Episode 3
I decided my best plan of action was probably to find a center point, so if I do end up getting lost in here, I'll have somewhere to get back too. A few minutes into the library and I eventually found what seemed to be a seating area set out in a circle. It was pretty large, one large cloud-couch around the edge, and on the inside a few tables and normal looking, well, cloud made, but normal as I could expect up here chairs.
The seating area was relatively full of various ponies either ideally chatting amongst themselves separate from the others, and the obvious larger amount reading various books. I looked around from here, it did seem that the large bookshelves all span off from this point. From here the gap between each one was narrow, probably enough space for two or three ponys to walk, as they stretched out further the gap grew wider.It seemed a little impratical, but I’me not going to question it, after all this is still way better than the libary I was use too.
Now then, it’s time to decide what exactly I should read first.I decided to check out what books the pony’s around me were reading, maybe one or two of them will have some books that I could actually use. I wasn't really surprised at what I saw, most of them were reading fiction books, it was odd though, I saw the same pony across several book coverers, she had a dull mane and a yellowish coat, though I couldn't, well wouldn't want to, get close to read the title. I don’t want to get kicked out for bothering ponies.
Giving myself more time to explore, and procrastinating the actual reason why I wanted to come here I soon found that the book shelves from the center stopped at another outer ring that seemed to cover the entire library. I guess this entire place is actually circular in the regards of it’s layout after all. The difference here was covering about half the larger outer ring was the edge of the balcony on the second floor, where I could hoofs clopping as quietly as they can along. Below was another set of shelves, the ceiling seemed to have lights in them, but they looked more like glowing rocks to be honest,
I still hadn’t found any sort of labelling to the bookshelves, and although I could work out what some of the titles meant on the books, like one about agriculture, most of them seemed to diverge into topics that had my head spinning. There was even one on the process of making a rainbow and using the rainbow to grow spices! I was having trouble distinguishing what was fiction and what actually may be real.
Eventually after following one branch of bookshelves I came to the edge of the library, which was actually a wall made out of the same glass Spitfire had in her room. It looked pretty durable, although i have yet to see any crime here, or really why someone would break into a public library, I guess it’s useful to make sure in a floating city where ponies are flying around at speeds I wouldn't dare try and reach in a car (If I had one), and actually carrying things. I wonder how many times they've dropped something on another pony, or not looked where they're going and flew straight into one of these windows..
At this point the bookshelves were pretty well spread. It would take me about thirty seconds to walk from one to the other meaning the view from the window was sort of panoramic. I could easily see myself sitting here reading a book.
“There you are! Geez why are you all the way back down here, I didn’t take you for someone who reads old weather reports!” Fleetfoot came walking up the space between the shelves looking notably annoyed. I hadn't even bothered to check what these bookshelves had, I guess it makes sense to keep the boring things out this far.
“I was just looking around, I didn't even know you were here, Sorry Fleetfoot.” I know it wasn’t exactly necessary to say sorry, but she IS the boss.
“I’ve been walking around looking for you for the better half of an hour, I saw Soarin flying through the window on the second floor and guessed that he’d dumped you. I looked over and saw you, but by time I had put my book away you vanished!” she began to chuckle lightly stopping a few feet in front of me “You know considering you can’t fly, your pretty fast on your hooves” I guess that’s one thing I’ve got going for me, though honestly I was daydreaming the majority of the time so that’s probably why.
“Well I was just taking a look around the place, It’s pretty big! The library back in my town was kinda small...” This seemed to coax and uneasy look from her. Crap what did I say?
“Manhattan's library is pretty damn big, really only second to Canterlot, and way bigger than this place..” she tilted her head. Crap, I guess I'm not that good of a liar after all. Think, think...
“Oh I didn't mean there, I meant a smaller one on the outskirts of town, it’s not very well known I think there just a small branch off for those that don’t want to walk the extra few miles...” I grinned, sweating slightly. Fleetfoot seemed to be a lot more observant that Soarin, so I wasn't sure how well I could lie to her.
“Ohh! One of the branch libraries, makes sense. You never visited the main one than?” Although her tone suggested she believed it, I had doubts that she was buying my story, any of it to be honest.
“Well I was always kept busy on the farm, you know how work heavy they are..” once more grinning slightly, I hoped that farming here was as hard as it was back home, though I wouldn't be surprised if they had some magic thing that harvested and planted everything at once.
“Yea back in Filly the farm ponies always seemed to be busy. Keeps them in great shape though.” They have a city, or a town called Filly? I assume it’s a big one else it probably wouldn't have a short name. Actually this gave me an idea..
“Filly huh? I've never been there, what’s it like?” I sat down smiling, trying to get her into a conversational mood, maybe if I started asking the questions she would lay off me for a while, plus as a bonus I actually get some information that could be useful in a conversation.
“Filly? Well other than the big buildings and the big focus on sports there isn't much else to say. You might actually do well down there playing for one of the hoofball teams since you worked on a farm” She followed suite sitting down, and then unexpectedly lances over my body. It took me a moment to figure out what she was doing, and then it clicked. I was apparently some hard working farm hand, yet if I'm right in guessing my figure also transferred over. I mean, I wasn't out of shape, but then again my university life consisted of long study nights with a load of junk food to provide the sugar. Sports was never really my area, and even if I went to the gym once or twice it’s no way going to make up for years working on a farm.
“You think? Well I’m not all that strong, I really just did the small chores like planting seeds, feeding the animals, my father was the heavy lifter”
“Makes sense, no offence dude you're not exactly an adonis” a sly smirk wrapped her face, I was getting a little worried that the entire team shared that trait “Don't worry, I'm sure Spit’s going to have you join in with the team exercises to keep you in shape, a few hundred laps around the field to warm up should get your blood flowing~” Oh god please tell me she’s joking. I guess I might have some more stamina as a pony, but depending on what she classes as a field, and how she intends for me to do those laps.
“S-sounds good....”
“Come on, I want to get back to my book and chat some more with you. I'm very excited to hear some stories about your farm life Lucid...” Well that settles it, she’s on to me and I really doubt I'm going to last long with her... I just really hope if she does find out, she will take it as good as Spit did. Which, considering the tale, I’m still amazed how calm she was about it.
i will only make one comment on the plot with one of the rules of the internet
would you be interested in a pre-reader to catch mistakes beforehand?
Short descriptions are overrated.
I've read way worse than this when talking about HiE.
Curious to see where this goes.
Love the story so far! I rarely delve into stories that are HiE, but I have been a bit more willing since I read Xenophilia. I look forward to reading more of this as you write it. Keep up the fantastic writing!
The chapters could be longer or you could combine the others that's just my personal preference though cuz I like a long read.
But the development of the story is pretty good the introductions and the setups keep me hooked.
2595264 Sure I would love the additional support.
2595595 I was tempted to combine them but with each chapter there is really a new focus. Plus writing longer chapters drains me, and things start to get sloppy(er)
2595259
2595383 I didn't want to put too much into the description, I didn't think there would be much need. The main premise of the story is there, and I want readers to read it on that as that's the theme that's always present.
2595470 Well I didn't want to go for a traditional HIE, I wanted to go for a more slice of life one. The main character isn't unique as a pony, he hasn't got some pre-set destiny, or has aspiration to become the best at something. The story really is just to follow his life through the day to day activities along side a group I feel doesn't get much attention. I believe the demographic is there, and I personally enjoy writing it.
2595577 Thank you
2595905
I for one honestly like how this story lets some back story between the characters, other than just jumping strait in to the romance. Nice story so far ill look for more.
2595921 The Story is from the eyes of Lucid, but the actual story concerns the Wonderbolts as a team. They are the main characters as much as Lucid is, and I want to ensure that each one get's their own unique stories which in turn allows you to learn a little about Lucid as well
hmmm... the chapters are alittle short and go by way too fast. i expected abit more out of a 15 chapter story but the good writing and idea make up for it. i'll follow
2598702 Each chapter makes up part of a 7-total episode. The chapters are more so to represent scenes throughout an episode and give specific focus to them. Larger scenes have more content, smaller scenes have less content but more flow and often contributes more to an episode.
A lot of the smaller scenes are meant to be made up for by the imagery induced so after each paragraph describing an area you can set the place in your mind and then follow along with the dialogue I feel like in a lot of fic's the scene it self doesn't get set very well. It's normally just a mention of the area and than it's left at that.
2600125 If you wish to pre-read than sure. however if i's about the flow it's better to comment on the current chapters about anything you feel wasn't addressed well enough, so that I address them and improve
I like it! Besides the spelling and slight grammatical issues it has a pretty good story line.
I also love that you focused on a set of ponies other than the mane 6.
2602283 2603008 The earlier chapters, and probably the later chapters do need a look over. At the bottom of each chapter anyone can go in and create comments by right clicking and point out where the issues are
2604727 Well there's a year gap at one point so I like to think I improved a little over that time.
A quick update to those waiting for the next chapter. Currently in the process of moving country for university reasons, so the next chapter will be up approximately June 3rd.
In 15 chapters and 26,000 words I've yet to see even the beginings of a plot, or any kind of conflict that might lead to one. I do not feel that simply being (somewhat) lost and alone on a (somewhat) alien world is enough. (What terrible thing will happen to him if he's caught? Anything? Nothing?) There's a reason why I never gave this story a thumbs up or down, and at this point I no longer feel the need to continue watching.
Wish you the best of luck in the future.
2647676 If you look at them as chapters than yea, in some regards your right. If you look at them as I set them out as episodes than I think you might see that there's multiple smaller plots going on with plenty of room for expansion on.
Each chapter i try and hint at something happening externally to what you can see from lucid's perspective, as the story is written through him as a narrative I have to slip them in without it being too obvious. Right now it's about fleshing out the characters as a forefront as well as leaving an aura of mystery about there actual pasts other than the small pocket glimpses your getting between dialogue.
I can tell you now, the reason for him being there is set, and the reaction too him being there is not passive, this story follows his journey with the wonder bolts, but by no means is meant to be extremely theatrical as I feel there are plenty of Fics that can do this far better than I can.
What I am trying to offer is a perspective from inside Equestria from the viewpoint of a character with little insight in too it, allowing for both new members of the fandom as well as older members to read along without the feeling that they somehow need to go look at something else.
Another key thing I tried to show is Lucid does is not a character who's personality is overly dramatic, or thrusted upon the reader. While he makes comments about this "New world" many of them I try and mimic the response someone would have traveling around the world and seeing new things for the first time, because after all many can relate to that experience, thus I feel it becomes easier to not only connect with Lucid but to also take a role actively as a reader as that character.
I'm sorry if you feel the progression is slow, though I have intended to keep the chapters short, and listed in a way that invites not singular but batch Reading for each episode. Think of each new chapter as the potential snapshot for the episode, you get too read a little more, or as I have seen some do you can wait for the episode to finish and read it as one, which roughly equates too 7000 words, an adequate amount for a single story alone.
2642252 Hm?
2648415 I'v combed over the first few chapters a few times, and yet I'm still getting this, so perhaps point them out and I'l go about correcting them in the following chapters.
2731204 I really do keep on planning to back and re-do them Well I've got an illustrator now, so I'l update them when I make the larger update wiih the images. I feel motivated too do it now, but 3am.
You've dumbfounded me once again, good job
2815136 Well perhaps a little elaboration on what exactly the issues are? As much as I appreciate the feedback, without knowing exactly what's making you cringe I can't really adjust and review.
The picture makes it look cool, but the summary doesn't actually tell me anything about the story.
2815785 You misspell certain words like 'found', you often spell it as "fount" and remember when you are talking about people it is "their", not "there", there is used for location, like, "Oh it's over there."
Lot's of misuse in regards to comma's, periods along with other punctuation, for example.
It should read like this, "I was just looking around; I didn't even know you were here, sorry Fleetfoot."
Moreover you also have a tendency to randomly capitalized words and start new sentences with non-capitalized words, in addition to splitting up words that shouldn't be split up, like "however."
when is the next update coming up?
4801306
5085694 Seems people want one! I need to read through and check my planning again,
5087899 New chapter please, there needs to be more Spitfire love!