The Thinker, her face the epitome of concentration. "I understand now," she said. "It all makes sense."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "It does?"

"Not really," Pinkie replied. She bounced to her feet. "I just have one question, Mister-not-a-pony."

I shrugged. "Shoot."

"What's your name? I don't want to keep calling you Mister-not-a-pony!"

I paused for a moment, trying to decide whether I should tell them my real name or not. My real name was from the bible, and frankly, I didn't want to bring any religious influence to Equestria, no matter how small. There was also the small problem of my name not making any sense to the ponies; their naming scheme was far different than humans.

In the end, I decided to go with my pseudonym, as it made the most sense, given the context.

"You can call me Divide."

Comments

[Divide]

JUST A FEW
d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net/image_cache/1318335468153696.gif

[Trihors]

God damnit that gif xD

This was a nice chapter, as always, but I didn't know it's that hard to say "they want to "rape" me"... well of course the situation and the personalities of both you and Pinkie affects... but still!

[reader of the night]

3139983
That gif.
I love doing that to washmachines that are thrown away.
Anyway, lovely chapter, first i didn't expect it to go so fast but you really pulled it off nicely.
Great job and happy writings.

[Maeroon]

3139983 I-it's like it's laughing at me!

[Terrorizer231]

I can't stop laughing! First the fic, not the gif! What the fuck is wrong with you people!?
Keep it up!

Oh, and it's "fetal", not "foetal".

Keep up the bloody good job!

[Divide]

3140839
Foetal = fetal. I think it's the British spelling, but I'm not entirely sure.

[Crimson_Skies]

3141093

Foetal is the hypercorrected spelling. It's the English spelling and what is considered correct in most commonweath countries. Fetal is American. Given that it's from the Latin 'fetus' it really doesn't matter which spelling you choose.

[Divide]

3141230
Ah, good to know.

[U7VK7VOVV7V]

Well. I don't think I'd be nearly as reserved about the situation as Divide, but then again, I probably would've bluntly explained to Pinkie what exactly the miniature horses want from me.

Heck, being able to construe a motivational speech for Twilight on the spot? You must really keep your wits about.

Not introducing religion to Equestria... Heh, never read Chuckward's Jesus fic, then? I loosely consider myself a Catholic, and I still find that fic funny.

Hell yeah! Parkour in Equestria!

That part about losing them in the tree reminds me of something... and I reckon this theme will apply to a lot of future chapters, too!

[Stalwartheart14]

huh, when almost every mare is in heat and trying to rape you into oblivion, i thought it would be the greatest idea to just explain that straight forward to Pinkie... well i guess keeping it PG is better
Pervert Count 10!!!!!
(that escalated quickly!)

[UseFistNotMouth]

Not bad. Funny enough. Even if super lazy Twi should not be anywhere near that out of shape, simply by nature of being a pony. I mean how far did she carry Tom?

[Lucien Chance]

Glad to see this finally continued. But it's not long enough.

3139983
Play that video to the Harlem Shake.

[Divide]

3142430

Pervert Count 10!!!!!

It's probably more like 20 now.

3143089

But it's not long enough.

It never is ;_;

[The Accursed One]

3141289
Why are you called Divide, anyways?

[Divide]

3144351
In what context?

[The Accursed One]

3145088
As in, why did you choose the username DivideByZero or whatever it was in the first place?

[Divide]

3145956
I don't remember.

[Tyrant Molestia]

3139983 ...I can't stop watching it.

[Stalwartheart14]

3145956 dividing by zero destroys the world he does not want to be held accountable for that. and he likes to write so divide the storyteller is legit

[Divide]

3182485
Because nobody would believe me if I used my last name instead.

[JoeBobWhitney]

IS YOUR NAME JOSEPH?

[Divide]

3210513
Neigh.

[JoeBobWhitney]

3210951 Oh. It was religious but I was wrong anyway. Damn.